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What is the worst/dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you about parenting stuff? IV - Page 4

post #61 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by bandgeek View Post
I had to take DD to children's the other day to get her feeding tube changed out. She has a J tube so they have to do it in radiology. I was sitting there waiting and her nurse was suctioning her and this lady sitting across from us said, "They've been feeding her formula haven't they?"

I was like "whaaaat?" What the hell does formula have to do with my child's medical condition? I'm not loving formula...I'm a total bf'ing supporter, and I do recognize there are risks to formula feeding. But uh...formula doesn't cause CP, feeding disorders, dysphagia, ect.

I explained that DD wasn't on ANYTHING because her gut stopped working and we were changing out her tube as a last resort and then she goes on to tell me that her DD has CP and she's 22 and blah, blah, blah. Ok so wouldn't she recognize that my DD had similar issues and formula isn't the cause? Or maybe she just thought milk=mucous production, but not all formula has milk in it.

Then she starts telling me that I should be glad she still so small and not to look forward to when she's bigger because they are so hard to move around and I should be doing this, this, and this in the future to keep her healthy.

HELLO!? Do you not see my child in respiratory distress and a non-functioning gut!? I'm just trying to get her through the day alive...I don't think I have to worry about those things! I know there are different severities of CP and maybe she didn't realize my DD is quite severe and her predicted lifespan is not very long...still I TOLD her that her gut stopped functioning...you'd think she'd get the hint that the only plans I'm worried about are whether or not to put in a line or let her starve to death (neither a long-term option, but whatever).

Probably a rant best saved for the SN board, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to put it here. Lesson: Even if you think you know about someone's condition...you probably don't. Don't assume and make comments. I've got a child possibly going to hospice in the next few weeks. Her formula has nothing to do with it.
So sorry, mama. People truly need to keep their comments to themselves, especially when the person they are commenting to is under that much stress already.

post #62 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by Down2Earth View Post
Here's a really good one from my step-mom.

We distantly know a woman who was just arrested for murdering (suffocating) her baby. Two years ago everyone thought it was SIDS. So, I was saying how I couldn't ever imagine doing anything so horrible to my DD and that I couldn't wrap my head around the idea. It was just so foreign to me! My step-mom then says:

"If you ever feel like killing DD, bring her over here. We'll take her."



I just stared at her speechless with my mouth gaping open. I don't know how many ways I can say I don't want to murder my child.
I don't know your step-mother, so I can't really know how this comment came out on her part, BUT....

I had an extremely high needs baby, and there are times when you find yourself bouncing a little too hard, rocking a little too fast, starting to panic because you feel like you're losing control. I am in NO WAY saying that murdering your child is a right thing to do, but I would be very glad to know that there was a loving family member that I could trust to take my baby if I felt like I couldn't handle it anymore, and that they wouldn't pass judgment on me for losing it and needing that kind of help.

I really hope that's what your step-mom was getting at.
post #63 of 201
My neighbor has told me how she locks her toddler in her room to let her scream herself to sleep, and I frequently have to listen to this for 40+ min while I'm putting DD down at night (their nursery shares a wall with our bedroom).

Then she tells me yesterday that her crawling baby is such a nuisance that she has to close her into a room ALONE to get anything done. Do people really do that?
post #64 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by bandgeek View Post

Probably a rant best saved for the SN board, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to put it here. Lesson: Even if you think you know about someone's condition...you probably don't. Don't assume and make comments. I've got a child possibly going to hospice in the next few weeks. Her formula has nothing to do with it.
I am so, so sorry mama.
post #65 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by SactoMommy View Post
I don't know your step-mother, so I can't really know how this comment came out on her part, BUT....

I had an extremely high needs baby, and there are times when you find yourself bouncing a little too hard, rocking a little too fast, starting to panic because you feel like you're losing control. I am in NO WAY saying that murdering your child is a right thing to do, but I would be very glad to know that there was a loving family member that I could trust to take my baby if I felt like I couldn't handle it anymore, and that they wouldn't pass judgment on me for losing it and needing that kind of help.

I really hope that's what your step-mom was getting at.
I was kind of thinking the same thing. My mom told me that if you ever feel so stressed out that you start losing your mind...call someone to come hold the baby. Last resort: Set them down, even if they are crying, and step outside for a few minutes. Better a crying baby than one you hurt, even if it was completely unintentional. Women do get severe PPD. And I'm sure the women who did do something they regret, didn't think it would happen to them. Knowing you have someone to go to isn't the worst thing in the world. Maybe it wasn't the most tactful way of saying it, but I'm sure she meant it in a good way.
post #66 of 201
I'm sorry, Shauna.
post #67 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by bandgeek View Post
I know there are different severities of CP and maybe she didn't realize my DD is quite severe and her predicted lifespan is not very long...
Hi mama.
I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that happened to you. My uncle has very severe CP and my grandmother was given much the same prognosis you were when he was born in the 50's. He wasn't supposed to make it to 3 or 4, then they said he wouldn't make it to 10, 20, 25, 35, 40... in July we celebrated his 52nd birthday!
couldn't read and not comment, hope you're not offended by this.
post #68 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by MadiMamacita View Post
Hi mama.
I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that happened to you. My uncle has very severe CP and my grandmother was given much the same prognosis you were when he was born in the 50's. He wasn't supposed to make it to 3 or 4, then they said he wouldn't make it to 10, 20, 25, 35, 40... in July we celebrated his 52nd birthday!
couldn't read and not comment, hope you're not offended by this.
Not offended, but it still just shows the differences in everyone's perspectives of the condition. Someone like my DD simply CAN'T live that long. It just doesn't happen. He's probably not nearly as severe as they thought he was (quadriplegia doesn't necessarily mean severe), which wasn't nearly as severe as DD. If he'd been like DD, born in the 50's, he wouldn't have lived, period. Not without the technology we have to day. He would have never come home from the hospital. There's a difference between just not being able to walk or talk to every single bodily function shutting down because of the damage to your brain and body. Someone with basic autonomic function and no mobility can live a very long time. Lack autonomic function, with or without mobility and you cannot. I've had many people tell me that so and so wasn't expected to live and did. But I've never met (nor have any of her doctors) a child as bad as my DD. She baffles them. We even did genetic testing to see if there was something else going on and there's not. She's just an example of how bad CP can actually get.

Didn't mean to get off-topic. And didn't mean to become a downer. I've grieved already and don't expect sympathy, but always get it. My perspective has been skewed some. Lots of people feel so bad for my situation and it's really not that bad. DD is who she is and we've come to terms with it. I guess I shared the story so people would maybe learn from it.
post #69 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by bandgeek View Post
I was kind of thinking the same thing. My mom told me that if you ever feel so stressed out that you start losing your mind...call someone to come hold the baby. Last resort: Set them down, even if they are crying, and step outside for a few minutes. Better a crying baby than one you hurt, even if it was completely unintentional. Women do get severe PPD. And I'm sure the women who did do something they regret, didn't think it would happen to them. Knowing you have someone to go to isn't the worst thing in the world. Maybe it wasn't the most tactful way of saying it, but I'm sure she meant it in a good way.
My daughter was 10 mo at the time, my DH works at home, and I rarely see my step-mom. It was still really very hurtful.
post #70 of 201
Nice lady at our church said, you have to start giving her rice cereal so she will sleep. I told her my EBF daughter was already sleeping through the night (6 hrs). Her response:

Maybe your dh is slipping the cereal into the lik without you knowing it.

Images of my dh trying to inject my boobs w/ cereal while I was sleeping made me laugh,
post #71 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by anj_rn View Post
Images of my dh trying to inject my boobs w/ cereal while I was sleeping made me laugh,
Ha! Love it.
post #72 of 201
I was talking to a "friend" today and she asked if I was putting DD in daycare. I said no, I stay home so there would be no point (this is not the first time she's asked). Her reply: Why did you even bother with college then? Yeah b/c the year I taught before I had kids and the 10-15 years I will teach after the youngest in kindergarten don't warrant a college degree.
post #73 of 201
I was told i am making my toddler (not yet 2) nervous because I won't let him wander in and out of the house by himself unsupervised. He should be able to roam into the yard/street on his own without me around.

I asked how her son survived past infancy with that sort of mindset.
post #74 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapientia View Post
I was told i am making my toddler (not yet 2) nervous because I won't let him wander in and out of the house by himself unsupervised. He should be able to roam into the yard/street on his own without me around.

I asked how her son survived past infancy with that sort of mindset.
Yeah! Why are you all up in his grill? He has things he wants to do without your constant hovering!
post #75 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal_R View Post
I was talking to a "friend" today and she asked if I was putting DD in daycare. I said no, I stay home so there would be no point (this is not the first time she's asked). Her reply: Why did you even bother with college then? Yeah b/c the year I taught before I had kids and the 10-15 years I will teach after the youngest in kindergarten don't warrant a college degree.
Nevermind the fact that you may have wanted to go to college to get, ya know, an education and not just a job.
post #76 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapientia View Post
I was told i am making my toddler (not yet 2) nervous because I won't let him wander in and out of the house by himself unsupervised. He should be able to roam into the yard/street on his own without me around.

I asked how her son survived past infancy with that sort of mindset.
Actually, my DH's family was like this. HOWEVER, they lived on several acres of property and were surrounded by mostly family. It was a pretty good ways to the nearest road and it wasn't ever that busy (it wasn't a main road by any stretch) So yeah...it worked for them. There's still family living out there and they told me that when DS gets older to just bring him out and "let him roam"
post #77 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapientia View Post
I was told i am making my toddler (not yet 2) nervous because I won't let him wander in and out of the house by himself unsupervised. He should be able to roam into the yard/street on his own without me around.

I asked how her son survived past infancy with that sort of mindset.
This is the neighbor family (actually ALL the neighbors, but they are the only ones with littles). Yesterday, I realized I was the only one watching her 9mo who was about to eat some leaves on their front lawn.
post #78 of 201
We live out in the country but there is still a very busy road right out by our yard-people drive like maniacs...and not to mention this is FL so every durn thing that crawls or grows is poisonous. After she said that to me and my instant retort about her son I told her: Um, nah, think I'll keep an eye on my very busy little guy. Even my girls were shocked.
post #79 of 201
At the last Car Seat Clinic I was at another CPST approached me and said out of the blue, "Are you still feeding him?"
I must have stared at her dumbstuck, because she went on to clarify, "You know, the little one."
That's when I realized she meant BREASTfeeding.
why yes I am
post #80 of 201
When my DS was about 1 my GMIL argued with me for about 10 minutes because she was looking at clothes for him for his 1st birthday, she asked what size he wore I said 18 or 24 months (he was a chunker). She told me that's not possible, he's a year old he HAS to wear 12 months, 18 months just WILL NOT fit until 18 months no matter what size the kid is.

So for his bday she bought him a ton of 12 months clothes...and nothing fit...
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