NIP - DH not very supportive

[busymama77]

While he's supportive of BF'ing overall, he's not of NIP. Is your DP or DH like this? How have you helped them overcome this? He would rather that I pump before we head out and/or make sure that there is a stash of BM in the fridge ready to go in bottles instead of NIP.
He just doesn't find it necessary. He also finds it to be a more privacy thing than really anything. I have a close friend that is that way, too. She only nurses her DD at home. Maybe this is something that I should consider??

When I was nursing DS and we had my parents or IL's over, I would go in to his nursery or our room and close the door. It just seemed more calm that way and relaxing....

What are your thoughts?

[seashells]

Not precisely the same, but DH was supportive of BFing but uncomfortable with NIP. He never asked me not to, but he'd be very watchful of other people, and if anyone glanced our way he'd stand between me and the other person.

I still BF DD (she's 4 now...) and he doesn't care anymore I don't NIP often at all anymore, but if I do, he doesn't worry about it.

That's not the case for all husbands, but I've heard similar stories from others. Some guys just get used to it.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I would say to just go about things as though they are normal. If he's worried about people seeing something, then use a nursing tank, with a t-shirt over it - that way nothing can be seen. Do this at home too - he might realize that not even he knows that you're nursing all the time!

I wouldn't only nurse at home - if I did that my breasts would be very uncomfortable by the time we got home!!

[GAjenn]

I just NIP'd anyway and my DH got over it. I even did it infront of his work peers and when they were supportive, he relaxed a little. When you NIP you are making your baby and you have a good life outside the home. I did use it to take a break from inlaws, LOL.
Jenn

[phrogger]

I just NIP and he got over it. It started off with him trying to cover me up all the time to now, him actually looking at me like I am insane when I used a blanket the other day. And I only used it because the baby wouldn't stay latched on, he was so distracted with what was going on, I covered him to keep his focus, NOT because I was NIP.

It took a little while, but my baby is only 4 months old so it isn't like we are talking years, just a few months.

I would just tell DH, I am not embarassed by it and you shouldn't be either, if you are, don't look.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

My DH is definitely not comfortable with my NIP, so I use a cover. I have DD's whole life, so she doesn't mind. I personally feel that if there is something that my DH has a really big issue with, it's my job to be respectful of him and find a good compromise.

[Mrsboyko]

DH was very upset by my NIP when DD was little. It ruined a few dinners out. I stoped going out when I knew she'd be hungry becasue of his reaction truly. It took basically her whole nursing time for him to get over it, though when he was not around I had no problem NIP. Good thing we didn't go out often.

Basically I put it on him. I have a large stash of BM in the freezer. If we were going somewhere and he wanted her to have a bottle (and me not NIP), it was HIS responsibility to remember to bring the milk and bottle, and find somewhere to warm it up, and feed her. Basically do everything I would be doing. It was nearly a nul issue since she refused bottles so hardcore anyways, especially when i was around.

With DS he is better about it, though by no means is he comfortable still. It is DH's problem though. We have the same deal. If DH wants him to take a bottle, it is all on him to deal with all that it encompases.

[listipton]

DH is not supportive of NIP, even though he says he's supportive of breastfeeding (which IMO, you gotta be supportive of both to REALLY support breastfeeding-but that story is for another post). DS will not take a bottle , so that's my 'excuse'. Honestly, I usually avoid going out with DH and DS at the same time because DH gets so stressed out about it and I'm equally stubborn about NIPing when DS wants to eat. On the flip side however, DS becomes so distracted with the world around us that we do have to go somewhere quiet or I'm showing the world the gals . NIP is one of those things that DH and I now 'agree to disagree' on and now that DS is older, we don't have to do it often enough for DH to get huffy about it.

[orangefoot]

I don't get why dads are worried about feeding their babies. My dh was proud to see me feed our girls wherever they needed it: at home, or during the small hours of the night, in shops, at relatives' houses, in offices and in the street.

The phrase NIP itself bugs me because it implies that the opposite is Nursing in Private and that this is preferable. In fact, breastfeeding is neither of those: it is just feeding because a baby is hungry or needs comfort.

If he wants his babe to scream and cry while you are out and learn that mama can't leave the house until babe is weaned, then he needs a reality check. Fill those bottles and let him find a place to warm them while you are out and then try to convince your breastfed baby that a silicone teat is as good as a nipple while all the time people are looking at him because his infant is screaming blue murder

Babies get hungry at 'inappropriate' moments but the whole point of breasts is that they are always with you so no moment is really inappropriate or difficult because you have the milk right there with you.

I totally understand the concept of being a helpmeet but I can't agree that babies' needs should be compromised over.

Find an easily accessible clothing combo then feed your babes whenever and wherever you need to. It wont be long before your husbands become Lactivists.

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by Evie's Mama

My DH is definitely not comfortable with my NIP, so I use a cover. I have DD's whole life, so she doesn't mind. I personally feel that if there is something that my DH has a really big issue with, it's my job to be respectful of him and find a good compromise.

I agree with your last sentence. That's what I'm trying to do. And I even told him about the nursing cover and he seemed okay with that, but I think he still likes it to be a privacy thing between mama and baby, so we'll see.

[sunshynbaby]

I honestly don't know if DH is uncomfortable... he hasn't said anything to lead me to believe that he is, but he can be quiet about that stuff sometimes. He was really sweet when I was getting the hang of NIP, though. I started out doing it in the car, and he made sure we parked in a private spot and put the sunshades up for my privacy. Now I just do it anywhere I can find a comfortable spot... which often ends up being the car because of the armrests.

[kawa kamuri]

What are my thoughts?

That the needs of my child come before the hangups of any other person.

I wouldn't introduce a bottle unless it was necessary for my breasts to be away from my baby.

and

While I respect and do my best to honour the feelings of my partner he knows that the needs of our child trump all else. I cannot imagine him putting his feelings or social conditioning above the well being of our baby.

[kriket]

I hear the mamas that are sensitive and respectful to their DHs feelings. I understand that there are only so many things that you can argue about and you need to let the rest go, but IMO, this is one your HUSBAND needs to let go.

My DH was nervous (about exposure) and we nursed in the car and he saw that you really can't see anything and he is over it. He asks before we leave, or before we get out of the car if I think DS is hungry (trying to get me to nurse before we get in wherever we're going) Thats as much 'hassle' as he gives me.

If I was in your shoes I would have a really stern talk to your DH. IMO asking you to pump to leave the house is NOT cool. At all. I would be livid. Only nursing at home is insane. If it's something you want to do, or it works for you go for it. I don't think it's reasonable to restrict where a mother can feed her child.

I think a couple "oops, I'm feeding the baby in a semi-public area, oh no " and he will realize it's better then hunger screams.

[Comtessa]

DH was nervous about it for DD's first few months - in fact, when we would have people over, he would mutter at me out of the side of his mouth to "cover up" when I was nursing DD on my own couch in my own living room. I never did - I figured it was my home, my breasts, our guests could deal with it. Now he doesn't even blink at it... it just took him a while to get used to the idea that his wife's breasts were open for mealtime 24/7.

ETA: I think if your DH is really weirded out by NIP, get one of those nursing covers and use it, and after a while it will seem normal to him. I never ever bring a bottle with us anywhere unless we're driving somewhere and we don't want to stop to nurse her. Bottles are for when my breasts aren't available. Besides, if she gets hungry and I don't nurse her right away, they leak, anyway. I explained this to DH and said, "what's more embarassing to you, your wife discreetly nursing your baby, or your baby screaming with hunger while your wife's shirt slowly drowns in milk?"

He's now the most supportive person ever of NIP.

[mamadelbosque]

DH was a bit uncomfortable with NIP with DS1 initially, but he got over it. I *HATE* pumping and ONLY pump for when I'm going to be away from DS - if I'm taking a class or getting my teeth cleaned or something like that. As a result we do not have a bm 'stash' and so I nip whenever/wherever I need to. Like I said, DH was a bit uncomfortable, but he quickly realized just how bloody conveniet it was - since I NIP'd everywhere with DS we didn't have to make logistical plans on being someplace to warm up a bottle or worry about packing a bottle or anything else. As long as DS & I were together there was never anything to worry about. After a couple months he started bragging to people about how great nursing was. So... I'd just nurse. Your DH *WILL* get over it.

[KristyDi]

Originally Posted by busymama77

I agree with your last sentence. That's what I'm trying to do. And I even told him about the nursing cover and he seemed okay with that, but I think he still likes it to be a privacy thing between mama and baby, so we'll see.

I've heard several people say versions of this and it truly baffles me. When I'm nursing, especially an infant, I'm feeding the baby. Eating is not a private thing, in fact it's a very social thing. Personally I feel like the privacy thing is a way to say you're simply uncomfortable and make it sound like mom and baby's comfort and not your own is the focus.

My DH was somewhat uncomfortable with NIP and truthfully still isn't completely comfortable with it after 19 months of nursing. But a few dinners where I spent large portions of time in the car nursing or spending time trying to comfort a hungry baby or watching me sit on the couch and try to pump (I'm lucky to get a single oz in 20-30 min) he came to the conclusion that my convenience and dd's hunger trumped his comfort.

[jocelyndale]

My quiet DH was far more distraught over looks we'd get if DS cried. He couldn't get kiddo on the boob fast enough. He does complain when I walk and nurse, but eh . . . I think he's just more concerned that I'll drop kiddo.

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by GAjenn

I just NIP'd anyway and my DH got over it. I even did it infront of his work peers and when they were supportive, he relaxed a little. When you NIP you are making your baby and you have a good life outside the home. I did use it to take a break from inlaws, LOL.
Jenn

The fist part of this anyway. DH was uncomfortable with it for about a week and then he just said he didn't care, that I was confident and discreet (not flashing everyone my boob although I Didn't cover DD with anything). It's funny though, I rarely ever need to NIP, DD just seems to time it well. If I am at my in-laws though, I tend to go in a quiet room because they are just so so noisy, I like the quiet time with DD and the break from them!

[RolliePollie]

The needs of my child come before my husband. And if he's so uncomfortable with NIP then I'd just hand him the screaming, crying baby and tell him "good luck".

[Twinklefae]

Originally Posted by jocelyndale

My quiet DH was far more distraught over looks we'd get if DS cried. He couldn't get kiddo on the boob fast enough. He does complain when I walk and nurse, but eh . . . I think he's just more concerned that I'll drop kiddo.

To both actually. Any concerns we might have had were GONE when DS was born with the most piercing SHRIEK you've ever heard in your life. All anyone could think was 'STOP THAT NOISE!'

So I did.