Ds1 teased for being homeschooled

[oceanbaby]

So, from day one of soccer practice this year, I knew that this new team was "mean." There was just constant teasing and obnoxiousness all the way around. It's not been directed just at ds, but he has received his fair share of it. This has never happened to him before. In fact, he's pretty used to being the "popular" kid on all the sports teams, so this has been really rough for him.

Anyhow, last night after practice he told me that one of the kids told him that another kid had said that "he goes to [bad word] school." Ds1 said he couldn't remember (or more likely didn't understand) what the bad word was, but that he knew it was a bad word, something along the lines of being stupid.

We have taken to staying at all the practices because there were some instances of another kid pushing him down, but we can't hear what's going on out in the field, and ds didn't tell us this until the practice was over. He doesn't remember the name of the kid who originally said it, so I can't even approach his parents.

I explained to ds that some kids make fun of things they don't understand or don't know anything about, and that it's not a nice thing to do. I don't really know what else to do other than that, other than be really glad that soccer will be over in one week.

Has anyone else's kids experienced this? How did they handle it?

[oceanbaby]

This has never happened to anyone else?

[lach]

Sorry I can't really help, and sorry that the kids are being little [bad word]s.

My guess is that they're picking on him just because he's not part of the clique, and if he weren't being homeschooled they'd be picking on him for his haircut or his shirt or the color of your car... whatever they feel like latching on to. And the homeschooling is just the obvious target in this case. Because, really, what kid makes fun of another kid for not having to go to school, right?

Another option is that he's repeating what he heard his parents say, which is possible because that's sort of a weird phrase. I was homeschooled for a year, back before homeschooling was anywhere near as popular is it is now, and there were quite a few rumors as to why I had been pulled out/kicked out of 6th grade. Some rather juicy! My mother and I would giggle over them endlessly. If he's just repeating something that his parents are saying, well, I don't think there's much to do about that except know that his parents are ignorant.

Honestly, I think the best course of action is just for your son to push through, ignore the boys as best as possible, maybe be a little passive aggressive and talk up how he gets to sleep late and doesn't have to go to school and has no homework. (okay, that was my "bad mommy" advice. The "good mommy" advice is all about how they're just jealous and he should be the bigger person and ignore them). I hope that things improve, and that you can avoid these boys in the future.

[AahRee]

(((HUGS))) We aren't homeschooling and DD is pretty clueless about mean kids so far, so probably wouldn't *get* that she was being teased, but I couldn't read and not post. I'm so sorry your DS is dealing with that. I think you handled it just right, and I don't blame you for being glad soccer is almost over!

[momo7]

Are you in contact with other homeschoolers? Is there a homeschooling group in your area that is big enough to have their own team? If this is possible it is probably something to think about.

I hate that your guy is being picked on. It's just a bad example of good sportsmanship. I would be curious if the soccar coach promotes this kind of behavior. Why not bring up their unsportsman like behavior to the coach?

I have never had this problem, but I feel bad for your son. It really bites to be picked on or singled out.

[LilyGrace]

Every kid gets teased at some time or another. You haven't said how old your ds is, so it's hard to reply. Different ages, different responses.

We treat teasing like anything else, telling The Kid: it's not nice (duh!), but assess the situation. Would it be easier to blow it off, not showing that it gets to you? Or is this a time when you need help in dealing with a kid who's doing this repeatedly?

Getting him to use various techniques to blow it off has never escalated the problem so that he needed help. The funniest was when he looked at a new kid who teased him and said, "yeah? So? I have more free time and more vacations. What do you get?" And the new kid decided after talking to him, yeah, he wanted to hs too!

Kids need us less to deal with the problems they encounter and more to show them how to deal. I would do my son no favors if I took over, went to the parents/coaches/whomever and dealt with it for him unless it was a BIG problem.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by lach

Sorry I can't really help, and sorry that the kids are being little [bad word]s.

My guess is that they're picking on him just because he's not part of the clique, and if he weren't being homeschooled they'd be picking on him for his haircut or his shirt or the color of your car... whatever they feel like latching on to. And the homeschooling is just the obvious target in this case. Because, really, what kid makes fun of another kid for not having to go to school, right?

I agree with this.

If it weren't the HS then they would be teasing him about something else. Just imagine if he were IN school with kids like this.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by lach

And the homeschooling is just the obvious target in this case. Because, really, what kid makes fun of another kid for not having to go to school, right?

Seriously!

We haven't run into serious teasing but my ds LOVES being homeschooled. He HATED school (all 10 half days of pre-k). When his friend tells him he should go to school (because she likes it), he just thinks she is nuts. If ds came over and told me some kids were making fun of him for being homeschooled, we would have the biggest laugh. "Yeah, it really sucks not having to wake up to an alarm, not having to do what the teacher tells you to all day, not having homework, not having to wait in lines, getting to stay home or go to the playground or go to museums or play with friends!"

[MrsStrick]

This is our 10th year of homeschooling. Only ONCE has my daughter ever been "teased" for being homeschooled. It was when she was ten years old - and get this - it was at SOCCER PRACTICE!

We were in a similar situation, where it was just generally a group of mean-spirited kids. It was really frustrating b/c the lead instigator was the coach's own daughter! And she was really sly about it too - was really mean when daddy wasn't looking, but as soon as he turned around, she was "innocent." At one point my dd was told she was "too stupid to go to school, that's why she's homeschooled." I was so angry and hurt, I just wanted to pull dd from soccer.

But, I knew that wouldn't be a good example for her. I really wanted her to understand what it means to fulfill a commitment and how to deal with these situations. (as adults, we find we have to work with/deal with people we don't like too) It was hard on her because we had just moved to a new state about a month before, so she didn't have an established group of friends to turn to already.

I talked with her, and comforted her. It was a good opportunity to explain how some people are actually afraid of the things they don't know about. But instead of trying to understand and learn, they decide to hate and make fun. It was also a good opportunity to talk about "turning the other cheek" but also not being a doormat. ;-)

DD found one girl on the team that was nice to her and just hung out with her during practices. The soccer season eventually ended and, needless to say, we did not return. I still stayed at each practice, just to be sure the hostility stayed tempered.

Reading your post really stirred up that memory for me. But, to put things in perspective, this was the only situation in 10 years that we've had to deal with. My daughter is now 15 years old. She has plenty of friends - both homeschooled and not-homeschooled - and has a VERY full social life! LOL

This is just one moment in an entire lifetime. It will pass and you and your child will be stronger for it.

-Christina S.

[NightOwlwithowlet]

My son wasn't really teased, but one of his friends from pre K said, "I wouldn't to be home with my mom all day like a little kid."
My son asked him what he did at school that day and DS said, "I went to bouncy house place with my friends, ate lunch and we took the dogs to the park." Then he grinned at me and said, "I never see my mom, I'm too busy."
He actually did a lot of work, but he left that part out.