DS's friend is smoking

[kathymuggle]

I beleive that DS's 12 year old friend is smoking.

I would not say anything till I have proof (i.e I catch him - apparently he smokes across the street from where I live quite a bit).

He also has this kind of icky habit (according to DS) of picking up used cigarette butts from the street and smoking them. Ds has told him that is not the brightest idea - but friend just laughed him off.

When/if I catch him - should I tell his parents? His parents are non-smokers. I do not know if she would believe me anyways - she is a bit of an odd duck and can be quite defensive where her son is concerned. She could suprise me, though.

What would you say to DS's friend- if anything?

[Jennifer3141]

I would absolutely say something both to the boy and his parents if I personally saw him smoking. If I were really close to the parents, and they wouldn't think I was coming from a place of judgment about their son, I would tell the parents what your son told you about his smoking too.

I would really want to know if my child was doing something so dangerous.

[mild_adventurer]

The first thing I would do is have a serious heart-to-heart with my child about smoking, peer pressure, etc. If his pal is smoking, odds are, he's thought about it too. My kiddos and I talk about smoking/drinking/drug use pretty regularly, particularly in the context of how hard it is to say no when people you like and admire are doing it.

I'm sure you've had these conversations with your DS already, but this seems like an apropos time to reiterate.

As for the pal, how well do you know his parents? If I were on friendly terms with his folks, I would say something. But I would tell the young man first that I'm planning to talk to his parents.

I might say something like:

"Hey Johnny, I notice you've been experimenting with cigarettes. I want you to know that I'm worried about your health and that I plan to share this with your folks. Please understand that I'm doing this because I care about you and because I know that your parents would be worried, too."

And then, when I spoke to the parents, I would try very hard not to make it sound like I was tattletaling, but more that I'm coming from a place of concern for the boy's health. I might even ask if there is something I can do to be supportive.

On the other hand, if this were an "ancillary" friend of my kid's whose parents I didn't know, I would probably just talk to my own child and stay out of it where the other boy is concerned.

[kathymuggle]

I have spoken, at length, with my son about smoking. He claims he is not interested -and I believe him. I believe him because he is usually brutally honest - example I know he would like to try alcohal, and does not always think marijuanna is evil - because he has told me! I am trying to talk him into wiating - for obvious reasons.

As per DS's friends parents - I do not know them that well, but I know them well enough to they are not automatically going to beleive me. They believe their DS and he probably will deny it. That may not be relevant, though, as it might plant a seed - and cause them to look at things a bit closer.

[CarrieMF]

I would talk to your son & leave it at that. Talking to him or his parents isn't going to change anything.