Hello folks, I have been lurking since my ds was born 3.5 months ago. I have been way too overwhelmed to participate more actively but always hoped I could, since I have gotten so much information and resource in these pages.
Mine is a success story, and I can't believe it, to be honest.
My son was premature AND had a traumatic birth and had many neurological delays and symptoms of brain injury from lack of oxygen, including low muscle tone and a disorganized sucking/swallowing/breathing reflex. That was the main reason why nursing was a struggle for us. We also faced:
- his tongue tie
- his high arched palate
- his recessed chin
- my huge nipples
- my low milk supply (about 1/2 of what he needed at any given time)
- his small mouth
- my incredible stress and depression from all of this.
Nevertheless, he was fed exclusively breastmilk since he was born. This was achieved by me pumping every 2-3 hours around the clock until my breasts were empty, every day since he was born for the last 3.5 months, and feeding it to him with a SNS, since he could not transfer anything from my breasts directly. For those of you who have to pump a lot, you will know how exhausting this was. In addition we have been using donated breastmilk from a handful of amazing women around town to supplement the rest, sometimes with the SNS and sometimes with my husband fingerfeeding (for the first couple of months) and then bottle feeding. This routine has driven me to the brink of giving up completely and switching to formula many times - it was physically and emotionally extremely demanding, on top of all our other worries about our DS and his recovery.
DS wanted to nurse the entire time, and would eagerly latch to my breast over and over every day, and I continued to let him, wondering if he could ever figure out how to actually draw milk from me. To have him over and over ask for my breast, and to have my body/breasts want to feed him, and to try every day for weeks with no success in transferring milk, was a daily heartbreak I would not wish on any woman. This was also a reason I almost quit many times. I have never cried so much in my life. But I persisted and let him nurse for comfort as often as i could. Over and over I would the put him down to pump, which stung every time.
As the weeks went on I would get hopeful again and again that we were close to the moment of milk transfer - the ped, LCs, friends etc kept telling me to hang in there, hang in there.."he may just need to grow into your nipples more" - "the infant's brain is extremely plastic and his ability to reclaim that reflex might be just around the corner" - "its a mystery, but some infants just need time." SO I persisted, and sometimes I hated those people, which felt mean given how supportive everyone was! Sometimes I wished I had less support in my life, so I could quit and go to formula without letting everyone down.
But I persisted - until this week.
Last sunday, my husband and I decided to quit. We planned to quit the following Tuesday (3 days later) when he was off from work so I could grieve if I wanted to and he could spend time with DS. We decided it was just too hard on our family to keep doing the routine, and that it was time to let go.
On Monday, I started to notice something seemed different in the way DS was sucking. He suddenly also started sleeping through the night, and some other developmental jumps were suddenly happening.
Then, on Tuesday, he started to swallow.
By Wednesday, in a state of utter disbelief, I held him to my breast all day long while he nursed, and he only needed about a third of the supplemental milk we had been giving him. I was sure we were starving him; I couldnt imagine he was actually getting milk from my breasts.
On Thursday my breasts were more engorged and generally bigger than they had ever been.
Friday, Saturday and Sunday I nursed him constantly and cried for joy. I cried all my heartache away. We have all been happier than we have been for a long time. In the last 7 days, DS started understanding how to nurse. He also started "talking" - making lots of new sounds, for the first time started grasping things with his hands and bringing them to his mouth, started propping himself up on his elbows and rolling over for the first time, and is smiling constantly. I do believe he is proud of his success - it is ultimately his success. He tried to nurse for 3.5 months and I hung in with him. And he SUCCEEDED! And made a bunch of other developmental leaps simultaneously!!
Today, I have hope that my supply is building finally after months of too little breast stimulation. I may finally get to have everything I have worked for: Exclusive Breastfeeding! I can't believe it!
I am crying as I write this. Thank god I didnt quit. I know it would have been OK if I had, that we all would have been OK...but this victory is sweet after all we've been through. Thanks for listening,
Amy
Mine is a success story, and I can't believe it, to be honest.
My son was premature AND had a traumatic birth and had many neurological delays and symptoms of brain injury from lack of oxygen, including low muscle tone and a disorganized sucking/swallowing/breathing reflex. That was the main reason why nursing was a struggle for us. We also faced:
- his tongue tie
- his high arched palate
- his recessed chin
- my huge nipples
- my low milk supply (about 1/2 of what he needed at any given time)
- his small mouth
- my incredible stress and depression from all of this.
Nevertheless, he was fed exclusively breastmilk since he was born. This was achieved by me pumping every 2-3 hours around the clock until my breasts were empty, every day since he was born for the last 3.5 months, and feeding it to him with a SNS, since he could not transfer anything from my breasts directly. For those of you who have to pump a lot, you will know how exhausting this was. In addition we have been using donated breastmilk from a handful of amazing women around town to supplement the rest, sometimes with the SNS and sometimes with my husband fingerfeeding (for the first couple of months) and then bottle feeding. This routine has driven me to the brink of giving up completely and switching to formula many times - it was physically and emotionally extremely demanding, on top of all our other worries about our DS and his recovery.
DS wanted to nurse the entire time, and would eagerly latch to my breast over and over every day, and I continued to let him, wondering if he could ever figure out how to actually draw milk from me. To have him over and over ask for my breast, and to have my body/breasts want to feed him, and to try every day for weeks with no success in transferring milk, was a daily heartbreak I would not wish on any woman. This was also a reason I almost quit many times. I have never cried so much in my life. But I persisted and let him nurse for comfort as often as i could. Over and over I would the put him down to pump, which stung every time.
As the weeks went on I would get hopeful again and again that we were close to the moment of milk transfer - the ped, LCs, friends etc kept telling me to hang in there, hang in there.."he may just need to grow into your nipples more" - "the infant's brain is extremely plastic and his ability to reclaim that reflex might be just around the corner" - "its a mystery, but some infants just need time." SO I persisted, and sometimes I hated those people, which felt mean given how supportive everyone was! Sometimes I wished I had less support in my life, so I could quit and go to formula without letting everyone down.
But I persisted - until this week.
Last sunday, my husband and I decided to quit. We planned to quit the following Tuesday (3 days later) when he was off from work so I could grieve if I wanted to and he could spend time with DS. We decided it was just too hard on our family to keep doing the routine, and that it was time to let go.
On Monday, I started to notice something seemed different in the way DS was sucking. He suddenly also started sleeping through the night, and some other developmental jumps were suddenly happening.
Then, on Tuesday, he started to swallow.
By Wednesday, in a state of utter disbelief, I held him to my breast all day long while he nursed, and he only needed about a third of the supplemental milk we had been giving him. I was sure we were starving him; I couldnt imagine he was actually getting milk from my breasts.
On Thursday my breasts were more engorged and generally bigger than they had ever been.
Friday, Saturday and Sunday I nursed him constantly and cried for joy. I cried all my heartache away. We have all been happier than we have been for a long time. In the last 7 days, DS started understanding how to nurse. He also started "talking" - making lots of new sounds, for the first time started grasping things with his hands and bringing them to his mouth, started propping himself up on his elbows and rolling over for the first time, and is smiling constantly. I do believe he is proud of his success - it is ultimately his success. He tried to nurse for 3.5 months and I hung in with him. And he SUCCEEDED! And made a bunch of other developmental leaps simultaneously!!
Today, I have hope that my supply is building finally after months of too little breast stimulation. I may finally get to have everything I have worked for: Exclusive Breastfeeding! I can't believe it!
I am crying as I write this. Thank god I didnt quit. I know it would have been OK if I had, that we all would have been OK...but this victory is sweet after all we've been through. Thanks for listening,
Amy
Thanks for the success story - I LOVE it when I hear those!!!!
