I am caucasian, and my DH is korean-american. I'm pregnant with our first, due in May. My DH is the eldest of MIL's kids, and the only son. Her husband divorced her long ago, and so she used to rely heavily on DH for everything. I totally get the pushiness and the entitlement to "her" family. Luckily for me, my MIL recently moved across the country, so I don't have too much contact with her. When I first got together with DH, she and I used to have a lot of conflicts- her ideas were always right, nothing I did was good enough, I needed to convert to her religion, etc. Finally, DH had enough, and he was the one who took a stand. It's still that way, and if she crosses the line about anything, he calls her on it. Usually she either backs down or he hangs up on her. We do go to visit her 1-2 times a year (she never comes here), and those visits can be quite stressful. DH still holds his ground with her, though. If he didn't, I don't know what I would do.
I think maybe some marriage counseling would help, because it really will have to be your DH that sets the limits with her. He needs to see that you and your child are his family now, and he needs to put you first, ahead of her. She's not entitled to any amount of time with your child, and should feel lucky that you let her spend as much time with him as she does. If you can get other childcare arrangements and create some barriers around constant weekend visiting, I'd consider that. Good luck!
I think maybe some marriage counseling would help, because it really will have to be your DH that sets the limits with her. He needs to see that you and your child are his family now, and he needs to put you first, ahead of her. She's not entitled to any amount of time with your child, and should feel lucky that you let her spend as much time with him as she does. If you can get other childcare arrangements and create some barriers around constant weekend visiting, I'd consider that. Good luck!
Years ago, I was starting very similar threads here at MDC about my Korean MIL. I'm Caucasian, and my husband is Korean American. We live in the U.S. My MIL lives 3 hours away. I've had a long, hard road with her, FULL of tears, stress, anxiety, stress on our marriage, you name it. I HAD to set limits with my husband about her. And I told him, in no uncertain terms, that if HE doesn't set limits with her, I will have to. And he will be embarrassed. But you know what? He does set those limits, to the best of his ability. He does it, trying to be respectful in the Korean sense ("respect" is WAAAAAAAAAY different in KOrean culture than American culture......there is not MORE respect in Korean culture. No. It's just that respect goes in one direction: UP. Korean is a heirarchal culture. That doesn't mean more respect, it means heirarchy.), and she usually listens to him. I, however, get frustrated with how long it takes him to follow thru with this, so over the years (ten), I have learned, unwillingly, to set limits with her MYSELF. "No, Omani, I'm holding the baby now. He's fine.", ...or, "No, Omani, I do not want him to eat that. Please don't give him that." ....or I would go into my room, in your situation, and spend time with my child, with the door shut or locked. If she followed me, I would say, "Oh, it's okay, Omani, I want some time alone with the baby. I haven't seen him all day, so I want him all to myself right now. Thank you for watching him today." and shut the door.
Becuase they were always behind my sisters and I, I never really cared I mean I listened to them and in my eyes my mom was overreacting becuase they just wanted to help in their one way.
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