DS vs. the Cats

[sparklett]

DS is almost 2 1/2. We have never had to put him in time out, never had to consider "punishing" him... we usually just talk out the issues and all is well.

And that's why I'm at a loss about what to do about DS and the cats. We have two cats and DS loves them. He hugs them, feeds them.. that's all acceptable behavior and he knows it. But he also squashes them, picks them up, "dresses" them in toilet paper, chases them, etc. We have one younger cat who actually seeks out DS and seems not to mind the weird attention. But we have a very old cat who is literally about to die any second, and we have to keep him in our bedroom because I'm afraid DS is going to hurt him.

Consequences for being too rough to the cats includes putting the cats away in our room or outside... and that's about it. We tell DS what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable, and that clearly is not working as well as it works in literally ALL other situations. Today I caught myself actually yelling at DS for chasing the cats for the 1,000th time today. Not good.

My main concerns are that he will eventually get bitten or scratched by angry cats, he might hurt the older cat, and he's not learning or demonstrating acceptable behavior around pets.

Help?

[jrabbit]

I'm of the opinion that if kids treat animals roughly, it is perfectly acceptable for that animal to bite or scratch the child. Barring it being a stray or dangerous animal, I believe that consequence is perfectly justified, and I would never ever blame the animal.

However, I'm not suggesting you ignore the behavior - just suggestiing less concern about the potential consequence. I would keep the old cat out of his way til he outgrows the behavior.

[Momma2Gianna]

I agree with previous post. I have a baby gate on my stairs, and the kids in my house (mine and my tenants' kids) know when Kitty is either on his spot in the window or going up the stairs, he is having alone time and is not to be bothered. My tenant's DS has chased my cat several times, and has sustained little scratches as a result. Sometimes letting nature take its course is the best way to go...The cat may be able to teach your child the lesson you cannot by defending himself the only way he knows how.

I would, however, keep the older kitty away, just because he's old...Let the younger playful kitty enjoy the friendship. And let the younger cat set the boundry for what's too rough.

If you're really worried about injury, you can get softpaws for your cat so he can't scratch.

[kimmypoo]

Originally Posted by jrabbit

I'm of the opinion that if kids treat animals roughly, it is perfectly acceptable for that animal to bite or scratch the child. Barring it being a stray or dangerous animal, I believe that consequence is perfectly justified, and I would never ever blame the animal.

However, I'm not suggesting you ignore the behavior - just suggestiing less concern about the potential consequence. I would keep the old cat out of his way til he outgrows the behavior.

I thought that too. My LO constantly tries to "hug" (she nearly strangled her the other day) and mess with our kitty. She has scratched and biten dd several times and dd STILL continues to bother her. The cat finally realized that when dd is coming her way, it's best to go hide.

[JL83]

Why do you punish the cats for your son's behavior?

We take 2 approaches.

1) We have NO problem with DD being scratched or nipped by a cat. Cat's don't have words and can't talk to her, so they use the only language they have. When she gets scratched we are much more sympathetic to the cat and make sure the cat's OK first and then treat her scratch.

2) When she's rough with the cats, she has to go sit on her bed until she's ready to play nicely with them or play with something else. It's not a time out, she can come back at any time. But we're not going to remove the cats. We would sit with her, but she HATES that. We've tried many times to sit with her and cuddle, but that doesn't work for her. Normally she jumps on her bed for awhile. Then she plays with her stuffies and reads a book. Then she comes back down and plays with something else. Sometimes she will cry because it was really was an accident. Then we'll go up and talk with her about how the cats are smaller than her and she needs to be careful.

It's been interesting to see how her reactions are pretty linked to her intent with what she does.

[Wolfcat]

DS and my cat have a love-hate relationship: they love to pretend to hate each other. Currently the cat (who is, in fact, an instigator and not at all innocent in this) sleeps only on the bed where DS is and purrs loudly. DS then eventually wakes up, realizes the cat is intruding on HIS territory, and pushes the cat off the bed, or screams until I let him into my bed (which is like a foot away).

DS also bellyflops onto the cat to give him hugs, chases the cat to "make him go away", and feeds the cat (by dropping the cat food into the water bowl).

The cat on the other hand will tolerate everything DS dishes out. DS says the cat scratches, bites and scares him, but I have yet to see an actual injury (and I tell DS that if he got scratched, leave the cat alone - he does not).

In general, since the cat is a young animal, I let them bicker out their own little household hierarchy battles. I only interfere if there is some serious injury about to happen (DS thinks it would be great fun to kick the cat with his heavy boots on... ). I figure, the cat has only back claws and can run away if he needs to. DS, on the other hand, outweighs the cat by about 15 lbs. It's a pretty even fight...

However, regarding an older cat... well, that depends on the circumstances. If the cat can still move pretty well and has a haven where he can go without being followed by your son, I wouldn't worry about it...

[kiwiva]

We didn't do consequences for DD. We have 3 cats. Two looked after themselves and never got too close to DD, the third stood her ground. DD wasn't rough (never had the opportunity) but she would corner that cat. I did my best to keep them separate but she got scratched a few times and STILL would do it. So I figured if the pain of a wound didn't deter her nothing I could come up with would do so. Of course I tried to keep on top of them bc getting scratched in the eye or something like that was a concern, I didn't just let them have at it. And there were a lot of reminders.

Eventually she just got over it and now she knows to not bother that cat. One of the others doesn't flee her anymore and she is always gentle. She just turned 3 and I think it was a few months ago when all of a sudden I realized she didn't bug the cat anymore. Prior to that the impulse to get to the cat was just too great. So I think you just need to help the kitties help themselves (with gates or whatever) and wait until he gets over it. For a cat that can't help itself, I'd move him to a comfy room (no banishment to the basement) and keep the child away.

[nikkiethridge]

DS does the same thing with a cat we have had for a few days. He's way too overbearing! We are a dog family, so he thinks he can ride on, squish and rough house the cat like he does the dogs.

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by jrabbit

I'm of the opinion that if kids treat animals roughly, it is perfectly acceptable for that animal to bite or scratch the child.

I feel the same way. I sometimes WISH my cat would defend himself and scratch or bite my 4 1/2 year old, rather than me having to constantly monitor my kid and remind her over and over and over to be gentle to him.

[ComplexOphelia]

I swear one of our cats is trying to get us to get rid of the baby. We'll be on the ground playing, and Kitty will come down and lie DIRECTLY in front of Sweet Pea. DS is only 13 months (10 adjusted), and really likes to pull fur/tails/whiskers/ears at the moment. So, inevitably, Kitty's fur/tail/whisker/ear gets pulled, and then he looks at me with these wide eyes - "See how mean he is to me?! I was here FIRST! Send the new one back!"

We're holding hands, saying "gentle," modelling gentle, etc. We do have SoftPaws on the cats, too. This way, they'll still bop him if he goes too far, but can't get any scratches (I nearly lost my eye to a cat scratch as a child, so I'm way overcautious about them!). Also, the SoftPaws protect the couch. It's win-win for everyone (I don't think the cats mind them much, and they get plied with treats to a massive extent during the paw-dicures ).

I totally understand your wanting to keep older kitty away from little hands by putting him in the bedroom! If they're involved to an extent that it's frankly obnoxious and impossible to redirect DS, I'll put the cats in the nursery for a little while to give all of us a break. I've tried to make it as comfy as possible for them - there's a small litter box, cat bed, toys, cardboard scratching thing, etc. Since our house is all open-plan, I can't shut the door to the room we're in and let the cats continue to have free roam of the house.

I think that it's just one of those things that requires constant vigilance and supervision for some kids until they "get it." I'm sure that the human babies' love for furbabies will be expressed in a more positive way in the future!