My husband is freaking out

[ekblad9]

For a variety of reasons (mostly b/c the world has gone mad re: H1N1) I think we're going to try to UC this time. This is my 10th pregnancy and 9th full term birth. I have had everything from homebirths w/midwife to standard hostpital births to birthing center births. I had a miscarriage at 13 wks earlier in the year and handled that at home by myself. I really think I can do this. In a perfect world I would have a m/w but we just don't have the money for that right now. How can I calm my husband's nerves. The facts are that I am not going to go to a hospital. I could tell him that I am and then "oops" go too late but that would be lieing. I have no intentions of going. I'd rather he was prepared. Is there something simplish that he can read that might make him feel better? He was very nervous before my first homebirth as well and was so happy we did it after. TIA!

[lovin'leo]

http://www.umbrellanoize.com/stuff/E...Childbirth.pdf

[fwlady]

Emergency Childbirth by Gregory White is a good one. He says that an intelligent 8yo can catch a baby even. That takes care of the logistics of it.

I would also be sure to keep Shephard's Purse on hand for the birth, since you have had so many babies. I also had Red Raspberry Leaf Tea with Black Cohosh for after the birth, JIC I had any PPH issues. That would probably ease his nerves (if he knows that grand multiparas can have that issue), if you have several safety nets for that one complication that is more common than anything for the number of children you have had. You may also get on some RRL for the PG duration just to be sure your uterus is optimal.

I am having our 8th, several of those were UC, and unfortunately, I have had a couple with PPH issues. One, #5, I was on the RRL, and handled the PPH at home just fine. #6 that we transferred before the birth, and had PPH because of not nursing immediately because of meconium and they were patting the baby. And, the last UC was fine, until after he was born, and we discovered that we did lose a twin after all the suspicions. I don't think I was good about staying on the RRL either. So, put those two together, and we had a very bad PPH issue.

SO, all that to say, keep your body optimal (eat your spinach, etc ) And, have some herbs on hand. Give your DH that book. And, as my Dh says, "once you pop one out, you can pop out another one". I know, a little crass, and ironically, he isn't the biggest UC fan. But, he tolerates it. I think he does the opposite of many husbands, and just zones out and lets me handle it. Kymberli

[gossamerwindweb]

I agree with the shepherds purse, and the Emergency Childbirth book for reading. BTW, I have shepherds purse tincture. I used a tiny bit of it after my birth, but the rest is just sitting there. If you want it, you can have it.

[Serenyd]

Originally Posted by fwlady

Emergency Childbirth by Gregory White is a good one. He says that an intelligent 8yo can catch a baby even. That takes care of the logistics of it.

lol .. my first thought was, "who needs the 8 yr old?" I know, I know.

[gabeyho]

I'm right there with ya. I'm pretty sure I can do this on my own, but if it weren't so expensive I would have a mw. My dh loved our HB afterwards, but is begrudgingly going along with the UC. He has never been a very good labor partner...he would prefer to wait in the waiting area and be called in to meet his new baby afterwards! His question to me yesterday was "Are we still doing that at-home thing by ourselves?" I am getting him his own copy of the Bradley Method and demanding that he read it and make himself more useful. LOL.

[zoebird]

husbands tend to be hormonal, so it's normal that they freak out.

(otherwise, the above advise/information is great!).

[prescottchels]

When I was partnered and dp and I were talking about UC I promised that I would make him cheat sheets and that really eased his mind.
I had planned to list common problems and what position to have me get in to help or what home remedy to administer and what probs meant transfer.
Good Luck!!

[vegemamato]

I don't have much advice (since my husband was a total wreck during/after my UC) but I can say that how and where you birth is your choice

Do whatever feels right for your body, and he can make the choice to support you or not. ♥

and I agree with zoe..
husband's can be very hormonal :nana

[amberskyfire]

I don't know what would help. I had thought that 8 years of preparation would be enough for my husband before I UCd. It wasn't. He was totally fine until I actually went into labor. Then he freaked out and just kept freaking out. He must have asked me at least once an hour if I needed to go to the hospital. Every time I would have a bad contraction and would squeeze his hand, he would say "do you need the hospital? Should I call the doctor?" I was about to lose my MIND with this man

After it was over, though, you'd have thought it was all his idea and he was the hero of the day. He'll tell anyone who walks by how safe birth is and how nice unassisted birth is.

[violet]

all husbands are different so what works for one..... but mine is a sort of problem-solution kind of guy. He wants to know what is expected of him and what he can do to fix it. So the Gregory White book was great. He read through it once then asked me to give him a short list of what I wanted him to be in charge of.
He had a little list of red flags (what he wanted to do if XYor Z happened)
My biggest problem was I couldn't communicate well in the first labor and couldn't clearly tell him what I wanted, so we sort of had to fall back on what we had already talked about. We also watched a video of UC births we got from LShanley's website I think and that was great just to see the wide range of ways dad's interact at the births. Some were totally hands off, some hands on, one was totally henpecked... then we talked about what we wanted.

once he knew he only had to be in charge of his little list of things and I would tell him as best I could what else came up, he was fine. We've both accepted that a lot of birth is out of both our control--it's sort of inevitable, we don't really have to force it. That frees us up to only worry about the things we can actually do something about!