I don't know what to do - Page 4

[p1gg1e]

Originally Posted by gentlemango

Not sure how you're gonna fix that one, though, cause the baby is housed in her body and our society right now gives her the right to decide what to do with that baby. It's an unfair deal for the guy, though, you have to admit.

OP - seems there isn't a solution. Maybe try to work on his relationship with the ex and come to a better agreement? Can you find family on either side to move in with and change your living situation? rent out a room etc. Otherwise you will have to sit tight and know that with this partner comes these restrictions and battles. Live in an RV?

[swd12422]

Originally Posted by amberskyfire

We can't. We thought of it, but it's illegal.

I was thinking paycut too. Why is it illegal?? Things are tough all over and lots of people are getting reductions in pay/hours w/o having to lose their jobs completely. Is he paid hourly, so that he can just reduce his hours? That would reduce his take-home without affecting his pay rate. (And it could give you some extra help at home, too.)

Sorry you're going through this. I wish there were a more simple solution than fighting the system.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by gentlemango

So could the girl?

The inequality is that currently one parent is allowed to force parenthood on the other parent. Or, one parent is allowed to decide to terminate a pregnancy even if the baby is wanted by the other parent. Like w/ the OP, one parent is allowed to sign the other parent up for a lifetime of financial & emotional committment, a choice that she had the right to decline for herself.

Not sure how you're gonna fix that one, though, cause the baby is housed in her body and our society right now gives her the right to decide what to do with that baby. It's an unfair deal for the guy, though, you have to admit.

Right - but I don't hear of many women raping men. Or Maybe the girl wants a baby - so why would she say no? I'll teach my sons not to have sex unless they are prepared for a child. Period.

[Tradd]

Originally Posted by swd12422

I was thinking paycut too. Why is it illegal?? Things are tough all over and lots of people are getting reductions in pay/hours w/o having to lose their jobs completely. Is he paid hourly, so that he can just reduce his hours? That would reduce his take-home without affecting his pay rate. (And it could give you some extra help at home, too.)

Sorry you're going through this. I wish there were a more simple solution than fighting the system.

Illegal because it'd be done *specifically* to get benefits (food stamps and whatever else) back after they were lost due to the pay increase.

[amberskyfire]

Thanks, everyone

We had a talk and as it turns out, he couldn't take the paycut anyway because he still has to pay the extra $100+ for his insurance which he is required by law to have. We wouldn't be able to afford that otherwise.

It looks like there is not much solution, so I'm hoping that now that my daughter is getting older and is needing less and less time with me during the day, I can see if I'm able to work more hours than I am now. We'll see how it goes.

I was hoping there was someone in the government I could appeal to about our income to get help, but I guess it's a pretty dead-end road. I'm going to have to do some thinking outside the box to figure this one out. We can do it!

Mahalo nui loa!

[MangoMommy]

I'm sorry. I'm in Hawaii too, on O'ahu, I wish I could help you or advise you in some way. And you're right, where you are on BI really isn't that bad a COL actually.

[amberskyfire]

Originally Posted by MangoMommy

I'm sorry. I'm in Hawaii too, on O'ahu, I wish I could help you or advise you in some way. And you're right, where you are on BI really isn't that bad a COL actually.

My husband is looking for jobs on O'ahu, but only government jobs. If he had one paying 60-80k, which is what they offer, we could afford to live there AND pay off our debt in just a few months which would be beyond awesome.

But yeah, I love how cheap it is here in Hilo. Everyone keeps telling me we should move because the cost of living here is so high. I'm like "really? I pay $500 a month to rent this house and we don't have to drive much anywhere and we have practically no electric bill because we don't need to heat or cool the house." I think people only think it's expensive because they've only been to Honolulu or Maui and they see the high prices in all the tourist shops and think everything must be like that. They don't realize that people who live there don't need all of that touristy stuff. We used to live in Texas and it is WAY cheaper to live here. It's amazing.

[MangoMommy]

Oh good luck to your husband on his job hunt. It does suck...most jobs are here on O'ahu and we have a higher cost of living. Costco is great for saving on groceries but yikes, rent and mortgages are HUGE here!!!

[amberskyfire]

Originally Posted by MangoMommy

Oh good luck to your husband on his job hunt. It does suck...most jobs are here on O'ahu and we have a higher cost of living. Costco is great for saving on groceries but yikes, rent and mortgages are HUGE here!!!

I know! I've seen the crazy prices! I showed a friend a little rental out there and she said "$2000 a month for THAT? I wouldn't pay that for a mortgage!"

[dovergirl]

Can you find odd jobs for cash where you can bring your daughter? Not ideal, I know but just something to help get by until your hubs get a better job. Cleaning, cooking, yardwork or running errands for older people who, by the way, would just love to visit with your daughter might bring in enough cash to help you get by. Tough situation, mama. Good luck to you.

[amberskyfire]

Originally Posted by dovergirl

Can you find odd jobs for cash where you can bring your daughter? Not ideal, I know but just something to help get by until your hubs get a better job. Cleaning, cooking, yardwork or running errands for older people who, by the way, would just love to visit with your daughter might bring in enough cash to help you get by. Tough situation, mama. Good luck to you.

I already do work full-time with my daughter. When I have to go out on jobs, I get to take her with me too so I really love my work I own my own company. I do business solutions for small businesses which also includes local photography. I do professional photo shoots of properties for overseas investors and also vacation rentals for the locals. It pays pretty well, but business is slow now because of the economy

[dovergirl]

That sound like a great business for Hawaii! I certainly didn't mean to minimize your work, I was just brainstorming for ways to bring in extra cash. If business is slow, you might need to "fill in the cracks" per se. Working with a toddler is not easy and I applaud your initiative.

[Treasuremapper]

Before you go bankruptcy, check out the forums over at http://www.creditboards.com/mambo/

There is so much good information there. I stumbled across it when searching for information on mortgages.

[amberskyfire]

Originally Posted by Treasuremapper

Before you go bankruptcy, check out the forums over at http://www.creditboards.com/mambo/

There is so much good information there. I stumbled across it when searching for information on mortgages.

Thank you! I will go check it out.

[Paxjourney]

Originally Posted by amberskyfire

Thanks, everyone!

No, there is no possibility of filing for bankruptcy. We've already considered that many times over the years. For one thing, the debt is for supposed child support, so they will not take it into account with the bankruptcy. Also, we do not have any money to pay a lawyer. None. Nada. Not one dollar. I know it's easy even for poor people to come up with that kind of money, but for us, $1000 may as well be a billion dollars. I barely make that much a year.

Thanks, though

Originally Posted by amberskyfire

I already do work full-time with my daughter. When I have to go out on jobs, I get to take her with me too so I really love my work I own my own company. I do business solutions for small businesses which also includes local photography. I do professional photo shoots of properties for overseas investors and also vacation rentals for the locals. It pays pretty well, but business is slow now because of the economy

I think that its wonderful you have a job that you love and that you can bring your daughter with you. I think alot of people have offered alot of good ideas. I think looking into finding a second job for one of you would be a good idea, the suggestion of odd shifting was a good one thus not having to pay for childcare. You stated that you barely make $1000 in one year. Honestly that means your job is more of a hobby than an income maker and you need an income maker, looking into something that will give you an INCOME at this time would help make ends meet.

[amberskyfire]

Originally Posted by Paxjourney

I think that its wonderful you have a job that you love and that you can bring your daughter with you. I think alot of people have offered alot of good ideas. I think looking into finding a second job for one of you would be a good idea, the suggestion of odd shifting was a good one thus not having to pay for childcare. You stated that you barely make $1000 in one year. Honestly that means your job is more of a hobby than an income maker and you need an income maker, looking into something that will give you an INCOME at this time would help make ends meet.

The issue with the job thing is that I can make more money at my job, it's just that I have a little girl to take care of. Even if there was a job I could get (and believe me, there is not - there are no jobs here. You have to create your own if you want a job in Hawaii) I'd not be able to raise my daughter and I'd be spending that extra money on childcare anyway. I think this really is the best way to do it. There's no reason for me to get a job outside the home making just a little more money doing it and then have to spend all that extra on childcare. I'd rather raise my daughter. Raising my children myself is my #1 priority right now, especially since there is no acceptable childcare where we are.

Aw, crud, plus I forgot that if I make any more money than I am now, my daughter loses her Medicaid and I'd have to pay an additional $200 a month to put her on either my or my husband's insurance. Dang! I'd forgotten that one. Plus, I'd have to buy a car to get to said job and then I'd have to commute to it every day and you do not even WANT to know what the cost of gas is here. The car would also require insurance payments.

It's a pickle to be in, to be sure, but at least I'm very very lucky that I can raise my daughter myself.

[mtm]

If you posted some budget numbers, we may be able to offer budget help. If you post general income and bills, we may find ways to help you cut.

Is there any possibility of appeal with WIC and medicaid? Would involving your state/fed representative help with an appeal?

[Mandynee22]

Originally Posted by amberskyfire

We had no idea how the system worked. We paid all her child support for years. We kept all the copies of the checks. We were told by the state that legally, that was ALL we had to do. His ex threatened us to never have children of our own and when she found out I was in the hospital with an ectopic pregnancy, she called and said we had to be punished. She lied and told the state my husband had never given her anything in child support and claimed we owed her $20k. DH had his hearing thinking he was so smart because he had copies of everything we paid her. The state looked over the paperwork and then essentially told his ex "you know, this isn't considered legal child support if you claim it was all just 'gifts.'" That's it in a nutshell. They didn't give us any way out. There are no words to describe how I feel about the situation.!

I hate to be the one to say it, but that's child support 101. They will tell the NCP right off at the court house "DO NOT give cash, checks, money orders or anything else to the CP because it will not be considered child support payments and will not be counted towards what you owe- no matter what the memo line might say"
That sucks that she's so... vindictive :-(
I hope you find a way out- I don't have one. The divorce idea sounds like it might work but if you still live together and whatever social programs your using finds out... well, it might NOT be a good idea after all

[Paxjourney]

Originally Posted by amberskyfire

The issue with the job thing is that I can make more money at my job, it's just that I have a little girl to take care of. Even if there was a job I could get (and believe me, there is not - there are no jobs here. You have to create your own if you want a job in Hawaii) I'd not be able to raise my daughter and I'd be spending that extra money on childcare anyway. I think this really is the best way to do it. There's no reason for me to get a job outside the home making just a little more money doing it and then have to spend all that extra on childcare. I'd rather raise my daughter. Raising my children myself is my #1 priority right now, especially since there is no acceptable childcare where we are.

Aw, crud, plus I forgot that if I make any more money than I am now, my daughter loses her Medicaid and I'd have to pay an additional $200 a month to put her on either my or my husband's insurance. Dang! I'd forgotten that one. Plus, I'd have to buy a car to get to said job and then I'd have to commute to it every day and you do not even WANT to know what the cost of gas is here. The car would also require insurance payments.

It's a pickle to be in, to be sure, but at least I'm very very lucky that I can raise my daughter myself.

I do understand about not wanting to have your child in daycare (thats why I thought the odd shifting was a good ides that way your DD stays with daddy etc) Also I totally understand the fine line between making to much to qualify and not making enough for anything else. We spent the first few years of our marriage that way, thankfully DH was in the military and we had healthcare coverage. Hopefully as your daughter gets older you can grow your business more.

[amberskyfire]

Originally Posted by Paxjourney

I do understand about not wanting to have your child in daycare (thats why I thought the odd shifting was a good ides that way your DD stays with daddy etc) Also I totally understand the fine line between making to much to qualify and not making enough for anything else. We spent the first few years of our marriage that way, thankfully DH was in the military and we had healthcare coverage. Hopefully as your daughter gets older you can grow your business more.

That's the outside-the-box thinking I'm working on now - how to get her to entertain herself more so I can get more work hours in. That's my new strategy this week - come up with enough ways to keep her entertained so I can get work done!

I can probably work on the laptop outside while she plays. She loves going outside. I'm thinking of coming up with some new games as well. Maybe I can look for one of those kiddie pools on Freecycle and she can splash around for a few hours in the shade while I sit "poolside" and work. We'll see!