Has anyone's kid got a piercing/tattoo without asking? - Page 2

[Oriole]

Well, here is what happened over here...

About couple of weeks ago dsd pierced her ear (a regular second piercing) while at her friend's. She never told us. DP noticed it, and had an easy talk "if you are going to do something like this in the future, please discuss, okay? okay."

Last week she went to work at the mall, and when we stopped by to visit and just to say hello she had gauges in her ears. DP didn't even bring it up until after work. He very calmly offered her two options: to lose her job as she obviously using the money to do things behind our back, or to take out the gauges.

Well, dsd still has her job.

[mum06]

I'm loving this thread. As a teenager (15) I double pierced my ears without permission. My parents freaked out. So I did it again and again and again until I had five piercings in one ear and six in the other. And when I was 17 and the ear piercing thing was old news and my mom was bugging me about school pictures, I pierced my eyebrow (which only lasted through school pictures). And at 19 I pierced my nose (which got infected and ugly and didn't last much longer after that. All because it made my parents mad.

So when my teenagers (stepdaughters) were interested in the whole piercing thing I showed them my ugly old-lady ears with ugly holes in them. I showed them the scar by my eyebrow. When I caught my 13 with a home made belly button ring, we made her take it out (I can't remember how we enforced this though. Regular belly button checks?) and handed her the tube of neosporin, explaining how deep puncture wounds are hard to heal.

My husband has tatoos that he got in his late 20's. He always told his daughters the spiritual significance of his tatoos. And I always pointed out how ugly tatoos are on old people. I told them stories of a gal I knew that got a cute sun on her abdomen. And then she had a baby and the sun looked like a deflated balloon.

Another strategy DH and I used was to talk about something in front of the girls, but not to them. Like, "Know what I saw today?" or "I knew someone in college who..." or "I had lots of friends that did XYZ, but I didn't because one day I saw an old lady who..."

When one daughter was 18 and supporting herself, she pierced her nose. My husband immediately disowned her and said she would never be welcomed in his house again. After he calmed down he only embarassed her by having her little brother hand her a bandaid for her yucky nose. When the other daughter was 19 and supporting herself, she got a tattoo on her foot; a place that wouldn't stretch with age and that could be hidden under socks. So we certainly didn't keep them from piercing or tatooing, but at least they put a lot of thought into what they did...but not because they wanted to please/displease us, but because they considered their VANITY! Hahaha!

[mystiquesmom]

I had my ears pierced a bunch before I turned 18, but left the navel, tongue, nipples, and nose until after I turned 18. Boy, my parents were not happy about that at all(any of them). They still don't know about my tattoo, and I'm 34.

My DS's are still small, but I plan on not making it a huge deal if they want to get something done, as long is it's tasteful and done by a professional. Tattoos I would make them wait for a little while to see if they still like it after a long time frame. It's their body.

[mangopassion]

Originally Posted by ArielMomma

A friend of mine has a daughter who came home with a very large homemade tramp stamp which reads, "F*** THE HATERS."

If either of my underage children got a tattoo like this I would immediately take them to start the removal process. The pain of getting the tattoo removed would just be a circumstance of what they've done.

Originally Posted by AidansMommy1012

I've always loved tattoos ...

It doesn't mean anything negative about them (unless we're talking gang tattoos or something). All that said, if they want tattoos, they need to wait until they're at least 18. It really is something you carry with you forever; they need to be certain about what they want and not be going with something trendy that's they'll regret in a couple of years.

I've always liked tattoos, too. I have one and plan on getting at least two more. For me, they have to be in discreet places and you'd have to know me pretty darn well to ever see them. But that's just me. I have no problem seeing others' tattoos.

PeachyPapa and I have discussed that we would like our children to be at least 18 before getting a tattoo because of the "forever factor" and we don't want them haphazardly picking out a tattoo because it's trendy.

Ear piercings -- CherryPie got hers done when she was 3 months old. I don't mind her piercing her ears more, but I don't think I'd let her do the big holes in her lobes. PeachyPapa and I have also discussed this and agree that she cannot get her belly button pierced until she's at least 16. Maybe her eyebrow or nose when she's 15? As long as they are tastefully done.

PeachyPapa's little cousin got her spine (back of the neck) pierced! I had never even heard of this until I saw hers. I have to admit, it's very pretty, especially on someone like her. It's just one little diamond stud at the base of her neck. I think it's called microdermal implant piercing.

I was trying to find a photo of a spinal piercing (the tasteful kind like the above mentioned), but I found this instead. BEWARE: It's kind of gross!

[KaylaBeanie]

Tattoos and piercings were battles my parents didn't want to fight. The compromise was that we go to reputable shops after a lot of thought, and they would sign for us. My sister incidentally is 16, with no tattoos, no piercings, and no plans to ever get even her ears pierced. I got my belly button pierced at 16, my first tattoo at 17, my ears double pierced at 17, my tragus at 17 as a graduation present, my second tattoo as an early 18th birthday present, my nose right after turning 18(took it out a week later), my nose again shortly before turning 19(took it out again), added onto my first tattoo a month before turning 19, my third tattoo at 19, and my rook a week before my 20th birthday as a present from my grandma. My parents are fine with what I have, though they prefer me to hold off on more tattoos for now.

My kids will grow up with a respect for safe and elective body modification. Since guns are dangerous for ear piercing, my kids won't have pierced ears until at least age 12, the age most piercing shops will do lobes. At age 16, I'd be willing to sign for most piercings. The only thing I have little patience for is stretched ears...I'm not a fan, so my kids would need to wait until they're 18. Tattoos, that depends. I love my tattoos, I'm happy I have them. It would depend on the maturity of my child and the type and location of design. Once they're 18, whether I'm paying for their college or not, they have the choice what to do with their bodies piercing and tattoo-wise.

However, it's a known fact that kids are hideously embarrassed by anything their parents do. So, given the fact I'm pierced and tattooed, I'm counting on my kids thinking I'm the most awkward weirdo ever, and never getting tattoos or piercings

[Happiestever]

Originally Posted by EFmom

If my child got a piercing or a tattoo without my permission they would be grounded for life.

We have a no-tattoos until you are off our dime policy.

We are crystal clear about it.

I would also look into prosecution to the full extent of the law for whoever committed the act if it were, for example, tattooing a minor, which is illegal in my state.

This reminds me of a girl I knew who was pregnant at 16/17. We were talking about random stuff and I noticed she didn't have her ears pierced. She then told me "My dad would kill me" I laughed to myself, because here she was pregnant and still in high school, but afraid of her dad's reaction to a piercing. Talk about priorities.

I do like this policy though, and being clear about your expectations really does help. Though I got my piercing and tattoos at 17 w/o telling my mom. She was more upset about the tongue than the tattoo. Or maybe I hadn't done that yet (or at least she hadn't seen it)? Kids! Sometimes we just have to make our own mistakes. In the grand scheme of things, piercing or tattoos (at least tasteful ones) are really not as bad as drugs or drinking and driving, so I may have to chalk it up to life experiences.

[lorijds]

Originally Posted by Dar

I'd have more of an issue with her going behind my back, since here that would mean the tattoo place was breaking the law, and IME high-quality tattoo places are usually not going to do that... and if a place is willing to break that law, I would wonder what other laws they might be breaking. Especially since I'd be willing to go with her... if she did it without me and illegally I think that would just be stupid.

This.

We've discussed this quite a bit at our house. I have three tattoos and ear piercings, DH has no tattoos or piercings. Many of our friends have full sleeves, multiple piercings, gauges, whatever. I will continue to add to my tattoos, probably my entire life.

Our children know our expectations. Nothing unsafe or completely stupid, basically. It's not a power or judgement issue, it's an issue of concern for their safety. Any body modification has inherent health risks, some more than others. Any place that is willing to perform body modification illegally is doing other things illegally. I've also pointed out examples of homemade/poor quality modifications, in an effort to help my kids understand that a body modification is forever, and you get what you pay for. It's only smart to save up to have the best in your area do your piercing or tattooing.

My teens know that mouth piercings are the one thing that is absolutely not allowed in our house, and if they decide to get one not only will I be completely, outrageously pi$$ed off, but they better have their own health and dental insurance by then. We put 5K of orthodontics into each of their mouths. There is no way they are going to eff that up for a piercing. Before they got the work done, we discussed it, and they agreed to it. Mouth piercings have a high rate of infection and complications (hello, permanent nerve damage), they cause a variety of dental issues, and we (in the health care industry) are seeing an increasing number of pts who have to have surgery or treatment for swallowing or aspirating part of the piercing jewelry. Our daughters know that our stance on this has nothing to do with whether we like or dislike the mouth piercings, it's about safety. In my professional opinion, mouth piercings are not worth the health risk; and as I pay their health insurance and am morally, ethically, and legally responsible for their health at this point in their lives, those types of body modifications are the only type that are flat out forbidden.

And I would disagree with the previous poster who says that old tattoos are ugly. I love to see old tattoos on my patients. They are beautiful, just like scars, saggy breasts, wrinkles, "sunspots" and other signs of aging. They represent a long life, fully and interestingly lived, with hopes, dreams, joy, tears, and disappointments.

[jocelyndale]

My biggest concern would be the place where the mod was done. Is it clean? A reputable place generally won't modify a minor without a parent present. So did she lie or did they not check? And if I at all suspected that the place wasn't reputable or clean, my kid would be heading to the doc for a nice round of bloodwork.

I trust a couple place in town, but there's one I don't trust at all.

[Bea]

I went into town at aged 13 and got my ears pierced and waited for the excrement to hit the fan when I got home...I'd been told 'no' previously.

The outcome? Two weeks later both my sisters got their ears pierced and about a month later my mum did.



I developed a habit of piercing my left ear (I'm right handed) periodically when I was bored as a teen and wanted to add to my 'look'.

I'm now a 38 year old, perfectly normal person who you wouldn't look at twice in the street (well except for the perforated left ear if you look closely).

[Mountaingirl79]

I was also a teen who had piercings and tattoos by the age of 18. I have 7 total holes in my ears ( still there, but I dont normally wear earrings anymore...go figure...) one of them in the cartilage. I had my tongue pierced when I was 17, and took it out to close up when I was 21.( I never had any dental problems due to the piercing actually,and I found it to be a very easy to maintain piercing, also it closed up the same day i decided to take it out...easy peasy...) I have a tattoo on my leg that I got by a friend when I was also 17.
My parents did flip out and I was one of those kids who was grounded for life. I agree with the PP that it just made me feel like I had nothing to lose. What were they going to take away next? My birthday? LOL

Now that I am 30 years old, none of that matters anymore. I am a completely average looking adult. Whatever that means.

When or if my boys want tattoos or piercings, I will have a long talk about cleanliness and taking care of it...then I will happily sign and hold their hand while they get it done.

I say pick your battles....this is not one I will fight.

[mommaof3boz]

I am curious for those of you who are adamently against the tattoos and piercing how old are your kids?

[EFmom]

Originally Posted by mommaof3boz

I am curious for those of you who are adamently against the tattoos and piercing how old are your kids?

Mine are 12 and 9. The twelve year old has her ears pierced (once) and she just had that done a few months ago. The nine year old would like to have her ears pierced, but may not until she turns 12.

My kids dislike additional piercings and tattoos almost as much as I do, and I certainly hope it stays that way.

[mommaof3boz]

I am curious how you determined age 12. I swear I'm not trying to flame anyone. I have all boys and the ear piercing is much less of an issue. My oldest wanted his done for his 13th birthday. Took him to a reputable place and had it done. After six months he was over it, took it out and let it close. Can't tell where it was at all.

We've had a few discussions about tattoos. I have told them I won't sign for it, they have to wait til they are 18 and make their own decision. After that it is totally up to them. Even if they are in college and I'm paying for it. If they are old enough to vote and serve in the military they can make their own decisions on piercing and tattoos.

Our talks have been positive. Since we live in a rural area they all feel like they would like a tattoo but only where it can be covered for work/job interviews ie upper arm, back. They are not at all interested in facial piercings.

Once they are mobile with their own cars etc you just don't have the control anymore. You can talk to them but ultimately if they want one bad enough they'll get one. I would never scream and shout and punish over it. I'd let them know I didn't think it was the best decision. If I go crazy over a piercing or something what would happen if they wanted to tell me their girlfriend was pregnant or something really important? probably they wouldn't feel comfortable coming to me.

I am shocked to be honest with the ones that said if their kid were in college and they were paying theyd be furious about it. Really? Good student, no arrests, no drugs, just one tattoo? Really?

[SarahElizabeth]

My mother paid for my first "non-normal" piercing (labret) when i was 14. At 15 me and a friend swung by the parlour and i got my eyebrow pierced. At 18, again on a whim, i got my nose pierced.

My parents did not give a hoot. I got them done professionally, it was my body, and my mother figured i'd end up that way - she's a pierced, tattooed mama herself. No tattoos for me, though. The piercings no longer remain, either. To look at me now, you'd never guess i was all for facial piercings in my teens.

[EFmom]

Originally Posted by mommaof3boz

I am curious how you determined age 12.
I am shocked to be honest with the ones that said if their kid were in college and they were paying theyd be furious about it. Really? Good student, no arrests, no drugs, just one tattoo? Really?

Twelve seemed like a reasonable age to me for the ear piercing because it's a right of passage on entering jr. high, and it's an age where the child can take care of the piercing and is old enough to fully understand the process.

And yes, as long as my kids want me to pay for college, there will be no additional piercings or any tattoos. End of story. If they want to do that so badly that they cannot delay until college is over, then they can be self-supporting and pay for school themselves. We are, and have been, crystal clear about this from an early age, so this will come as no suprise. We have a long track record of not offering idle threats and following up with what we say.

[rainbowmoon]

no (my kids are very young yet) but I got a tattoo the week I turned 18! Now I regret it of course. Hoping my kids will learn from my mistake..

[rainbowmoon]

they could always get around this by getting one that's easily hidden (I had several friends who did this in HS!)

Originally Posted by EFmom

Twelve seemed like a reasonable age to me for the ear piercing because it's a right of passage on entering jr. high, and it's an age where the child can take care of the piercing and is old enough to fully understand the process.

And yes, as long as my kids want me to pay for college, there will be no additional piercings or any tattoos. End of story. If they want to do that so badly that they cannot delay until college is over, then they can be self-supporting and pay for school themselves. We are, and have been, crystal clear about this from an early age, so this will come as no suprise. We have a long track record of not offering idle threats and following up with what we say.

[EFmom]

Originally Posted by rainbowmoon

they could always get around this by getting one that's easily hidden (I had several friends who did this in HS!)

Maybe, but highly unlikely. We spend time together at a family camp with communal facilities. If they want to chance it, I suppose they can, but I sincerely doubt they are that stupid.

[demottm]

My mom forbid me to get anything done. When I was young I wanted my ears pierced so badly. After years of wanting and begging she gave in when I was 12...and took my 9yo sister to get hers done as well. I was pissed. When I was 15 the s*** hit the fan. My mother was so overprotective and had grounded me "for life" for some silly thing and I didn't have anything to lose. So I started piercing myself for "fun". It started with my ears. Then I did my own eyebrow, belly button, and tongue. I didn't have proper jewelery for any of it so they all got infected and are scars now. I also moved out when I was 17.

My mom expresses every time she gets the chance that I have ruined the perfect body that God gave me. With all the holes and 2 tattoos, she would barely know it was me.

What I'm trying to say is please love your daughter for who she is. It will make her love you and herself more.

[Shenjall]

Originally Posted by KaylaBeanie

..snip....
My kids will grow up with a respect for safe and elective body modification. Since guns are dangerous for ear piercing, my kids won't have pierced ears until at least age 12, the age most piercing shops will do lobes. At age 16, I'd be willing to sign for most piercings. The only thing I have little patience for is stretched ears...I'm not a fan, so my kids would need to wait until they're 18. Tattoos, that depends. I love my tattoos, I'm happy I have them. It would depend on the maturity of my child and the type and location of design. Once they're 18, whether I'm paying for their college or not, they have the choice what to do with their bodies piercing and tattoo-wise.

However, it's a known fact that kids are hideously embarrassed by anything their parents do. So, given the fact I'm pierced and tattooed, I'm counting on my kids thinking I'm the most awkward weirdo ever, and never getting tattoos or piercings

This is our house. You want to modify your body? Our requirement is that it is done safely and legally. Thats pretty much it. And we'd like to be a part of it. Not to "oversee" or be "overbearing" but it's an important moment in a persons life (for us anyway) and we'd like to be able to share it with them. Whether its being there, or making it a bday gift, or just waiting for them to come home and saying "Ok! Lets see it! Lets see it!"

Originally Posted by lorijds

...snipping again.....
And I would disagree with the previous poster who says that old tattoos are ugly. I love to see old tattoos on my patients. They are beautiful, just like scars, saggy breasts, wrinkles, "sunspots" and other signs of aging. They represent a long life, fully and interestingly lived, with hopes, dreams, joy, tears, and disappointments.

I could not agree with you more.