trying to hang in there, hold me up mamas!

[lisasaurus]

i recently tapered off zoloft with the help of my naturopath over a period of several months. i felt fabulous. for about a month. and very suddenly i could NOT SLEEP AT ALL. of course this all spiraled very quickly into constant ruminations, anxiety and now depression.

i started back on medication a couple of weeks ago, but am still not sleeping. i'm still seeing my naturopath and a new pdoc for medication. plus i'm in therapy. plus i'm still exercising and eating really well.

but i feel really sad like i'm the only person who can't get off medication successfully. I feel very low. I feel like i'm never going to sleep again and get better... even though, i've been through this before so i'm sure i'll come through it again.

just need some virtual hugs, maybe. a little "its ok, a lot of people need medication long term" type things would be nice. i don't have many people in my real life who "get" it. they just get really frustrated because theres not much they can do to help.

i just want my life back. my sleep and my happiness.

[Phoenix_Rising]

I've been on and off medication for more than half of my life. Probably I should have been "on" that whole time. It is hard, I've definitely had the thought (more than once) that I'm the only one who can't successfully go on without the meds. . .but I'm not - and neither are you. I hope your meds kick in soon and help your sleep!

[Naturalyst]

I'm curious to know why you've set getting off medication as a goal. If your depression has occurred more than twice, the odds of recurrence are greater than 95% (though, offhand I don't recall the exact figure, I know it is at least that high). Consider that you might have to think of it and treat it as a chronic condition.

If you are like most, by the time you ask for "help" when you're off meds and cycle back into depression, there's already lots of collateral damage in your life.

[lisasaurus]

thats a good question. I don't know why being med-free is such an important goal for me. I guess I subscribe to the more naturopathic idea that the "imbalance" can be fixed with nutrition and supplements. Obviously thats not working out too well for me at the moment, but maybe in the future?

there is a voice that tells me if i just work harder, i can manage this without meds. but again, its not the case right now. right now it has exploded. right now i just need to sleep so i can get up and take care of my son.

i am realizing i have chronic anxiety/depressive issues. but it doesn't make it any easier for me to swallow the pills everyday.

i don't know why.

[Phoenix_Rising]

I *completely* empathize with your desire to be off medication.

That voice telling you that if you just work harder you can do it - we all hear that voice. And really, just do what you can. Working harder won't necessarily do anything but make you frustrated (ask me how I know!).

[lisasaurus]

i guess my plan for now is to get back stable on meds, and stay stable on meds for a long time. at the very least until spring 2011. in the meantime, i will keep working with my naturopath to figure out what things my body needs. i will keep eating well and exercising and going to therapy to help my negative thought patterns.

meds are not a surrender, or a defeat, just a tool to help me keep going and keep learning.

in the long run, life is short. the less medicated don't win any more prizes in the end, right?

[KatWrangler]

There is no way my husband could go without meds. No way.

s on your decision.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Originally Posted by lisasaurus

meds are not a surrender, or a defeat, just a tool to help me keep going and keep learning.

in the long run, life is short. the less medicated don't win any more prizes in the end, right?

Right!