I believe all parties involved her are 'to blame' for what went wrong and may have done things differently before AND after the incident and even just have had a different approach from the beginning. To take it as far as reporting for abuse, is ridiculous imo (sorry if you do not agree with that) and to have the whole issue escalate like that over small kids who are in certain phases and have (age appropriate) difficulty with sharing and impulses and are not aware yet of what hurting someone else really means nor what apologies or acknowledgement of others' feelings really mean and then adults not being able to deal with it in an adult way. A lot has been said now and I'm afraid the friendship is already spoiled
. But there may be a tiny chance all parties involved may come to their senses and apologise for the way things went (wrong) and promise to deal with it better in the future. End of story. None seemed to feel validated here. There was a huge communication dysfunction. Noone else dared to step in to try to help solve the issue, which is sad in itself, too.
It was ONE incident and I do not think you had serious problems between you as parents or between the children, only toddler behaviour to worry about.
Seriously, I once had my BIL slap my 5yo in the face
because my 5yo had suddenly attacked him in the crotch
. And, how much he was sorry for his reflex reaction, and he immediately confessed and apologised to ds and to me and dh, (and my ds, tbh, was not even very upset, luckily), I could understand HOW it happened. Would wish it hadn't, but it did. But then we explained my son what happened here too, and I told my BIL that of course I was not happy about his reaction, but that I could understand, since if ANYONE, I mean ANYONE would go for my own private parts and took me by surprise like that , I would most likely have a similar reflex reaction. We then dealt with it as adults and forgot about it. Ds included. Now you may all flame my BIL but I won't, nor does ds or dh or my sister for the matter.