Dh has been sneaking bottles to 2 month old, trouble nursing now! - Page 3

[Porcelain Interior]

A 2 month old baby will spend a huge portion of his/her waking hours nursing. I think your expectations for yourself (cleaning needing to be up doing stuff) are too hard.

When I had little ones under the age of 1, we spent HUGE portions- nearly 3/4 of our waking hours nursing and just sitting.

I think you need to explain to your husband (and I'm really wondering if he's mentally impaired?) that maple syrup and raw milk can be lethal to a newborn baby.

CPS could take your children away.

That man wouldn't be anywhere near my kids.

[Juniperberry]

I just wanted to pop in to say that my heart goes out to you Mama. The ladies here have given you some fantastic advice, and I agree with them all.

I'm really happy for you that you had a productive conversation with him. I hope for you and your kids sake that he is serious about all he will do. By now he should have already seen or made appointments with a councellor or someone. If he hasn't done so by now then he's probably not serious.

Do throw all the bottles and anything bottle/sippy cup related out. If he buys more, then chuck it.

As for a second chance... that totally depends on how you feel. Do you still love him? If you do really love him and want him to change, then yes... give him a second chance. but only one. Your kids health can't be played around with.

I can only imagine how hard it would be to leave if it came to that, but the ladies here are right. Any judge, anywhere, would side with you for everything... so you don't need to worry about that. Any of the people here who know a bit more about how things work near where you live will help you.

As for your milk supply... I'd say no to the paci... for now at least. You need to concentrate on feeding... you gave birth 2 months ago.. you shouldn't be doing all the housework and everything. Take the time to feed your LO. My #2 is a quick feeder too.. it can be frustrating, I know. Spend a few days where you do hardly anything but feed and drink plenty of water.. even if it's only feedng for a few seconds at a time, your supply will go up.

Good luck Mama x

[lolar2]

Is someone telling him he has to give the baby bottles? Like one of his relatives or something? It just seems so random.

[bobandjess99]

This seems like a joke thread or something...it's so, SO bizarre. If the OP weren't a long-time member of the coimmuntiy, I really would think this was unreal.

I would be heading to a divorce atorney, or dh's funeral, depending on whether or not I was able to contain my rage at him or not. honestly. No other option, period.

[Koalamom]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Is someone telling him he has to give the baby bottles? Like one of his relatives or something? It just seems so random.

I am wondering this. Dhs mon is very for formula and againt breastfeeding. Dh is what I would cann a "mamas boy". I wonder if she is pressuring him about it.

[Koalamom]

About dh feeding my 2 yr old her allergens, I am not very happy about that. She has leaky gut and can eat almost nothing without breaking out all over. What it is with dh feeding her is like when they go to the park, a stop at the creamy stand is really god intentions giving her a treat, not that that justifies it, but it is really hard for dh to grasp all the allergens she has. It is tough for me too, but I focus on it so much. When I give him a hard time, he may say that it was only a little treat. I wonder if I am too strict and he too lax. Still not a good thing.

[Koalamom]

I am still trying to understand why dh thought he had to give bottles. He really believed that I wasn't feeding baby enough. He really thought that any crying meant he was hungry. Couldn't there be good intention behind it done the wrong way? He really thought the baby was hungry. This makes it tough because nursing a baby full time is hard enough and I need the support. And when he says I am not doing it enough, that makes me want to cry. I am giving so much, and it is like I am unappreciated.

[mysticmomma]

has he spoken with a physician?

[SleeplessMommy]

Originally Posted by bluebirdmama1

... but it is really hard for dh to grasp all the allergens she has....

Feeding the allergens, combined with giving goats milk plus syrup to an infant, makes me wonder if he needs to be screened for a head injury. (possibly happened during his militarily service?) Just a minor reason not to give syrup is the damage it will do to baby teeth. Of course, there is no pediatrician in the USA who will approve the goat milk +syrup, for nutritional reasons.

His depression needs to be taken very seriously. Counseling, meds, parenting classes - all of that. He should be bonding with the baby over games of peek-a-boo and silly faces, not by giving harmful foods. Sneaking bottles to a breastfed baby when Mom is not looking is very very abnormal behavior.

I am giving so much, and it is like I am unappreciated.

Because of his depression, he is not able to appreciate what you are doing. He is not able to provide support. I really hope you are able to get him help, but if he won't take it you may need to separate from him. Parenting an infant and a toddler is hard enough without a depressed husband in need of supervision.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

[Porcelain Interior]

It's not hard for a grown man (barring some sort of brain injury/impairment) to understand allergies. I've got several life threatening food allergies. My husband has never once said "Oh here try this, it'll be ok".

How "hard" can it be to understand that someone CANNOT eat a certain food without feeling/becoming ill and possibly dying? Is he just selfish and wants ice cream? I don't get it.

And his mom pushing formula doesn't even remotely explain his raw formula recipe he seems to have just decided to cook up without any sort of rhyme or reason. That is scary!

Your husband is jeopardizing your children's health and quality of life by making them physically ill and at a very real risk for permanant injury.

A baby drinking your husband's "formula" alone would probably die.

[elanorh]

If your supply has gone down, get some Mother's Milk Tea and nurse, nurse, nurse. You can rebuild it quickly. I agree with others who say NO pacifier. I rebuilt my supply with dd1 from 9 oz/day all the way to full nursing that lasted 'til she was 2 1/2 years old, it can be done. Oatmeal for breakfast, too!

My second dd was a very efficient nurser (she could do both sides in 5-8 minutes total at that age). It was a significant contrast from my older dd, who was a gourmet who took 45 minutes to an hour each time. But if babe has been gaining like a champ, then you should be fine even as an efficient nurser. BTW, dd2 did start thumbsucking when she was 3 months or so and I just kept offering to nurse whenever I saw that, she wasn't thumbsucking anymore by the time she was 6 months.

I agree with suggestions to have dh go to your next doctor's appointment. If your doctor is supportive of breastfeeding, then you should be able to bring this and your older dd's allergies up in a way that the doctor can explain things to your dh and hopefully he will be more on board at that point.

And, I'm glad that you've talked it out and dh is going to get help. Keep working on it with him; it's difficult to move someone who's depressed, but once he starts getting care and is healthier in mind and body, things will definitely improve.

[SeekingJoy]

If your DH really thought the baby was not getting sufficient BM, why would he not purchase formula? What is with the crazy homemade version?

[Noelle C.]

His child too, technically giving him equal say (he has as much right to not leave YOU alone with the baby as you have to not leave him alone with the baby), but...WTF? Goat milk witj maple syrup? C'mon, at the least he should use formula that is much safer! Breastmilk is definitely best, hands down, but formula won't hurt a baby like this syrupy mess he's feeding the child. He needs to understand babies' bellies only hold so much, and that he's filling his son's belly with sugar instead of nutrition. I want to know where he got the idea that this is a good diet for an infant.

I don't fault him for wanting to help feed his child. Feeding is an excellent bonding time. But goat milk and syrup...!

[momoftworedheads]

First of all, hugs to you and your children mama!

I think that counseling would be really good for DH, I also think that your MIL may be the one who is "behind" the bottles b/c the "formula" that you are talking about is from before I was born in the 70's. My mom told me about homemade formula before. It's a disaster that people think it is ok to feed babies these things!

I would talk to DH about other ways to bond with the baby. He can hold him on his chest and sing to him, check out Dr Sears website, he has a lot of good things Dads can do when they feel left out since their wife is BFing.

Good luck. I hope you can find some support for you!

[jeliphish]

If he is blaitently disregarding their safety like this... What else will he do? Please find a way to intervene now!

[jeliphish]

OP,
Also, and not to be harsh, but seriously a parent feeding a baby raw goat's milk and maple syrup would be a valid reason for social services to get involved. If I received a complaint (as a cps worker) to this nature I would go out immediately to put a safety plan in place. Once again please protect your infant.

[momofmine]

Originally Posted by bluebirdmama1

Also my baby does nurse so quick, somtimes like in 5 min that I think that my baby still needs to suck. Is there a pacifier that is nontoxic and that wont cause nipple confusion or nursing trouble. I think somethong like that may be good for dh to use since my baby like the extra sucking and he really wants some way to connect to the baby. Or is this not a good idea to even get into? I think I need some way for dh to bond with baby, which he has never done. Dh has never had a father figure since his father disowned him and his family when he was a child. Perhaps he doesn't know how to be a proper father?

I would do absolutely NO artificial nipples until your supply is re-established. NO pacifiers, no bottles. And I would not be leaving the baby alone with him at this point anyway, not until lots of time has passed and you are sure things are different. I would not be looking for ways he can feed the baby right now.

Originally Posted by bluebirdmama1

About dh feeding my 2 yr old her allergens, I am not very happy about that. She has leaky gut and can eat almost nothing without breaking out all over. What it is with dh feeding her is like when they go to the park, a stop at the creamy stand is really god intentions giving her a treat, not that that justifies it, but it is really hard for dh to grasp all the allergens she has. It is tough for me too, but I focus on it so much. When I give him a hard time, he may say that it was only a little treat. I wonder if I am too strict and he too lax. Still not a good thing.

Can you provide some acceptable treats and say, "here, give these instead". My husband isn't really into all the particulars about our kids' diet either, but he pretty much does not give them anything without asking me first if he is unsure.

Originally Posted by bluebirdmama1

I am still trying to understand why dh thought he had to give bottles. He really believed that I wasn't feeding baby enough. He really thought that any crying meant he was hungry. Couldn't there be good intention behind it done the wrong way? He really thought the baby was hungry. This makes it tough because nursing a baby full time is hard enough and I need the support. And when he says I am not doing it enough, that makes me want to cry. I am giving so much, and it is like I am unappreciated.

You are probably worn out, still recovering from giving birth, and the stress is getting to you. You must, must, must take care of yourself, mama.

Why do you think he thinks the baby is not getting enough? Do you feel the baby is getting enough? Is the baby gaining weight well? How many times a day does the baby nurse? How many wet diapers every 24 hours? How many poopy diapers larger than a U.S. quarter every 24 hours? You don't have to answer, just some questions to think about to be sure you feel like everything is still okay with your supply.

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by SleeplessMommy

Just a minor reason not to give syrup is the damage it will do to baby teeth. Of course, there is no pediatrician in the USA who will approve the goat milk +syrup, for nutritional reasons.

Unfortunately, that's not true. You can even look on Dr. Sears' website, and he has a recipe for a goat's milk formula using just goat's milk and rice syrup. It's really not a bit mental jump from rice syrup to maple syrup.

OP - I'm glad your DH seems willing to work on the issue with you, but please be attentive to any indicators that he's just paying lip service.

[~Boudicca~]

I don't know if I would be waiting to see if he throws those bottles out, if I were you I'd go smash them with a hammer and throw them out myself.