Must wean :( Do I just have to put up with the crying/tantrums?

[rocketgirl96]

Hi everyone,
I'm beside myself with this problem and I really need help. My son is 20 months old and unfortunately, I have to wean if I want to have a 2nd child. I know, it's so sad. I would love to continue but I have no choice. First of all, I have trouble conceiving and I will probably have to take clomid, which is not safe to take while breastfeeding (according to my OB). Also, I have an incompetent cervix which makes it impossible for me to breastfeed through a pregnancy - the uterine contractions could cause pre-term labor for me. So......

I want to wean in as gentlest way as possible. The don't offer, don't refuse way of weaning just isn't going very well, mainly because my LO always will ask and even if we're busy during the day, he will make up for it at night. So, I've started trying to drop a feeding - just one feeding. He gets up several times during the night, so I decided to drop the first night time waking feeding the last couple of nights. This is not going well AT ALL. He screams bloody murder. I have given him water in a sippy cup, rock him, hold him, have DH rock him back to sleep but a few minutes later, he will get up crying again. The first night, he did this and kept me awake from 12 to 2 (2 hours!!!!). Last night, he did the same thing and kept me awake from 12 to 2:30 (WORSE than the night before). He just will keep doing the fall asleep/wake up cycle over and over until he exhausts himself I guess. Then he'll sleep for a couple of hours, wake up again, and then I nurse him since that's the 2nd waking of the night (technically). Anyway, I'm just wondering if there's an easier way to do this? It breaks my heart. Will it stop if I just pummel through it for the next couple of days? Or should I just go back to nursing him like usual? I really need to get going on the whole weaning thing because we are wanting to TTC soon. I'll be 40 next May and trust me, if I were younger I would totally wait until he wants to self-wean, but unfortunately I just don't have that option. What should I do? Is crying just a natural part of the weaning process like my mother is telling me? Help me PLEASE!!!!

Thank you,
Christine

[annettemarie]

For some kids, I think crying can be part of it. But I also think that part of being the mama is that sometimes we have to make decisions that are best for the entire family, and our toddlers are not exactly gifted at seeing the big picture. Times like this, I remember the (probably paraphrased) words of Dr. Sears-- you can't always stop them from crying, but you can make sure they don't cry alone.

Being mindful of giving lots of extra cuddles and lap time, being willing to get out of the house, go to the park, have a change of scene, offering other things (OK, sometimes this felt like a bribe!) to make it "worth their while" not to nurse can all be a part of the process.

And of course, at night, it's all a billion times harder. You can hold him and love him and snuggle him and let him know when he can nurse. I've always found the first few days of night weaning are the hardest. I also found that my kids were better able to understand "no night nursing at all" (we nursed to sleep and then the milkers went night-night until the clock radio comes on at 6 AM) than dropping a feed here and a feed there.

Good luck to you.

[Meems]

I know that time isn't on your side, but I honestly think you would have more luck if you give yourself more time. I would first nightwean, and then work on dropping daytime feedings. It sounds like this is a bit traumatic for your babe, and it is likely that in a few more months, he will be more verbal and can understand better what is going on ie, you can tell him that milky is going night-night and so forth and he will understand (hopefully) and it will be an easier transition.

Also, I highly recommend that during this process you spend as much time out and about w/ your child. He is much more likely to be distracted while out and about...

[JollyGG]

I'd try eliminating an easier feeding first.

I'd also try incorporating Dad into the comfort, sleep, cuddly process more. Basically try to incorporate Dad into the bedtime and back to sleep process before removing yourself from it.

For example on of the easiest feedings for us to initially get rid of was bedtime. Because we first established a routine where I nursed and then while LO was still awake Dad rocked and sang the baby to sleep. We then moved Mom out of the routine.

In the middle of the night we started with Dad going to LO with pumped breast milk, then transitioned to milk, then water. But really by the time we got to water they were just sleeping through that feeding.

We had to have Dad play a major role in the weaning process. It was hard for me to hand all of my favorite tender moments over. But once babe was weaned we were able to reintroduce me into our routines in a different way.

[megviolet]

I haven't night weaned my 28month old... yet... i don't know if i will, i tried a few night and then gave up lol.

I do think that it's probably easier for him if you nightweaned entirely instead of just one night feeding. That way, he'll learn that ther eis no more nursing at night, instead of being confused why you say no and then later say yes... know what i mean?

I think there is some good info here for you: http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

good luck... and i hope you get some rest tonight

[2mama]

When I night weaned DS as I had a newborn I was nursing as well, we did it 1 session at a time.. It seemed so much less tramatic for both of us.. Yes it took longer but I feel it was worth it.. Some kids wean easier.. DD#1 could have cared less.. DD #3 is 32months and still insists on nursing at night because it was just to hard for her to wean(lots of crying)..

Good luck.. Oh yeah I did hear of mama's putting bandaids on themselves and telling DC that they need to rest... Never tried it but I hear it can work..

[Theoretica]

subbing because I would LOVE advice on this same topic!

And OP, My midwife said Clomid was fine while nursing, if that helps any. She did say most OB's wont do it, but maybe do your own research and see what you think? And then just tell your OB you've weaned?

Just brainstorming for you...Good luck mama!

[wami]

I weaned my dd at 18.5 months for many of the same reasons as you. I will say that by that point, she was only nursing 1x a day consistently, so you may want to take what I have to say with a grain of salt.

I weaned my dd at 18.5 months for many of the same reasons as you. I will say that by that point, she was only nursing 2x a day consistently, so you may want to take what I have to say with a grain of salt.

Have you tried telling him that you are weaning? I know he's only 20 months old, but I know my dd needs to be given a heads up about any change -- whether it's leaving the park or stopping nursing. When I made the decision to wean, we were still sometimes nursing two times a day. So I told dd, after her morning nursing, that we were only going to nurse in the mornings. When she requested to nurse in the afternoon, I reminded her that we only nurse in the mornings. She was a bit annoyed, but seemed to understand. When I decided to wean completely, I started talking to her about how soon we wouldn't be nursing any more, but that she could still come lie in bed with mommy and daddy in the morning and cuddle, and that she could get hugs and cuddles whenever she needed them. The day before we weaned, after she nursed, I told her we were all done with nursing. When she asked to nurse the next day, I reminded her that we were all done, but that if she wanted to cuddle and read a book, we could do that. There were a few tears, and she asked to nurse again a couple of days after that, but it was pretty short-lived. Maybe I was just lucky?

I agree that consistency is really important. If you are going to drop a feeding -- and I would suggest dropping one feeding at a time -- stick with it. The back and forth is just confusing and frustrating. "I got to nurse yesterday at this time, why not today?"

Lastly, a gradual weaning will be far easier on you. I noticed a big dip in my mood when around the time my dd dropped down to two nursings a day -- that was on her own, which signaled to me that maybe she could handle being weaned. I think it was my hormones adjusting. And even though we weaned very gradually, I still ended up with a clogged milk duct in one breast!

[tammylsmith]

I am in the process of weaning 29 mo dd, and not a tear has been shed. I think this shows that she was ready for it and just needs a firmer hand from me. I got sick and had a temp, so the idea of nursing was not comfortable at all to me. To top that off, I'm 15 weeks pregnant,so I think milk has been drying up because we have been making the nursing sessions shorter and fewer each day. I just told her mommy wasn't feeling well and gave her a sippy cup with warm milk before bed. Then lots of hugs. She is still asking me, but with a mischievious smile like she is trying to trick me or something. It wasn't nearly as difficult a process as I thought it would be. Hey, you never know what it will turn out to be like. Try to give as much comfort as you can and see if dh can help you with the comfort. The milk will be further away then, and your lo might find a new comfort. My dd has discovered that she loves to stroke dh's stubble when she is sleepy. He adores it too, because she has become more snuggly towards him as we started weaning.

[velcromom]

Dr. Thomas Hale, the author of Medications and Mother's Milk, is the foremost authority on what medications are safe for breastfeeding moms - but most OBs don't have a copy of his book. It is updated yearly I think and is available at most bookstores, I've seen it at Barnes & Noble. I'd go and leaf thru it at least, lol... I would go with what Hale says even if your OB is unaware of that info.

[isabchi]

Originally Posted by velcromom

Dr. Thomas Hale, the author of Medications and Mother's Milk, is the foremost authority on what medications are safe for breastfeeding moms - but most OBs don't have a copy of his book. It is updated yearly I think and is available at most bookstores, I've seen it at Barnes & Noble. I'd go and leaf thru it at least, lol... I would go with what Hale says even if your OB is unaware of that info.