Not sure how to teach my 22-month-old ..

[bluejaunte]

.. that smacking people upside the head and/or throwing things at their face is not an acceptable way of getting his point across. We've been doing time-outs, which seemed to work GREAT for moms at the playspace he went to last year, but he's not getting the point. He literally follows me around picking things up and throwing them at me.

Any advice?

Editing to add we don't use time-outs for anything else -- usually we just distract him. He's super strong and his motor skills are awesome and when he throws something at your eye it HURTS. And he thinks it's the funniest thing.

[JL83]

We used a "tomorrow basket"... Anything DD threw at us or hit us with (or stepped on because that was a big issue in our house) was wordlessly put in a bin ontop of the fridge. After she was asleep at night I put the toys/stuff back into circulation.

This was after trying a long run of "please don't throw that car, cars drive on the ground. Watch mama drive the car. Vrmmmmm Vrmmmmmm". We didn't try time-outs because she didn't have the attention span for them. DH tried yelling (after being nailed by a hard ball in the head) and all it did was make her cry, and then the focus wasn't on how she shouldn't throw but how upset she was.

[3*is*magic]

Originally Posted by JL83

We used a "tomorrow basket"... Anything DD threw at us or hit us with (or stepped on because that was a big issue in our house) was wordlessly put in a bin ontop of the fridge. After she was asleep at night I put the toys/stuff back into circulation.

This was after trying a long run of "please don't throw that car, cars drive on the ground. Watch mama drive the car. Vrmmmmm Vrmmmmmm". We didn't try time-outs because she didn't have the attention span for them. DH tried yelling (after being nailed by a hard ball in the head) and all it did was make her cry, and then the focus wasn't on how she shouldn't throw but how upset she was.

What if the item being thrown is not a toy or other belonging of the offender? We *still* struggle with this behavior from my 3 year old son who has poor impulse control. He'll throw whatever is closest to him - a toy, a glass of water, the remote control. I have never happened upon a consequence or approach that's discouraged him from repeating the behavior and I have tried nearly everything. I look forward to reading how others would handle this.

[JL83]

My 3yo needs to leave the common space until she's ready to behave appropriately. It's a different age than not quite 2.

She can throw things in her room.

And she can stay in her private space (her room or the stairs) until she's ready to fix whatever she did. So if she threw the remote she needs to pick it up and put it back. Until she's ready to do that she needs to not be in the living room. I have no qualms about picking her up and carrying her to her own space if she won't go. There's no time limit and if she wants/needs company we will hang out with her. But she doesn't get to be in the common space until she puts things back and is able/willing to behave.

(although, I will most of the time start making a snack with some protein and sugar as soon as I send her to the stairs. It most often means she's hungry. So then she can come back to the living room to find some food for her to eat and that seems to inspire her to clean up the mess.)

[chfriend]

I remember when my turning 9 year old was about that age and threw a wooden toy. dp said, "Remind me why wooden toys are a good thing...."

Just keep redirecting. It gets better, usually pretty quickly. I found spending lots and lots and lots of time outside made the most difference. Picnics were messiness just didn't matter, climbing hills, wading in creeks....Amazing what the change of scene did.

Hang in there with your little one.

[aspenleaves]

I agree with JL83. I think the consequence of fixing what was disrupted can go a long way. But you have to be consistent. I once sat on the kitchen floor with my 3 year old for 20 minutes (it was just the tow of us home and she threw a toy at me) I told her she needed to pick it up and she absolutley refused. So I sat there with her (holding her some of the time so she wouldn't leave the room) and after 20 minutes I told her that if she didn't pick up the toy by the time I counted to 3 that I would pick it up and throw it away. I ended up throwing it away and she never didn't pick anything up again (I ended up fishing the thrown away toy out of the trash and talking to her about it.) My point is is that sometimes you HAVE to go to the extreme so they will get it.

[EdnaMarie]

So, are you saying that the TOs are not working because he leaves the time-out area and follows you around to continue the behavior? To my mind, a real "time-out" needs to be where a child has no distractions and really has the chance to calm down and re-direct.

Alternatively, you could say, "If you want to throw, you can throw X, Y, and Z, right here." Keep putting him back in the area where he can throw soft things. It doesn't have to be a time-out, per se- just, "No, we do not throw hard things." Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Outside is a nice idea but tough in winter for many of us in the north.

With a three-year-old, you can take stuff away for the day, but with a smaller child, that might not work- it might work better to take something away for a shorter amount of time, so that the consequences are more visible (they can see the toy that was removed).

It is SUCH a frustrating time, that non-verbal-toddler age. But most kids do grow out of it!

[bluejaunte]

Thanks for the input!

For the time-outs, I hold him in place standing & facing a wall (so he doesn't get distracted) for a slow count of ten. He seems to think it's part of the throw-things-at-Mommy game -- afterwards, he goes right back to pitching stuff at my head. Then I tell him "Sorry, I can't play with you when you throw things at me!" and walk away. That's when he starts following me around looking for things to throw at me -- possibly to get my attention.

Haven't consistently tried making him pick the things up, though. I'll try that.

[durafemina]

How is your ds with empathy?

Here dd (24mos) also throws things at us for various reasons - not all of them negative (ie exuberance).
Dp and I make a big(ger than necessary) fuss about how that HURTS, ouch! we sign 'pain' etc. We quickly move on to "you need to be gentle with mama/dada/baby". . ."poor mama, etc" and then re-direct - maybe have her throw the ball or whatever into the box, or to daddy who will catch it, etc.

If she just laughs and continues (not often) we remove the objects, or her - usually just picking her up and taking her away from the baby, etc.

It's definitely easier when we're in a patient mood

[mum21andtwins]

Originally Posted by bluejaunte

.. that smacking people upside the head and/or throwing things at their face is not an acceptable way of getting his point across. We've been doing time-outs, which seemed to work GREAT for moms at the playspace he went to last year, but he's not getting the point. He literally follows me around picking things up and throwing them at me.

Any advice?

Editing to add we don't use time-outs for anything else -- usually we just distract him. He's super strong and his motor skills are awesome and when he throws something at your eye it HURTS. And he thinks it's the funniest thing.

Why punish for it?
I assume you still have moments you lose your patience right? how would you feel if you got annoyed with your dh for something and you'd shout at him and he would put you in time out?

redirect and repeat as often as neccesary. My now 5y/o still has moments that he throws something in anger/frustration and it not a big deal. he is 5 and still learning about his emotions.