Nanny wants 5/1/2 weeks off - Update

[isabella.4567]

Our nanny wants to go on vacation for 5 1/2 weeks in Nov/Dec. She is great with DD but I don't like the attitude how she thinks she is entitled to that much time off.

I work parttime and DD's grandmother can help out only that much. If I have to go through the trouble of finding a replacement for the nanny I might as well keep the new one.

This morning I asked her if she can go for three or four weeks (we can probably get by for that amount of time with grandma helping out and Christmas coming up). It is still a long vacation and she said no, she needs to go the full 5 1/2 weeks, she needs to have some fun. Does anybody give their nanny 5/1/2 weeks off and what would you do?

[readytobedone]

where is she going? why does she want to go? i can kind of sort of understand if she's from overseas and is going to visit family halfway around the world whom she hasn't seen in 10 years or something. otherwise, no, it's just a weird thing to ask for.

and even if it's the former case, i would think she'd have given you a LOT more advance notice--like 6 months or a year. our DCP goes out of the country to visit her family every year for 2 weeks, but it's in the contract and we get MONTHS of notice.

[Maluhia]

Uh, no.

[isabella.4567]

Well, she is from Brazil but wants to go to Hawaii with her husband who is a pro-surfer and will be competing there. He has been and will be traveling around the world and she wants to join him for this trip which I all understand, but come on, 5 1/2 weeks?

[isabella.4567]

Well, she is from Brazil but wants to go to Hawaii with her husband who is a pro-surfer and will be competing there. He has been and will be traveling around the world and she wants to join him for this trip which I all understand, but come on, 5 1/2 weeks?

[momtoS]

well, it depends. is she really good as a nanny? good nannies, I imagine are very very hard to find. So.....to lose her forever because she wants two extra weeks would not be ideal, right?
I would think that a month's notice is enough....
If you say no, will she quit? Do you have other nannies that you could hire?

[laurelg]

That is totally unreasonable, IMHO. She's expecting to only give a month's notice to take one and a half months off? Uh, no. I can't imagine any job where that would be okay.

[chfriend]

I'm assuming she's taking it without pay and that she's part-time since you work part-time.

I'm guessing your choices are to find another babysitter while she's out of town and have her babysit when she comes back or find another babysitter while she's out of town and use that babysitter if he or she works out.

I find it hard to get a good match with our family, schedule and kids' personalities. I have a great babysitter right now. She can do whatever she needs with her schedule. We work it out.

I'd cover while she was gone and use her again when she got back.

If she wasn't great, I'd just find a new babysitter.

[isabella.4567]

Thanks for everybody's comments.

On average we employ her 30 to 35 hours a week.

I will cover for her but even if I let her go "only" for 4 1/2 weeks it is still a huge inconvenience and I am not sure she even realizes this and the fact that very very few employees get that much time off, even if it is unpaid.

She already takes time off early November for another trip which she cut down to 5 days instead of 10 because she wants to go to Hawaii later.

Also, I go back to my homecountry every year for 6 weeks, so she will have opportunity to travel herself at that time also.

I have heard so many times from her how she needs more money and wants to work for somebody else also, but suddenly the money is no issue anymore and it has to be 5 1/2 weeks vacation, no less?

She is a nice girl and a good nanny on the one side but stubborn and ungrateful on the other side. DH thinks it might be a cultural thing with the Brazilians having a lot of bravado and not being very submissive (can't think of a better word right now -don't get me wrong, I don't need a doormat, but would like to see her a little bit more appreciative of what we have done and do for her).

[kcparker]

Bear in mind that in a number of other countries (like, all of Europe), 5 1/2 weeks is a totally reasonable amount of time off to ask for from an employer. Americans are sort of slave-drivers when it comes to leave and vacation - look at the stingy amount of time we get with a newborn baby. I know, she's working in the US, and she's gotta realize that our leave standards are a lot more slim than most of the rest of the industrialized world, but she might not be perceiving this as unreasonable. I would think a compromise of 4 weeks would be reasonable, but I am not a Brazlian nanny...

[nina_yyc]

I don't think so.

Although we covered my DCP's 5 weeks off. She had a baby.

[Qestia]

Is she really planning on coming back? I have a friend who has lost a couple of nannies who went on prolonged vacations that turned out to be either permanent returns home or trial runs with other families.

[plunky]

Originally Posted by isabella.4567

She is a nice girl and a good nanny on the one side but stubborn and ungrateful on the other side. DH thinks it might be a cultural thing with the Brazilians having a lot of bravado and not being very submissive (can't think of a better word right now -don't get me wrong, I don't need a doormat, but would like to see her a little bit more appreciative of what we have done and do for her).

I have no experience with nannies, but I don't really understand this attitude. You and your nanny have a business relationship. If you find it unacceptable, find a new nanny. If she finds it unacceptable, she quits. I don't see why anyone has to be "appreciative" beyond doing their job. You're not doing the nanny a favor by employing her.

[isabella.4567]

Questia - I can see how this can be a concern but I am positive that she will be in fact traveling and it is not her home country that she is going to.

KC Parker - True, but even in Europe, at least where I am from, the employer "only" has to give you 3 weeks vacation in one piece.

I myself like to travel and to have my time off and was able to negotiate 2 months unpaid vacation with my emplober, so I totally understand. But I would expect my nanny to take the time off when I have vacation myself and I am willing to discuss with her when that should be, as long as it is during the summer months. Whatever time she wants off on top of that should really not exceed 2 weeks in my opinion.

So what fries me is her unwillingness to compromise and work something out that is acceptable to me as well, her lack of understanding of my situation and her feeling of entitlement to having that long of a vacation.

[isabella.4567]

Plunky, I know I did not go into detail about her not being appreciative but we have helped her out in ways that go above and beyond what a normal employer would and barely got a thank you out of it.

She will go a few days later now and come back a few days later, so still 5 1/2 weeks but it works out a little better with my work. And maybe I am unrealistic, but yes, I would expect her to kiss my feet for allowing this instead of her throwing an attitude because I am not happy about the whole situation.

[chaoticzenmom]

She is "entitled" to that much time off and you're "entitled" to find something else if that doesn't work for you. It sounds to me like she's saying "I can't work for you for these 5 1/2 weeks, so if you want me, you'll have to find some other arrangements while I'm gone." or "I don't really value this job since it's not paying what I want, so I'll do whatever I like and you can deal with it." I don't think there's anything to be "grateful" for and your attitude might be a little off as well. You pay her for a service and she provides a service. It's not a favor either way.

If it were me, I'd probably take it as a hint that she's not the right fit for what I want. She's probably looking for you to fire her so that she doesn't have to quit. If she's already said that she's unhappy with the number of hours and is taking more liberties than you feel are appropriate in your arrangement, then I think it's time to move on for both of you.

[lillacfaerie]

when I worked as a nanny I never in a million years would have asked for that much time off. I felt guilty leaving for x-mass eve! When you're a nanny you have a tremendous responsibility towards your charges. You can't just take off. Your nanny is asking way too much. In fact, I might start looking for someone who takes their work more seriously.

[Oriole]

I'm with chaoticzenmom on this one.

It's a business partnership, and you can be very open with her. You can't promise her that her position will be waiting for her over here when she comes back. That's that. She is entitled to her vacation, as she is a person with free will and this sounds like an amazing trip, but she can't reasonably expect you to wait for her 5 1/2 weeks.

If I were in your shoes - I'd start looking for a new nanny without any grudges. If I were her, I'd ask if you would wait, but go on my trip to have the time of my life. I would not expect for the job to be waiting for me, as I understand that the family needs to cover the position.

It just doesn't sound like the right fit.

[Carita]

remind her of the 6 week vacation time she gets later and suggest she to schedule her vacation then. Offer her the standard 2 weeks at Christmas - that is plenty of time to join her husband for a bit. i think she is just trying to see how much she can get from your generousity. maybe it would be better for you to include how many vacation days she gets in her contract.

[JL83]

You owe each other nothing.

If you don't want to give her the time off, then don't. If she doesn't like it, then she can find a new position.