Transitioning to work and daycare 2 - weaning advice?

[JessieBird]

Hi again - Here's question 2. To recap - I will be going back to work Nov 16 and my 11 mo DS will be starting at daycare for the first time then.

So DS eats solids but still far prefers to nurse. We go through the motions of three meals a day but he's not too serious about it. He seems to like everything and has good eating skills but just isn't that interested. We still nurse several times a day, including two times that fall right when he will be at day care. After "breakfast" and before morning nap at about 9:30 and again after "lunch" and before afternoon nap at about 1:00. My efforts to phase out these two nursings have been half-hearted, I just don't know how to do it. I think I'm in denial about going back to work (it is very painful for me so I try not to think about it) and so I'm really procrastinating on day-weaning (is that a term?) him.

I'm not very worried about the morning nurse because at daycare he will be with his friends and there will be lots of distractions. It is not uncommon for him to delay this breastfeed if we go to a playgroup or hike and nap gets late, etc. And I've told my boss already that I will have to visit DS to nurse on my lunch hour for the first few weeks after I'm back at work. So I will be able to use that time to wean him off of the lunchtime nurse.

So my question is how to go about it. Right now we do solids-nurse-nap. Though he doesn't fall asleep in my arms anymore and is able to self-soothe to sleep, he definitely associates nursing with napping. So I'm thinking of switching to nurse-solids-nap when he starts in daycare and I make my lunchtime visits. My theory is that he will learn to nap after solids and then one day when I don't show up for the pre-lunch nurse, he will eat more solids to compensate. Rather than eating less solids because he is expecting to nurse and then I don't show up. KWIM? I wouldn't go entirely cold turkey, I would gradually reduce the amount of time he nurses before stopping my visits.

What do you think about this plan? I think my boss will allow me extended lunches for about 2 weeks before she runs out of patience if that matters. Also, I am not worried about DS not eating enough. He eats a TON more solids when other people feed him or if there are other kids around gobbling. So I think he will eat a lot more at daycare than he does for me at home.

Please also let me know if you think the lunch time visits are a mistake or if you had success with some other plan.

Thanks so much! I can't tell you all how much I appreciate the support of this board.

[Carita]

What is your DC's schedule? how does your plan match up with their feeding and naptime schedule.

I wouldn't worry too much honestly about him learning a new routine and everything. kids seem to figure out rather quickly that they have a home routine and a daycare routine and they are separate. DS was able to eventually go to sleep on his own at DC but has never once done that for me at home.

Be prepared he will probabaly want to nurse a lot more in the evening to compensate.

[staceychev]

DD started daycare at 13-1/2 months. I didn't do anything differently. She still nursed a lot when she was with me, and nursed to sleep (heck, 'til she was 3-1/2!), but somehow, as Carita said, she figured out really quickly that things were different at daycare. I sent the solid foods that she had been eating, along with two sippy cups of whole organic cow's milk, and she did fine.

[LilMomma83]

I wouldn't worry about weaning, unless you want to. My 2yo eats awesome at daycare and horrible for me - but he nurses when he's with me...I think your LO wil adjust and everything will be fine -- you might be uncomfortable for a few days, and also after the weekends...would be worth hand expressing a little or using a cheap manual pump or something, just for your comfort.

[JessieBird]

Oh wow! That is so reassuring to hear. I really thought that I had to be a lot more strategic about eliminating that mid-day nurse.

Do you think it would be best for him if I don't visit at lunch time at all? (We will go together part time and ease into it the week before so I wouldn't just be dropping him off full time all of a sudden.)

As for your question, Carita, I think mornings will be different at the daycare but the DCP (who is just getting started so can adjust depending on how it goes) is planning to put them down for naps after lunch because that is what her 15 mo son does. This is the same as what we do at home now.

[Carita]

i would not visit if you are already going to have the PT to FT transistion. Otherwise when you come to nurse midday, he's going to get mad that you aren't leaving with him. I sent pumped milk until 17 mo. or you could do as the pp suggested, since he's nearly a year and start sending cow milk. your body should adjust to the supply change. mine did fine on the weekends and i was bit bit more engorged on Mondays, but I did just fine. sstill nursing nights, mornings, and weekends. (though at that age i was nuring through the night at well)

[mrsfrenchy]

If you think he'll eat enough solids while you're away (which it sounds like he should since he eats more when others feed him), then I wouldn't worry about it at all. Learning to nap at daycare (not just not nursing, but dealing with a new environment, noises, etc) is always a transition, but I'm sure he'll do just fine with a little time.

I probably wouldn't go back for the midday nurse because like the PP said, he's likely going to be pissed (and confused) when you leave again. You could always call a little before your lunch break...if he's really been a mess all morning, then you could go, but if he's doing ok then don't do it.

And if you're worried about supply issues and such, I wouldn't worry about it at this age. DD has been in daycare since 7 months...when she was 8.5 months old, I figured out that I had enough frozen milk to get us through daycare until she was almost 12 months, so I stopped pumping. She's 15.5 months now, nurses once or twice a day, I'm pregnant, and yet with all that, I still have milk.

Good luck. I'm sure everything will go just fine.

ETA: if you were going to do anything to help ease the transition, i would pick only leaving him for a few half days before leaving him for a full day. So maybe pick him up after lunch for a couple of days before leaving him all day. This wouldn't really help much with the nursing issue, but would ease him into daycare. Just an idea.

[staceychev]

I've never done a mid-day visit. I've heard other people say that they're more disruptive than not, and I imagine that, as you get back into the swing of work, they'd be harder to pull off regularly; and, if you can't do it regularly, you shouldn't do it at all. That's just my take.

[JessieBird]

Hmmm...so interesting. I'm really glad I asked because all your advice has changed how I will approach this. I can see how a mid-day visit could make matters worse. Though I must admit that my eyes are starting to well up right now at the thought of not visiting him at lunch. I think I will have a harder time being without him all day than he will without me.

I think the suggestion of calling ahead to see whether a visit is warranted or not is a good one. I'll do this at the beginning and only go if it is necessary and then only again if it proves to help rather than hinder due to the disruption. We have started to introduce cow's milk but so far DS will only take water from a regular cup or sippy cup and never would take a bottle (refuses EBM, fortified rice milk and formula as well). So I'm not sure what I'll do if he doesn't start eating more solids but I'm trying to remain confident that it'll be fine.

I have never had issues with engorgement even when he was first born or when he went on a nursing strike at 4 mo. I think just a little hand expressing in the bathroom at work (!) will be enough for me to be okay in that department. My emotions are another story...