I've been considering two conflicting ideas and would appreciate some insight from other MDC mamas.
First, there is the idea that children should be allowed to express negative emotions (to the point that no one is being hurt)- like tantrums, for instance- so they can express themselves fully and not have all these bad feelings locked inside to turn into deeper problems.
Then, there is the idea that within their little brains, neurological patterns of behaviour form in response to patterns of behaviour which are repeated often, so that these behaviours become the default reaction.
SOOOOO... I guess I am wondering this because I've tried to mostly let my 2nd DS express himself, and he's only become *more* prone to tantrums and my DH and my mother, rather than argue with me about how I parent (which they know is not cool), just seem to not want to be the ones to be his caretaker because they find it so difficult to deal with him. He is a classic 2 year old- wants something very much, then changes his mind back and forth, and melts down no matter what you end up doing (like about which shoes to wear, what food to eat first if there are more than one kind at the table, whether or not he wants to sit in his stroller or walk next to big brother- and it's not that we offer him choices, its that he asks to do the opposite of what he *is* doing, then waffles back to what he was previously doing).
I'm starting to doubt that my two year old really benefits from all the freedom to express himself. He feels frustrated so much, and just goes right from frustrated to exploding (whereas with DS1, who was put in his room or otherwise restrained from flipping out, he exited the tantrum stage more quickly because he knew we wouldn't put up with it). I guess, I have come to the point in my own life where I look at "self-expression" as being positive and valuable more so when it is accompanied by the discipline of self control, because spewing out a bunch of negative emotions doesn't make the world a better place for me or others; channeling them into positive action does. Obviously a 2 yr old doesn't know how to do this yet, but in letting them repeatedly flare their tempers, couldn't this become a "learned behaviour"- a go to response for how to act when frustrated?
First, there is the idea that children should be allowed to express negative emotions (to the point that no one is being hurt)- like tantrums, for instance- so they can express themselves fully and not have all these bad feelings locked inside to turn into deeper problems.
Then, there is the idea that within their little brains, neurological patterns of behaviour form in response to patterns of behaviour which are repeated often, so that these behaviours become the default reaction.
SOOOOO... I guess I am wondering this because I've tried to mostly let my 2nd DS express himself, and he's only become *more* prone to tantrums and my DH and my mother, rather than argue with me about how I parent (which they know is not cool), just seem to not want to be the ones to be his caretaker because they find it so difficult to deal with him. He is a classic 2 year old- wants something very much, then changes his mind back and forth, and melts down no matter what you end up doing (like about which shoes to wear, what food to eat first if there are more than one kind at the table, whether or not he wants to sit in his stroller or walk next to big brother- and it's not that we offer him choices, its that he asks to do the opposite of what he *is* doing, then waffles back to what he was previously doing).
I'm starting to doubt that my two year old really benefits from all the freedom to express himself. He feels frustrated so much, and just goes right from frustrated to exploding (whereas with DS1, who was put in his room or otherwise restrained from flipping out, he exited the tantrum stage more quickly because he knew we wouldn't put up with it). I guess, I have come to the point in my own life where I look at "self-expression" as being positive and valuable more so when it is accompanied by the discipline of self control, because spewing out a bunch of negative emotions doesn't make the world a better place for me or others; channeling them into positive action does. Obviously a 2 yr old doesn't know how to do this yet, but in letting them repeatedly flare their tempers, couldn't this become a "learned behaviour"- a go to response for how to act when frustrated?
The trick for me was to disengage- something I learned from Secret of Parenting. It says its for kids 4 and up, but some of the ideas, IME, are adaptable to younger kids. Obviously, one of those "take what works for you" situations.
(29 months old)
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