DD saw Twilight at a sleepover. - Page 5

[cschick]

Originally Posted by buttercup784ever

But I think the different philosophical ideas we hold are clearly spelled out in each of our posts. Would I call a child coming over to my house past the age of 4 a playdate? No. Kids come and go around here. It's not scheduled, I don't plan activities for them before hand. The kids decide what they want to do, and they do it. Nobody's been maimed yet!

Same here. I can't see calling 8-year-olds playing together a playdate.

I can't see _organizing_ a playdate for 8-year-olds. The 8-year-olds in our neighborhood generally tell their mothers whose house they'll be in, tell their mothers when they switch houses. People do call, or shout across the street, if they need to run to the store or something and a younger kid not-theirs is going to go with them.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by buttercup784ever

But I think the different philosophical ideas we hold are clearly spelled out in each of our posts. Would I call a child coming over to my house past the age of 4 a playdate? No. Kids come and go around here. It's not scheduled, I don't plan activities for them before hand. The kids decide what they want to do, and they do it. Nobody's been maimed yet!

FTR, I despise the word "playdate", and my dd handles her own social schedule (although she depends on us for rides). I just don't know what else to call it when dd spends a couple hours at another child's home. Is there another single word for that?

I definitely disagree that a child being too young to know exactly what they can or can not handle is too young to be out without a parent. I don't send her to unsupervised homes, after all. Most of the kids I host in my home need plenty of supervision!

As for calling all the parents, if it is a question, I'd err on the side of caution and not get a PG13 movie for the 10 and under set. Then no phone call is necessary.

I guess we'll cross the 12 yo bridge when we come to it....

[buttercup784ever]

Ah, but I think there is a difference between supervising and interfering. And since you place rules on the parents' that watch your child, it seems you don't trust their supervision. I really feel that by doing so, you are trying to replace someone else's judgement with your own.

In fact, I have to disagree that as a parent you are more aware of what your child can handle. I know I'm shocked all the time by the way my kids react to the world. Usually it's when they are with someone else who exposes them to something I wouldn't have thought they were ready for, like Thai food or an upside down roller coaster. Sometimes WE are the ones that aren't ready, and the only way for some of us to get out of that rut is allow them to go out and experience how other people do things.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by buttercup784ever

Ah, but I think there is a difference between supervising and interfering. And since you place rules on the parents' that watch your child, it seems you don't trust their supervision. I really feel that by doing so, you are trying to replace someone else's judgement with your own.

In fact, I have to disagree that as a parent you are more aware of what your child can handle. I know I'm shocked all the time by the way my kids react to the world. Usually it's when they are with someone else who exposes them to something I wouldn't have thought they were ready for, like Thai food or an upside down roller coaster. Sometimes WE are the ones that aren't ready, and the only way for some of us to get out of that rut is allow them to go out and experience how other people do things.

Well, like I said, you are doing the other parents a favor by not inviting their kids over

And, no, I don't trust the supervision or judgment of someone who doesn't even bother to check the ratings of movies before showing them to young guests

[cschick]

Originally Posted by sunnmama

Well, like I said, you are doing the other parents a favor by not inviting their kids over

And, no, I don't trust the supervision or judgment of someone who doesn't even bother to check the ratings of movies before showing them to young guests

And I don't necessarily trust the judgment of someone who puts any sort of reliance into something I believe to be a very flawed system that says very little about the content of any movie.

Then again, I can name some G-rated movies I would not personally choose to bring into my house, because the messages in those movies disturb me. But if my child expresses a desire to watch those movies though we will probably get them for him to see; or if he tells me that he's seen them elsewhere, then we may discuss them.

[buttercup784ever]

While I was in the shower I thought of a good example. Let's say you have a child over to play, and the kids decide they want to bake brownies. (Assume no allergies, if a parent doesn't disclose allergies that's a whole different story.) I would "supervise" them, by helping them put things in and out of the oven, being available for help with ingredients or directions, etc. I would not call the other parent to see if this activity was ok.

After they finish it's close to dinner time and the other child is going home. Using my better judgement, I'd let them have a small taste of the brownie and send them home with some for after dinner. Maybe your child isn't allowed to eat anything before dinner. I would not call to ask permission, but if the child said "no, I'm not allowed" I'd let the child do whatever is comfortable for him/her.

There are about a million things that some people (especially here on mothering) would find offensive. The use of packaged brownies, the fact that their child is eating gluten, chocolate, eggs, etc., the fact that they ate something like that before dinner, whatever. But this is a perfectly acceptable activity at my house that doesn't affect the safety or long-term well being of the children. There is just no way to know what some people will find offensive.

I'd also like to add that there are G rated movies that my extended family won't let their children watch because they offend them. Anything with magic is a big no-no. How would you feel if someone questioned your judgement because you let the kids watch Dragontales or Teletubbies?

[AbbieB]

Originally Posted by buttercup784ever

In fact, I have to disagree that as a parent you are more aware of what your child can handle. I know I'm shocked all the time by the way my kids react to the world. Usually it's when they are with someone else who exposes them to something I wouldn't have thought they were ready for, like Thai food or an upside down roller coaster. Sometimes WE are the ones that aren't ready, and the only way for some of us to get out of that rut is allow them to go out and experience how other people do things.

buttercup784ever I am right there with you in all of your posts.

to the above.

[maggiemae]

I thought I might add something more appalling than a Twilight viewing for a ten year old girl. My husband took my two and four year old sons to see Snakes on Plane when it first came out! I have no idea what made him do it to this day.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by buttercup784ever

I'd also like to add that there are G rated movies that my extended family won't let their children watch because they offend them. Anything with magic is a big no-no. How would you feel if someone questioned your judgement because you let the kids watch Dragontales or Teletubbies?

Talking about magic . . . someone earlier in this thread offered the Harry Potter movies as movies that parents "should" get permission to show to guests.

The HP movies aren't all PG-13.

[buttercup784ever]

Originally Posted by maggiemae

I thought I might add something more appalling than a Twilight viewing for a ten year old girl. My husband took my two and four year old sons to see Snakes on Plane when it first came out! I have no idea what made him do it to this day.

OMG

Sounds like something my mom would do. How did the kids like it? I thought the plot of that movie was pretty much geared toward their age group.

[tanyam926]

There have been a lot of good points made on this thread, on both sides of the issue.

I tend to be pretty lax about what my kids watch but if we have friends over I will make sure to ask ahead of time about what movies we watch just in case. I don't want to be deemed irresponsible and blacklisted by my friends.

I would still trust a parent who had a more lax parenting style than mine unless there were major safety issues involved. I don't think any kid will be traumatized for life by watching a PG-13 movie.

If one of my kid's friends had tons of rules we had to follow when they came over to my house they probably wouldn't be invited over anymore. It's just not worth the hassle to me and it wouldn't be fun to always be worried about the parents getting mad at me for one thing or another.

[Marcee]

My friends mom took us to see Nightmare on Elm Street when we were in the 3rd grade. My mom was hot! But a few years later she had no room to talk because she rented Children of the Corn for a sleepover. She did not look at the cover or the rating just assumed that it was a kids movie because it had the word children in it.

[SAHDS]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

I would turn it around and say that if you are concerned, it is something YOU should have mentioned. Especially if you know your beliefs/restrictions are probably on the stricter side.
If you were truly concerned about something, I guess I'd expect you to mention it to me..like if your kid had a food allergy or religious restriction to something, etc - something that woudl affect/be an issue at a sleepover.
I think it's naive to assume other families even THINK about stuff like restricting tv. I don't think it's probably so much of a situation where the mom thought it through and was like "my 10 yr old can see this, so these other 10 yr olds probably can too" but more a situation where limiting viewing choices just dosn't even enter many people's minds.
Just because it's important to you doesn't mean it's even on another parents radar.
And that doesn't necesarily make them a bad parent.

I agree with the latter, but it is ridiculous to say I should mention every single little thing I do not agree with on the off-chance my child may be subjected to it. I mean, do I ask about weapons and pets - of course! But I'm not going to make a laundry lists of common-sense dos and donts. I guess, imo, mature media would be a common sense thing. I guess, in this situation, I was wrong.

And, add me to the list of children that were able to watch anything and everything. My mom watched A Clockwork Orange with me when I was 7 (or was I 8...?). Maybe that experience (amongst the MANY others from my childhood) has made me a bit more wary.

Also, it wasn't the rating that set me off, that is a guideline. It's just that I have read the books (while the mom showing the movie had not and had absolutely nothing to go off of in her decision) and I know what happens in them and how Hollywood loves to take that further and push the bar. If my child is going to see, hear or learn something, I'd like to know. I don't see that as unreasonable, I see that as responsible.

Again, thanks for all of the replies. Very interesting!

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by SAHDS

I mean, do I ask about weapons and pets - of course! But I'm not going to make a laundry lists of common-sense dos and donts.

I agree. I think the only real point one can debate is whether or not it is common-sense that some parents don't feel that PG-13 movies are appropriate for 10 year olds.

I'm fuzzy on how it is possible, since by definition the movies are questionable for kids under 13, that anyone can fail to understand that some families prefer that their ten year olds not see them, or only see certain ones. It just seems like common sense that some families would put some thought into PG-13 movies and kids under 13.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

It just seems like common sense that some families would put some thought into PG-13 movies and kids under 13.

I agree! Especially when showing them to other people's kids.

The PG13 doesn't stand in place of my own good judgment, but it is a useful tool nonetheless.

[buttercup784ever]

Originally Posted by SAHDS

Also, it wasn't the rating that set me off, that is a guideline. It's just that I have read the books (while the mom showing the movie had not and had absolutely nothing to go off of in her decision) and I know what happens in them and how Hollywood loves to take that further and push the bar. If my child is going to see, hear or learn something, I'd like to know. I don't see that as unreasonable, I see that as responsible.

I read the books too, and I saw the movie. I think, just like Snakes on a Plane, they are geared toward the preschool to tween age group. I'm wondering if at 13, would the same parents think it's OK for the kids to watch the PG-13 movie?

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by buttercup784ever

I'm wondering if at 13, would the same parents think it's OK for the kids to watch the PG-13 movie?

I wouldn't expect anyone to check with me before showing a PG 13 movie to my 13 yo.

I might or might not be ok with my 10 yo seeing a PG13 movie (my 8 yo has seen some), but I would appreciate checking with me first so I can decide.

[pigpokey]

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior

I would have been upset if a parent had shown my 10 yo child Twilight. I think the movie ratings are a good way to guide choices (they are sometimes quite off, but a good stepping off point hello PG-13!~)

I have not seen the movie, or read every response, but given MDC opinion that there's not much sex or violence in it, I suspect they carefully edited the movie to *avoid* a PG rating. Your greater underage movie going public is not going to flock to a PG movie the way they will to a PG-13 movie. Of course they can't get into an R movie ... so PG-13 has become a very coveted rating.

However, I absolutely think the parents should be consulted.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by pigpokey

I have not seen the movie, or read every response, but given MDC opinion that there's not much sex or violence in it, I suspect they carefully edited the movie to *avoid* a PG rating. Your greater underage movie going public is not going to flock to a PG movie the way they will to a PG-13 movie. Of course they can't get into an R movie ... so PG-13 has become a very coveted rating.

However, I absolutely think the parents should be consulted.

That's interesting...

I wonder if there was any difference in the demand for the Harry Potter movies, since some were PG and some PG13?

I just saw Twilight, and agree that both the violence and the sex are mild, but the subject matter is still lust--blood lust for the vampire, carnal lust of the girl. A lot of long, lustful gazing and heavy-breathing scenes. I've got nothing against lust in movies (I kind of like it, lol!), but I'd feel icky watching it with my prepubescent child (had to make a decision, because she was recently invited to a New Moon party). The subject matter feels very teen+ to me. YMMV, of course!

[Mountaingirl79]

It's so weird that I saw Dirty Dancing for the first time at a sleepover too!!!!!
Small world. I was 9, and I remember telling my parents the next day because I knew it was inappropriate for me to see, and I felt guilty.

My son's will likely not want to watch Twilight any time soon but I am protective of what they see as well. I don't want them to see PG-13 movies without me. I want to be there to answer any questions/ explain things to them.