Please. I need help. I just can't do this anymore. - Page 2

[~ally~]

I thought I was reading my own sotry when I read yours! You are not alone. I am in the midst of getting help, and it is worth it. But it is still hard - every day is a struggle.

Take care, my dear.

[DanAbimy2miracles]

I don't get to post much here, my DH works nights and neither of my babies are sleeping through regularly yet. But I want to tell you, as many others have already said, that you are not alone and pleeeeeease do not delay getting help. Really - I did not get any help, I did not realize until after the fact how bad it was or what was really wrong with me. I just thought I was a bad mom, and my daughter especially suffered for it. I swore never to cIO, yet there were maybe 10 or 12 nights when I had to put her down and walk away b/c I couldn't take it any more and had had thoughts if hurting her. It shames me to say it, but that's how bad it was. I just thank God that something kept me from doing it. My son (I have twins) was not as bad at night, although he would cry/scream, too, but my DD was inconsolable. That was the hardest part - nothing I did, which usually ended up being yelling on bad nights, helped. All the singing, rocking, etc. in the world didn't help, and since I couldn't bf past 6 months (zero supply despit everything I tried) that was out. It turns out she had acid reflux, which was not diagnosed until she was 8 months old. My PPD did not peak until she was 6-7 months old, so her diagnosis and putting her on Zanac came at a crucial time. Once she was sleeping better, I did better.

Anyway, get help as soon as you can. The anger and frustration can build up and burst at a moment's notice.

[Leonor]

nevermindyouthere,

I had the same problem. My baby cried and cried and I couldn't stand it.

I've found out he didn't like to be at home! One time when my baby cried like that, I put him on the sling and walked very fast down the street. He fell asleep almost instantly! So from that time on I would spend afternoons out of the house, because if I stayed in, he would just cry and cry, and if I went out, he would sleep and sleep!

Try this, get out of the house with your baby on the sling and get a big coat that protects you both. Take a book with you so you have something to do when he falls asleep.

[sacredplay]

like the other mamas here, my heart and prayers go out to you.

Please do get yourself and dd checked. (ie. for her to make sure she doesn't have an ear or throat infection, or that she is not allergic to something in her diet.)

They are so extremely sensitive and FEEL us and all that's going on for us, some often it's like we are one, and they are just mirroring back to us what is UP, iykwim?

Is she teething? I know my ds has just gone through a period of at least 8 weeks (he's just cut 4 top teeth) and it has been extremely challenging. Not crying like your little one, but needing to be held and comforted almost constantly, at least it has seemed.


Like you i feel i've suffered ppd with both my ds. With my first I did go and talk with a counselor for a couple months (at about the 4th -5th month_ and that did help considerably, just to have an ear to listen. For me not having the kind of emotional support from dp that i so need, really exacerbates the down feeling.)

I have also been able to recognize that for me a big issue is being able to acknoweldge my own needs and to be able to ASK. I am still in the place of learning how to do this. On some level I just expect that people should know how much I am struggling and that I need help. I do not know if this is true for you or not, but it seems that many of us moms feel like we are just supposed to be able to DO IT ALL, and then when we can't we just self-implode. It really SUCKS, and is a vicious downward spiral. Reach out to those that you are closest to to talk to about what you are going through. Journaling, even if you just find 5 minutes or so could also be a good outlet, or even coming here like you have been. KEEP REACHING OUT> STAY CONNECTED> and LET OTHERS KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AT, ok dear sweet ONE.

You ARE a PRECIOUS mama.
Focus on one breath, one moment at a time.
Find a health/healing professional who can talk to and

Something that has been helping me lately is that I will break things down into tiny babysteps. For example, if everything is feeling totally chaotic, simply focus either on the thing that seems like it is weighing on you the most and work at it for 1, 3, 5 or 7 minutes. (setting a timer is one way that I do it, or sometimes, like if the kitchen is a mess or the house feels out of control, I will say that my number for the moment is going to be 7 and i will simply pick up and put away 7 things. Then this usually inspires to do maybe another 7 or another 7, but even if not, just do one little thing that helps to move you in the direction of feeling just a tad bit less chaotic. (using the flylady reminders to whatever degree I can at any point in time has also made a good difference for me...check her out at <http://www.flylady.net>

Breathing (consiously and counting in 1.2.3.4 out 1.2.3.4 can and will help) or focusing on a powerful or positive word, phrase, prayer, or picture can also be very helpful. Or even just sitting and letting yourself allow yourself to feel your feet when you are sitting it a chair. Finding those things that can help you to reconnect with your own body and life force.

Have you considered getting massage?

I wonder how your diet is? I know for me that in the midst of my process of trying to come to some level of balance, that I am learning that I have probably been protein deprived for sometime. I've been vegetarian and think that since getting pregnant and nuring now for going on 5 years straight, that the body does have real needs to do it's work and to keep on producing the milk, so, it's important for us to find the foods that can help to build us up and keep us strong (whether we are nursing or not, the job of mothering requires incredible energy, both physically and emotionally.)

Are you or do you tend to be a junk fooder, coffee drinker, sugar/chocolate-aholic or carb addict? These things seem to "keep us going" in the moment for quick energy, or relief, but in the long run wreak havoc with our bio-chemical system. Another online group that has been beneficial for me over these last few months has been http://www.radiantrecovery.com. They deal with food, mainly sugar addiction, she has written a few books; ("Potatoes Not Prozac", "The Sugar Addicts Total Recovery Program" and "Your Last Diet", all by Kathleen DesMaisons.) Her work has been a real eye opener for me and is slowly making a difference in my life. You can read more about the work she has done on her radian recovery website i listed above.

I know this has been long. I hope that you are feeling like you are heading in the right direction. I look forward to hearing how your journey unfolds.

Much love to you.

[Tani]

Everyone here has said what I was going to say, eloquently and with tons of good resources and links and info for you. All I can do is echo them. The fact that you had the guts to post what your original post was speaks volumes to me about your innate strength and your real love for your dd. I have been there/done that TWICE, with both my daughters.

I agree with whoever said, let whatever health care practitioner you speak to know just how urgent your need is. I know that when I would reach out to a professional for help, I'd have this neurotic need to sound calm and pulled together while talking to them and end up minimizing stuff when I tried to explain it to them. I had to step back and realize, this is their job, I am not here to impress them, and they will only help me as much as I let them.

(((((HUGS)))))) to you; wish I could come by and clean your house or drop off a meal. Please keep posting.

[Foobar]

I am sorry I didn't see this until today.

You are NOT a failure!!!!

I get this way sometimes. I got help at 3 months post partum and did better. Then I got off the meds. Felt great! Then I got pregnant again and had a reoccurance... I started crying every night asking, "I used to enjoy being a mom! Why do I hate it now??" I am now back on the meds and doing great.

PPD is often caused by a chemical imbalence that is created by pregnancy. Nursing can help maintain the imbalence although you should not have to stop nursing because of PPD.
You may want to work with some natural remedies or pharmaculical (spelling?) to help regain this balence.

Sending you hugs. I could hear myself in your post

[neveryoumindthere]

sorry havent written in a while..typing is not fun one-handed (nak now too by the way)

well..things have gotten a little better..the past week or so she slept better since i put up a dark blanket over the window to block out light (she was getting up literally with the sun and VERY cranky)

i 'hired' one of my sisters to come evry mondy to play/watch dd while i get time alone (an hour) and my other sister is tues/thurs for an hour afterschool..wed i'm at my parents all day so thats a 'break' and fri/sat/sun dh is home..so i got the whole week covered...

still...i get frustrated easily the times shes so cranky but with her actually napping 1-2 times a day even if its short she really has changed for the better...which means not so many frustrating times...

i had dh read this thread a couple weeks ago and he's been more hlpful since..taking her at night to get her relaxed enough to nurse to sleep, taking her for short periods of time so i can do my sewing (which i'm teaching myself and is pleasantly and surprisingly very relaxing)...

i still have my dr's appt on the 10th..feeling like i dont need it but still will go to talk since shes a great dr...

i want to thank you all soo much for all ur support..i havent told anyone except a couple ppl irl whats going on with me and even then they dont really understand so you ladies have really been my sole support besdies dh...

sothank you..its cathartic to read of your struggles and experiences and really lifts the feeling of the isolation of ppd ...

[lilmiss'mama]

I am glad you are feeling better! What a great idea to have your sisters come over. I bet they love hanging out with their niece! A supportive dh makes a big difference too. I hope things continue to improve for you.

[tatterhood]

PPD is a serious problem. I am a mom of a now 16 year old. I went through the struggle you are having and didn't really get any help. I only survived through my husband & some self help things. I finally went to a homeopath years later and really got some support for working through this issue.

I wanted to tell you that while you are having a frantic episode..feeling like you just can't do this, make it, want to give up, don't know where to turn....take the Bach Flower Remedy Rescue Remedy. It will help you get through the initial crisis until you can call someone.

You need support. I would recommend calling your health care provider. Hopefully they would be willing to look at holistic modalities with you as well as evaluate how you are doing. I would heartily recommend talking with someone that can relate to your issue as well. Going to a practitioner that writes this problem off as "all in your head" is no help! Can you go to a La leche League meeting, talk to a nurse practitioner in your area that has contacts, talk to midwives, connect with a doula.

I am now teaching my daughter to drive...I survived... and I can tell you that you will get through this! I can also tell you that the seriousness of going through such a PPD/Experience influenced my desire to have any more children. It was okay with me and wound up being the best choice for me.

Again, I really recommend the Bach Flower Remedies for getting through emotional struggle throughout the day. If you cannot find a practitioner in the area to help you sort through the remedies it is fairly straight forward to look at each remedy and figure out what might help you in a give moment.

Get thee to an understanding, knowledgeable and compassionate practitioner. I wouldn't necessarily just go to any person...I would want that person to have some training and understanding of this very complex state of being.

You have the power to get through this! At your worst moments stop and set the baby/child down somewhere that she is safe. Walk away...to another room if possible. Sit or lay down. Close your eyes...breathe in (I fill myself with light & grace)...breathe out (I am whole). Do this until you gain control and presence of mind.

I hope this helps. You can do this. It will get better. You are a good person and a good mother. Moments pass quickly. Be safe.
Peace

[mymarliegirl]

Wow, Never you mind there, I felt like someone had written in about me--our situations are quite similar. We lived in the 3 different states before my daughter was 5 months. We had such trouble nursing, and she still isn't sleeping through the night. Luckily she is a very happy baby, or I might not be well enough to write this. On my recent 6 month post-pardum check the midwife suggested I contact the University where I live because they are doing a PPD study which involves free therapy sessions for the mothers. If you live in a college town you may want to check on this also. Another thing that has been great for us is water! My daughter loves the water, so on a bad day we soak in a warm tub together until we are prunes Another simple little life-saver for me has been a Baby Einstien video. Yes, I know, TV is not recommended for those under two, but I have to tell you that I don't feel guilty about letting her watch it once a day. She loves it and it gives me 20 minutes to wash my face or flip through a magazine or make a sandwich. Just remember you're not alone and you can do this! As spring nears and as you find the support you need through your doctor or midwife or whoever, it will get better!

[girlndocs]

I also suffered from severe PPD with my son (he's 5 now) that went untreated for, like, 2 years, and I don't know you from Eve but I'm sooo glad you've found some ways to get help sooner than that. My 2nd is 10 days old now, and DH, doula and midwives are all keeping an eagle eye out with me for symptoms of PPD popping up again.

Some useful things I know now that I didn't know then:

Anemia (even "borderline" anemia, which is what I have), hypoglycemia or inadequate protein intake, thyroid problems, inadequate exposure to natural light, exhaustion and B vitamin deficiencies can ALL produce the same symptoms as depression.

Sometimes, no, often, very fussy babies benefit from going to a chiropractor and being adjusted. No shit. Make sure it's a chiropractor who treats lots of babies and kids.

As someone said above, if getting stuff done would help you feel better, break it down into baby steps and don't let yourself feel you "have" to finish something: "I will stack the plates and bowls and then if I want to quit doing the dishes, I will."

And finally, I too am having to learn that taking care of myself has to be the first priority if I'm going to be able to help take care of my kids. I know how hard it is to unlearn all the sacrificial crap our culture programs into us as mothers. I'm not the huggin' type but I wish I could give you a warm smile when I say to you that you and I and every other parent deserves to have support and help and to take care of themselves.

Congratulations on starting to get better!

Kris

[banana]

Do not ever feel that you are alone.

I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. I went through the same feelings when my baby was born and still do today, but luckily to a lesser extent. You have done exactly the right thing in asking for help. Personally, I found a support group to be the most helpful. There are also telephone support groups available. It really helps to talk about the feelings and to realise that you are not alone. Taking medication is also nothing to be ashamed of and can support the body and mind during this very difficult time. Noone really tells you what a change becoming a Mother involves - it is a huge shock - please take it one small step at a time.

Anna x

[layla]

All I have for you are ((((hugs))))...

[SpiralChrissy]

Hey all-
I totally relate to what you're saying, Neveryoumindthere! I've had PPD for 8months. It's so hard. I've hated SUnday nights cause it meant my DH was getting ready to leave me for a long week at work. I had those doubtful moments of oh God there's no way for me to do this. And I have an easy baby!! What I can tell you is that sometimes you have to breakdown to get better. It's no fun, but I think it can be necessary for the healing to begin. I wish you all the best in your journey. GET HELP!! Get an MD, start therapy, get someone to watch the babe, find a cleaning lady, etc. It's o.k. to need help, especially now. You deserve it!! You may check in your community for a PPD group. They have one in my area and it's completely a life-line. YOU WILL GET THRU THIS! I'm healing. So can you. Just hold on and be gentle with yourself. AND KEEP WRITING!!
Chrissy