how do you deal with hitting, biting, shoving, pinching etc?

[coloradomama1]

if there's already a good thread about this somewhere please let me know...
just wondering how to go about disciplining aggression in a GD/natural consequences/non time out way? dd is 3 and the aggression seems to be coming in waves. i do my best to have "time-in" and fill her needs for attention especially since she has a new little sister in the house. i'm pretty lax about discipline per say but i cannot tolerate the aggression and feel like it needs some sort of consequence to let her know that it's unacceptable. what do you do in your house?

[marimara]

I have no idea since my 3 yo is doing this EXACT same thing right now. Please someone advise...

[alexsam]

I don't have any magic words at the moment, but I CAN say that 3 is hard. It is especially hard because they do things "knowing" they shouldn't, which is a new thing, as before, it mostly has been an impulse or reactonary thing. So it really has the potential to make a mama nuts. And, 3 yr olds are in a very in-between stage. You start thinking they are "kids" because the language increases and their understanding is so much more and then they all of a sudden do "toddler" things. So, you never know if you are going to get the "kid" or the "toddler". Thankfully, a lot of this passes, so as you try things, you can try to remember that. By 4, they are much more firmly in "kid" territory and are a bit more manageable... 3 yr olds are... a challenge .

[marimara]

awesome! (can you smell the sarcasm?)

Truly though, my dd was an angel all thru the 2's and we thought we lucked out. She is making up for it now, that's for sure.

She DOES do things she knows she's not supposed to.

She will pester, annoy, bother me ON PURPOSE until I do *something* to make her stop. I have resorted to time-outs, time-ins, spanking, yelling, taking away things, you name it and NOTHING works. Lately I just have to remove myself from her before I lose my mind.

I need practical things to do keep from freaking out.

[bluegirl91695]

I am not an expert, by any means, but the way we usually handle this type of behavior with our 3 year old is to address the impact this behavior has on others. We tell my son that his behavior is hurtful and ask him to be respectful in the way that he treats others. We use the word respect in our daily interactions so I think he kind of understands what we're saying.

[lindsayjean]

We also talk about the impact on others. Example- yesterday at a play place area my almost 3 yr old pushed down a little boy. I said "DD, we do not push down kids, it's not not and it makes them really sad"... the weird thing for me lately is that she'll tell me when we're not around kids "It's not nice to push, instead I should say 'excuse me!'" and then as soon as we get around kids it's like she completely forgets (not all the time, she does say excuse me sometimes) and just pushes anyway. And not even aggressively. It's almost like she is exploring the cause and effect of things... and sometimes the kids actually DON'T cry when she pushes them down... so that makes things mighty confusing for her I'm sure. Hmmmmm....

It's a challenging age, for sure!