NIP - DH not very supportive - Page 2

[_betsy_]

Both of my kids have always, since Day 1, refused to be covered (so it would draw more attention to us if I try to use a cover) and are also very distractible. There's LOTS of popping off and twisting around to see what's going on and I'm never really fast enough or able to predict it. DH doesn't seem to get that I try to be/am much more discreet when we're out than I am at home. I don't care what he sees while I nurse, so I don't try to cover things up at all. When we're out that's a different story for me. I am going to chose outfits that lend themselves to easier nursing, and I'm going to find a quiet, out of the way place. DD wearing a floppy-brimmed hat helps hide a lot, too. I think he thinks everyone's going to get the "show" he sometimes gets at home.

I nurse primarily at home, but out and about as needed as well. I just try to pick an out-of-the-way spot, someplace where DD2 isn't going to be as easily distracted. I don't care if people see us or see anything. I don't care what anyone else thinks or says. I just want her nursing session to be as calm and as easy as possible on both of us.

At the ILs house, where I *know* they are not supportive of nursing, I go in another room and close the door. Easier on everyone. I don't need feeding a hungry baby to be the cause WW3.

[Logan's mommy]

I've always NIP'd, dh never really had a problem with it. He does tend to point out to me later when people were staring.

We were at Steak and Shake for dinner one night a few weeks ago and our server came over and said she had something to tell me before we left.20-30 minutes later she came over and said one of her guests at another table had been staring while I was "with my baby" as she put it. She thought it was amusing, and I did too a bit.

[isabchi]

I just want to post this link from a Dad Blog, maybe this can to your DH to read from another dad.
Take care!

http://www.almightydad.com/behavior/...ding-in-public

[moondiapers]

DH used to be the same way, luckily DS refused the bottle so DH just had to get over it, he had no choice.

Here's what I'd do....if we were out together as a family and he baby was fussing becasue he was hungry I'd hand him to DH. By the 3rd time I did that DH realized that a hungry screaming baby drew way more attention that just quiely latching him on did (Dh is an introvert and hates attention) and he never mentioned it again after that.

[phrogger]

I fully support my husband and any of his needs, however, this is a major situation that I believe we need to really work on future generations. The idea that nursing is something to be ashamed of or embarassed by is something I can't support, no matter how uncomfortable my husband he. He has his feelings because of the society he was raised it. I will not have my sons grow up with the same mindset. All of my boys watch me nurse, and my husband has learned to deal with it and has come around on the subject. I nurse in front of people and children who have probably never seen it.

A great example of this is my brother in law. My sister is pg with her first baby and my BIL was talking about how he will get bottles for my sister to feed the baby when they are out. That it is better for the baby etc. My husband actually stepped in and told my BIL it was ridiculous and the kid probably wouldn't want it anyway, and besides, it makes it easier on him because my sister will have to do all the feeding and he gets to just enjoy the baby. I didn't like that example, but still, it was getting through to my BIL. Having my dh talk about how important BFing is and how my BIL needs to support my sister was great, such a huge difference from where my DH was before I pushed the issue with him.

[hibiscus mum]

DH seemed uncomfortable with me BFing in public when I first had DD. I remember the first time we went to a restaurant - she was probably 4 or 5 weeks old. I was trying to latch her on and he kept covering me with a blanket, trying to be helpful, but since I was still a BFing rookie, I kind of needed to see what I was doing, ya know? It was frustrating. He soon realized that BFing was the magic sleeping/calming elixer and he wasn't bothered by it. We travelled to see family a few times by plane and nursing kept her happy and content. Your DH could just be uncomfortable because it's new to him, but he might relax eventually, much like mine did.

Now I'm nursing DS (6 months) and we were at the in-laws for dinner. DS started fussing so I was getting him into position to feed him. My husband threw me a blanket. I looked at him sort of offended and said, "What!? You want me to cover up?" And he said, "No! It's in case he pukes when you're done." DS is a major spit-upper.

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by hibiscus mum

DH seemed uncomfortable with me BFing in public when I first had DD. I remember the first time we went to a restaurant - she was probably 4 or 5 weeks old. I was trying to latch her on and he kept covering me with a blanket, trying to be helpful, but since I was still a BFing rookie, I kind of needed to see what I was doing, ya know? It was frustrating. He soon realized that BFing was the magic sleeping/calming elixer and he wasn't bothered by it. We travelled to see family a few times by plane and nursing kept her happy and content. Your DH could just be uncomfortable because it's new to him, but he might relax eventually, much like mine did.

Now I'm nursing DS (6 months) and we were at the in-laws for dinner. DS started fussing so I was getting him into position to feed him. My husband threw me a blanket. I looked at him sort of offended and said, "What!? You want me to cover up?" And he said, "No! It's in case he pukes when you're done." DS is a major spit-upper.

My H would more than likely want me to cover up at his parents house. They're a bit conservative, if you will, when it comes to things like that and so are my parents. I think a few times out with a nursing cover will probably ease H's mind a bit about it all.

[lifeguard]

Honestly, trying to do what your dh is suggesting would have seriously put me under house arrest for the first 6 months of ds' life. I couldn't even go to the grocery store without having to stop halfway through to bf. He just wanted to eat all. the. time. This whole idea that babies eat every 3-4 hours was nowhere near the reality for us.

I think agreeing to be discreet is meeting him halfway & I'm with the other mama's here who have said, if he wants to use a bottle then the responsibility falls 100% on him when you're out & about. He will quickly realize he is being unreasonable & unfair to you & the baby.

Just thinking about it irritates me. All the nice dinners we had where ds bf two or three times in the sling without anyone being any the wiser would have turned into frustrating, baby-centered events with the hassles of bottles & a crying baby. I suppose people do it but it just sounds so much more difficult to me for such a ridiculous reason.

[AislinCarys]

This sort of thing really makes me sad, and angry (on the behalfs of mothers and babies everywhere). Sadly, the practice is becoming very common here (Sweden). 10 yearsago mother mainly breastfed. Today, formula is taking over, and NIP, well the mothers who do seem to try to hide, and most give bottles when out.

Breastfeeding makes a mother's life easier (and I say that despite having HUGE issues for the first 6 months), so much easier when you are tired not to plan and prepare, pump milk, pack, keep cool, clean bottles, and of course try to pump in the middle of it all to try to keep your supply up. It is great to be able to stay out longer than you planned, accept the invitation for lunch etc, knowing that your baby will be fine, you've got the milk with you! And it bothers me when others try to make a mothers life harder (not meaning your husband, or anyone else, is doing it intentionally).

The other major issue is that giving bottles (specially without pumping at the same time) really risks your supply. In the area where I live "Low supply", "Milk just dried up" or "Baby self-weaned" (at 2 months? Yes possible, but surely not that common!) seems to be the main reasons why mothers stopped breastfeeding (usually well before 6 months). My problem here is, yes, do give bottles when out if that is what you want - but if you want to keep breastfeeding it is really quite a bad idea.