can we talk about postpartum intimacy?

[texaspeach]

I'm 7 weeks postpartum and finally feeling up to DTD. We tried a few nights ago and it hurt quite a bit. We weren't even able to get started all the way because it hurt too bad. Worse than my first time! I saw my midwife last week and the exam hurt badly too. I don't have an infection (we did cultures to be sure), and she said my tissues don't look too bad for an exclusively bfing mom. I know the lack of estrogen can cause dryness, but this was intense. Yes, we used lube. I had a c/s so I don't have any perineal stitches.

Does anyone have any advice? I was expecting it to be different but not to hurt this bad

[mrsfrenchy]

I know that everyone is different, so take my case with a grain of salt. I've had friends with totally differnent experiences.

Yes, it hurts more than your first time. It will for a while. For me, personally, it got better soon. Although even after it didn't hurt much, I was still tensing up which didn't help the situation any.

Lots of lube is helpful (and I mean a lot). Also, we were messing around (without penetration) for a couple of weeks before actually having sex and I think that helped a lot (both physically and mentally). If the problem continues, you could ask your OB or MW to prescribe some estrogen cream (I don't think its supposed to affect milk the way it would if you injested it.) I also found that being on top (and thus being in control) helped.

That's all I have other than saying that it takes time (some more than others) and different things work for different people. It does get better though and neither DH nor I had complaints about the quality of PP sex by at least the 3 or 4 month mark. It was the same as or better than before. Hang in there!

[prancie]

I had a c-section and had a similar experience as you. When we tried to dtd we couldn't it hurt SO MUCH. It was not too long after that that I could do it, but it was months and months before it was not painful. Sorry to be a downer. On the bright side I did return to normal and we have a great sex life.

I researched reasons for this because it seems to happen to a lot of c-section mommas. There weren't a lot of answers. The only answer that made any sense to me was that after normal birth the body tightens the vagina from being all stretched out, but if you didn't give birth vaginally and then your un-stretched vagina gets tightened anyways. I do not know if this is true.

I can totally sympathize, I was devastated that I couldn't dtd. I cried! My poor DH was so nice and I knew he really needed to...it was difficult. In time it all worked itself out. Maybe for you it will be a shorter time than me, everyone is different.

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by prancie

I researched reasons for this because it seems to happen to a lot of c-section mommas. There weren't a lot of answers. The only answer that made any sense to me was that after normal birth the body tightens the vagina from being all stretched out, but if you didn't give birth vaginally and then your un-stretched vagina gets tightened anyways. I do not know if this is true.

I don't know if either of you have seen a cesarean performed (I did a while back). It is a rather traumatic surgery to the pelvic region, and there are a lot of layers which are cut through. Stuff is moved out, put back--not to get graphic, but there is a lot of trauma. And there is internal scar tissue that can take time to mature.

I have noticed one thing amongst friends...it may be anecdotal, I don't know if anyone would agree with me, but a lot of them who were quite a bit dilated and effaced seem to have worse pain afterwards. One thought that I had was that for these women, so dilated and effaced their incisions on their uterus may have been super close to their cervix, and when things 'settle down' and return to their lower normal state that whole area is quite sensitive. It seems from the women I've talked to that had this situation post partum sex is more painful. Just something I've noticed in talking to women about this subject.

[muttmom92]

Originally Posted by phatchristy

I don't know if either of you have seen a cesarean performed (I did a while back). It is a rather traumatic surgery to the pelvic region, and there are a lot of layers which are cut through. Stuff is moved out, put back--not to get graphic, but there is a lot of trauma. And there is internal scar tissue that can take time to mature.

I have noticed one thing amongst friends...it may be anecdotal, I don't know if anyone would agree with me, but a lot of them who were quite a bit dilated and effaced seem to have worse pain afterwards. One thought that I had was that for these women, so dilated and effaced their incisions on their uterus may have been super close to their cervix, and when things 'settle down' and return to their lower normal state that whole area is quite sensitive. It seems from the women I've talked to that had this situation post partum sex is more painful. Just something I've noticed in talking to women about this subject.

Very interesting stuff to think about. Sex was very painful for me for a while after both c-sections. I dilated to 8 cm with both labors. Hmmm.

OP- I want you to know that sex is as pleasurable as it was pre kids and maybe even better. It stopped hurting for me a couple of months after the first pp time. I didn't really get my groove back until my cycle returned (around 12 months with both kids).

Just keep taking it slow.

[kltroy]

I think the rule of thumb is "inebriate and lubricate". Seriously, it took me a LONG time to feel "into" sex after both kids -- and the first was a scheduled c-section where I didn't even labor (second was a VBAC w/ one very small tear)! In both cases we often were happier just messing around than having intercourse for several months. Honestly, sex wasn't like it was "supposed" to be until around 12+ months postpartum. Mother Nature's birth control I suppose. Still, both times my libido *did* come back. Now I'm 16 months postpartum and still haven't gotten my period back, but my sex drive has mostly returned...

[noobmom]

I had a vaginal delivery, so my experience may not be useful, but sex hurt for a long time. It was unbearable for several months and then it was bearable but hardly enjoyable. I seriously was cursing myself for not appreciating sex enough before having kids because I thought it would never feel the same again. The worse part was the feeling that DH was riding over a "lip" at the entrance. I was convinced it was the stitches and that it would be this way forever. No amount of lube made a difference (well, it made sex possible, I guess). Ugh, I'm not looking forward to that again.

For me it was all about the hormones. My OB described it as similar to being perimenopausal. When I started ovulating again, things returned to normal. Since I had a major comfort nurser, that didn't happen until about 15 months post-partum.

This time I'm going to invest in some hardcore lube and try a couple of different types to see if it helps. But I've already forewarned DH that we may have another long dry spell.

[prancie]

Originally Posted by phatchristy

I have noticed one thing amongst friends...it may be anecdotal, I don't know if anyone would agree with me, but a lot of them who were quite a bit dilated and effaced seem to have worse pain afterwards. One thought that I had was that for these women, so dilated and effaced their incisions on their uterus may have been super close to their cervix, and when things 'settle down' and return to their lower normal state that whole area is quite sensitive. It seems from the women I've talked to that had this situation post partum sex is more painful. Just something I've noticed in talking to women about this subject.

This is interesting, I was at least 8cm when i had the emergency C. I had a hard time healing in the way of sex, but now it's better than ever!

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I had a vaginal birth and still waiting 3 months after my births. I didn't really enjoy sex at all until my period came back. It is better than ever now though, I agree with that. I think sometimes we expect too much too soon.

[Mama_2_Boy]

I cringed when I read your post because I remembered going through this with my first and am not looking forward to it for my second.
Well in the "festivity-ness" of TMI, I will take this one a step further.

If you have the resources, purchase yourself a small dildo.
With lots of lubrication, and on your own time (and at your own will) you can actually get your body used to.....well used to doing what you naturally do. It may sound crazy, but don't knock it till you try it.

[Miss 1928]

Probably not the answer you're looking for, but it took almost 2 years before I felt completly back to normal, where sex was something that I wanted and that didn't hurt. Kind of like Noobmom. I was worried that I would never want or enjoy sex again, but I am glad to say that I am back to normal, it just took much longer than I ever would have anticipated.

A friend of mine who had a c-section had a similar experience and she was told that it's because the hormones produced during nursing make the Vaginal wall very thin, thus making sex painful.