Dh has been sneaking bottles to 2 month old, trouble nursing now!

[Koalamom]

I have a 2+ month old who I have been breastfeeding with no bottle or pacifier. Or so I thought. For the last couple of weeks my baby has been really cranky nursing and doesn't want to latch. There are no yeast issues, or gas, etc. I found my dh giving my baby a bottle as I came out of the shower as he held him. It was a bottle of raw goats milk and maple syrup. He loved the bottle and drank it up. He told me he has given several bottles already. I explained that it was not ok and that I will feed him if he is hungry, to come and get me of the baby needs it. It has been several weeks now and anytime I leave the room with the baby and dh, I gind him puling out a bottle. The baby really enjoys it but that is not a reason to let dh bottle feed. Now I am dealing with baby not nursing right. It is so stressful for me. And the goats milk has made him constipated many times. Dh just wont listen to me. I cant ever leave baby with him alone. Several times I found that he fed him a bottle that was really old sitting out. What do I do? This happens everyday sometimes throughout the day.

[Blessed_Mom]

This post has left me so angry....I am sorry but I am enraged! Part of the rage comes from my sister's story. Her MIL secretly fed my neice formula in bottles because my neice was "too lean" and not chubby enough because of being exclusively breastfed until that point. This led to her weaning gradually from 6 months to completely by 8 months........

I have no words......I think it is evil. my sister had abundant supply too...

Am sorry I hope you can be firm and I hope you can give your DH a piece of your mind!

[mambera]

Argh!! I am enraged too. I recently found out my DH was sneaking my LO bottles when she was 3 weeks old and I am pretty sure that contributed to a host of problems we had (and, sadly, are still having) with supply. Unfortunately I am now a WOHM and there's not much I can do anymore about what happens during the day - luckily for you it sounds like your situation is different?

I assume you've already tried to reason with your DH, explained why bottles and anything other than BM are not good for baby's digestive tract or future health, shown him solid data, etc? If not, do that.

But if you've done all those things already and they are not working, you have to take drastic measures. Throw away all the bottles. Do not leave your LO alone with your DH. Baby is still pretty little - wear him in a sling all day long. If you have to take a shower, put the baby in a bouncer in the bathroom with you. If DH has issues, explain that his behavior is hazardous to the infant's health and you are protecting your child. GL!!!! :

[mysticmomma]

a 2 month old should not be having syrup or goats milk! It will hurt him. Go to the ped and have your ped tell him. I honestly wouldn't leave my dh alone with our baby after this.

[notjustmamie]

Seriously, I would not leave DH alone with the baby--AT ALL. Even people who think formula is the best thing since sliced bread would have a lot of problems with goat's milk and syrup. Your baby's tummy is just not ready for that, as evidenced by his constipation and digestion problems.

If DH honestly couldn't see that he was harming my child, I would insist on therapy if he expected to ever spend one-on-one time with the baby again.

I see you have an older DD--did you breastfeed her? Was he sabotaging that as well?

[desertpenguin]

i wouldn't leave your lo alone with your dh either. my dh is gone basically 4 days a week so i'm pretty much on my own with our 2 kids during that time. it can be hard, but it's doable, and definitely worth it to save your breastfeeding relationship and protect your lo's health. i hope your dh gets it and quits doing this!

[SeekingJoy]

Why is he doing this? Does he think you LO is hungry? Wants a way to bond?

I would not trust my DH to even hold the baby while I showered in this situation.

[PatioGardener]

Oh my. Does your DH know that he is harming his baby by doing this? There are good reasons that medical associations recommend exclusive breastfeeding til 6 months.

There are huge issues here. Wow. I wish I could suggest something to help, but all I can think of is don't let him have the baby alone. Good luck.

(I had hoped that this was another Holiday Helpers thread when I read the title...)

[dachshundqueen]

WHY is he doing this? Find out his reasoning, and quick. Call your pedi on call tonight and ask them to talk to your spouse about this before any (ETA) further harm can be done.

Liz

[pbjmama]

Wow. Just wow. Are you on the same page as far as parenting otherwise? I can't imagine how upset I would be about something like this - not only harmful for nursing and all the gut problems it could cause but talk about trust issues. I think there are probably alot of bigger issues at play here. I'm thinking trash all the bottles and whatever supplies he is using, then make a counseling appointment.

[Mary-Beth]

Have you told your dh this is effecting the baby's latch while nursing?
Does your dh support you nursing?

It's a problem that your dh is not listening to you if you've told him not to give the baby a bottle. What are his reasons? He may be well intentioned and trying to help. Maybe he wants to bond. Maybe he wants you to have a break.
You could tell him other ways to help you...and suggest other bonding activities.

[Inspired007]

I would be infuriated! This is the most deceitful thing I've ever heard of! I mean, one might expect this from an overbearing MIL or something, but your own dh???

Since he's not listening to you, I would go ALL OUT to make sure he caught my drift. He's getting the silent treatment, sleeping on the couch, no smiles from me, the evil eye, a sharp tonque if he even asks where his shoes are...the WHOLE NINE, until he agrees to never do this without your consent again. My house would not have peace in it until he gets it together.

He's out of line.

[jazzharmony]

Wow. Your husband continues to put your baby's health at risk and refuses to listen to reason. That would be a deal breaker for me. Your husband can fend for himself but your baby only has you to protect him.
I could see, as a last ditch effort, calling the ped immediately and insisting your husband speak with him. If that didn't work asap, I would take immediate steps to protect my baby.

[Koalamom]

I have explained so many times how harmful it is. He had big issues with even holding our baby when he was born, but now he will hold him sometimes. I may need to get things done around the house and I have yet to find a baby carrier that is comfy for many hours. So sometimes I need to put baby down, and he just wants to be held. Since dh is unemployed, I think why not have him hold baby since he is home all day. The second I turn around, he is pulling out the bottle. I have cried, yelled, and explained how many time how it is messing with the babys nursing and constipation issues.

My milk supply has even dropped beacuse my baby gets 4 oz of goats milk at a time if my dh could or even syrup and water. I have been making sure that baby is nursed well before I have dh hold him and let him know that he is full, but he tries to feed him anyway. That gets me so frustrated. He says that I am not feeding him enough. But I am!!!

I did nurse my 2 yr old till almost 2 and we never had issues with dh feeding her because luckily she never liked bottles or pacifiers. But she does have lots of allergies and he may take her out and feed her foods like soy of dairy even though he knows she is very allergic. I usually find out he has fed her an allergen when she gets her allergic reaction.

I think getting rid of bottles is a good idea, but he would use a sippy cup too. We use Born Free brand sippy cups and bottles. What would my dd use if I got rid of those?

This is really the last straw. Our marriage has been really rocky since the lasy few months of pregnancy and after the birth. No matter how much we try thigs are just bad. I feel totally unsupported with both kids. He is great playing toys and fun stuff with my dd, but that is about it with good parenting. I just cannot trust dh. This is so hard for me. I have thought about leaving, but have no family support and wouldn't know where to go. I guess I just have to stay with him and keep the kids from him.

[KristaDJ]

In that situation I would threaten divorce and mean it. I would also inform him that if he insisted upon continuing to neglect the health of my infant by giving him an inadequate food, that any doctor would say "NO WAY!" to, that he would not be having unsupervised visits with my child.
Does your DH know how upset you are about this? This is such a huge trust issue and such a betrayal I honestly think I'd deal better with infidelity than what your husband is doing.
I would not leave him alone with the baby for one second and quite frankly I would make him come to the pediatrician and a LLL meeting with me and hear for himself what damage he is doing to his child. If I still didn't trust him and/or he hadn't changed then bye bye hubby.
I am so sorry this is happening to you.

ETA: He feeds your DD foods she is allergic to?! This is a ABUSE! There is no way that he could get unsupervised visits with your children with this behavior.
If he is unemployed anyway then why not just leave, he's not helping that much. I was a single mom for years and I never even had to leave my kid. I did daycare in my home or I delivered newspapers. We didn't have a lot of money and we had to rent but we had more than we needed and were together and we were happy. You can do it without him mama, a man like that is not healthy for any of you.

[Mary-Beth]

What do you have to do in the house that takes a few hours?
Let me be clear, if you want a break by all means you should get one. But if you are doing EVERYTHING in the house- cleaning, cooking, laundry, making apt's, everything then I'd say you may want to let some of it slide. Ask dh to do such and such so you can sit and nurse your baby (or hold or play with or whatever)
My dh works all day so the other house stuff has to get done in short 15 min. chunks of time and sometimes things don't get done.

I hope you aren't over working yourself.

Your dh may not know other ways to stop the baby from fussing.
I know this is so challenging for you. I hope things get better.

[greeneyedmama]

Originally Posted by PatioGardener

Oh my. Does your DH know that he is harming his baby by doing this? There are good reasons that medical associations recommend exclusive breastfeeding til 6 months.

There are huge issues here. Wow. I wish I could suggest something to help, but all I can think of is don't let him have the baby alone. Good luck.

(I had hoped that this was another Holiday Helpers thread when I read the title...)

I truly did think it was a HH thread!

I'm so sorry mama. I would freak. I don't know what to say if he literally will not listen!!!

Maybe there is a compromise? Maybe he just really wants to feed the baby and you could pump a few ounces a day for him to? Does not fix his problem with being an idiot, but maybe he'd agree to that?!

[Julia24]

I simply can't wrap my brain around this? Are you two not CO-parents? Why would he deliberately sabotage a parenting decision you two have agreed upon? That seems just so, irresponsible, so, childish, so INCONSIDERATE and DISRESPECTFUL! Sheesh!

That's not even to mention that that baby should NOT be getting goats milk with syrup - holy CRAP!

It sounds to me like you two need to have a very serious talk about this. He's not treating you like a partner - and you disallowing him to take part in parenting would be you treating him the same way. You and he simply must come to some sort of agreement. If he absolutely needs/wants to bond with the baby in that way - maybe try a different type of bottle that won't ruin baby's latch? pump breastmilk to put in it? sheesh!

[Koalamom]

I have thought about expressing milk but that leaves us with the nipple confusion. I wonder if him using the bottle is because he wants to bond with baby that way of if it is to just get me mad.

I just don't know how to leave. Dh is a diabled veteran, so we do have a small income, enough to pay the rent. But we only have one car. Who would get it, how would the other person get around. I have no idea how I would pay the bills alone. But it may as well be the same if not easier without dh since he doesn't do anything around the house. I just feel like I am in a stuck situation.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Go through the house throw out every single bottle you find. Sit down talk to your dh find out exactly why he is doing this. Honestly my dh wouldnt be alone with my child if he did that.

You are not stuck all you have to do is refuse to leave the baby with him unless you are sitting right there. Unless you want your lo to keep having tummy trouble and weaned from the breast this needs to stop right now.

It just isnt normal for anyone to do that to a child knowing it hurts them.