DD saw Twilight at a sleepover. - Page 3

[yogachick79]

Just agreeing with what pretty much everyone has already said. We always ALWAYS run movie choices by parents, no matter what the kid says they've already seen, etc. Sometimes I get a "you're calling about what?" type of response, and others are really thankful. I saw pretty woman at a sleep-over when I was about 10 and yeah, um that left quite an impression with me and my mom never let me over to that house again (but there were other issues as well).

As for Twilight, at least the movie wasn't as graphic as the books. I was surprised recently when a mom of a younger girl (DD is 11.5 and her DD was not quite 10) told me that her daughter had read all of the books without her reading them first. I am ALL about letting kids read and explore, but for such a young age there is a lot of violence and in the latter ones, a LOT of sexual stuff. I guess to each their own. D won't be reading them until she's a bit older, at least the latter ones.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by sebarnes

But that's the exact point. YOU are, but not all families of 10 year olds are. It's about respecting the different standards of different families.

And I haven't the faintest clue what any rating on any movie I own is.

I think the ratings guide is a load of nonsense, and ratings are pretty randomly assigned to movies for fairly stupid reasons. Therefore, I pay no attention to them.

My kid doesn't have sleepovers (he's still pretty young), but my neighborhood does child-swapping for babysitting, so I've had neighborhood kids over to my house in the afternoon/evening. And looking over this thread . . . I've let 5 to 8-year-olds, for example, watch the Indiana Jones and Star Wars movies without ever thinking about confirming with their parents that those movies are "allowed." And I think those movies are PG or PG-13?

By 10, I was walking over to the movie store and renting my own movies (and they'd signed a form at the movie store allowing us to rent whatever we desired, ratings G->R). My parents kept a half-eye on what we rented, but I'm not even 100% they knew what was being watched at sleep overs in their own house by that point. Ironically, looking back . . . we were watching Star Wars and Indiana Jones

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by cschick

I think the ratings guide is a load of nonsense, and ratings are pretty randomly assigned to movies for fairly stupid reasons. Therefore, I pay no attention to them.

But other parents don't feel that way.

My kids are allowed to read and watch what they want, but when other people's children are over here, only G or PG movies can be on unless I talk to the other child's parents.

Besides the fact that I feel this is the only respectful way to act toward the other parent, I feel it also helps protect the other child. My kids have grown up watching things like Harry Poter, Lord of the Rings, etc. For other children who were more sheltered, a movie that is just fine for my kids right now may not be at all appropriate, and some kids have a hard time telling their friends that the would be scared and they don't want to see it.

It's really got nothing to do with the movie, it's about respecting the other child and the other parent.

BTW, the only thing I have against Twilight is that it wasn't well done. When I saw it with my DDs (the younger one was 10 at the time), I had a hard time not laughing at the bad acting.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

But other parents don't feel that way.

My kids are allowed to read and watch what they want, but when other people's children are over here, only G or PG movies can be on unless I talk to the other child's parents.

Besides the fact that I feel this is the only respectful way to act toward the other parent, I feel it also helps protect the other child. My kids have grown up watching things like Harry Poter, Lord of the Rings, etc. For other children who were more sheltered, a movie that is just fine for my kids right now may not be at all appropriate, and some kids have a hard time telling their friends that the would be scared and they don't want to see it.

The point I was making is that I haven't the faintest clue what the rating on any movie I own is. I've probably seen the movie, and have a decent idea of the level of violence and sexuality present in it, but a quick look at some of the movies I own on Amazon reveals to me that I'd be dead wrong in what I would guess was G and PG versus PG-13. (I'm pretty much right on R, though.)

Sure, I could look at the box if the kids asked . . . but it's not something I'd think about doing, and I'm even a little put-off by the idea that a couple of, say, 10-year-olds are going to be asking me if they can see something that's in our DVD library rather than just watching it. That's not the way that my house ran while I was growing up, and that's not the way I see my house running when my child is that age. The R movies are probably going to be somewhere not in the main dvd library, but I can't see making any distinction on ratings less than that.

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by cschick

And I haven't the faintest clue what any rating on any movie I own is.

I think the ratings guide is a load of nonsense, and ratings are pretty randomly assigned to movies for fairly stupid reasons. Therefore, I pay no attention to them.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

But other parents don't feel that way.
...
Besides the fact that I feel this is the only respectful way to act toward the other parent, I feel it also helps protect the other child.
...

It's really got nothing to do with the movie, it's about respecting the other child and the other parent.

Originally Posted by cschick

The point I was making is that I haven't the faintest clue what the rating on any movie I own is.

Cschick, you should consider familiarizing yourself with the ratings of your available movies if/when you have other people's kids over to watch a movie.

I think if you and I were asked to check out a list of movies to see if they're appropriate for a room of 12 year olds, we would probably come to many of the same conclusions. As far as specific content is concerned, we, all the moms here on this thread, probably have similar opinions.

But the tone of your posts is a little defiant and flip. It would make me wonder, dang! if I let me kids play at her house is she going let them watch just whatever, Journeymom be darned??

[Storm Bride]

I'd want someone to check with me before showing my 10 year old a PG-13 movie. I'd probably say "yes", because I'm pretty loose about that kind of thing, but it would depend on both the movie and the kid.

I asked all ds1's friend's parents about movies until his 14th birthday. One of the moms that I didn't know acted like I was the weirdest person in the world for checking (knowing a little more about this family now, I can understand why). I started paying more attention to the kids talking about what they watch and realized that ds1's friends all had as liberal - or more so - rules about what they could watch than I did.

DS1 is now 16. I know him and what he can handle and how he processes things, and he can watch whatever he wants. I can't vet things for him, because he's cool with stuff that turns my stomach. (For example, he loved The Watchmen. I read 11/12 of the graphic novel years ago, and have no desire to see the movie.)

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by FaithfulOne

ETA: I even asked a mom in our complex if her son could watch Jurassic Park

I would, too. Jurassic Park is pretty hardcore in places. I let my kids watch it a few months ago, and I might not have if I'd remembered a few things more clearly. However, ds2 loved it, so c'est la vie.

[Down2Earth]

Originally Posted by gillibean

I would be expected to be consulted about a PG-13 movie with my 10 year old DD. The '13' is there for a reason. That said, I have found a fair number of regular PG movies that are much more offensive to me than some of the PG-13 movies.

Was that before they came out with the PG-13 rating? I know that there are quite a few older PG movies that really should have been rated differently (because of swearing, nudity, etc.) I guess that is also something to keep in mind when letting kids watch movies.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by journeymom

But the tone of your posts is a little defiant and flip. It would make me wonder, dang! if I let me kids play at her house is she going let them watch just whatever, Journeymom be darned??

And I'd say, probably yes. I kind of follow more of the "free-range" kid theories on things. Most of my neighbors do as well. I guess that brings you to the point of "know the parents of your kid's friends". What I'm describing--kids taking whatever dvds from the available dvds and watching them--isn't just the way I grew up, it's the way I see most parents I interact with are functioning. They'll check maybe on what a parent wants a 3 or 4 year old to be watching, but they don't know what the 8 year old and his friends are watching, exactly. It's one of the "allowed" dvds, in that its allowed to be in the house and available. But it may be PG or PG-13.

[sebarnes]

Originally Posted by cschick

And I'd say, probably yes. I kind of follow more of the "free-range" kid theories on things. Most of my neighbors do as well. I guess that brings you to the point of "know the parents of your kid's friends". What I'm describing--kids taking whatever dvds from the available dvds and watching them--isn't just the way I grew up, it's the way I see most parents I interact with are functioning. They'll check maybe on what a parent wants a 3 or 4 year old to be watching, but they don't know what the 8 year old and his friends are watching, exactly. It's one of the "allowed" dvds, in that its allowed to be in the house and available. But it may be PG or PG-13.

You're right, it is necessary to know the parents. And this is why we don't let our kids go to other kids houses unsupervised unless we know the parents really well and trust them. A parent with that philosophy, who would let our kids do whatever, regardless of our wishes, would not be trusted with our kids.

[emmalizz]

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[cschick]

Originally Posted by emmalizz

That's...interesting to say the least. So you're basically going to let other people's kids do whatever and watch whatever they want, parent's rules be damned? I'm honestly surprised your kids have many friends at all with that kind of attitude. I guess you haven't informed their parents of your philosophy.

Ironically, we're considered the among the more conservative and restrictive parents in the neighborhood. We're actually fairly media-limited (in regards to this conversation), no cable, only one tv that receives over-the-air signals, one tv that only plays dvds. We don't rent dvds or use something like netflix, because I feel that a movie that has enough value to watch, is a movie that has enough value to own.

I have made all my friends/neighbors aware that I have an extremely extensive collection of children's and young adult literature, and that I will be turning a blind eye to any book that say, vanishes and returns. Their kid is more likely to find something to read that's controversial at my house, than to watch.

But, to address your specific points . . . first, do whatever. Kids playing at my house are expected to respect my house. When I found the 5-year-old from across the street and the 7-year-old from next door "playing" in my backyard by digging up my perennial garden (we are a fences-free neighborhood with common areas that run along the back of all our backyards; kids generally start running around fairly unsupervised about age 5), first, I stood over them while they replanted what they'd dug up, then they got escorted back to their mothers. They also helped me do some planting later in the summer (by order of their mothers), so they'd understand what kind of work maintaining a garden is. Likewise, when my kid ignored all of us saying stop and tramped through the back door of my neighbor's house and onto her rug with his muddy shoes, he learned the fine art of cleaning up mud.

But yes, generally within what I consider kid's toys, kid's projects, and kid's things within my house, they are allowed to "do whatever." They just need to clean up afterward.

To tell you the truth, if some parent I didn't know all that well was dropping off his or her kid and started quizzing me, say, on what movies we were planning to watch, I'd be more likely to simply declare all tv-watching off limits than try to apply some arbitrary standard to what they can watch. And like my parents did, probably quietly move that child to the "do not invite" list for the future.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by cschick

What I'm describing--kids taking whatever dvds from the available dvds and watching them--isn't just the way I grew up, it's the way I see most parents I interact with are functioning. They'll check maybe on what a parent wants a 3 or 4 year old to be watching, but they don't know what the 8 year old and his friends are watching, exactly.

What I see is parents keeping an eye on what their kids do. The kids put movies in without checking with their parents, but the parents check on the kids and know what they are watching and have veto power. If parents don't know what their child is watching, they aren't putting enough effort into parenting.

I don't censor my kids at all, but I know what they watch and what they read. My kids have more freedom than any kid I know in real life, which is part of the reason that I'm very careful with other people's kids.

Most parents I know also keep an eye on what their kids are doing on-line. I also talk to parents about what web sites their kids are allowed to visit.

Only the parents who really don't spend any time with their kids skip this stuff. If you aren't talking to your kids about what they watch, read, play, etc., then you are skipping not only part of your responsibility, but part of connecting with your kids.

If you continue doing what you are doing, eventually your kids will end up with a friend who isn't allowed to play at your house. It's only a matter of time. Then your child will be sad. Your *free range* style ends where other parents get to make decisions, so unless you respect their choices, your kids pay the price.

BTW, the rating for movies is on the back of the box. If you have bootleg copy, you can look it up on-line. It's not that hard.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

If you continue doing what you are doing, eventually your kids will end up with a friend who isn't allowed to play at your house. It's only a matter of time. Then your child will be sad. Your *free range* style ends where other parents get to make decisions, so unless you respect their choices, your kids pay the price.

Or my kids will end up with friends who they aren't allowed to invite to my house, which I find to be more likely.

I had several friends who I wasn't allowed to invite to my house while I was growing up, because they had more restrictive rules than we did, and my parents didn't want to deal with the grief if the kid went home and reported to their parents that they'd been allowed to do, watch, or read something my parents didn't know they weren't allowed to do, watch, or read. Because even if you enforce the rules you know about, you find that there's some other rule you didn't know about on something you never even thought might be an issue.

It was vaguely annoying at the time, but looking back at those friendships . . . none of them were really worth it anyhow. I've even recently found some of those girls on facebook, and it kind of shocks me that maturity-wise, they seem to be at least a decade behind me.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

Only the parents who really don't spend any time with their kids skip this stuff. If you aren't talking to your kids about what they watch, read, play, etc., then you are skipping not only part of your responsibility, but part of connecting with your kids.

I think there also comes a point where talking about everything they read or watch becomes impractical and limiting, though.

In 5th grade, I participated in a reading contest. In 6 weeks, I read 7,500 pages. That's an average of about 240 pages a day (for me, about 2.5 hours of reading). As a gifted kid and speed reader who was mis-tracked in a public school system (something my parents had spent almost two years struggling to have corrected), I had the time to read 240 pages a day. As a teacher herself, my mom didn't have time to keep up with me reading 240 pages a day--that simply would have been impractical. I knew that she was there if I needed or wanted to talk about something I'd read, but reading my way through entertainment literature (for example, one of the things I read through during those 6 weeks was the entire Xanth series as published to that point, which I believe was 9 books) I'm not sure there was a whole heck for me to want to talk about. If my mom had tried to limit me to reading what she'd pre-approved (especially during those years), I probably would have gone bonkers.

[darcytrue]

At 10 yrs old, if it is a PG-13 then I think its very inappropriate for a parent not to at least "mention" the movie may be watched while your child is in their home. You're not a prude...you're a parent. Bottom line - this is your child.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

Jurassic Park is pretty hardcore in places. I let my kids watch it a few months ago, and I might not have if I'd remembered a few things more clearly. However, ds2 loved it, so c'est la vie.

My now 14 yr old DS watched this at 4 yrs old the first time. It didn't bother him in the least. He also has always loved scary movies, ever since he was young. They don't affect him. BUT I am his parent and as his parent I make the choice of whether or not he viewed them at what ever age.

[amydidit]

I guess I'm an odd one out, but I have no problem with that. By age 8 I would expect children to be able to speak up if something is going to be shown that their parents wouldn't be comfortable with. And older than 10 or 11 then there aren't many movies I would stop my DD from watching anyway. As long as they weren't showing porn. I trust DD's judgment when it comes to movies.

[bobandjess99]

I would turn it around and say that if you are concerned, it is something YOU should have mentioned. Especially if you know your beliefs/restrictions are probably on the stricter side.
If you were truly concerned about something, I guess I'd expect you to mention it to me..like if your kid had a food allergy or religious restriction to something, etc - something that woudl affect/be an issue at a sleepover.
I think it's naive to assume other families even THINK about stuff like restricting tv. I don't think it's probably so much of a situation where the mom thought it through and was like "my 10 yr old can see this, so these other 10 yr olds probably can too" but more a situation where limiting viewing choices just dosn't even enter many people's minds.
Just because it's important to you doesn't mean it's even on another parents radar.
And that doesn't necesarily make them a bad parent.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by cschick

Or my kids will end up with friends who they aren't allowed to invite to my house, which I find to be more likely.

How does that fit into "free range parenting"?

I really cannot imagine telling my kids who they can and cannot have over based on being too lazy to read the back of a DVD box.

Originally Posted by cschick

I think there also comes a point where talking about everything they read or watch becomes impractical and limiting, though.

I have two kids -- ages 11 and 13. Both are avid readers. I cannot keep up with everything they read. I read part of what they read and I stay in the loop.

There's a difference between being controling and being clueless.