Kids are worth it!

[bzmum]

Okay, so I am rereading Barbara Coloroso's book "Kids are worth it"...and its much overdue. I agree with basically everything she says, in theory. My problem is trying to make it work for my family. I want my almost 4 yo son to think for himself, have his own sense of self, etc, however I have a hard time letting him do anything and everything except for those things that are life-threatening, morally threatening or unhealthy. My example, he got into my foil/plastic wrap/ziploc bag drawer and was playing "police robots" with them. It wasn't life-threatening, morally threatening or unhealthy, but it bugged the heck out of me and I thought to myself, "why does he have to do this with my things in the kitchen rather than with his toys in a more appropriate place?" I let him play and when he got up and moved onto something else I told him that there was a problem in the kitchen and that I knew that he could fix it...yadda yadda yadda...he cleaned up, moved on. But, it still bothers me and makes me anxious that I am allowing him to do this stuff...this is new to me and I still want him to play with his toys rather than with that stuff. I'm a pretty fastidious person with things all having a "place" and like to have things in "order"...he knows that his room is where he can make messes, etc. In my head is my father saying to me, "looks like the tail wagging the dog." Anyhow, any thoughts?

[nd_deadhead]

I love that book!

To a 4-yr-old, EVERYTHING is a toy. If he was outside, he'd be waving a stick; a cardboard box can be anything from a pirate ship to a fire truck to a cave. You can look at the fact that your son is using his imagination to make a toy out of plastic bags and foil as a sign of his amazing intelligence!

I like the way you recognize that this is more your problem than his, and you were able to remain calm and simply made sure he cleaned up after himself (which he did! How wonderful!!!)

BUT if it bugs you a lot, you have the right to make that drawer off-limits - or limit its use. I would hate to see a bunch of prefectly good ziplock bags get wasted as police robots. Positive parenting doesn't maen you have to let your kid walk all over you - having a backbone means being able to set limits AND enforce them.

Sit down with your son and explain that the foil/bag drawer is off-limits. Maybe mark the drawers and cupboards in the kitchen with painters tape and a marker: "M" for Mom's stuff, "DS" for areas that are fair game.

Keep up the good work!