I'm sad tonight.

[Nature]

I've hit another happiness hurdle. I can't shake the sadness feeling today. The whole.., my mom died, my grandmother died, I have no family and no one that cares that this is a big deal.. sorta sadness.

I'm dreading my 2 day stay in the hospital because no one usually shows up to see the new baby or me. No flowers, no balloons. No cards. No phone calls. No friends.

I hate it when the sadness and loneliness gets this bad. It makes me feel really needy and pathetic.

Others complain about the constant phone calls from family asking if they had the baby yet, or strangers touching their belly.

That doesn't happen to me.
I'm invisible.

I so want to find that happy spot where I feel proud and confident and blissful. Where I'm excited and anxious for this new little being to join our family. Instead I feel like I should be hiding in shame. The only comments I've received in the last 38 weeks have been negative. The "Five?? Are you crazy??" "OMG I'm glad I'm not you!" "WOW! #5 already??? You're getting your tubes tied now I hope right?" .... no one cares if its a girl or a boy. No one cares what her name is going to be. And the baby shower... well we already know how that one turned out. And then the guilt because I feel responsible that no one is excited. I feel at fault somehow. And sorta like how I feel guilty that I don't have a scrapbook filled with pictures of my youngest kids like I do my oldest... I feel guilty that this pregnancy hasn't been the happiest time for me. That other peoples emotions have gotten the best of me. I feel like I owe this unborn baby more than that.

I know that when she's born all this will be a bunch of crap. I know I'll love her and be happy she's here and be blissful. I know it won't matter what anyone else thinks or says. But right now... right now I'm trying so hard to gear myself up for labor. The end result. To get through it and have the "reward." .... and I'm finding it so hard to get through the sadness thats here.

Thanks for listening. I just really needed to vent and air my feelings. I know there isn't much anyone can do or say.. I'm just sad tonight.

[firewoman]

Oh, do I understand where you are coming from! I have lost two out of three of my siblings and my mother and I just had my fifth baby. I empathize with you on all points. I'm sending you lots of . Please know that your feelings are valid and you are not alone. Try spending some alone time laying down holding your belly and bonding with this baby. That should help make you feel better.

[Spiralshell]

Nature, I'm so sorry that you are feeling sad. It sounds like you're in a tough spot and I wish that there were more people around you celebrating this baby.
Please know this:
We may not know you but we surely are excited for you
Your other little ones are, I'm sure, excited
Your DP/DH is excited
and when your little one looks at you, no one else will matter, because you will be her entire world

Many hugs to you!

[Serenyd]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It almost seems like a type of discrimination, the way some people treat mothers with large families.

[fyrebloom]

I've gotten alot of that too and I only have 4! 5 isn't alot and every baby is a precious miracle. Whenever anyone is negative about my pregnancy I get a little nasty and tell them how very much loved and wanted this baby is and my decision to have a large family is my own. Whether we're done is NO ONE's business by my partners and my own. I'm sorry people are being so nasty to you. You don't deserve to feel like this baby is any less a gift then her four older siblings were.

[ruemomma]

So sorry you are feeling this way. Also sorry that you are getting so much negativity from others. Hugs to you!

[Pookietooth]

to you Nature. I'm in a similar position to you, actually. My parents are both deceased, one brother is mentally ill and broke and the other is married to an abusive woman who has cut him off from me, and even though I have an uncle in a nearby city, I hear from him maybe once per year. When ds was born, we had no visitors in the hospital, nobody called, nobody came by. I had PPD and was on Prozac because I was so isolated. DH felt pressured to continue to work so I had to go it pretty much alone. I had a friend who came to visit from another state, with her almost two year old, but she and dh didn't get along and also I realized that I'd never really had her over and wasn't comfortable with her in my home (sounds lame, but you'd have had to be there). Anyway, I didn't mean to vent too much, just to say that you're not the only one. to you. So many many s to you! I don't care how many babies you've had, each one should be treated as special, and deserves to have lots of love around when they are born.
If you PM me your number, I will call you. I know we don't know each other, but I feel kind of connected to you in our mutual isolation.

[pjs]

I'm so sorry. I too feel that way though my family is all alive and well. My mom doesn't call to check up on me (even when DH was out of town for a week and I was here with 3 kids by myself!), so I understand your sadness. Trying to put it out of my mind and focus on the joy that this new lo will bring and the amazaing relationship we will have.

[SilvanaRose]

Crashing...

I couldn't read and not reply. I'm sorry you don't have what you need around you but please know that there are people everywhere that are thinking of you even for just a moment. I'm excited for you and your new baby! Those comments from people are sad. I'm know everyone here is happy for you, just know that.

[gumby74]

I'm sorry you are going through all of this.....lonely is a horrible feel that has consumed me before as well. Just know that you do have support out there....even if none of are able to give you a hug in person, we are definitely thinking of you and cheering you on. Also keep in mind that everyone struggles with something. I have to tell myself this all the time. I have friends who have tons of family support and then I look at my own situation and it depresses me. However, I also know that those friends also have issues they are dealing with that I am not. In the end....it all evens out. It may not seem like it, but it does. Hang in there!

[lil_stinkyfeet]

I am sorry that you don't have any support

I will be thinking of you and am excited for the birth of your little one!

[Nature]

Thank you so much for all your replies. I'm so sorry to be a downer and whine on here. Pregnancy can bring out some pretty harsh emotions can't it?!

I'm sorry that anyone has to feel this way. For those of you that understand how I feel.. I wish you didn't! I wish we all had the support and love around us that we need.

I know in many ways I'm lucky. I have a husband that loves me and supports me, and he's happy about this baby. And I have my kids.

And I have you.