I think I may have made a mistake....

[annekevdbroek]

I went back to work a month ago after 6 years at home with my two boys. The youngest is two. The job took a long time to come into being, has good benefits, is part-time (I can set my schedule)... but, I'm so stresssed out. I'm am the most stressed out I've maybe ever been in my life. It seems like each day another thing goes wrong and I don't have the emotional or physical energy to cope with it any more. The timing on the job finally starting could not have been worse for a number of reasons.

And now I feel totally stuck. Like a few people worked really hard to create the job for me. And if I leave I"ll probably not work in my field again - I'll be obsolete not to mention basically burning a bridge in this area by quitting.

I find myself not wanting to go to work. I am so torn.

Has anyone else been threw anything similar? What did you do? How did it work out?

[MamaChicken]

Well, first I think you need to give it more than a month. There is a quote I saw over in the Breastfeeding Board that really applies to many things in life - "Never quit on a bad day." or something like that.

Start by isolating what is causing you stress. Then work on each thing until your stress level is acceptable. Ifind myself most stressed when I get lots of demands and I haven't gotten around to "triage" yet - for me that means listing out what is important, what is urgent, what is easy to answer, what needs to be delegated...etc. Once that is done, I do an "easy" task so I get that sense of accomplishment. Then I move on to the most urgent and prioritize from there.

I think working to manage your stress and kick start a system is a better idea than just quitting. I am sure that there were many days when you first started staying home that you were totally miserable and overwelmed and wondering why you were doing it.

You can do it!

[annekevdbroek]

Thanks Mamachicken. The thing is, for me, that a lot of the stress has nothing to do with work and is largely outside my control: husband deployed to Iraq, school issues with my oldest, and medical issues with my oldest. So adding the stress of work on top of that has been overwhelming. The only thing I can jetison would be work....

[MamaChicken]

Do you mind if I ask what led you back to work again? Did you have this level of stress before you took the position?

I wish I had better advice. Work is stressful for me, but it is also a great release.

[annekevdbroek]

Stress was ok before. The problem is that *everything* happened right at the end of September, all at once. I waited 10 months for the position to be created and the timing is just horrible. There was huge last second push to start the job at the worst possible moment for me personally.

I went back to work because I liked my career field and at some point I would be obsolete if I didn't return to work. But now I am feeling like - meh - the timing is so bad and I am so overwhelmed. The kids are having trouble adapting to the many many changes too, not just my going to work.

[delighted.mama]

Hi. For what it is worth, I agree with the PP that you should give it a little more time than a month. That is barely enough time to adjust to a new schedule, especially when you were at home previously. On top of that, it certainly sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Give yourself some time, including the family, for a learning curve. It won't be easy during the period of adjustment, especially since your DH won't be around, but you might be surprised how things can fall into place.

I'm sure it is all overwhelming right now but you are obviously capable of doing it. It sounds like you just need a little more time to adjust. Since you are able to set your own schedule, you are in a far better position than many people. Allow yourself the time to play around with scheduling and seeing how everything works. Also, let the little things go that might stress you out, like doing dishes, and instead do something for yourself to de-stress, such as exercise, a little quiet time, etc. That's how you will be able to recharge the emotional, physical and mental batteries that you need for the multi-tasking that you are doing. This, however, won't happen overnight. Only through trial and error will you be able to figure out what works best, and that will probably take more than a month. If, for example, six months from now you feel the same way, well, then that might be an indication that this job isn't a good fit. Right now it seems that you are too early in it to really tell, despite all of the external family dynamics (which will be there even without the job). Just my thoughts.... good luck to you in whatever you choose to do!

Hang in there!

Libby

[mamabutterfly]

It sounds like there are a lot of stresses in your life right now. The dh to Iraq thing especially! My older also had a hard year at school last year, as I transitioned back into working.

For me, the p/t job I got was also flexible hrs & a pretty unique position. If I quit, I also couldn't "replace" it later on probably.
In my case the pros outweighed the cons, but I really love the work I'm doing, & I built up the "village" around myself for the other stressors. I pay for great babysitters, including one for 2 hrs on a day I don't work, which is 'catch up on everything' time. And I'm paying a wonderful woman to ocassionally clean the house, which we can't exactly afford but my dd will only be a toddler for a short time and I want to have good time w/her.
Are there areas besides your job that you can 'outsource' or look for friend or family support with?

On the other hand, if you aren't happy working, and your kids are struggling, and you don't need the income (I don't know if you do or not)... THEN I say don't just work because you "should." Do you think this difficult time is just transition? Do you think a month or two will improve things? How long is dh gone? These questions make a difference I think.

Good luck w/all of it.

[annekevdbroek]

I've done a lot of those things mamachicken. I hired a nanny to make the logistics easier. I have groceries delivered, we eat out a couple times per week or get carry out, I have a house cleaner who also does laundry.... handyman, yard guys, you name it. It is helping.

DH is gone for another 5 months.

I am going to give it longer. I had a talk with my boss's boss and that helped resolve some issues that I don't want to detail here.