Please help me with hair washing

[windorabug]

Hello, my dd will be 3 in just a couple of weeks & really really hates having her hair washed - In fact it's almost as if she is terrified of it.
Normally I just don't wash her hair, I let her get it wet if she is up to it & leave it at that.
Today, however, I went to get my hair cut & she came with me (I am a single mom she goes with me most every place) & she put a whole lot of hair product in her hair and I mean A LOT!. (I did tell her while she was doing it that I was going to have to wash her hair when we got home)
So when we get home after lunch I said ok lets go wash your hair, she runs and hides - no big deal. I coax her out & get her in the tub (maybe 3 inches of water in there no soap), I take suggestions - how would you feel safest when I get your hair wet? With the shower or lying down, would you like to do it? Nothing so I said ok mama is going to chose, can you lay down please - nope, I gently sit her down & she is screaming - I am getting frustrated & use a little more force to get her to at least sit down now she is really screaming so I said ok lets try the shower, no way she is trying to run away & is screaming like I am drowning her. I used way to much force to make her stand still while I washed her hair out, all the while she is screaming and crying and trying to get away from the water.
I am sick about this as I feel like I completely humiliated her,scared her & overpowered her - took away her power & dignity.
I held her for a long time afterward while she cried then I let her put some conditioner in & we had a little nurse.
She is napping now & I am crying, I feel like I have lost a little more of her trust.
Please let me know how I could have handled this differently.

[amberskyfire]

My daughter is also afraid of having her hair rinsed. Not so much washed. She doesn't mind that. She just hates having it rinsed.

Have you tried one of those bath visors? You put it on their head and you can wash their hair and water won't run into their eyes.

Sometimes my daughter is okay with me sponging her hair. I take a big sponge or a wet hairbrush and run it over her hair again and again until it is all wet. Then I shampoo and take the damp sponge or wet brush and run it through her hair until it is all rinsed again.

Other times, when she is being really difficult, I do what I call the "let it rinse itself" method. I take a shower with her and stand over her while she plays on the shower floor with her bath toys. The water spraying off of me gets her hair damp and then I use a no-tears shampoo (Burt's Bees) to wash. I continue my shower and the mist and sprinkling coming off of me rinses her hair after a while. She doesn't even seem to notice.

[luv-my-boys]

we have used one of those visors (until it was too small) and then we actually found a child friendly shower hose attachment. DS will gladly let me soap it up but its the rinsing that is the issue in our house. So I let him either use the attachment or use a really large stadium type cup to pour water over his head. I found that giving him the power to say *when* was much easier than him anticipating me doing it.

[Anastasiya]

We played "hair salon" occasionally and dd would lie on her back on the countertop and I'd use the sprayer hose (on very gentle) to rinse her hair out.

Sometimes the fear comes not from the hair actually getting wet, but the water pouring over the face. My kids can tend to panic thinking that water over the face = can't breathe.

[JL83]

I think lying down freaks them out. My DD is a water bug (we go swimming weekly and she showers with us every second day). But she can't stand lying down to have her hair wash.

We give her a washcloth rolled up that she holds over her eyes (or we hold over her eyes) and then either I or she uses a jug to dump water over her head. We get it pretty rinsed and then at the end of the bath we do a couple jugs of clean water once the bath is drained. (She also has a yeast issue so we have to make sure we get all the soap off her).

[ssh]

My DD doesn't like her hair washed so we usually don't unless she gets something really weird in it. Combing her hair back and then using a wet wash cloth to wash her hair off (making sure there's no water dripping into her face) works best. I can even rub some organic lavender soap in it with a wash rag too. She will rinse her own hair in the shower. There are just some things that have to be washed out of hair (like chocolate ice cream).

[provocativa]

my mom did the play salon thing with us when we were little, in the kitchen sink. but my youngest is so wild i haven't taken her to the salon to watch g'ma get her hair done, so she doesn't have a salon fetish, so that won't work. i don't wash my kids hair. i do an oil cleansing method- i massage coconut oil into their scalps, and let it sit for awhile. then i comb or brush the sebum - sandbox buildup off their scalp. it looks gross with greasy dandruff in their hair. . . . but then they take a warm shower or bath and the sebum rinses off. their hair comes out a bit greasy for the first day if the rinsing isn't complete- by the second day it looks gorgeous. we use old pillow cases on these days. i would use olive oil, but i have blondies and it can turn their hair green. it seems weird, but it works on the principle of solubility- the oil on the scalp seems soluble in the coconut oil, so it really loosens up the gunk.

[IntrovertExtrovert]

We tried a number of different things, and the only thing that has worked consistently so far is for my husband or me to get into the tub with my son. He sits leaning back against my stomach. I roll up a big washcloth so that it's like a 80's style sweatband and hold it against his forehead. Then I pour water over his hair. The washcloth keeps it from getting on his face. Shampoo and then rinse with the washcloth on his forehead again. I make sure that the washcloth is well wrung-out before putting it on his head.

I have not yet figured out a way to wash his hair and keep the water out of his face while outside the tub, but I would like to stop bathing with him soon-ish.

[windorabug]

Thank you all for your suggestions - they are great!
Also thank you for being kind & not judging me - just giving suggestions - that was most welcome as I was/am feeling pretty bad about the whole experience (not to mention our whole day yesterday)
Jen

[justKate]

Originally Posted by windorabug

Thank you all for your suggestions - they are great!
Also thank you for being kind & not judging me - just giving suggestions - that was most welcome as I was/am feeling pretty bad about the whole experience (not to mention our whole day yesterday)
Jen

I hope it gets better for you. It does feel awful doing things they really don't want to do.

I had this issue when I was a kid--I HATED the water in my eyes and ears. We had one of those visors that went all the way around my head, then my mom let me hold a dry washrag over my eyes and ears while she poured the water over my head with a cup. I was a weird kid but this worked for me....

[columbusmomma]

I was thinking about getting this for DD: www.lilrinser.com
She hates having her hair washed. Sometimes I can telly her silly stories and she laughs and seems to forget what I'm doing. Right now I hold her in my arms and we wash under the bathroom sink faucet. We haven't found any good solution though! She pretty much cries everytime.

[nikkinicole]

I have nieces who I am so close with they're almost like my kids and I used to do the kitchen counter thing with them when they were littler (they're 6 and 9 now). I'd get 2 big bath towels and fold them in half twice so they were long rectangles- this would form a nice cushion for them to lie down on. Then they'd lie down so their necks were resting on the edge of the sink and their heads were in the bowl and we'd use the hose- a light wram spray, nothing too crazy. I gave them a dry washcloth to hold over their faces the first time but they soon saw they didn't need it-- it was very easy to keep the water off their forehead and face. Neither of them freaked out when having their hair washed before though, so I have no idea if this will help you. However, my nieces loved it so much that they started to request it at home. Good luck! I'm rooting for you : )

[AileenM]

We had this same problem for a long time, until I started taking regular showers with DD. She thinks it's hilarious to get her bum wet, so she'll do a little dance with her bum in the shower, so I'll say "OK, would you like to get your hair wet, or would you like to do it?" She'll put a TINY section of her head in the water, so I'll say "You need to get more hair in there, or Mommy will help you do it." And pretty much at that point, she'll get it all wet. I'll wash it then, with a TINY amount of Burt's Bees (so it's easier to rinse). Then I'll ask her if she wants to rinse it or if she wants me to help. If she isn't quite getting it, I will sort of wash her hair under the water gently with my fingertips, so I'm not scaring her by pushing her head around. I think she really likes to feel in control, and that helps her not to be so frightened. It took us a few tries to do it this way, but eventually it worked out just fine. Good luck!!