Please Help Me With A VERY Whiney 10 MO - Page 2

[sgmom]

Originally Posted by Surfacing

It will get easier. But yes, you do have to set limits. I remember putting her down and listening to her whine for 40 minutes while I cooked supper. Every. Day. That's why Mommy got on Prozac!

Just to comment on prozac, while I STRONGLY disagree that it's EVER okay to ignore a child's very obvious needs (perhaps because they're getting on your nerves and nothing you do seems to help them), if you're suffering from a condition such as PPD, putting them down and walking away sometimes might be the only way for you to regain control. But if you truly can't handle it, please get some professional help. Calling a help line was a good decision on your part (even though I don't agree with how you handled it by choosing to ignore for such a long period every single day, just so you could make supper).

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by sgmom

I find this comment rather rude. I HAVE had to deal with what you describe (and then some, SEVERAL times), and I agree that 40 minutes is WAY too long to let them cry. I also think it was rude of you to imply that she is not educated, and also to imply that she suggested everything is "mommy's fault".

Little ones don't know how to tell us that something is wrong, and so often if we're not getting the message, they whine or cry. My daughter doesn't cry ever. She whines, she fusses, she hangs on to my leg, she can be a royal pain in my patooty (and a very large drill in my head)... but she almost never cries. Often if something is really bothering her (usually pain, nb teething), NOTHING will satisfy her. Not pain medicine, not distractions, not even cuddles from me. The best I can do during these times is be there for her, in whatever way she needs. If I have to, I'll set her down beside me, and follow her lead (rather than force her into a cuddle if she struggles being held). But I most certainly would not abandon her to fight it out all by herself. Not for even 5 minutes, and certainly not for 40.

Fair enough, I apologise for the tone, my frustration was showing through. But that doesn't mean I don't have a valid point, it is in line with what you're saying, but you expressed it more eloquently.

Yes, sometimes no matter what you do, your child is going to whine. And I have always done exactly as you have. I did NOT say you should leave your child to cry for 40 minutes. Let me be clear here. Hmmm, have you read the edited version of my post. I think I make myself more clear there. I simply meant if you are feeling like you are losing it, take a break (like putting your child down by your feet to play, instead of holding her if you're all touched out and losing it -- this is what I meant about limits).

If I was an advocate of CIO or mainstream parenting I would not be here on this board.

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by sgmom

Just to comment on prozac, while I STRONGLY disagree that it's EVER okay to ignore a child's very obvious needs (perhaps because they're getting on your nerves and nothing you do seems to help them), if you're suffering from a condition such as PPD, putting them down and walking away sometimes might be the only way for you to regain control. But if you truly can't handle it, please get some professional help. Calling a help line was a good decision on your part (even though I don't agree with how you handled it by choosing to ignore for such a long period every single day, just so you could make supper).

ITA that we must not ignore a child's needs. That is NOT what I was saying. Why oh why is everyone taking what I said out of context? Is that really how it came across?

I
DID
NOT
IGNORE
MY
CHILD




I
USED
TO
HAVE
HER
SIT
AT
MY
FEET
WHEN'
MY
BACK
WAS
BURNING
FROM
HOLDING
HER
AND
I NEEDED
A
BREAK
FOR
A
SECOND


I PUT STUFF OUT FOR HER TO PLAY WITH LIKE FOOD, TOYS, I SANG, GAVE HER BOOKS. PLEASE READ MY OTHER POST.

I can't believe how out of context you all took my post. I don't appreciate being wolf feed.

ETA- And yes, when a Mother has PPD it is totally appropriate to take a break when they feel like they are going to lose it. But you totally misunderstood and misread my treatment of my daughter.

[delfin]

Surfacing, I totally understand that if you are losing it and you are about to respond violently because you are overwhelmed, it's preferable to put down your child instead of doing something that you are going to regret afterwards.
The OP is concerned that her daughter is whiny. I don't remember her saying she's suffering from PPD and is unable to cope, she's saying that her wining is annoying. And yes, sometimes babies can be annoying. As a PP said, they communicate their needs in a way their caregivers will acknoweldege. Otherwise, she will start using other ways, until mom hears what she's asking for.
I don't believe in martyrdom, i don't believe in mama's guilt, but i believe our babies can sense what we are feeling, and is important that we as mamas are able to inquiere within and find truth so our babies know what we are going trough, that we put words to what they know but since it's not named, it's confusing to them.
I'm sorry you had to deal with PPD. Don't you think your baby could feel your pain and it could be also her pain? That she was connected with you? When I'm crying, my baby is aware, and sometimes he cries too. When I'm nervous or afraid, he's definetly "terrible", but is because he knws there's someting going on, but doesn't know what that is.
my suggestion to the OP to look within is with the best intentions, i think ther's a lot of healing when we are able to recognize our feelings and by putting words to them for our babies, we free them from our own sorrows.

[SleeplessMommy]

There is no magic cure, of course. Several things worked for my son at this age:

* visit to outdoors, as others have mentioned
* a folder on the computer with mixed pictures of cute cats and dogs. (see ratemykitten.com) We went through one at a time: "cat, cat, dog, cat, dog, dog ...." Baby was interested in this.
* the occasional use of "baby Einstein" ... the closest thing to a pause button you can find for a baby. yes, it is TV. But if Mom needs a break, she needs a break.
* finger food

best wishes!

[Camile Rynd]

Oh mama! My DS was exactly like this until he was about 15 months old! I wanted to mention that if she has any sort of food allergies, like to wheat, she could have a tummy ache! Have you introduced solids? Like crackers? Is she having a harder time sleeping at night?

It made an enourmous difference with my son who became much more relaxed and easily entertained once we discovered his wheat sensativity and took it from his diet. I sounded like you, my back, neck, and hips ached always. To make matters worse he nursed 7 or 8 times a night.! Oh I was at the end of my rope! He sleeps better now, I am more refreshed and he is more able to entertain himself. I just wish I had taken wheat out earlier. It's worth a try!

[MrsBone]

I only offer this advice, because this is what the problem was in my situation. I see you are still nursing her. Do you think she is sensitive to something you are eating in your diet? I had found that my child would be really fussy, clinging and pretty much stopped taking naps when I drank too much caffeine. I limit it to one cup a day and that seems to be his limit. its worth s try to see.. she might be having a tummy ache too

[justKate]

Two random thoughts:
Any history of ear infections/fluid in the ears?
How about LOUD singing and dancing while you make dinner (not holding her)? My DD (9 mos.) LOVES it when I sing the SpongeBob song (the part that I know) over and over in an insanely loud, silly voice. Even though she's never seen Sponge Bob. {I admit, she VERY occasionally watches TV, but not Sponge Bob.}

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? At the top of my lungs, SILLY, over and over.