I spent a lot of my pregnancy researching labour coping skills and methods. I really wanted a water birth, always have but I could not find any birthing centre in Toronto and area that does it, and although my brother has a huge big tub in the basement, I wasn’t close enough to the hospital for me to feel comfortable, and I chose a ob/gyn instead of a midwife..i would have liked a midwife if I had to do it again.
I made a few attempts to delay my induction, but i was 41 weeks and no doctor would go to 42, they dont do it anymore..crazy. My beloved family doctor referred me the chief of ob and gyn at the conjoining hospital, he was very calm and humbled man...i like him alot, he also left for a 2 week vacation on my due date. He booked my induction before he left. My due date was the 19th of august, i had my first cervical gel treatment at 4pm on the 24th. my pregnancy was great with no complications, i was measuring to term, great blood pressure, no gest. diabetes, group b positive. So after the gel, i had comfortable (not to bad) contractions begin every 5 mins at 7pm. i was due for another gel treatment at 8 am so i labored through the night, got barely 6 hours of sleep, from excitement and because i had a habit of waking up between 4-5 and stay up until 8-9 through my 3rd trimester, a habit that the little one had after he was born too! I had the second gel at 8am and after the internal exam i was only barely a fingertip dilated (1cm) so they told me to come back at3pm. I went home, had lunch and watched the wedding crashers to cheer me up, i was disappointed i wasnt dilating and then left for the hospital again.
I had another internal at 3pm...still no changes, contractions still every 5 mins. they then said they were going to do a foley catheter, and for those who dont know what it is:
#1-pray you never get it
#2-book ur c-section if they offer it!!!
#3-they use a speculum to open your muffy up, all the way to the cervix, they then insert a catheter with like a balloon on the end of it into your cervix and fill the thing with water so your cervix is 3 cm and you immediately begin to have strong contractions. They send you home with the tube taped to your thigh, if it falls out then you dialated more than 3 cm.
sounds simple enough, however i was so tight and the tissue was not budging, it took 3 shoves and water fills to get it up there....until they got the LONGER speculum to get up deeper to help open the cervix more, then 2 more shoves and water fills and it was in...It was soooo painful that i had a nightmare about it my first sleep after labour. i tryed so hard not to scream and cry in pain. Not to mention the onset of hard contractions...that i forgot to say were every 2-2 1/2 minutes apart lasting 45-60sec long
the drive one way to the hospital was 25 mins, and i felt every minute of it while having my contractions. I was having the nobody talk to me, because i cant talk to you contractions. I had a plan to labour on my own, i didnt have that amount of comfort with my mom, even tho she was my "doula" shes had 4 children, i was her last and only daughter and it made sense, even when carter was just a sparkle in my eye, but still being miss independant, i choose to be on my own up until we left for the hospital at 9pm. She would come check on me every once and a while, i stayed in my brothers spacious basement bathroom with a towel, cell phone, ipod, Gatorade & straw, exercise ball and microwavable beans my mom would come heat up every few hours. I felt the most comfortable going through the contractions on my own. I tryed to visualize my contractions as the rush of blood going into my uterus muscles to push my baby out. I began saying "rushhhhhh rushhhhh" and prolonging the shhhh part to keep my head concentrated on what i was feeling and keep my mouth open and breathing in rhythm ( inspiration-ina may's book)
As you've possibly noticed, i havent mentioned "daddy" or "boyfriend" there hadnt been since a day before i had the positive pregnancy test in my hand, i tryed to make it work but we were so far from being on the same page, were the same age but he has the maturity of a 16 yr old...addicted to drugs, alcohol and crime, he has so much potential, hes a chess playing, open the door for you, sparkle in eye kinda guy...when he wants to be. needless to say, he hasnt held our son to date, havent seen him in 5 months and ive talked to him once since baby was born..which was fighting not talking. But im happy to say ive moved on!! im soo happy without him, and it took me awhile...i dont wish any women without her child's father through a pregnancy and birth, but i did it.
However i had the moment....and i called a mutual friend to find him, he did and called me and i said he had to come here now, i told my parents and they said either him or us, and ill need to call the ambulance if i want him coming and hes not allowed through the door. The last thing a vulnerable, labouring young mom wants to her. I started crying so much...and while my eyes were closed having a contraction, my phone was taken away, he was told not to come and i havent had my phone since.
The hospital told me to come back at 10pm, but still having my contractions every 2-1/2 minutes, sometimes every 1min and a half, i called and said i was coming, that was 9pm. The catheter still in, was yanked on and pulled out..and i was just 3-4cm dilated. Still, with puffy tearing eyes, i was placed in the hospital bed, hooked up, put on iv and began the last attempt for induction...oxytocin. I remained on it up until 7am. The contractions before the oxytocin were intense, i literally had to run to the bathroom when i wasnt having a contraction just so i could get there in time without having a contraction along the way, but sometimes on the oxytocin i had constant contractions, then my nurse would bump me down on my dosage. My nurse rarely, if not never left the bedside, feeling the contractions and monitoring me and the baby. We were doing fine. I tryed putting the ball on the bed and leaning over it to help and it didnt. The best position i found was sitting in a chair. My water broke at about 2am on its own and i laughed so hard. lol i dont know why but i thought it was so funny, it felt great and it squirted out as i laughed and told my mom and nurse "i think my water broke!!!" clear fluids and i thought it meant progression. I was getting through the contractions, you feel that moment when you can lose it..but then it would overwhelm you and i cant imagine going through a contraction without focus, it would be hell....you HAVE got to breathe through it, and when the contraction is over, its bliss! My mucus plug came out during a pee...have to say, it looked like i threw up in the toilet. So i had it together, no "i cant do this" moments at all..However gradually all the stupid induction drugs and artificially induced labour started really kicking my a**.
I began going into shock during and after my contractions, i was shivering with cold no matter how many heated blankets were thrown on me, i was shaking so hard, i would practically pass out after the contraction and just have enough energy to hold my head up on my hand. And then...back labour started. I was so thrown off on where to concentrate my energy, even if mom touched me, my focus was thrown off....now i had piercing pain in my back. I was being so worn down…with no progress. There was no comfortable place or position to labour. My legs would fall out from under me when I tried to stand and walk. I would do ANYTHING to be able to lie down and take the pain out of my back, and I do remember asking them to put me out, roll me into the OR and wake me up when the baby was out. My nurse and mom gently said, an epidural will take the pain out of my back and let me lie down. I thought no no no!!! I was NOT getting it! I have been so against using it…id feel like a failure. I knew when I was talking to my doctor that an induction increases the chances of getting a epidural, because its not real labour…its labour on steroids, but id do anything…I have nothing left in me, ive been trying so hard. So I said ok, the anesthesiologist was in about 15 mins or more after. This was about 4:30am.
Getting the epidural hurt more than the contractions, exhausted I choose to get it lying down and was told to curve my back and bring my knees into my belly. Um….how the hell do you squish your knees into your belly when your 41 weeks pregnant…let alone a belly that’s contracting every 2 mins. The dr inserting the needle….didnt go in the spine “push your back out” tried it again, it took 3 or 4 tries to get it in. I was trying not move, I was crying and squealing in pain, trying to breathe through it, a pillow was in my face, which didn’t help, but I couldn’t ask for someone to move it..i couldn’t talk or move. The dr said, “her back needs to be out more” I thought omg!! I want this to be over. Finally, my mom literally grabbed my knees and my neck/shoulders and pushed me together. Ow!!!!!!!!!! The doctor got the needle in, and then my back became sooo lovely and warm, relief!!!! I had to ask my nurse, am I having a contraction? I felt like nothing, my back didn’t hurt and I was lying down, I was talking and laughing to the point where my mom said shhh! I guess I was loud. I settled down and actually got almost an hour of sleep. My mom said I was snoring I was so asleep. It felt like I was just torturing myself trying to get through the labour before. I had been contracted as if I were 8-10cm dilated for 8 ½ hours , now I was resting and eating crackers and cheese.
When I woke up, the nurse said that the baby’s heart rate was taking longer to recover after each contraction, I was put on oxygen to help. The on call ob/gyn came in, he said, your not progressing, we’ve tried and baby’s heartrate is dropping , we should move forward with a c-section. I had a feeling after the 2nd gel treatment proved a failure that it might be a possibility. The oxytocin was switched off and 15mins after (just before 8), I was rushed into the OR. I began shaking again so vigorously, I felt sick to my stomach, he made the first little slice and asked if I could feel it, YES!! I could feel him cutting me open..omg. he ordered more put in my epidural and proceeded. It’s a terrible, terrible feeling being strapped to a table and being cut open, you can feel them pushing and pulling, I still had the oxygen mask on and I had to keep my eyes closed and breathe, I felt like I was in a horror movie. My mom came in and was pushing my hair back, it helped relax me a bit. “here he comes” then I hear my baby’s first cry and he holds him up over the curtain, tears came to my eyes. He looks just like I pictured him. Carter Jesse was born at 8:43am on Wednesday August 26th 2009. I instantly reached out to touch him, “no no don’t touch” the doctors said, what?! They took him to weigh and swaddle as they were closing me up, my mom went when I said “go! go with him!” my mom brought him over…”hi baby” he was so precious, lovely dark eyes batting at me *kiss*
Carter's First Picture
http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos..._5418939_n.jpg
my mom carried him as I was brought into my staying room. I finally got to hold him just as my 2 brothers, sister-in-law and dad came in. my baby, he was everything I dreamed. He was 7 pounds, 7 ounces (way off from the estimated 8 ½ -9 pounds from the doc) He was passed around to my family, and was just looking at everyone, content and adorable. He started smacking his lips and I knew it was our moment to shine, I was so excieted to breastfeed. It took me awhile to get my brothers and dad out to feed him, they didn’t wanna leave lol. And we put him on(the nurse, my mom and sister in law)and I think he took to it very well, I needed a lot of reassurance that I was doing it right. Its amazing how strong your instinct is to bring baby to breast, its so natural, it feels right.
First Time Holding Carter
http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos...5_739137_n.jpg
Over the next 24 hours, Carter was being monitored, being taken across the hall to the NICU…I was so upset, I was still hooked up on the bed and couldnt get up to go with him. His respiratory rate was very high, I didn’t notice he was breathing really fast, I thought that’s how newborns are. Needless to say, Carter was admitted to the nicu on Thursday at 9am. I was an absolute mess, I was crying so hard, everything that I didn’t want to happen during labour and delievery happened…..now with my baby, hes having numerous blood tests to rule out infection, a iv, heart monitor, chest xray and a echocardiogram to rule out a heart murmur, my poor baby. They were worried he would aspirate if I breastfed, so he was tube fed, and I could only breastfeed him when his res. Rate was 60 or below, 40-60 is normal, he was admitted at 90. and so I had a date with the medela pump every 3 hours, and gave him what I pumped in his feeding. It was Saturday, or Sunday (cant remember-pediatrician discussed possibilities prior) that I got the blood test results back confirming no infection. I was discharged on Saturday, but rented the “mothers sleep room” for mothers who’s baby is in the nicu until Sunday when he was discharged.
Tube Feeding the Baby
http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos..._1742738_n.jpg
Reason for c-section, my pelvis was too small to accommodate him, he wasn’t even in the pelvis so he couldn’t put enough pressure on the cervix to make it dilate, he still has a red mark on his forehead and the back of his head where he was being squished in. It was recommended I book my c-section for any other children I have.
And the reason Carter was admitted to the nicu was because of the excess fluids not squeezed out during delivery resting on his lungs, or “wet lung” he recovered well and is absolutely thriving. He can roll from tummy to back, hold his head up with zero assistant, take little baby stomps when hes held on the floor and is full of smiles and personality and is 9 weeks old tomorrow. He’s the answer to my prayers, the gift I wished for…which is why I middle named him Jesse, meaning “gift” and we have such an excieting future together as mother and son. He is exactly what I need in my life and despite having an unpleasant birth experience…I would do it again tomorrow, hands down.
Carter Now
http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos...3_229389_n.jpg
I made a few attempts to delay my induction, but i was 41 weeks and no doctor would go to 42, they dont do it anymore..crazy. My beloved family doctor referred me the chief of ob and gyn at the conjoining hospital, he was very calm and humbled man...i like him alot, he also left for a 2 week vacation on my due date. He booked my induction before he left. My due date was the 19th of august, i had my first cervical gel treatment at 4pm on the 24th. my pregnancy was great with no complications, i was measuring to term, great blood pressure, no gest. diabetes, group b positive. So after the gel, i had comfortable (not to bad) contractions begin every 5 mins at 7pm. i was due for another gel treatment at 8 am so i labored through the night, got barely 6 hours of sleep, from excitement and because i had a habit of waking up between 4-5 and stay up until 8-9 through my 3rd trimester, a habit that the little one had after he was born too! I had the second gel at 8am and after the internal exam i was only barely a fingertip dilated (1cm) so they told me to come back at3pm. I went home, had lunch and watched the wedding crashers to cheer me up, i was disappointed i wasnt dilating and then left for the hospital again.
I had another internal at 3pm...still no changes, contractions still every 5 mins. they then said they were going to do a foley catheter, and for those who dont know what it is:
#1-pray you never get it
#2-book ur c-section if they offer it!!!
#3-they use a speculum to open your muffy up, all the way to the cervix, they then insert a catheter with like a balloon on the end of it into your cervix and fill the thing with water so your cervix is 3 cm and you immediately begin to have strong contractions. They send you home with the tube taped to your thigh, if it falls out then you dialated more than 3 cm.
sounds simple enough, however i was so tight and the tissue was not budging, it took 3 shoves and water fills to get it up there....until they got the LONGER speculum to get up deeper to help open the cervix more, then 2 more shoves and water fills and it was in...It was soooo painful that i had a nightmare about it my first sleep after labour. i tryed so hard not to scream and cry in pain. Not to mention the onset of hard contractions...that i forgot to say were every 2-2 1/2 minutes apart lasting 45-60sec long
the drive one way to the hospital was 25 mins, and i felt every minute of it while having my contractions. I was having the nobody talk to me, because i cant talk to you contractions. I had a plan to labour on my own, i didnt have that amount of comfort with my mom, even tho she was my "doula" shes had 4 children, i was her last and only daughter and it made sense, even when carter was just a sparkle in my eye, but still being miss independant, i choose to be on my own up until we left for the hospital at 9pm. She would come check on me every once and a while, i stayed in my brothers spacious basement bathroom with a towel, cell phone, ipod, Gatorade & straw, exercise ball and microwavable beans my mom would come heat up every few hours. I felt the most comfortable going through the contractions on my own. I tryed to visualize my contractions as the rush of blood going into my uterus muscles to push my baby out. I began saying "rushhhhhh rushhhhh" and prolonging the shhhh part to keep my head concentrated on what i was feeling and keep my mouth open and breathing in rhythm ( inspiration-ina may's book)
As you've possibly noticed, i havent mentioned "daddy" or "boyfriend" there hadnt been since a day before i had the positive pregnancy test in my hand, i tryed to make it work but we were so far from being on the same page, were the same age but he has the maturity of a 16 yr old...addicted to drugs, alcohol and crime, he has so much potential, hes a chess playing, open the door for you, sparkle in eye kinda guy...when he wants to be. needless to say, he hasnt held our son to date, havent seen him in 5 months and ive talked to him once since baby was born..which was fighting not talking. But im happy to say ive moved on!! im soo happy without him, and it took me awhile...i dont wish any women without her child's father through a pregnancy and birth, but i did it.
However i had the moment....and i called a mutual friend to find him, he did and called me and i said he had to come here now, i told my parents and they said either him or us, and ill need to call the ambulance if i want him coming and hes not allowed through the door. The last thing a vulnerable, labouring young mom wants to her. I started crying so much...and while my eyes were closed having a contraction, my phone was taken away, he was told not to come and i havent had my phone since.
The hospital told me to come back at 10pm, but still having my contractions every 2-1/2 minutes, sometimes every 1min and a half, i called and said i was coming, that was 9pm. The catheter still in, was yanked on and pulled out..and i was just 3-4cm dilated. Still, with puffy tearing eyes, i was placed in the hospital bed, hooked up, put on iv and began the last attempt for induction...oxytocin. I remained on it up until 7am. The contractions before the oxytocin were intense, i literally had to run to the bathroom when i wasnt having a contraction just so i could get there in time without having a contraction along the way, but sometimes on the oxytocin i had constant contractions, then my nurse would bump me down on my dosage. My nurse rarely, if not never left the bedside, feeling the contractions and monitoring me and the baby. We were doing fine. I tryed putting the ball on the bed and leaning over it to help and it didnt. The best position i found was sitting in a chair. My water broke at about 2am on its own and i laughed so hard. lol i dont know why but i thought it was so funny, it felt great and it squirted out as i laughed and told my mom and nurse "i think my water broke!!!" clear fluids and i thought it meant progression. I was getting through the contractions, you feel that moment when you can lose it..but then it would overwhelm you and i cant imagine going through a contraction without focus, it would be hell....you HAVE got to breathe through it, and when the contraction is over, its bliss! My mucus plug came out during a pee...have to say, it looked like i threw up in the toilet. So i had it together, no "i cant do this" moments at all..However gradually all the stupid induction drugs and artificially induced labour started really kicking my a**.
I began going into shock during and after my contractions, i was shivering with cold no matter how many heated blankets were thrown on me, i was shaking so hard, i would practically pass out after the contraction and just have enough energy to hold my head up on my hand. And then...back labour started. I was so thrown off on where to concentrate my energy, even if mom touched me, my focus was thrown off....now i had piercing pain in my back. I was being so worn down…with no progress. There was no comfortable place or position to labour. My legs would fall out from under me when I tried to stand and walk. I would do ANYTHING to be able to lie down and take the pain out of my back, and I do remember asking them to put me out, roll me into the OR and wake me up when the baby was out. My nurse and mom gently said, an epidural will take the pain out of my back and let me lie down. I thought no no no!!! I was NOT getting it! I have been so against using it…id feel like a failure. I knew when I was talking to my doctor that an induction increases the chances of getting a epidural, because its not real labour…its labour on steroids, but id do anything…I have nothing left in me, ive been trying so hard. So I said ok, the anesthesiologist was in about 15 mins or more after. This was about 4:30am.
Getting the epidural hurt more than the contractions, exhausted I choose to get it lying down and was told to curve my back and bring my knees into my belly. Um….how the hell do you squish your knees into your belly when your 41 weeks pregnant…let alone a belly that’s contracting every 2 mins. The dr inserting the needle….didnt go in the spine “push your back out” tried it again, it took 3 or 4 tries to get it in. I was trying not move, I was crying and squealing in pain, trying to breathe through it, a pillow was in my face, which didn’t help, but I couldn’t ask for someone to move it..i couldn’t talk or move. The dr said, “her back needs to be out more” I thought omg!! I want this to be over. Finally, my mom literally grabbed my knees and my neck/shoulders and pushed me together. Ow!!!!!!!!!! The doctor got the needle in, and then my back became sooo lovely and warm, relief!!!! I had to ask my nurse, am I having a contraction? I felt like nothing, my back didn’t hurt and I was lying down, I was talking and laughing to the point where my mom said shhh! I guess I was loud. I settled down and actually got almost an hour of sleep. My mom said I was snoring I was so asleep. It felt like I was just torturing myself trying to get through the labour before. I had been contracted as if I were 8-10cm dilated for 8 ½ hours , now I was resting and eating crackers and cheese.
When I woke up, the nurse said that the baby’s heart rate was taking longer to recover after each contraction, I was put on oxygen to help. The on call ob/gyn came in, he said, your not progressing, we’ve tried and baby’s heartrate is dropping , we should move forward with a c-section. I had a feeling after the 2nd gel treatment proved a failure that it might be a possibility. The oxytocin was switched off and 15mins after (just before 8), I was rushed into the OR. I began shaking again so vigorously, I felt sick to my stomach, he made the first little slice and asked if I could feel it, YES!! I could feel him cutting me open..omg. he ordered more put in my epidural and proceeded. It’s a terrible, terrible feeling being strapped to a table and being cut open, you can feel them pushing and pulling, I still had the oxygen mask on and I had to keep my eyes closed and breathe, I felt like I was in a horror movie. My mom came in and was pushing my hair back, it helped relax me a bit. “here he comes” then I hear my baby’s first cry and he holds him up over the curtain, tears came to my eyes. He looks just like I pictured him. Carter Jesse was born at 8:43am on Wednesday August 26th 2009. I instantly reached out to touch him, “no no don’t touch” the doctors said, what?! They took him to weigh and swaddle as they were closing me up, my mom went when I said “go! go with him!” my mom brought him over…”hi baby” he was so precious, lovely dark eyes batting at me *kiss*
Carter's First Picture
http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos..._5418939_n.jpg
my mom carried him as I was brought into my staying room. I finally got to hold him just as my 2 brothers, sister-in-law and dad came in. my baby, he was everything I dreamed. He was 7 pounds, 7 ounces (way off from the estimated 8 ½ -9 pounds from the doc) He was passed around to my family, and was just looking at everyone, content and adorable. He started smacking his lips and I knew it was our moment to shine, I was so excieted to breastfeed. It took me awhile to get my brothers and dad out to feed him, they didn’t wanna leave lol. And we put him on(the nurse, my mom and sister in law)and I think he took to it very well, I needed a lot of reassurance that I was doing it right. Its amazing how strong your instinct is to bring baby to breast, its so natural, it feels right.
First Time Holding Carter
http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos...5_739137_n.jpg
Over the next 24 hours, Carter was being monitored, being taken across the hall to the NICU…I was so upset, I was still hooked up on the bed and couldnt get up to go with him. His respiratory rate was very high, I didn’t notice he was breathing really fast, I thought that’s how newborns are. Needless to say, Carter was admitted to the nicu on Thursday at 9am. I was an absolute mess, I was crying so hard, everything that I didn’t want to happen during labour and delievery happened…..now with my baby, hes having numerous blood tests to rule out infection, a iv, heart monitor, chest xray and a echocardiogram to rule out a heart murmur, my poor baby. They were worried he would aspirate if I breastfed, so he was tube fed, and I could only breastfeed him when his res. Rate was 60 or below, 40-60 is normal, he was admitted at 90. and so I had a date with the medela pump every 3 hours, and gave him what I pumped in his feeding. It was Saturday, or Sunday (cant remember-pediatrician discussed possibilities prior) that I got the blood test results back confirming no infection. I was discharged on Saturday, but rented the “mothers sleep room” for mothers who’s baby is in the nicu until Sunday when he was discharged.
Tube Feeding the Baby
http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos..._1742738_n.jpg
Reason for c-section, my pelvis was too small to accommodate him, he wasn’t even in the pelvis so he couldn’t put enough pressure on the cervix to make it dilate, he still has a red mark on his forehead and the back of his head where he was being squished in. It was recommended I book my c-section for any other children I have.
And the reason Carter was admitted to the nicu was because of the excess fluids not squeezed out during delivery resting on his lungs, or “wet lung” he recovered well and is absolutely thriving. He can roll from tummy to back, hold his head up with zero assistant, take little baby stomps when hes held on the floor and is full of smiles and personality and is 9 weeks old tomorrow. He’s the answer to my prayers, the gift I wished for…which is why I middle named him Jesse, meaning “gift” and we have such an excieting future together as mother and son. He is exactly what I need in my life and despite having an unpleasant birth experience…I would do it again tomorrow, hands down.
Carter Now
http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos...3_229389_n.jpg
I agree. You provider doesn't sound like he was very caring at all. Then when the recommended induction failed he blamed it on you. It makes me so angry when mothers are treated like this.
