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"Oh, that? It's for my back." - Page 2

post #21 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleteapot View Post
I have to ask about this one: when having this discussion with other women many expressed that they had a lot of problems or fear surrounding learning to masturbate as a teen, and the issue of sexual health in girls seems like a really slippery slope for a lot of people.
A huge majority of my girlfriends figured out early that they had a lot of trouble 'getting there' and assumed their bodies were broken. This led to a huge amount of fear, insecurity, relationship problems, etc until they sort of "got it" later on in life (generally by their 20's) and figured out what the issue was. We all know that sexual exploration and masturbation is healthy, orgasms are good for your body and brain, etc... but sometimes I think there's a certain amount of misogyny laced into the teenage girls/masturbation issue (ie. we want our girls to be 'pure' but boys masturbating, or using household stuff, is totally okay). So, the whole, "if I can do it without help she can too" really rubs me the wrong way.

In my family (my mom's side definitely), sexual health is just as important as any other health. That includes safety and general knowledge, as well as knowing that it's okay to experiment. While I didn't talk a lot with my mom about masturbation, I did listen very intently when she had things to say. She also always made it clear that she would buy that type of thing for me if I wanted it. I just didn't have the guts to ask her! (Living in a VERY small town I didn't have the guts to buy my own, either! I wouldn't even buy a pregnancy test AFTER I was married!).
not to put all my personal history out there, but i learned about my own sexuality very very early in my childhood due to circumstances beyond my control. it was never discussed in my family but i knew what i was doing.

to this day, it is the only way to for to orgasm, other than via oral, but even that can be difficult.
post #22 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleteapot View Post
How do you know she didn't ask?

And... why is buying a gag gift (not applicable for internal use) the same as "interjecting yourself into the masturbation life of a 15 year old"? The difference (or the "line") seems to be enabling her to enjoy her body, rather than keeping the topic as a "don't ask, don't tell"... and that's creepy and bizarre?
Would buying her condoms be "interjecting myself into her sex life"? I could go on!
Why is it a gag gift? Lots of serious talk here about sexual health and coming of age. Why is sex/masturbation funny? Enjoyable, yes. Funny, no.

Did she ask? You implied this was a birthday present that you gave her. If she asked for a vibrator, wouldn't that be something you enabled her to pick out for herself.

I didn't say creepy. I said bizarre.

The masturbation life of a 15 year old is private. If she asks for advice, support or information, responding to her is entirely appropriate. If she's a normally developing 15 year old she can likely enable herself in enjoying her own body without an older sister helping her "come of age."

As for condoms, it seems to me that it will serve her more to accompany her on her first trip to spend her money on condoms at her request, rather than buying them for her. If she is beginning a sexual life, the development of the skills of sexual health would be best "enabled" by her taking responsibility for herself, rather than an older sister making a joke of it.
post #23 of 44
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BettinaAuSucre View Post
not to put all my personal history out there, but i learned about my own sexuality very very early in my childhood due to circumstances beyond my control. it was never discussed in my family but i knew what i was doing.

to this day, it is the only way to for to orgasm, other than via oral, but even that can be difficult.
Not to sound creepy, but I'm glad you found a way to enjoy yourself. I'm glad there are other options for women who have trouble.
post #24 of 44
Thread Starter 
Holy smoke Chfriend, you are trying really hard on this! I don't think it's worth continuing a conversation with you, frankly. Let's just leave it at, "we have very different values" and agree to disagree, shall we?
post #25 of 44
Sorry you don't like my answer. Sounds like you were looking for a pat on the back, which some folks are happy to supply.
post #26 of 44
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend View Post
Sorry you don't like my answer.
Nope, wasn't that. Thanks for your input!
post #27 of 44
I think it was a nice gift. When i was a teen my mother would NEVER have done anything like that, and, having been raised by that mother, neither would my sister!

I do think being able to giggle about sex is healthy and takes the edge off for those of us who are the first break in the shame/silence/disapproval chain. I do agree that sexual health is a serious topic, but so is cancer and let me tell you, they sure laughed a lot at the hospice where my mother died! Sometimes humour opens communication in a way that serious heavy chats and educational discussions can't. When i learned about sexually transmitted diseases we all read/watched an info film/discussed the info and then had a good giggle learning the vital skill of putting a (luminous) condom on (a banana) properly and had a good laugh doing so. It made it much easier to talk to one another and the teacher afterwards that we'd been able to laugh together.

I think there is something about "coming of age" which says "you're a woman like me now, you are us, not 'them' (a little girl) anymore" and i think buying something a bit funny like a dolphin vibe strikes the right note there - it says "hey, you're a woman, i'm a woman, we all have needs, and here is a funny little nod to that to celebrate you becoming a woman". I would also, however, probably tell them that if they use it too much it might temporarily altertheir sensitivity in that area (i find if i use it more than once a week i can no longer reach orgasm without it, i think the area gets a bit "numbed" by it or something..?) but even then see - a useful opener for handy information!

Really littleteapot i think it's awesome - your thread title made me laugh, we have several bullets, a vibe one of my close friends got me to help "celebrate" me leaving my ex and a couple i've gotten free with other orders from a certain website and DH and i always exclaim "of course it's for stiff necks!" when we get one out
post #28 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleteapot View Post
I have to ask about this one: when having this discussion with other women many expressed that they had a lot of problems or fear surrounding learning to masturbate as a teen, and the issue of sexual health in girls seems like a really slippery slope for a lot of people.
A huge majority of my girlfriends figured out early that they had a lot of trouble 'getting there' and assumed their bodies were broken. This led to a huge amount of fear, insecurity, relationship problems, etc until they sort of "got it" later on in life (generally by their 20's) and figured out what the issue was. We all know that sexual exploration and masturbation is healthy, orgasms are good for your body and brain, etc... but sometimes I think there's a certain amount of misogyny laced into the teenage girls/masturbation issue (ie. we want our girls to be 'pure' but boys masturbating, or using household stuff, is totally okay). So, the whole, "if I can do it without help she can too" really rubs me the wrong way.
This was me. I could not orgasm by myself. I was completely convinced my body was broken and I was the worst female ever b/c who can't orgasm? I spent years thinking I was a freak. Then I discovered vibrators (I was 20 or 21) . I wish i would have had a big sister who would have bought me something and helped me to see that masturbating is nothing to be ashamed of. You are awesome!
post #29 of 44
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post
I do think being able to giggle about sex is healthy and takes the edge off for those of us who are the first break in the shame/silence/disapproval chain. I do agree that sexual health is a serious topic, but so is cancer and let me tell you, they sure laughed a lot at the hospice where my mother died! Sometimes humour opens communication in a way that serious heavy chats and educational discussions can't.
Yes, exactly. This was exactly what I meant by all that. And thank you for getting it.
We watch those commercials for those Neutrogena "wave" or whatever. The vibrating facial wash things, and absolutely burst out laughing. It's good to have a sense of humour about sexuality, it breaks the ice and it makes it easier to talk about. If I was all super serious about it I don't think she'd tell me the things about her experience that she has.. she knows she can trust me not to flip my top if she has a question, or had an experience. Just yesterday she asked me what was good for 'rugburn' (quick sex, no lube) and I gave her a couple of options, then made a joke about how men never have to deal with that. It helps make the conversation go smoothly to add in a joke.
Plus, that's just how we are in my house. She was over here watching TV when my 62 year old mom walked in and saw an advertisement for "finger neck vibrators" and yelled out, "Just call a spade a spade! It's a dildo! Yeesh" and walked away.


Quote:
it says "hey, you're a woman, i'm a woman, we all have needs, and here is a funny little nod to that to celebrate you becoming a woman". I would also, however, probably tell them that if they use it too much it might temporarily altertheir sensitivity in that area (i find if i use it more than once a week i can no longer reach orgasm without it, i think the area gets a bit "numbed" by it or something..?) but even then see - a useful opener for handy information!
That was exactly the intent.
Although, I did address that topic as an urban myth... (that you'll ruin yourself for sex - I know that's not what you said, don't worry), and it was also talked about under the context of a myth in one of the books I got her about sexuality too. I managed to find two totally awesome books to put in the box that she ended up loaning to literally every single one of her girlfriends (and some of the guys).
"Body Drama" and "Deal with it!" were their titles, I think. Really kickass stuff. I went through them myself with a stack of post-it notes and wrote down my thoughts, comments, experiences, etc as I went through because we were separated at that time and I wanted to give her the experience of sitting down and having these conversations with me, especially when they dealt with difficult topics (eating disorders, sexual abuse, etc). I expected her to throw away the post-its once she read them but she told me a little while ago that she actually kept them attached... even when she loaned them out! So, now all her friends know when I lost my virginity. Oh well.
post #30 of 44
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal_R View Post
This was me. I could not orgasm by myself. I was completely convinced my body was broken and I was the worst female ever b/c who can't orgasm? I spent years thinking I was a freak. Then I discovered vibrators (I was 20 or 21) .
It was me too, until I had some conversations with friends and figured out that they used household objects ... and suddenly I realized I was a normal person! My friends had suggestions about everything from toothbrushes to their parents' curling irons.
post #31 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by BettinaAuSucre View Post
if it were my daughter and she asked me to buy one for her, id say no. i started when i was 10 by myself, without the use of a device, and she can do the same.
Yeah, come on, do it the old-fashioned way. None of these high tech gizmos--I wonder if there are any Waldorf-inspired toys of this nature.

But actually, I wouldn't want them to start out with the battery powered thing right away. An insertion object is a different thing.
post #32 of 44
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Viola View Post
Yeah, come on, do it the old-fashioned way. None of these high tech gizmos--I wonder if there are any Waldorf-inspired toys of this nature.
post #33 of 44
We have no problem with vibrators in this house. If DD wants to get one then she is perfectly allowed. If she wants Dh or I to take her to buy one, that's fine here. If she wants to go with a woman whom she trusts, that's fine too. Dh and I would be major hypocrites if we refused to let DD explore her sexuality with masurbation aids.

And yes, joking about sex and mastubation is a good thing. Babymomma told me once "The number one reason I am perfectly comfortable talking to my parents about sex is because joking about it was allowed when I was growing up."
post #34 of 44
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
And yes, joking about sex and masturbation is a good thing. Babymomma told me once "The number one reason I am perfectly comfortable talking to my parents about sex is because joking about it was allowed when I was growing up."
That's so great to hear, MusicianDad. I like knowing other households like mine (growing up, and now!) exist.
post #35 of 44
[QUOTE=MusicianDad;14582637]We have no problem with vibrators in this house. If DD wants to get one then she is perfectly allowed. If she wants Dh or I to take her to buy one, that's fine here. If she wants to go with a woman whom she trusts, that's fine too. Dh and I would be major hypocrites if we refused to let DD explore her sexuality with masurbation aids.

QUOTE]

All fine and good. All at her request. Would you surprise her for 15th birthday with a dolphin shaped vibrator without a specific request?
post #36 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
We have no problem with vibrators in this house. If DD wants to get one then she is perfectly allowed. If she wants Dh or I to take her to buy one, that's fine here. If she wants to go with a woman whom she trusts, that's fine too. Dh and I would be major hypocrites if we refused to let DD explore her sexuality with masurbation aids.
All fine and good. All at her request. Would you surprise her for 15th birthday with a dolphin shaped vibrator without a specific request?
Probably not, but then again I know that vibrator type is a fairly personal preference and I doubt I will have any real clear idea about what would work for her.
post #37 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend View Post
All fine and good. All at her request. Would you surprise her for 15th birthday with a dolphin shaped vibrator without a specific request?
I'm sitting with chfriend on this one. That gift would have been both unwelcome and unnecessary for me at 15 (I had it covered, thanks!). It seems that the op and her sister had had enough conversations for her to know that the gift was welcome, but I don't think it is a uniformly appropriate gift for a teen!
post #38 of 44
I approve and think it's nice that you and your sister have that kind of relationship. It's awesome for her that an adult is encouraging her to enjoy herself.

I don't know why, but I didn't 'masturbate' when I was a kid or a teen. At least, not to orgasm. No one told me not to, no church, my parents, no one. It just didn't happen. My mom was a sexually uptight person, though. My parents were not publicly affectionate.

I had no idea teen girls get vibrators! I guess it's fine, just a surprise to me. I cannot imagine in a hundred years that my daughter would ask me to take her to get a vibrator. I think she'd die first. She's not close enough to any other adult woman to ask that of, either.

I do want her to 'own' her sexuality and enjoy it. I've been wondering if I should be proactive about this, and just provide her with some interesting books. I'll look into those books you mentioned, Littleteapot.
post #39 of 44
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by journeymom View Post
I had no idea teen girls get vibrators! I guess it's fine, just a surprise to me. I cannot imagine in a hundred years that my daughter would ask me to take her to get a vibrator. I think she'd die first.
I think most would before asking their mom. But friends and siblings are usually a different matter.
You can get "for my back but obviously not" vibes at drugstores and sometimes shops in the mall.
post #40 of 44
Wow, you're a cool big sister!

I would probably encourage my sons to buy their sex toys online -that way they are spared the embarrassment of having to buy one at the store.
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