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I am furious... what would you have done? UPDATE IN OP

post #1 of 235
Thread Starter 
so today i invited some friends plus children round in the afternoon. all same age as DS ( 2 1/2) apart from one little sister, nearly one.
the mum of the two girls with the one year old had to go back to work and her partner works shifts so they can share the childcare, so he came round with the kids.
DS was very tired (not making excuses but never helps) and was being very possessive over his toys, especially the ones the one year old was playing with... she had a hairbrush and he tried taking it off her saying "mine" so i encouraged him to play with something else and let the baby have a go.
i was then in the kitchen making some cups of tea when i heard the dad say "NO you DONT hit!" in quite a stern voice. i turned round, as the baby girl wasnt crying and he had already given ds a verbal telling off i left it at that, just saying that i dont know where ds has got the hitting from. (he hit her on the head with the brush) i didnt see what happened so going by what the dad said.
later:
i am in the kitchen, putting stuff away after drinking the tea or something, mhy back is turned again. next thing i know, DS and baby girl (M) are screaming, crying their eyes out. i go in, confused, thinking ds hurt himself or something. the dad looks at me and *shouts* William just hit M over the head and it WASNT an ACCIDENT!!" I take a second to realize whats going on, M is sat next to her dad crying, DS over a metre away on the floor crying. i just *know* that the dad pushed him over/away.
i take ds upstairs, angry and upset at what has happened, take a few minutes to calm us both down, tell william that we must not hit, its not nice and hurts. i ask him to come back down with me to give M a kiss ot say sorry (he cant *say* sorry yet) so i go back down, the dad is stood holding M, i walk over with DS, lift him up and say give M a kiss then. William looks across but the dad doesnt make any effort to lower M so that DS could say sorry, apart from kissing her bum / legs. he looks away after a while and buries his head in my shoulders and starts crying again, so i take him upstairs and say "lets get you to sleep" as i am upstairs i hear them talking downstiars and then leaving, the two mums calling bye but the dad saying nothing.
i had to leave the room or i would have snapped at the dad.
i have asked one of the mums whether the dad did push ds and that was confirmed.
this guy is a police officer, a head taller than me so about 190cm and quite strong so a slight push, that doesnt seem to take much effort is quite a lot for a 28lb boy. plus i thought he should be able to control himself better, and telling a kid not to hit while pushing him over isnt sending the right message either. i have sent the mum of the baby a text asking her to call me back because i want to talk to her.

am i over reacting? dp is fuming and wants to report him but i asked him notto because i dont want it to ruin the friendship between his wife and me. he isnt welcome in this house anymore.

UPDATE:

I rang one of the other mums and she confirmed that the dad pushed william over. I then texted his wife and asked her to call me back when she got chance, which she did. the conversation went somehow like this:
mum:hi, how are you
me: well.. ok, how are you
mum:cant really say can i...
me:did dad talk to you about today?
mum:yes
me: what did he say
mum:that William hit M over the head
me: yes... did he also tell you that he pushed william over and shouted at me angrily?
mum:... *no answer*
i then told her my version of the story, as above.
mum:i am furius with dad... for taking the girls there. if i would have known that he was going to yours i would have told him not to go.
me: why?
mum:tells me about an incident last week at playgroup where ds hit her older dd (same age as william) with a small train. i dealt with it there and then, taking him away from the situation and talking to him about what hed done etc. the mum told me that she was so upset by him hitting her that she was crying. she said that she'd wanted to talk to me about it but didnt - i dont know why she didnt in the end but i wish she had as we could have dealt with it then, before it escalated.
me: i dealt with that at the time and im sorry it happened but i cant glue william to me all thetime and i cant predict when he might do it. all i can do is deal with it and apologize.

after thatits kind ofblurred cos i couldnt quite believe she was still laying all the blame on me... she said that she always thought it was stupid for parents to fall out over kids fighting or whatever but she didnt want to seeme anymore because she wanted to protect me frommy 2 1/2 year old who "should know better." she said she hoped for my sake and for the new babies sake (im 4 1/2mths pregnant) that he would grow out of it.
i asked her if she could remember just under a year ago when the girls went throgh a stage of hitting / biting / scratching. at the time william was the one who didnt do anything of the sort but now he has come to that stage, just later. i said that at the end of the day heis a toddler who needs tolearn certain things and is going through a mormal toddler stage. she kept putting an emphasis on how is 2 1/2 years old and shouldnt hit a younger baby. i tried to explain to her that a nearly 2metre tall muscly man pushing him over - even if it was gut reaction - isnt going to teach him that its not ok to pick on smaller kids. she said that i would have to talk to the dad about that but i told her at this point in time i couldnt do that. (by this point she was shouting at me and i had been crying for a while)
she said that the dad was just protecting her little girl, i again said that i fully understand that but that there was no need to be aggressivce to either my son or me. she again said that my son hit her daughter over the head and she had a mark on her head from it and the dad was just protecting her. i had the phone on loudspeaker so dp could hear and he was fuming already and snapped eventually saying that the dad was an adult, a policeman at that and should know better than to assault a child.
she then put the phone down on me and dp took a walk to town to the police station. i couldnt stop him from going although i didnt quite agree. the station was shut when he got there though.
on the way back he came across a patrolling officer and asked him what constituted child abuse. the officer said oh thats difficult to say in one sentance so dp told him the scenario without telling names. the oficer said that itwas out of order. dp then asked "what if that man was a police officer himself?" the officer just said "he should know better" which seemed to satisfy dp for a while, also the walk back gave him some time to think. he said that if the dad would apologize he would leave it, if not, he would report him. the police dont like their own people doing wrong.

icalled my friend who was there too and told her what had happened, what had been said etc. she said that the dad should know about my dp wanting to report him which i agreed with but i couldnt call her back after the way she was talking to me. she then rang her for me and called me back afterwards.she didnt really leton what the wife said but then she is a traiined councelor so im pretty sure she handled the situation ok. she said i could call her today if i wanted to talk or meet.

im just gutted that this escalated so much, i wish thedad cold have just left me to deal with the situation in a way i deemed appropriate.

sp said to me that i should have asked the wife how she would have reacted if my dp would have pushed her dd out of the way and shouted at her. i never even thought of asking her that....

im exhausted and shaking....

thanks for the insight so far, i agree that i should have kept a closer eye on ds after the first incidet...hindsight is a nice thing... going to read the last 3 pages now...
post #2 of 235
It's hard to say. He might have been simply trying to break them up, and over-did it a bit. He may not have much experience refereeing children that way, and to him your son is a bigger boy whacking his daughter on the head.

It wasn't the right thing to do, but I would find it hard to judge how bad it was without knowing more about how the dad usually copes.
post #3 of 235
I'd have been angry at the yelling. I believe he needed to do something, but it's pretty easy to pull a one year old out of the way and say 'no hitting.' If he didn't have an older child I'd think he didn't have much experience with 2 year olds. Complaining angrily that DS hit his daughter 'on purpose,' that's so age-appropriate and normal it makes me wonder if he's spent any time with his older daughter at all. Or maybe she's unusually docile.

If this is a regular play group and you want to smooth things over, you might want to start by apologizing to the girls' mother for DS hitting the younger girl and explain you'll make sure to stay closer to him since he seems to be going through a stage. Doesn't matter that the 'stage' is 'normal tired two year old', they probably want to know they can bring the younger child to the group safely without having to hold her all the time.

And whenever the dad is there, I'd stay in the room with him, and if you absolutely must leave, take DS with you. He may not have meant to push DS that hard, it's impossible to know without having been there, but it sounds like his judgment is off about how to deal with toddler interactions. Who knows what he'd do if a kid bit his daughter! If you're there you can deal with DS's behavior yourself in the way you feel is appropriate so he doesn't have a chance to.
post #4 of 235
It's hard to say what happened without having been there. I know most Dads are super-overprotective of their little daughters (DH is, that's for sure). He may have reacted more aggressively than he realized, or perhaps he's just not good at dealing with discipline. If the Dad is going to be coming regularly, I'd just watch how he interacts from now on. This could have been a one time thing. I'd be very upset, however, if anyone pushed my child, no matter what the reason!
post #5 of 235
I will say, just for perspective, that the other day DD was hurting our older dog and I was working with her on being gentle and kind doing all the *right* GD things. She went in to hurt our dog again (poor thing!) and I instinctively moved to prevent her from doing so with a little more force than I intended and I knocked DD down.

She was quite upset but it was a complete accident, on instinct trying to protect the most vulnerable being in the situation.

But I apologized to DD and was very sorry about the whole thing. Which it sounds like the Dad in your situation was not.

All this to say, he may not have consciously intended to push your LO and the whole thing may have been an accident. He may also have been reacting very emotionally to a perceived threat to his child; the heat of a fight or flight reaction may have been hot in his blood. Not saying he is right, just suggesting that his behavior was more of a (bad) reaction than willful intent to be a jerk.

However, I too, would not invite him back although I would also try to recognize that he may not be abusive, kwim?

V
post #6 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluegoat View Post
It's hard to say. He might have been simply trying to break them up, and over-did it a bit. He may not have much experience refereeing children that way, and to him your son is a bigger boy whacking his daughter on the head.

It wasn't the right thing to do, but I would find it hard to judge how bad it was without knowing more about how the dad usually copes.
This. I understand how upsetting it probably was to both you and to your son. But I think reporting him is a huge overkill.

I can also see how the dad might have thought that you weren't watching your son close enough after the first time he hit the baby. I'm not saying this is the case. Things happen quickly, and you can not be there every single second. I'm just saying from the father's point of view, after having seen his baby hit not once but twice, he may have been upset too. That could have had something to do with him not sayng goodbye or letting your son kiss his dd.

He, on the other hand, had no right whatsoever to lay a hand on your son unless it was to gently disengage him from his child. I think calmly addressing the issue with him, not his wife would be the way to go. His wife wasn't there and didn't see what happened. You could just say that you wanted to check in with him about what happened. You are sorry that your son hit his dd, but you heard that he pushed your son forcefully and you need to talk about it.
post #7 of 235
Well, if you want me to be entirely honest in this WWYD situation, I would have been apologetic (and embarrassed) that my 2.5 year old was hitting his baby over the head with a hairbrush and not allowed them to be alone without very close supervision, even for a second. I would feel understanding that he was angry and upset that his baby was being hit on the head. Since the push wasn't witnessed I don't think I could be angry about it--I agree that he could have been just trying to break them up. Sometimes when I am trying to pull off a child who is being too aggressive with another one, or block someone from hitting/getting too physical, the child ends up on his/her bum. I think it is very possible that the dad was trying to protect his baby and is not really experienced in that type of situation.

I think that if you have a child who is tired/possessive/hitting (as age appropriate as that may be), you really need to be on top of your kid and keep him with you at all times (even for a quick run to the kitchen) because it is not fair to put the other parents in a position of having to defend their children from being hit/hurt. So I would chalk it up to a lesson learned and keep my ds closer to me at the next playdate.
post #8 of 235
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by onemomentatatime View Post
I'd have been angry at the yelling. I believe he needed to do something, but it's pretty easy to pull a one year old out of the way and say 'no hitting.' If he didn't have an older child I'd think he didn't have much experience with 2 year olds. Complaining angrily that DS hit his daughter 'on purpose,' that's so age-appropriate and normal it makes me wonder if he's spent any time with his older daughter at all. Or maybe she's unusually docile.


He started to look after them more about 3 months ago when his wife went back to work. they *know* i dont to time outs as such ( i take ds away and talk to him, but stay with him) they do do time outs and also cio - we all know we do things differently and thats never been a problem but it seemed to me like he wanted me to yell at ds or "make him cry" through punishing him in some way and because i dont do that he "did it for me" iyswim. all the girls went through a hitting/pushing/biting/scratching stage at about 18 months to 2 years so he wasnt there when his daughter was going through that, but i have seen her do something before when he simply told her "no" iyswim, no yelling, no pushing. i wouldnt dream of doing it to my own child, never mind someone elses.


If this is a regular play group and you want to smooth things over, you might want to start by apologizing to the girls' mother for DS hitting the younger girl and explain you'll make sure to stay closer to him since he seems to be going through a stage. Doesn't matter that the 'stage' is 'normal tired two year old', they probably want to know they can bring the younger child to the group safely without having to hold her all the time.

And whenever the dad is there, I'd stay in the room with him, and if you absolutely must leave, take DS with you. He may not have meant to push DS that hard, it's impossible to know without having been there, but it sounds like his judgment is off about how to deal with toddler interactions. Who knows what he'd do if a kid bit his daughter! If you're there you can deal with DS's behavior yourself in the way you feel is appropriate so he doesn't have a chance to.
the mum should be handing in her notice soon, work is awful... so the dad wont be around for much longer
post #9 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by petra_william View Post
DS ( 2 1/2) apart from one little sister, nearly one.
A bunch of two and a half year olds need pretty constant supervision. Add a less than one year old to the mix and that only increases the need of adult "help" to make this go well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by petra_william
DS was very tired (not making excuses but never helps) and was being very possessive over his toys,
Whatever he was having a hard time sharing should have been put away. If he is tired and not able to share something well and the other child is MUCH younger and smaller then you have to be right there. If you don't want another adult handling it (in a way that you don't agree with - which honestly I don't blame you as I don't agree with it either) then YOU need to be right there to handle it yourself. Leaving the situation to someone else means you are leaving it to them. I think both you and the dad hold responsibility in this situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by petra_william
(he hit her on the head with the brush)
Ok, at this point you REALLY need to be right next to him from here on out. He is sending really clear signals that he can't handle this situation without your help. And if my child hurts another child, tired or not, it is now my first responsibility to keep that from happening again. Not refilling another guest's tea is a lesser issue than a baby being hit for a second time. First time unfortunate but kids are kids. Second time is mom's fault and as the parent of the baby, I'd be really mad too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by petra_william
later: i am in the kitchen, putting stuff away after drinking the tea or something, mhy back is turned again. next thing i know, DS and baby girl (M) are screaming, crying their eyes out. i go in, confused, thinking ds hurt himself or something. the dad looks at me and *shouts* William just hit M over the head and it WASNT an ACCIDENT!!"
I don't understand why you are in a different room when your two and a half year old has already hit a baby on the head with a brush. Dad is shouting because his baby is being pummelled.

Quote:
Originally Posted by petra_william
i thought he should be able to control himself better, and telling a kid not to hit while pushing him over isnt sending the right message either. i have sent the mum of the baby a text asking her to call me back because i want to talk to her.
Yes, a grown man should not push a two year old. But you didn't see what happened. Did he put his arm up to shield his baby from getting hit again and your ds lost his balance when he ran into it? Not knowing how big or coordinated your son is makes it hard to tell. If he was a ways away, there is no way to know if he was actually pushed or fell over and backed away when the dad got mad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by petra_william
am i over reacting? dp is fuming and wants to report him but i asked him notto because i dont want it to ruin the friendship between his wife and me. he isnt welcome in this house anymore.
Yes, you are over reacting. You were wrong not to be there to help your son control himself. Reporting him is complete overkill IMO. I think group playdates with kids of this age requires close supervision. I'd expect apologies both directions in the situation you describe. They deserve one because you let your son hit their baby in the head with a brush not once but twice. You deserve one IF he actually pushed your ds. Next time just be there and the whole thing will be avoided.
post #10 of 235
I'm sorry, but yeah, I would have pushed away a two and a half year old too if he was beating my BABY on the head with a hairbrush!!! (Or any other object). She's not even one yet - still very little.

Now granted, I wouldn't have pushed hard at all, but even a little push to break things up or put some space between two kids can seem like a big push because toddlers don't have that great of balance at walking backwards. So they fall on their bottoms.

I suspect Dad was probably ticked that you didn't correct your son but took him off for cuddling - since the correction happened upstairs, Dad didn't see it so as far as he's concerned it never happened.

I would SO not report him to anyone. He was justly upset.
post #11 of 235
I'd be very upset. I wouldn't report him though.

A tired 2.5 year old hitting isn't some huge, never happened before thing. It's totally age appropriate. A grown man pushing a child is not.

Yes, there should have been more supervision. If this was my house, with my friends, I would trust that one of them could supervise while I put something away. If I were the parent of the 1 year old, I'd be upset my child had been hit (although really, I probably would have put away a toy that was causing this much stress), but I certainly wouldn't push the child who did it.

I know I'm overprotective of my kids, but someone else discliplining my child in that way would cause a huge strain on our friendship. Most of our friends don't use gently discipline, but they respect that they are not our children's parent and don't make that choice.
post #12 of 235
Hmmmmm... I think I'd be mad, too. What did the other moms think of the way he treated your ds? I suppose that would probably make all the difference to me.

As for being all your fault. I don't know. Obviously, yes, it would have been better if you were right there to stop your ds, but it doesn't sound to me like the kind of situation where you'd think all h*ll would brake loose in the two minutes you were in the kitchen. I used to have a friend who's 2 1/2 year old was really hurting other kids, and the other moms were very frustrated with her for never seeing it or being there when it happened. In that situation, the mom should have stuck to her kid like glue bc he had a history of really hurting other kids badly (he was a big little guy), but it doesn't sound like that's the case here.
I bet if the mom had been there it would have been totally different, not bc all dads are psycho, but just this particular guy.
post #13 of 235
But, it IS possible to be firm and clear, even without time outs or yelling. My bottom line is if my kids hit at playdates, if it had a reason or whatever, they may get a warning, then we leave becuase if my ds can't be safe around others, then we can't be with them for that time. We'll try again another day. No yelling or punishment needed- but the message is clear and it is part of the collective responsibility to not allow the other children to be hurt either. If somedays that means leaving because we are at a stage where things are not working with other kids, so be it.

Of course, it was your house, so not quite so easy. But there are a few other options (such as not letting him out of your sight, putting him to bed earlier, or even saying to the other people "Looks like we're having a hard time today. Maybe we can end this a bit early and try again next time?"). I'm absolutely not saying that what the dad did was "the right way", but I'd be miffed too if my kid was getting hit multiple times and the mom said "Please play with something else...". It is not that I am looking for "punishment". It is that I am looking for recognition from the other mother that she also sees that what happened was serious for my child and that I can trust her to help keep my child safe as well. I don't need punishment, but if I am to trust the other mother, I need recognition that she is respectful and understanding of my child's need for safety and will act to make that happen.

Again, I think that there are multiple possibilities here (sometimes a block or even taking a dangerous implement away from a child can cause them to loose their balance), but I think that, in line with much of the gentle discipline philosophies, there is more that you need to do to make sure that 1.) Other people are not left to discipline your child because you are not there when they are clearly in need of guidance and 2.) Finding gentle and effective ways of letting your child know that dangerous behaviors are not acceptable and building trust among your own friends (the parents of the children) by sending messages that you will not allow their children to be hurt either.

If it turns out that a strange adult yelled terrifyingly at your child and then pushed them (on purpose), I'd be mad. Real mad. If they were doing their best to protect their own child while you were not there by using their own methods and your son fell over from being prevented from hitting someone... It is not quite so straightforward and I'd think first about my own actions and responsibilities as to what I could have done differently from this sitaution happening again.
post #14 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirsten View Post
A bunch of two and a half year olds need pretty constant supervision. Add a less than one year old to the mix and that only increases the need of adult "help" to make this go well.


Whatever he was having a hard time sharing should have been put away. If he is tired and not able to share something well and the other child is MUCH younger and smaller then you have to be right there. If you don't want another adult handling it (in a way that you don't agree with - which honestly I don't blame you as I don't agree with it either) then YOU need to be right there to handle it yourself. Leaving the situation to someone else means you are leaving it to them. I think both you and the dad hold responsibility in this situation.


Ok, at this point you REALLY need to be right next to him from here on out. He is sending really clear signals that he can't handle this situation without your help. And if my child hurts another child, tired or not, it is now my first responsibility to keep that from happening again. Not refilling another guest's tea is a lesser issue than a baby being hit for a second time. First time unfortunate but kids are kids. Second time is mom's fault and as the parent of the baby, I'd be really mad too.


I don't understand why you are in a different room when your two and a half year old has already hit a baby on the head with a brush. Dad is shouting because his baby is being pummelled.


Yes, a grown man should not push a two year old. But you didn't see what happened. Did he put his arm up to shield his baby from getting hit again and your ds lost his balance when he ran into it? Not knowing how big or coordinated your son is makes it hard to tell. If he was a ways away, there is no way to know if he was actually pushed or fell over and backed away when the dad got mad.


Yes, you are over reacting. You were wrong not to be there to help your son control himself. Reporting him is complete overkill IMO. I think group playdates with kids of this age requires close supervision. I'd expect apologies both directions in the situation you describe. They deserve one because you let your son hit their baby in the head with a brush not once but twice. You deserve one IF he actually pushed your ds. Next time just be there and the whole thing will be avoided.
I agree completely with all of this.
post #15 of 235
Is this a group from an NCT class, by any chance?

I would not welcome that family without mum there. If she suggests dad bringing the little ones because she's working, I'd tell her bluntly that you aren't comfortable with that- and why. If you don't want to lose her friendship over this, tell her that, but honestly, in the mummy wars good friends and allies have been lost for far less.

I think there's a few things you can learn from this: if your kid needs you because he's tired and acting up, it's OK to ask someone else to put the kettle on sometimes, or to ask him to come with you to "help" to give him some time to regroup. Sometimes, it's necessary to put kids before hospitality and your friends will understand that. I don't blame you for not being there, because these things can happen in a split-second and frankly, even if you had been right there on top of him, he could still have hit.
post #16 of 235

.


Edited by GoestoShow - 12/17/10 at 9:01am
post #17 of 235
Not to be rude, but why weren't you in there with your son? Keep in mind, DS is only 18 months and I have no other children, but if I had people at my house or DS was at a playdate somewhere else I would be in the room with him supervising. He is my child, I know him best, and I feel it would be my responsibility to supervise him. This way you could have intervened with any negative behavior (hitting etc.)

I have to say, I get very upset if another child pushes/hits DS. I get angry. Even if it is "age appropriate." If it happens I immediately separate the children and redirect DS to something else not involving the "hitter." I can see the dad's point of view. That said, it is never appropriate to push or yell at someone else's child (IMO).

What were the other moms doing?
post #18 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by StrawberryFields View Post
Well, if you want me to be entirely honest in this WWYD situation, I would have been apologetic (and embarrassed) that my 2.5 year old was hitting his baby over the head with a hairbrush and not allowed them to be alone without very close supervision, even for a second. I would feel understanding that he was angry and upset that his baby was being hit on the head. Since the push wasn't witnessed I don't think I could be angry about it--I agree that he could have been just trying to break them up. Sometimes when I am trying to pull off a child who is being too aggressive with another one, or block someone from hitting/getting too physical, the child ends up on his/her bum. I think it is very possible that the dad was trying to protect his baby and is not really experienced in that type of situation.

I think that if you have a child who is tired/possessive/hitting (as age appropriate as that may be), you really need to be on top of your kid and keep him with you at all times (even for a quick run to the kitchen) because it is not fair to put the other parents in a position of having to defend their children from being hit/hurt. So I would chalk it up to a lesson learned and keep my ds closer to me at the next playdate.

ITA. Unfortuately my DS went through an agressive phase at around this age. He was not malicious, but he defintely hurt other kids just to see what reaction he could get. He once picked up a wooden hammer from a toy and hit another tot square on the head! He liked pushing over kids too.
He is a very "spirited" child to begin with. Anyway, I chose to stay with him during church nursery and had to keep a close eye on him at LLL meetings and the like. It was not fun and often he did hurt another child before I could intervene. Mostly I tried to teach him how to play nicely by modeling the behavior and of course tried to prevent any injuries. I really think he just wanted to play with the other kids, but didnt' know how to interact with them.
He outgrew the phase quickly, but I WAS very embarassed that my child was hurting other kids "on purpose." I know that as a mom I would be upset if my child got hammered on the head!

ETA: Likewise I would be really pissed if I saw an adult push my kid! But since that wasn't witnessed it's hard to say what really happened. If your DS is anything like mine, he might have just had his feelings hurt if the Dad was more stern with him than he's used to.
post #19 of 235
If you are not in the room who is responsible for your son?

This to me is an important question because if YOU aren't there then every other adult in the room is going to be watching him instead of you, and though ideally they will act as you would act, you can't really rely on that unless you're paying them for their time. If you rely on another adult to use their own judgement in caring for your kid you can't be annoyed if they then do so.

If any child of 2+ hit my infant on the head (why was the brush not put away after the first hitting?) i would push them away. Does that make me right? Absolutely not. But it does make me honest. In the moment i wouldn't think or consider i would react, and MOST people react to their baby being injured swiftly and without much thought, otherwise the population would be much smaller.

You can report him if you want (not sure to whom or for what) but do you think he will learn "don't push toddlers" or "don't go to house of lady who prefers you allow her son to beat on the baby". You turned your back, and left your son to cope alone in the situation and him and every other adult to deal with that. It's not fair, it completely sucks for him, but it is a fairly natural consequence that he got out of his depth and suffered a little for it.
post #20 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post
You can report him if you want (not sure to whom or for what) but do you think he will learn "don't push toddlers" or "don't go to house of lady who prefers you allow her son to beat on the baby". You turned your back, and left your son to cope alone in the situation and him and every other adult to deal with that. It's not fair, it completely sucks for him, but it is a fairly natural consequence that he got out of his depth and suffered a little for it.
That's kind of harsh. And I keep seeing these posts about the op's son "beating" and "pummeling" this baby. Where are you all getting that?

I just don't get the reasoning that if someone hits your child, it's ok to push them. How is that teaching either kid anything?
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › I am furious... what would you have done? UPDATE IN OP