Originally Posted by Sancta
But she did take him away to calm down before apologizing. The dad had to clue what was going on upstairs, all he saw was that she picked up "the offender" and took no notice of "the victim".
Child hit the first time: "I don't know where DS has got the hitting from."
i did say something else, along the lines of i hope he outgrows this but they all went / go through this stage...the dad sort of shrugged in agreement but didnt really say much, in hingsight i shouldve maybe said a quick sorry...
Child hit the second time: "I took DS upstairs, angry at what had happened."
if i wouldnt have gone upstairs with him i wouldhave asked if the dad pushed ds. and then told him to "leave my house because i dont want to be shouted at or my son pushed over, even if he did something wrong which i am sorry for but there is no way i will tolerate thjat kiind of behaviour from an adult in my house" i didnt want to getinto an argument so i left to calm down
Child comes back downstairs with mom: "Give M a kiss.....off to sleep..."
he didnt let him apologize which i felt was insulting and being childish
At no time according to this did the MOTHER ever offer any kind of acknowledgment or apology.
i had to keep my mouth closed because no nice words would have come out and i dont believe shouting or arguing infront of 5 kids is the right thing either.
again, what ds did was *wrong*. but it wasnt like he was deliberately being aggressive towards his kids. (as in my son deliberately picked his children or the baby because she was smaller iyswim) in fact he wasnt aggressive in himself, just the ACT of hitting was iyswim.
this has been bothering me because i feel like the bad one here when imtrying to do the right thing... i found this on the internet earlier on today and it fits ds well:
"Your two year old sounds like he is becoming interested in other people. Hitting, pushing and grabbing toys are all ways that toddlers use to try to make contact with others, before they develop other social skills. Your son sounds like he is curious about other people. He has limited language and experience, so rather than walking up to someone and saying, "Excuse me. Can I play with you?," he shows his interest by smacking them. Subsequently, he discovers that he can get a reaction when he hits someone. He may even get two reactions, one from the person he hits and one from you. Even though the reactions probably aren’t pleasant, he is intrigued by them.
Toddlers are fascinated with what they can make happen over and over and they are also curious about how people react in different situations. Hitting people satisfies both of these interests. Furthermore, toddlers see the world only from their own point of view and therefore don’t understand that other people have different ideas and feelings than they do. "If hitting you is fun for me, I expect that it is fun for you, too." They are often very surprised at first when they hit, bite or push someone and that person cries. Sometime they continue to hit, just to see if they will get the same reaction every time and from different people.
Since they are fascinated with what they can make happen, they will repeat behaviors that cause certain predictable outcomes. These experiences can provide wonderful opportunities to learn. The frustrating thing for parents is that toddlers have to repeat behaviors numerous times before they can fully learn something. Here are some things that you can do to help your child learn positive ways to interact and also help keep other children safe in the meantime. "
this also makes sense because he has started sitting down and singing at circle time at playgroup and joins in whereas before he wasnt really interested.