Swearing?

[Momma2Gianna]

Do you swear? Do you do it in front of your kids? How do you/would you react if your kid swore? Are there certain swears you allow yourself to say in front of your kids, and just try to teach them that there are adult words that YOU are allowed to say but they aren't allowed to say?

This is a bone of contention between a friend and me, so I am curious to hear others' opinions.

Thanks!!

[Llyra]

I do, occasionally. I try to avoid anything really over-the-top, or to use the words too often, but sometimes it slips out. My kids do sometimes imitate me. I mostly ignore them; I think swearing only becomes an "issue" if you make it one by letting the words become a source of shock value. I did very calmly and matter-of-factly point out to DD1 when she started school that if she said XYZ at school or church or at grandma's house it would get her in trouble, because "most people don't think it's okay for kids to say those words, and even grownups try not to say those words in church/at school/at work/in front of people they respect." I just kind of passed on the information, the same way you'd mention to kids that people are going to stare if they go out with food all over their face or with sandals in January or something. I think kids mostly just need to know that there are times and places where using those words is going to make a poor impression on people; it's a social convention like any other, to me.

I do avoid using strong language around other people's kids, because I know that not everybody is as blase about the issue as I am.

[alegna]

In our house words are words.

We do teach about choosing your words for your audience.

-Angela

[bronxmom]

We swear a lot. My daughter does not swear AT ALL - and never has. She is not shocked by it but she seems to have picked up that it is not socially appropriate.

However, lately she's more sensitive to it and those words are more hurtful to her than others so we are working on more gentle language.

I am sensitive around other kids to it - or try to be as best I can. But I also don't think swear words themselves are the issue so much as respectful communication. So, for example, if I drop a cast iron pan on my foot and yell f***in h**** I don't really think that's a big deal; if I say "f*** you" to someone then that's a problem. I'd rather address communication then arbitrarily defined words.

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by alegna

In our house words are words.

We do teach about choosing your words for your audience.

This is basically my answer, too.

[LaLaLaLa]

For some reason (probably because I've NEVER heard my parents swear), swearing is really unnatural for me. For a brief period in college I tried it out, but then decided it's really not for me. So I don't swear. Neither does DH, unless he's been playing a lot of Grand Theft Auto, then some slip out. Never around the kids, though.

Anyway, I wouldn't love it if my kids picked up swear words, and I would tell them that I prefer they communicate in a different way. We're sort-of struggling with this right now, as DD (five years old) has picked up "Oh my God!" from somewhere. Her bus driver, it seems? We are atheists and I don't personally have a problem with that, but I know that some of the people DD interacts with will, so I've been trying to get her to stop, telling her that some people take God really seriously, and hearing her use this expression might hurt their feelings. I haven't heard it in a week or so, so maybe it's sinking in.

We have a CD right now that my FIL made for the kids, and one of the songs on there is Johnny Cash's "Boy Named Sue." At the end of the song the line is "I'm the ----beeeeeeeeep!---- who named you Sue." My kids are incredibly intrigued by that long beep, and asked me what he was saying. I explained the concept of swears, saying there are some words that a lot of people consider impolite and that singers aren't allowed to say on the radio, and so sometimes these words are replaced by a beep.

Then, of course, the kids wanted me to tell them the words. I politely declined. Sorry, kids, I'm not teaching you all the swears today. You're on your own for that part of your education. If they come home saying swears or asking about them, though, I'll certainly talk about them calmly. I just don't think I need to give a 5-year-old and a 3.5-year-old those words right now.

[jess152]

This is something we are struggling with now. DS is 2 1/2 and he uses these words in the right context with the right tone of voice (completely mimicking us). My approach is to ignore it. DH wants to address it, but I think that just makes DS think there's some kind of allure there. Bad word? Ooooh, I should use it!

Since he's picked this up, we're trying really hard to watch what we say. With DH though, these words are just peppered through his every day language! Gah.

[treehugginhippie]

We don't swear (well, we did before we had kids). If my dd swore (dh slips sometimes and I think she's repeated it before), I'd tell her that isn't a nice word and (whoever said it) shouldn't say it either.

I also don't believe that adults should be allowed to say x, y or z and the kids are not.

[Oriole]

We don't swear. It saddens me that DSD does. It makes me happy that she rarely does so in our presence.

I don't think that every household where people choose to swear is an unhappy one, but I much prefer no to talk to each other that way.

To me it's about making every piece of your life beautiful, peaceful and kind. Some might feel plastic pollutes their child's toys - I believe swears pollute the speech and relationships in the similar manner, yk?

[ma_vie_en_rose]

Originally Posted by alegna

In our house words are words.

We do teach about choosing your words for your audience.

-Angela

Ditto... good to know we have a like-minded audience.

That being said, we really don't swear in front of the kids aside from an occasional word here and there.

[Momma2Gianna]

Thanks very much for your answers, everybody! I don't usually swear as a general rule, but if the occasional one slips out, I don't freak out about it. Of course, we're talking about the mild ones - the D word, the SH word, the B word, the place opposite heaven word. Now that my DD is talking, I don't drop the F bomb or worse in front of her. The friend I spoke of is slightly more strict than me - She doesn't want ANY word - even crap - said in front of her kids. To each his own, for sure, but I just wanted to make sure I was not the "wrong" one here, like "omgsh, I can't believe you say ___ in front of her". I actually think it's better for my DD to know there are words that are not polite, and that she shouldn't say certain things in front of certain people. Thanks again!!

I love this board!!

[noobmom]

I used to swear a lot (esp playing World of Warcraft with my friends on vent), but I've cut back considerably. Now it's only the occasional stubbed toe type incident. DS (3 yo) has picked up choice phrases from time to time--it only takes once for him to learn it. My approach is that he can say those words at home at appropriate times. However, DH and I don't say them in public or around other people and neither should he. So far it hasn't been a problem and he rarely uses them at home anyway. Although, I admit I laugh a little on the inside when he accidentally hurts himself and a "damn it" slips out.

[Theoretica]

Originally Posted by alegna

In our house words are words.

We do teach about choosing your words for your audience.

-Angela

That's us too!

[aspenleaves]

I swear a great deal.... and am now having to curb it since my 5 year old will too....

I don't care that she swears, but it is culturally unaccepted and so feel like I need to guide her in the right direction.

Basically what Alegna said.... swearing is like being naked, we can do it at home and only then only sometimes.... it depends on who we are with.

My favorite it when we are out with friends and my dd throws up her hands at something that doesn't make sense and says "WTF?"

[GoBecGo]

We're with alegna too. I tend not to drop the Fword or the Cword around her, though i actually think they are perfectly good words, i know DD is still learning about context and don't want her to suffer for my choices of vocabulary. She does say "foxes!" (sort of) if something goes wrong because dad says "F's sake" in situations where he's frustrated.

In general i think words can be very powerful and swear words definitelyhave their place in the language. In fact i think when my teen girls are able to use the Cword with confidence i'll be incredibly proud of them!

[Grace and Granola]

Thanks for posting this! I am dealing with a similar situation, but since we don't swear in our house it seems weird to ask. The things my 4yo is starting to say is--OMG, Oh my gosh, and john-it (wish I think is darn it!) I think he's picking up these things at preschool, and although there is nothing terrible about these things he's saying, I hate the tone he's using! I guess it comes down to being respectful and peaceful, and these phrases are being said so harshly and sound so thoughtless. And he's just saying these things SO much, and I know he's just expermenting with new language, but it's really like nails on a chalkboard to me! I don't want to just forbid him from saying certain words, but I like the suggestions to come at it from a place of respect.

Thanks!!

[zippy_francis]

We swear at our house. It is something DH and I are trying to curb. Mainly because I believe in having a large vocabulary and trying to find alternative words for situations. I believe some curse words most definitely have their place and should be used when appropriate but I don't want that to be the only words they can use to express themselves. I have a bigger problem with words being used inappropriately than just swearing in general. I have experienced many a time when I hear someone say "OH that is so gay!" For some reason those phrases or 'youre stupid' or 'shut-up' are more damaging than B word or S word. At least in my opinion

[Alyantavid]

We do swear. My kids know that some words are grown up words and some are not. Some are also ok at our house and not ok other places.

[naturalmom8]

I think swearing sends the wrong message in the home. We have to set an example first and foremost.

[DevaMajka]

DP and I very rarely swear, and only the "milder" swear words. There have been a couple times that ds1 has used a "bad word". I have always giggled about it, and talked to him about it being a swear word. I tell him that it's not appropriate for kids to say, and that a lot of other people would be quite offended by him saying it in front of them, etc.
I basically tell him that dp and I don't really mind it occasionally, but not to swear in front of anyone else. He has never used a swear word in front of anyone else.