DD saw Twilight at a sleepover.

[SAHDS]

It was her second sleepover and I knew this may come up at some time (just not so soon). So, I guess I'm wondering how many other parents would have asked if this was acceptable before showing it to other children (I know I would have, heck I asked if A League of their Own was okay). I mean, I'm not really upset she watched it (although I would've liked to have seen it first or, at least, with her if we made that decision), I was just a bit put-out that I had no choice in the matter.

I remember seeing Dirty Dancing at a sleepover when I was her age (10) and being mortified. I spent the whole night thinking how inappropriate it was.

Am I the world's biggest prude/over-protective mom or am I right in thinking I should have been consulted first?

[MusicianDad]

I think you have a right to be consulted first. About the movie though, I really doubt your dd saw anything that had her thinking how inapproprate it was. No alcohol, drugs, or sex. Some violence. Vampires. And one really annoying protaganist who could stand to learn a thing or two about not responding to everyone all hunched over with a whiny "why me" type voice.

[sebarnes]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

And one really annoying protaganist who could stand to learn a thing or two about not responding to everyone all hunched over with a whiny "why me" type voice.

I really enjoy the Twilight series and movie, but this amuses me. Seriously, though, I would be p.o.'d if someone showed my 10 year old a PG-13 movie without running it by me first. Not just Twilight, but any PG-13 movie. And while I agree with pp that there wasn't anything super inappropriate in the movie, there are some moments of intense sensuality that I would be more comfortable if my daughter were older before seeing. But, I'm pretty reserved about viewing ages, so others opinions may vary

[FiveLittleMonkeys]

I also think that you should have been consulted. My daughter had a sleepover this spring (she is 14) and I made sure that all the parents were on board with the movies she planned to show.

I, too, remember getting to watch Dirty Dancing at a sleepover. My parents wouldn't let me see it, so I was so excited. I think I was around 14 or so - it was very much forbidden fruit!!

[russsk]

Originally Posted by FiveLittleMonkeys

I, too, remember getting to watch Dirty Dancing at a sleepover. My parents wouldn't let me see it, so I was so excited. I think I was around 14 or so - it was very much forbidden fruit!!

I saw Dirty Dancing at a sleepover, too. By that time (6th grade) we'd all seen it so many times that we spent the whole time ragging on it. Because it was so hilarious.

[Porcelain Interior]

I saw Silence of the Lambs at a sleepover around age 11-12.

I would have been upset if a parent had shown my 10 yo child Twilight. I think the movie ratings are a good way to guide choices (they are sometimes quite off, but a good stepping off point hello PG-13!~)

My daughter saw it when she turned 13, but at 10 no.

It leaves an icky feeling when you think you can trust people to have good judgment and they don't.

[tinybutterfly]

I would have wanted to have been consulted. Ten is kinda young, even though there isn't really anything untoward in Twilight. The violence might be scary. I loved the books and the movie.

Ds#1 and his friends sneaked a copy of The Blair Witch and watched it when they were 13 at a sleepover in someone's RV. It scared them all and they didn't even finish it.

This week-end I am taking ds#2 and some friends to see Paranormal which is rated R. I will be sure I get to TALK to the moms involved, so I know that THEY know what their kid is going to see...none of this "Oh, yea, I told my mom and she is fine with it." I'll talk to the moms to make sure their sons actually told them about it.

Hope your dd wasn't traumatized.

[Oriole]

I agree. It doesn't matter whether or not I am comfortable showing a movie like that to my 10 y.o., but it very much matters if I'm showing it to a bunch of kids that are sleeping over. I would definitely encourage the kids to pick a different movie, if the sleep over was happening at our house. What did your daughter think of the movie? I would guess that sensual moments went over her head, and if anything, she might have been scared a bit.

Silence of the Lambs though...

[mild_adventurer]

Agreed that you should have been consulted before "Twilight" was shown to your daughter.

My 10 year old DD and 12 year old DSD both were allowed to see it and loved it, however. In fact, DD found the movie less scary than the book! She finished the first book but decided not to go on to the others. Very mature decision, I thought.

She hasn't been "traumatized" by anything in the "Twilight" story (book or movie).

That said, I still get into arguements with my ex-husband over what is and what is not appropriate for our daughters (ages 8 & 10) to watch.

So I know my opinions are different than others'....

[hotmamacita]

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior

I saw Silence of the Lambs at a sleepover around age 11-12.

Eeeegads!

Did you have nightmares? I have not seen it but I heard all about that movie!

[Porcelain Interior]

Originally Posted by hotmamacita

Eeeegads!

Did you have nightmares? I have not seen it but I heard all about that movie!

No, but then again it's hard to have nightmares if you can't go to sleep. I watched The Shining when I was 6 because she didn't want to watch it alone, my older sister and younger brother also watched it. We watched nearly every horror movie, blood, sex, guts, violence all of it with my mother. I have been deathly afraid of the dark and suffered insomnia my whole life.

My mom was a very "watch/read whatever you want" type of person and I'm not that way with my kids until they reach a certain age.

[ollyoxenfree]

Have you talked to your dd about your expectations? When my ds was about 12 or so, his friends were watching The 40 Year Old Virgin at a sleepover. DS just said that he didn't think we would want him to watch it (he was right), and he and another kid went into a different room and played on guitars and listened to CDs. As far as I know, no one gave him a hard time, and it was no big deal.

This is a good age to talk about making independent choices. Were there other movie choices available? When we have sleepovers, I try to have a few selections - in case someone objects to one movie.

[Doodlebugsmom]

I would discuss movie choices with any parent unless the movie was rated G. Some people are very particular (and rightly so) about what their children watch. We allow our kids to watch some PG-13 movies, but not all of them. Not by any stretch of the imagination! Our neighbor (he's 9) was here one day and the kids wanted to watch Gremlins. Even though my kids are younger than he is, and we let them watch it, I didn't know if his parents would want him to see it. KWIM? So, I made him take the movie down and show his mom. He was allowed, but I just felt the need to make sure. It's the right thing to do.

[AAK]

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior

My mom was a very "watch/read whatever you want" type of person and I'm not that way with my kids until they reach a certain age.

Letting them watch/read whatever they want is one thing, but it sounds like your mom was really letting you decide where your limits were.

For the OP, I would expect to be consulted before my dd was shown a pg-13 movie (mine is nearly 10). I am not totally on-board with all PG movies either, but at 10, I wouldn't expect to be notified like a PG-13 one.

Amy

[gillibean]

I would be expected to be consulted about a PG-13 movie with my 10 year old DD. The '13' is there for a reason. That said, I have found a fair number of regular PG movies that are much more offensive to me than some of the PG-13 movies.

[AbbieB]

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior

It leaves an icky feeling when you think you can trust people to have good judgment and they don't.

I think this statement is a bit harsh.

Not everyone will make the same decisions about what is appropriate for 10 year olds to watch, but that does not mean that those with different standards have bad judgment.

When my DD starts to sleep over at a friends house I plan to take the responsibility to talk to the other parent to check things out. I imagine asking basic questions about who will be home, what the rules are for bed time, what activities are planned (with a follow up of what movie are you going to be seeing if that is a planned activity). If I get a bad vibe or the other family is planning something I am not comfortable with I would then have to make a decision about weather DD could still have the sleep over.

On the other hand I can not imagine being comfortable with allowing a sleep over with a family that I did not have a reasonable amount of trust with. Yeah, I expect that some decisions made by the other parents might not be ones I would make. A slightly more liberal or more conservative approach to things will not scare my DD for life.

I also place a lot of trust in my DD. When I judge she is old enough for friend sleepovers, I expect her to have some skills/tools for dealing with situations that do not feel appropriate. So if she knew she was not allowed to see PG-13 movies, I would expect her to say so when she and her friends were picking out a movie.

On the flip side, if I was hosting a sleep over for a 10 year old I would probably run the evenings plans by the other parent just in case. I'd hate to be responsible for DD losing the ability to hang with a friend because I pissed off the other parents.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior

I saw Silence of the Lambs at a sleepover around age 11-12.

I saw that movie as an adult (I was in college when it came out) and it scared ME!!! I would discourage my daughters from seeing that one if they asked me (though I wouldn't actually forbid it) and I wouldn't allow it to be shown where DS might walk in.

I wouldn't show a PG movie to kids 7, a PG-13 movie to kids under 13, or an R movie to kids under 18, without checking with the parents first. I probably woudln't have checked with parents if all the kids being invited were 13 or older and we were showing a PG-13 movie. I wouldn't even be involved much in party planning anyway. Teenagers can plan their own parties (yes, I'll buy the junk food, I'll chaperone, etc.) I might consider showing a PG-13 movie to 10yos, but I'd check with each individual parent first, and select a different movie if any parent said no.

[mar123]

My dd had a sleepover for her 11th birthday. Twilight was just out on DVD and I checked with all the parents before we even mentioned the possibility of watching it. (I didn't want one of the girls being blamed for why they couldn't watch it, yk?) All the moms said yes and thanked me for checking.

Side note: I teach high school English and asked my students whether or not I should let my 11 year old read the books (they were all the rage last year, of course.) I was really happy at the thoughtfullness they gave the question. They gave me positives and negatives, etc., not just some mindless "yes". Many of them said, "yes, but not the fourth one!" LOL

[Porcelain Interior]

[QUOTE=AbbieB;14557339]I think this statement is a bit harsh.

Not everyone will make the same decisions about what is appropriate for 10 year olds to watch, but that does not mean that those with different standards have bad judgment.

[/QUOTE

I'm not taking issue with what other parents allow their own kids to watch, not judging that at all- go to town I don't care if it's not my kid. I think it's a serious lapse in judgment to allow OTHER people's children at the age of 10 to watch a PG-13 film without asking the child's parents if it's ok. The standards aren't what I'm calling bad judgment, the bad judgment is assuming I want my 10 year old child exposed to movies beyond their age range.

I would similarly be upset if the parent had allowed cable access to the kids unsupervised. We've had this happen, but not with parental permission and that is a totally different issue- kids sneaking TV that is.

I would never show a PG-13 film to a 10 year old child in my care unless the parent had explicitly told me it was A-OK to do so. (I err on the side of caution always and am probably the lamest sleepover destination on Earth because of it.)

[1growingsprout]

Ummm I'd be a bit more than