Has anyone's kid got a piercing/tattoo without asking?

[Oriole]

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. I guess it doesn't matter in the big scheme of things. She is 16. And she should have asked. And we have a whole another set of issues to resolve besides these huge gauges in her ears that appeared "out of nowhere".

On another hand, I know that we'll be looking back at this one as one of the great Thanksgiving stories for the grandkids some day... I know that it is her body and her decisions, and 16 is about old enough. I know that this independence and growing up is coming our way like a fast train. I just wish it came from the inside first and then on the outside, yk?

Anyway. Did your kids ever make any drastic changed to their body without your consultation? Did YOU ever do that in your teenage years? How did you/your parents react?

[MusicianDad]

I got a pierced ear without asking when I was a teen. My mom sorta went a bit overboard before she realized it's just a piercing and at least I didn't go and, like, cut my ear off or anything. My dad didn't notice for about a year and just asked a casual "when did that happen?"

DD once spent a week with my mom and came home with purple bangs. DH and I just took it in stride. At the very least she's old enough to decide on hair colour. She hasn't done anything more drastic then that yet though.

[Irishmommy]

I came home at 12 with pierced ears. But that was a normal piercing. Dd, 15, hasn't done anything like that yet, but she says she wants a tattoo. Better a tattoo than those godawful huge holes in the lobes that people are doing.

She's getting neither, btw.

What did your dd do?

[ArielMomma]

DD got a tongue ring and belly ring without asking. I didn't really care though. There are much worse things she could have done. A friend of mine has a daughter who came home with a very large homemade tramp stamp which reads, "F*** THE HATERS."

If my daughter gets stuff done #1 in good taste and #2 professionally, then I'm not going to raise a fuss. It is her body.

[Dar]

My kid has a tattoo design all picked out, but we figured that getting one right before leaving town wasn't a good idea... especially when going to Russia, since they were being sort of crazy about stuff like HIV tests. She wanted one earlier and we went to a couple places to look into it but they wouldn't do it because she was too young... 13, I think? But she'll be 17 when she gets back so if I go with her it shouldn't be a problem.

I'd have more of an issue with her going behind my back, since here that would mean the tattoo place was breaking the law, and IME high-quality tattoo places are usually not going to do that... and if a place is willing to break that law, I would wonder what other laws they might be breaking. Especially since I'd be willing to go with her... if she did it without me and illegally I think that would just be stupid.

[littleteapot]

Just a note: stretched ears, even 'huge' ones, can be reversed as long as you go slowly and carefully. They may never close up completely but plenty of people go back down to a 'normal' size.

I'm a 0g myself.

[EFmom]

If my child got a piercing or a tattoo without my permission they would be grounded for life.

We have a no-tattoos until you are off our dime policy.

We are crystal clear about it.

I would also look into prosecution to the full extent of the law for whoever committed the act if it were, for example, tattooing a minor, which is illegal in my state.

[SuzyLee]

I got my belly button pierced when I turned 18, behind my mom's back. I thought she wouldn't approve even though I was legally old enough to do it without permission.

She of course ended up seeing it and just rolled her eyes that I had done it in secret.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by ArielMomma

DD got a tongue ring and belly ring without asking. A friend of mine has a daughter who came home with a very large homemade tramp stamp which reads, "F*** THE HATERS."

If my daughter gets stuff done #1 in good taste and #2 professionally, then I'm not going to raise a fuss. It is her body.

But how old are these girls? Under 18 and I would have come completely unhinged.

Originally Posted by EFmom

If my child got a piercing or a tattoo without my permission they would be grounded for life.

We have a no-tattoos until you are off our dime policy.

We are crystal clear about it.

I would also look into prosecution to the full extent of the law for whoever committed the act if it were, for example, tattooing a minor, which is illegal in my state.

I am very "no tattoos or piercings other than the one set of traditional ones in your ears until you are 18" but I consider kids in college to be "on my dime" but also legal adults (though I don't really consider 18, 19, 20 year old kids to be adults but that is another thread) so I would be disappointed but not mad if they did that once they were 18. Under 18 - LIVID. No car, no cell phone, no iPod, no allowance.

I would ABSOLUTELY be filing charges against whoever did that to my kid when she was under 18! OP, did your dd lie or someone else said they were you or do you not need parental sign off or any certain age to get your ears gauged?

[EFmom]

Originally Posted by Kirsten

I am very "no tattoos or piercings other than the one set of traditional ones in your ears until you are 18" but I consider kids in college to be "on my dime" but also legal adults (though I don't really consider 18, 19, 20 year old kids to be adults but that is another thread) so I would be disappointed but not mad if they did that once they were 18.

In my case, I also consider college kids to be on my dime, as we will be paying for college. When they are self-supporting, they can do as they please. But if I'm supporting them, fuggetaboutit. If they choose to get tattooed or additionally pierced while in college, they will find themselves abruptly off my dime.

[Labbemama]

DD asked me if she can get her "monroe" upper lip pierced. I really don't mind. So we have a deal that if she ends self-harming behavior by Christmas I will take her to get it pierced professionally. At this point she is into carving words into her body and getting therapy. So purple hair and a lip ring are the least of my worries. She is 16 1/2

[AidansMommy1012]

I've always loved tattoos, but I didn't get any until I was 18 and in college. I called my sister (younger than me, so still at home) in great excitement after I got my first and got a very nonchalant "Oh, we all figured you'd get one eventually" in response. I'm 25 now and have a half sleeve on my left arm, my husband's initials on my hip, and a full back piece that runs the length of my spine. My mom occasionally asks nervously if I plan on getting more. Piercings are another story; for some reason I've never, never liked piercings and have never had any desire for one. My ears aren't even pierced.

My kids are all still quite young, but they're familiar with tattoos (DH has a few as well); they seem to think that everyone has a tattoo, and really, many people do now. It doesn't mean anything negative about them (unless we're talking gang tattoos or something). All that said, if they want tattoos, they need to wait until they're at least 18. It really is something you carry with you forever; they need to be certain about what they want and not be going with something trendy that's they'll regret in a couple of years.

[yogachick79]

(((hugs))) it will be okay.

I was a very rebellious teenager and had three tattoos by the time I turned 18, my 4th I got shortly after and NONE of them were done at a shop unfortunately. I am VERY VERY open with my eldest DD about what I had to go through. I had a huge lower back tattoo (not tramp stamp thank you) that turned out very badly, spent two years removing it enough to have a beautiful piece put over it. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced, and she was old enough to know how badly I was hurting after each session. Additionally, I've gotten several more as an adult, and DH is tattooed. Our rule is talk to us first. We're not going to say no outright, we just want to help guide you so that you don't have the regrets that I do with a few of mine.

ETA: Oh, and yeah, my parents freaked the ____ out. I was 15 for my first 16, for the second and 17 for the 3rd. Not to mention I went to an all girls private Catholic school that had a no tattoo policy, and they almost got me expelled despite the fact they were all hidden by my uniform.

[GoBecGo]

I pierced my own bellybutton with a darning needle and an ice cube when i was 15. Unfortunately when i was trying to force the sleeper in i fainted.

I dyed my waist-length blonde hair cerise when i was 15 and my mum looked at me and said "wow!" that was it. It was traffic stopping for a few days, but then it began to wash out and was just dirty-pink for weeks!

My DD is only 3.5, so no issues so far (unless you count the relentless drawins she does on her body every day), but so long as she'd talked to me about it i wouldn't be too worried about peircings. Tattoo's i think i'd counsel her to wait and think on it, and then start small so having things covered/removed is less horrific if she decides she doesn't like it. I am looking forward to getting my tattoo which i have been planning for years, once i am done having babies (it's going somewhat on my midriff).

[fairymom]

Last holiday season my dd16 pierced her own lip w/o asking- we didn't notice it till we were at my mom's for diner! I was upset at the time but over it now- it is her body and she's old enough to make some of those decisions herself. Just wish we had been clued in!

[Labbemama]

Yeah my sister did her own bellybutton. My mom made her take it out and she re-did it and it got awful infected and was a huge mess. If they are gonna do it anyways I want to take them to a reputable and sterile place.

DD wants to DESIGN tattoos for people. She did one for a kid at her high school and now I'm curious how the tatoo artists translation turned out.

My problems is I can't imagine wanting anything for life.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by EFmom

If my child got a piercing or a tattoo without my permission they would be grounded for life.

We have a no-tattoos until you are off our dime policy.

We are crystal clear about it.

I would also look into prosecution to the full extent of the law for whoever committed the act if it were, for example, tattooing a minor, which is illegal in my state.

I'm so with you on this!

[PoppyMama]

No tattoos until 18 unless it was a design I felt could stand the test of time and there was a reputable tattoo artist willing to do it. Neither of those are likely to happen. Piercings I'm fine with as long as they aren't "for life" who know what my kids could end up being like as adults. FIW my dh is a piercer and I have scalpel'd ears, nose ring, and a surface bar in my forehead.

Oriole- when you say huge what do you mean? When people stretch up their ears it takes a long time so I don't see how she could have huge holes all of the sudden. If someone scalpel'd her ears without parental permission I would be horrified and worried that the person who did it was not professional at all.

[amynbebes]

My 14 yr old has about 4 new holes in her ears and I more scolded her on how unsanitary it is to pierce yourself in the way that she was doing it. She's gauging her ears now but had to ask about that since I have to buy the gauges for her. I don't care that she has ear piercings though. I pierced my own eyebrow when I was about 16, came home from school and my mom literally screamed until I removed it. I got it professionally done at 18

[enkmom]

What would I have done? Probably rant and rave a little bit and then let it go - what's done is done, and there are worse things to do. The tattoo shops here are hyper-vigilant about checking ID's, so a tattoo wouldn't have happened.

My adult daughter did keep me in the dark about a piercing once. She had her nose pierced, with my permission, on her 17th birthday. She got an infection and a keloid, and had to have a steroid shot in her nose - OUCH! Her nose looked like it was rotting for about 6 weeks. On her 19th birthday, while away at school, she had it done again. She called me about 2 weeks after the fact because she had another infection and another keloid. She didn't tell me before hand because she "knew I would just try to talk her out of it".

I tried to ground a kid for life once. It just made that kid into a kid with nothing to lose - scary stuff.