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please help, dont judge. - Page 4

post #61 of 106
DH is South Indian and medium dark and I am mostly English/French and am pale with dark hair and hazel eys. DS is darker than me but lighter than DH. Even with a tan DS is no where near as dark as his Dad. He looks more like me {only I burn in the sun }
post #62 of 106
I was right, she is adorable.

And she totally looks like Victor's kid.
post #63 of 106
I have nothing to say about who her father might be, but I had to post to say she's ADORABLE! What a cutie!

Welcome to MDC!
post #64 of 106
My call? She's Victor's kid, you never even slept with the Asian guy, and your family needs to STFU (shut up).

Only thing is, you're going to have to do a paternity test or something because your family will definitely try to tell V. that your dd (dear daughter) isn't his and will definitely tell him about you thinking you might've slept with Asian guy.

Over all, your family is going to be a huge problem. Your best bet is to get to a place where you can force them to be polite in order to see you or your child.
post #65 of 106
Oh, and your dd is light skinned, but she doesn't have white coloring. She looks like a very light skinned black person.

ETA: At least in the lighting of the pictures you've posted.
post #66 of 106
OP: Your dd is absolutely adorable. If I didn't have my own little one right now, I'd be suffering serious baby envy!

I just want to say that I agree with the posters who said you're going to have to tell the guy you have the relationship about maybe having slept with the other guy. (It honestly sounds like you may not have.) Your family is going to stir up trouble, and it's better if he hears it from you.

I hope everything works out. Good luck, and enjoy your dd.
post #67 of 106
That is one beautiful baby you have there!

Quote:
Originally Posted by angelbaby1788 View Post
Well i was on a parenting site, and everybody called me a whore. they werent very nice.


You won't find this here. Welcome!

Quote:
Originally Posted by angelbaby1788 View Post
i ordered a Home DNA test, but my grandma said they arent always accurate and that the people in the lab dont know what they are doing. She said it can come back and say its the black boys and its really not. She just doesnt want it to be his. They bet a hundred dollars on the Asian boy even though it was on my period and there is a very small chance.
I had the feeling from your original post that your family was giving you a hard time. I'm so sorry.

I'd bet that the test would come back inconclusive before it gave the wrong answer. You family is indulging in wishful thinking.

I agree with the PP's, she looks like your boyfriend.

For your sake and your DD's, get a DNA test and get her paternity locked down. Is your boyfriend on the birth certificate? If he is than he is the legal father so the home test might be all you need, for piece of mind. If not, you might want to explore what type of test you need to have your boyfriend legally declared the father.
post #68 of 106
Oh my, that is one gorgeous baby! And it looks like she gets her looks from a beautiful Mama and Daddy. Well...you have already gotten great advice. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Good luck and keep us posted. you will get lots of great advice here!!
post #69 of 106
I'm going to also say that I think Victor is the daddy.
1. She looks like him (and she's totally cute BTW)
2. I agree that it is *possible* to get preggers on your period but not highly likely, especially when you've been having lots and lots of sex throughout the month with someone else.
3. Who even knows if you really did sleep with the asian dude anyway?

As far as the home DNA tests, I've heard that they are fairly reliable as long as you follow the instructions properly.
Good luck and stick around, you will find so much help here and trust me, you'll need it!
post #70 of 106
So here is a link to twins born to mixed race couples showing just how wide the span of skin color can be: It's dramatic.Really. Really dramatic.

Your kid is cute. You have a boyfriend. Your family can lump it. Welcome to MDC!
post #71 of 106
My friend is Dominican and her husband is a really white redhead. Their baby has beautiful blue eyes (4 1/2 months old), light skin, and looks Asian! They thought she looked Asian too, but she's not. Their looks change so fast.

Congratulations on your baby.
post #72 of 106
Welcome to MDC! I hope you visit the other forums so we can indoctrinate you.

Seriously, I have learned so much here. It is worth sticking around.
post #73 of 106
What first came to mind reading this thread was this family who have to sets of black and white twins (black father, white mother)

http://www.impactlab.com/2009/03/02/...e-twins-again/
post #74 of 106
What a cutie! She looks like your boyfriend - that's my highly scientific opinion! The blood type thing could be a way of discreetly finding out - I assume you know hers and could ask what his is. Without knowing the Asian guy's blood type it could be tricky, but *if* he had a very rare blood type and so did she, or something like that, it might convince you. Or are there blood types that are much more common in the AA population vs Asian? (Sorry, lack of medical knowledge showing here!)

FWIW my sister-in-law just had a baby who was 1/4 Afrikaans, and he's very light with no Mongolian spots. He just looks like a dark-haired regular ol' white newborn.
post #75 of 106
First of all, welcome to MDC! you'll get no namecalling here at all!
I am so sorry you had to deal with immaturity like that.
I really hope that you stick around and see how wonderful this place is. I wish so much that I had Mothering when I was a young mama. These people are simply invaluable and full of information.. and they LOVE to help!

With that said, your baby is adorably adorable!! I'd seriously be willing to bet money that she is Victor's (well, I mean, if I actually had any money to bet, I would haha). I have quite a few friends with biracial little ones and how strong their AA features are vary widely. But, as soon as I saw the picture of her, before I even looked at Victor's picture, I saw some AA features in her. Putting her picture next to his, though? Wow, she really does look a lot like him. I don't see white skin on her, I see a very light AA skin. Her hair doesn't appear to have a white texture to it (nor asian). Her nose and Victor's nose are practically identical. I seriously see no resemblence whatsoever to the asian boy. None. Zero. And given the circumcstances of the situation and timing of everything, even without the pictures, I would still lean toward her being Victor's.

I'm so sorry your family is giving you such a hard time about this. As much of a pain in the butt as it will be, I do agree with some of the others. I think you do need to get a DNA test.. NOT because I have any doubt that she's Victor's, but because of the way your family is acting about the situation. They aren't going to shut up about it until they're proven wrong. They cannot deny a DNA test and will have to face what they don't want to. They will come around eventually, I'm sure.
Hang in there, mama.
post #76 of 106
Thread Starter 
Thank you everyone for you help and for not judging me.
I know i have to tell him, im just so scared what his reaction is going to be. He loves that little girl so much and he has no doubt that she is his. I just dont want to hurt him if she isnt. Hopefully the test will come back with a 100% and there wont be anymore confusion with anyone in my family. The only reason they even know about the other boy is because my little sister had a big mouth and told EVERYBODY, how embarrasing that was. Then when she came out white it made it worse, they were all like uhmmm thats not a mixed baby. They were looking for a dark baby to shoot out of me. But he sat there at the hospital with her and just said how much she looked like him. He has never denied her because she looks white. I have ordered the DNA test so i will let everyone know the results when we get it done.
post #77 of 106
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eepster View Post
It sounds like your family is deliberately trying to cause turmoil by making you doubt the babies father. I think this issue needs to be handled separately from the biological issues, since you have a continuing relationship with the most likely father.

Another issue, since you don't remember what happened would be to find out exactly what went on with the Asian guy. Did you both get carried away in the moment? Does he regularly take advantage of girls who are a bit drunk or stoned? Was there birth control involved?

Are there any distinctive family traits that either guy has that might put your mind to rest. For example, everybody on FIL's side of the family has a dimple in their right cheek, including DH and DS.


Well another thing that got me confused was that my baby has excema.
The Asian boy has it also. BUT my sister has it, my mother breaks out in rashes, and so does my great grandma and my uncle. Victor has very bad allergies so she might just get it from my side.
post #78 of 106
Your daughter is so gorgeous!!!

I agree with most people that Victor is most likely the father. Especially in the picture where she is sleeping, you can see so much of him in her.

Good luck with the DNA test!
post #79 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelbaby1788 View Post
Well another thing that got me confused was that my baby has excema.
The Asian boy has it also. BUT my sister has it, my mother breaks out in rashes, and so does my great grandma and my uncle. Victor has very bad allergies so she might just get it from my side.
Many many people have excema...that is not a great indicator.


Mama...building a life and a family with someone means so much..it is such a huge step to make the decision to stick by someone and raise a kid together.

Just tell Victor (or write to him and have him read your note while you are close by and can discuss things with him right away - not when he's leaving or you are gone, etc. Sometimes writing is better, that way he has time to digest the information and ask his heart how he really feels instead of automatically jumping to conclusions and reacting):

I love you so much and I'm so happy to be starting this family with you. I have something to tell you that takes a lot of courage to say, but I want to say it so we can start our new life together in perfect honesty and trust.

A while before we found out we were having a baby, there was this crazy party and I got really drunk and stupid and I think I slept with this other boy. I told my sister because I felt so awful and confused about it...and she blabbed to my family and I've been under so much stress about it...I want to be your lady, I'm so happy in our life together...I just made a mistake and I wanted to tell you about it because I want you to know EVERYTHING about me, I want to be open and honest with you always. I'm really sorry for what I did, it was so dumb and I regret it so much...I never want to hurt you and I would never be untrue to you again...it was just really important to me that I get this out, I didn't want to throw the hurt of concealing what happened on top of the original hurt I caused you by making this mistake.


Something like that...you know? Throw it out there as a "in order to be the best partner to you that I can....I need to clear the air" - so he knows that you're coming from a place of wanting to build a lasting and deep relationship with him. I'm so happy to hear that he is totally in love with his baby girl...and really, truly truly..judging from the pictures and the little ones features, etc...it really IS his little girl.
post #80 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelbaby1788 View Post
I know i have to tell him, im just so scared what his reaction is going to be.
Before you tell him something that is likely going to upset him, are you sure it happened?

It sounds like your family wants to break you up from this young man who is you DD's dad. Not just a biological father, but a real dad. My MIL, does the same thing with DH. She is constantly saying horrible things about me to him. At times it can really wear DH down and put a strain on our relationship.

Since my DS doesn't look nearly as Asian as MIL would like, I'm sure if I had passed out/blacked out at any point near when DS was conceived, she would have tried to convinced me that DS must be from someone else (I'm sure she would ignore the dimple since it's from FIL's side of the family.)
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