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So 8yoDD walked in on...(TMI warning) - Page 2

post #21 of 60
I think you handled it beautifully. It's exactly how I'd handle it if DS walked in on somebody- I'd focus on the importance of privacy and knocking on doors. I'd answer any general sex questions he might have afterwards, but I wouldn't use this opportunity to introduce any new concepts (other than "some grownups have sex, and it's done in private.")
post #22 of 60
You did great. But, yeah, a lock would be a good idea .
post #23 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post
"...she saw a totally normal, responsible adult activity going down...
*snort*

"going down"
post #24 of 60


Here I am wondering what kind of weird position they were in!! I am a sick girl for wondering!

Ohhh I dread the day my sons might walk in on us...but you handled it well! I hope to have the same calm demeanor if that ever happens to me!
post #25 of 60
lol. stuff like this is so funny to me, and normal. I have walked in on my parents a time or two and have heard them have sex my whole life (we lived in a small house). The way they handled it made all the difference. I know my parents love each other and have a good relationship.

When ds was just over two or so he was asleep in the other room so dp and I were able to "play" in our own bed (rare for us cosleepers). Well in the middle of said play my sleeps through the night child came in and loudly exclaimed " Mama and Daddy wrestling!" and promptly jumped on the bed.

Yeah, that was fun......
post #26 of 60
I think you - and your cousin and her bf - handled it perfectly.

When DD2 walked in on DH and I in a, um, similar situation, my first reaction was total panic. DH calmly asked her what she was doing up (getting a glass of water and she'd come to investigate a noise she heard in the spare room...) and sent her back to bed.

The next morning she and I had a talk about it was normal (but yes, it looked weird) and no it didn't hurt daddy, and how if she hears noises the thing to do is find us, not check them out herself - and to always knock on doors and wait for an answer!

I keep reassuring myself that DD2 will not be scarred for life, and will hopefully grow up with an open and healthy view of sex.
post #27 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by blazer View Post
I think you handled it well, but I am curious to know why they don't lock their door, even with the privacy and knocking on doors a priority, especially with young children in the household.

Not judging, just asking.
The OP said she told her cousin she'd get her a lock. There isn't one on their room right now, from the sounds of things.

OP: I think you handled it just fine. Nothing to worry about.
post #28 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by blazer
I think you handled it well, but I am curious to know why they don't lock their door, even with the privacy and knocking on doors a priority, especially with young children in the household.

Not judging, just asking.
I know in my house we feel locks that kids can reach (and i have a kid who will fetch a chair to reach whatever she wants, lol) are far more risky to childrenthan the possibility of an "oops" when they witness something that should've been private. My DH's brother once had to be rescued by the Fire Brigade because he locked himself in (and the rest of the family out) of the kitchen (in an old-fashioned house with locks on every room door). I would take DD catching us over a visit from the Fire Brigade/broken door/worse any day.
post #29 of 60
I'm sure she'll be fine. I bet it'll make her think twice before walking into anyone's room again! LOL
Getting a lock for her door might be a good idea but I'm pretty sure that kids walk in on their parents like ALL THE TIME and this is probably way less gross.
I agree with everyone else. You handled it wonderfully.
post #30 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post
I know in my house we feel locks that kids can reach (and i have a kid who will fetch a chair to reach whatever she wants, lol) are far more risky to childrenthan the possibility of an "oops" when they witness something that should've been private. My DH's brother once had to be rescued by the Fire Brigade because he locked himself in (and the rest of the family out) of the kitchen (in an old-fashioned house with locks on every room door). I would take DD catching us over a visit from the Fire Brigade/broken door/worse any day.
I sure hope they weren't doing anything in there that they might need the fire department for! You must have a very interesting sex life
Seriously though, our interior doors have locks that can very easily be opened from the other side with a butter knife or something. They are more like a reminder that the person inside the room doesn't want the door opened and you should knock.

OP you handled it great and I'm sure she WILL knock now, lol.
post #31 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaingirl79 View Post


Here I am wondering what kind of weird position they were in!! I am a sick girl for wondering!
you are not the only one. that's the first thing that came to my mind. i mean where is the TMI. THAT was not TMI.
post #32 of 60
Who needs to wonder. Just be creative and come up with your own.
post #33 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post
I know in my house we feel locks that kids can reach (and i have a kid who will fetch a chair to reach whatever she wants, lol) are far more risky to childrenthan the possibility of an "oops" when they witness something that should've been private. My DH's brother once had to be rescued by the Fire Brigade because he locked himself in (and the rest of the family out) of the kitchen (in an old-fashioned house with locks on every room door). I would take DD catching us over a visit from the Fire Brigade/broken door/worse any day.
The fire brigade?!? Those must have been some locks! The ones in our house growing up could be picked quite easily with a bent bobby pin. Not that I would ever have dreamed of picking the lock to one of my siblings rooms....

I do remember a big to do at my grandmas once, when my sister had locked herself in the bathroom. The whole family gathered outside the door to watch my father dismantle the doorknob and perform a miraculous rescue
post #34 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Theoretica View Post
My cousin (in her 30's) and her boyfriend (same age) having oral sex. Apparently very creative oral sex. (maybe I should be ) They were in her (my cousin's) private bedroom with the door completely closed.

<snip>

FWIW a couple weeks ago the two lovebirds were in the throes of passion late at night (in my living room, serves 'em right...hence why they were careful to be in the bedroom this time) and woke up the 18mo toddler
Ok, I am NOT a prude about sex at all, nor am I against pre-marital sex. I think being honest and open with children about sex is the best way to handle situations like this, but..... yes there's a but.

Am I the only one thinking that your cousin is being a little inconsiderate to your family by not being a bit more discreet in a home with children? I mean, kids walk in on their parents all the time. No biggie. And were the situations you're describing between you and your partner (aka, the parents) it would seem like less of an issue. But having sex in your living room and waking a child and being walked in on, and then having sex in an unlocked room when people (and children) are home and getting walked in on, seems a little.. I don't know. I just know that if a guest were staying in my house I would find that totally inappropriate. I can't exactly explain why, though. Am I the only one who got a "oh boy" reaction to the guest's extra curricular activities in someone else's home? For one, no naked sweaty bodies and "other fluids" on my sofas! Ew!
post #35 of 60
Quote:
she saw a totally normal, responsible adult activity going down...

Ha, ha. So to speak.


IMO, I think you handled it just fine.
post #36 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by North_Of_60 View Post
Ok, I am NOT a prude about sex at all, nor am I against pre-marital sex. I think being honest and open with children about sex is the best way to handle situations like this, but..... yes there's a but.

Am I the only one thinking that your cousin is being a little inconsiderate to your family by not being a bit more discreet in a home with children? I mean, kids walk in on their parents all the time. No biggie. And were the situations you're describing between you and your partner (aka, the parents) it would seem like less of an issue. But having sex in your living room and waking a child and being walked in on, and then having sex in an unlocked room when people (and children) are home and getting walked in on, seems a little.. I don't know. I just know that if a guest were staying in my house I would find that totally inappropriate. I can't exactly explain why, though. Am I the only one who got a "oh boy" reaction to the guest's extra curricular activities in someone else's home? For one, no naked sweaty bodies and "other fluids" on my sofas! Ew!
Yeah the incident in the living room would definitely upset me but that's a personal issue for the OP and she doesn't seem upset about it.
The oral incident took place in the cousins own person bedroom which she doesn't have a lock on. We're talking about a grown woman, where else is she supposed to do it if her own room is inappropriate yk?
post #37 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristaDJ View Post
Yeah the incident in the living room would definitely upset me but that's a personal issue for the OP and she doesn't seem upset about it.
The oral incident took place in the cousins own person bedroom which she doesn't have a lock onWe're talking about a grown woman, where else is she supposed to do it if her own room is inappropriate yk?
That's just it.. if it doesn't have a lock, should you be doing things that you might not want to get walked in on?

Last summer my mom had a full house - me and daughter, sister and her boyfriend, and when my husband got here, him as well. My daughter is 3 and the day after we got here they put on a lock on the door "just in case". It just seems really, I-don't-know-what-the-word-is, to be having oral sex in an unlocked room when there are kids home. I don't think there's anything wrong with the act in and of itself, but I just think she should have considered the fact that the door doesn't lock when she decided to get freaky with the kids home, is all.
post #38 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by North_Of_60 View Post
That's just it.. if it doesn't have a lock, should you be doing things that you might not want to get walked in on?

Last summer my mom had a full house - me and daughter, sister and her boyfriend, and when my husband got here, him as well. My daughter is 3 and the day after we got here they put on a lock on the door "just in case". It just seems really, I-don't-know-what-the-word-is, to be having oral sex in an unlocked room when there are kids home. I don't think there's anything wrong with the act in and of itself, but I just think she should have considered the fact that the door doesn't lock when she decided to get freaky with the kids home, is all.
Yeah, I wouldn't do it now but I'm assuming cousin has no kids and when I was a single "auntie' I certainly did the same thing.
post #39 of 60
Thread Starter 
I thought I'd update with the notice that DD is now knocking EVERY TIME a door is closed!



Quote:
Originally Posted by North_Of_60 View Post
Am I the only one thinking that your cousin is being a little inconsiderate to your family by not being a bit more discreet in a home with children? I mean, kids walk in on their parents all the time. No biggie. And were the situations you're describing between you and your partner (aka, the parents) it would seem like less of an issue. But having sex in your living room and waking a child and being walked in on, and then having sex in an unlocked room when people (and children) are home and getting walked in on, seems a little.. I don't know. I just know that if a guest were staying in my house I would find that totally inappropriate. I can't exactly explain why, though. Am I the only one who got a "oh boy" reaction to the guest's extra curricular activities in someone else's home? For one, no naked sweaty bodies and "other fluids" on my sofas! Ew!
I wanted to address this so you didn't think I was ignoring you They had her blankets on the couch, so no yuck factor there. And it was literally almost midnight and we had gone to bed HOURS before this. Normally, as in every other night since she's moved in, we go to bed and stay there. It's NEVER happened otherwise.

And, FWIW, we are ok with her feeling like this is her home too. I don't feel like she's a guest. She's family.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KristaDJ View Post
Yeah the incident in the living room would definitely upset me but that's a personal issue for the OP and she doesn't seem upset about it.
The oral incident took place in the cousins own person bedroom which she doesn't have a lock on. We're talking about a grown woman, where else is she supposed to do it if her own room is inappropriate yk?
I want to clarify I'm not upset because it could have just as easily been DH or I in the same scenario. The baby woke up, either because she heard them (Dianne said she laughed really loud right before the baby came out, that could have been it) or because she just woke up

It was the middle of the night and totally 100% fair to presume the entire household was fast asleep. If it was 9pm we'd be having a conversation, but like I said DH and I could have been in the same situation easily.

Quote:
Originally Posted by North_Of_60 View Post
That's just it.. if it doesn't have a lock, should you be doing things that you might not want to get walked in on?

Last summer my mom had a full house - me and daughter, sister and her boyfriend, and when my husband got here, him as well. My daughter is 3 and the day after we got here they put on a lock on the door "just in case". It just seems really, I-don't-know-what-the-word-is, to be having oral sex in an unlocked room when there are kids home. I don't think there's anything wrong with the act in and of itself, but I just think she should have considered the fact that the door doesn't lock when she decided to get freaky with the kids home, is all.
I think she considered the fact that privacy is a HUGE deal in our house and no one is supposed to go into ANYONE'S room without knocking. DD knows this, and she ignored the rule. Dianne had every reason to believe her room is her space and would not be interrupted or disturbed.

We're getting her a lock, but we didn't even get a lock for OUR door until we'd lived here a few years. I'm not big on door locks, more for the issue that I want privacy respected without the need for locking people out. Hard to explain, but basically I want our home, our family, to trust one another enough such that locks aren't necessary to protect our space.

Now...locks to protect our EYES...that's a whole nuther ball o'wax!
post #40 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Theoretica View Post
I thought I'd update with the notice that DD is now knocking EVERY TIME a door is closed!
LOL. I understand her being family, not a "guest". Like I said, I can't really explain why the situation would bother me in my house because I don't think of myself as a prude when it comes to sex. Maybe because it's not something I'd be comfortable doing myself (someone else's home, kids, etc..)?

I also totally get you on the trust issue and locks. My daughter is only 3.5 and a half and has only recently "got" the whole knock and WAIT for someone to answer you (she knocks and then just walks in lol). Your daughter is much older so the trust issue, as opposed to an impulse/learning issue, is totally different and you should be able to expect that an 8 year old would KNOW to knock and wait.

If it all works for you guys, that's all that matters. And maybe I'm a bigger prude than I thought.
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