Originally Posted by Noelle C.
I have a very unpopular opinion about child support and how men have NO say whatsoever in children being born, and how men are so often denied much time with their children, yet are forced to foot all the bills, giving mothers the benefit of time with the child free of most of the financial burden. But we shouldn't go there unless others here agree with me that child support often screws over fathers and, while a nice idea in theory, is so broken in practice.
The Nolo Press books. I'm telling you, Nolo Press. Even has all the forms. Attorneys themselves recommend these books for people who can't afford to retain attorney services. They are thorough and have all you need and walk you through the process.
I'm a fathers' rights advocate partially for reasons like this. One man I knew of was ordered to pay $4,500 per month for two kids on a gross income of $3,000. Reason given by the court was his ex-wife moved to an expensive area, and that much was needed to prevent the kids from sticking out like sore thumbs around the rich kids. So he had to give 100% of his income and live in shelters so she could live in Woodside, California (you don't want to know how much homes run for there), and live a wealthy life.
Despite giving literally everything he has, he's considered to be a deadbeat by the state because he's in arrears.
You have two options in this case. You can file married-filing-separately so that any money due back to you isn't joint. Joint assets are fair game to the court. Individual assets generally aren't.
Or you can divorce.
A divorce doesn't have to mean the relationship ends. It means you are no longer viewed as an official couple in the eyes of the state. Big deal what the government thinks. Be married in spirit, even if not on paper. You two have a child together, correct? That child needs to eat too.
To pay for a divorce, you can do it yourself. The fees can be waived with a fee waiver, also known as a forma pauperis (poor form!).
You need to think about your child. Which do you want more, for the child to eat, or for the government to acknowledge your relationship?
We had no idea how the system worked. We paid all her child support for years. We kept all the copies of the checks. We were told by the state that legally, that was ALL we had to do. His ex threatened us to never have children of our own and when she found out I was in the hospital with an ectopic pregnancy, she called and said we had to be punished. She lied and told the state my husband had never given her anything in child support and claimed we owed her $20k. DH had his hearing thinking he was so smart because he had copies of everything we paid her. The state looked over the paperwork and then essentially told his ex "you know, this isn't considered legal child support if you claim it was all just 'gifts.'" That's it in a nutshell. They didn't give us any way out. There are no words to describe how I feel about the situation.
So yeah. According to the state, it seems like ALL dads are deadbeat dads. They all hate their children and don't want the responsibility of their kids and deserve to fry. It burns me up that we live in this kind of a world. You'd think at least the US would make sense when it comes to this kind of thing. It's so sad
Thank you for the info on Nolo Press. I'll see what we can do and if it will help.
I know we could still have a relationship if we were divorced, but I can't. I just can't. My marriage means everything to me, even if it's only in name and I feel like if we were forced to divorce it would just be one more victory for her. I just can't let that be. If we were faced with homelessness again, I would do it, but at this point, I can't bear to think about it.
Definitely I can provide for my daughter, especially food. That was part of our reasoning to move to Hawaii. All the free food. We live on an organic farm and the owner lets us munch all we want. There's way too much for his family to eat
We eat so amazingly healthy and I'd never let my daughter go hungry. If things got so bad that she couldn't eat, family would send us some money for her, no problem.
Thanks! You've helped so much!