Considering hiring mws...

[Collinsky]

And this goes in this forum because I'm a UCer, and want to come at it from that perspective. This is gonna be rambly, I apologize in advance!!

I've had four wonderful UC births (two of them UP) and an unassisted m/c, and never thought that hiring midwives would even be something that would come into my head.

But for some reason, I've toyed with the idea since even before I conceived this summer (the baby I m/c.) My sister's midwives when she was pregnant were wonderful, just fabulous. I loved what they had to say, and I know other "UC-minded" women have used them and that they are very hands-off and respectful (including not entering the house unless and until asked, when they know the mama is a UC-minded mama.) I think that they would be fine, and I feel confident enough now, after all these years and births, to not lose myself if someone else is involved. (My main fear with hiring a mw initially, and a very valid concern IMO.)

I'm not sure why I would have this idea of hiring mws this time. I don't have any fears about the birth or afterwards. No "just in case" thoughts. I really don't know what I think a mw would bring to the birth, or what I would need/want them for. I also think that the "formula" we have for my births has worked so well for us that it would be silly to fix what ain't broke. I loved my UCs, love the whole dynamic of it, and can't think of a single reason - besides fear - to alter that. So without fear, why would the thought "Hey, maybe I'll have midwives for this birth" even surface?

Anyone else ever have this feeling - that maybe having midwives would be fun or nice, even though they're totally unnecessary? What would be the benefits of hiring these women? What would be the risks? Do I gain anything? (I know I'd lose something.) What's the point of hiring them to NOT be at the actual birth?

Is it just because I've never experienced a midwife-homebirth, that I'm feeling curious?

[BroodyWoodsgal]

I think you've made to the "other side" of birth, mama!!

You've BTDT with UC and you know you can do it....it really sounds like adding these MWs to the equation feels like more of an enrichment to a process you already love than an intervention. It sounds like you are confident in who you are as a birther and aren't very concerned with, like you said, "losing yourself" or feeling torn between birthing the way you want and "fending off" the outside influence from these CPs....


I am a UC minded person....but more so than that, I like to consider myself a "joyful birthing" minded person. I think that the important thing is construction the kind of birth that you REALLY want....in the place you choose, the people you invite to participate, etc....these MWs have been around the block, they know the difference between a mama who is going at it her first time and is the type of woman who wants a little more hand holding and a mama who has experienced labor before and/or needs space and respectful distance and no hand holding at all. These MWs are going to know how to vibe with you and be there for what you NEED them there for....if that's making sure you have steady food and water coming, they'll do that. If it's just aftercare, tucking you into bed, grabbing things like towels for you, etc...they will do that too. They are going to be there to fit into the process the way you need them to with intuitive care that will not feel overbearing or "nosey". And if they don't do any of that....it sounds like they are the types of ladies who would respond well to "back off"...ykwim?

I say go for it. The guts and glory of unhindered birth is not in "going it alone no matter what cause dammit I CAN" its in having the good sense to know that birthing can happen in SO many different ways, in so many different places and that it is the right of a mama to choose the place, time and attendants which suit her best.

If this feels right to you....go for it. If you feel they will enrich your experience...you'd be a nut not to at least talk with them about their feelings on attending your birth. Besides...having someone around after the fact to do a bit of the clean up, etc while you and bebe are snuggled up in bed worrying about nothing at all...that sounds nice, eh?

[MsBlack]

I say, if you think you should have a mw, then go for it. Whether it turns out you just appreciated the woman-to-woman care, support and conversation during/after pregnancy (but not during birth), or it turns out you actually 'need' a mw for something this time--it really doesn't matter. This is your feeling and to hell with 'UC purity' or the reason why you are thinking of a mw now, or whatever--it doesn't really need to be complicated to just go for what you want this time. You would not be the first experienced UC mama to go the mw route at some point--and the ones I've seen (here and elsewhere) seemed to not regret it (that is different from the UC wannabe's who keep a mw on board for 'all the wrong reasons'--yes, quite a few of those are not so happy in the end but that was mainly because they never really got off the fence).

Because of who you are, your confidence in yourself birthing, your knowledge and trust with birth--it just seems highly unlikely that you will let anyone ruin your experience in any way. And who knows--maybe a mw will even enhance or improve your next birth in some unforeseeable way....you sound highly satisfied with your UCs, which is wonderful! and still, anything at all can be improved upon. Not to mention that however wonderful your UCs were, that was then, this is now--you aren't exactly the same person with the same situation as you were when pregnant/birthing in the past. And again, because of your knowledge, experience and confidence with birth, I just can't see you letting a mw mess things up. If it is just curiosity, then I'm thinking you'll know in a few visits (if not immediately) whether or not you *really* want/need a mw!

just my 2cents

[Tizzy]

Funnily enough, I just posted a very similar post Same feelings here, I really don't know how having the mw's there would improve the experience, but I feel strong enough to make sure they don't influence my labor and birth in a negative way.
I'm not out to prove anything to anyone and I don't want to specifically be a "UC'er" just because I know I can.

[amberskyfire]

I've been having the same feelings. I had my first (and only so far) unassisted, but I keep thinking I might want a midwife for the second. I can't even imagine why I might be thinking that. It's not out of fear.

I think maybe my brain is going "okay, we already KNOW we can do this, but DH wasn't super supportive last time and wouldn't it be nice this time around to have a WOMAN who can commiserate hold my hand?"

But yeah, I feel ya. I think I'll still end up going UC with my next. The MW idea is just something I've been tossing around.

[Happiestever]

This may be totally off base.... But maybe you just want that female companion and not so much a midwife. That is what I was really looking for, and knew that was what I wanted. Then we moved and I am friendless, so plans change....

Just because you have had done this before, doesn't mean that you have to stick with the same thing each time. Heavens know I have certainly changed things up each time. I think you should do whatever feels right to you for this pregnancy, and know that you can always change your mind up until the placenta comes out. It is so hard sometimes finding the balance in life, but we'll get there!

[prancie]

I am all for UC, but I think that if your intuition is telling you to hire midwives then you should go with that. UC is all about intuition, so don't dismiss the idea too quickly.

[SusieRain]

I went through the same thing this time. I am confident in my ability to give birth but I want that companionship. My husband will probably still catch the baby, but I will have a midwife here mostly as a doula/support person for myself. I had a wonderful UC birth in 2007 but it just didn't feel right for me this time. Like you, I have no fears surrounding the birth. It just seems right to hire a midwife this time. I interviewed about 10 midwives and only 1 set right with me. But she sets with me perfectly! We are a wondefrful match and she appreciates my intuition and listens to what I have to say. I love the relationship we are developing.

[MsBlack]

So, Collinsky....we haven't hear from you again since you posted. You still there? Any further thoughts since we've all posted our thoughts?

just wondering....

[Collinsky]

Sorry - super busy the past couple days!! I haven't decided anything yet... still just kind of going with it. I'm only 9 wks along so it's not something that has to be sorted out real soon.

I had thought about the companion angle, but I don't crave the companionship in labor... I feel really satisfied with the connection and rapport Dh and I have during birth, and really have no desire to add to or detract from that. There might be something to the wanting companionship in the after moments. Why that should be midwives though, when I have such fantabulous, supportive friends, I'm not sure. Maybe I should just arrange to see if a couple friends could be available to come by during or after labor. My best friend has come by during three of my labors to discreetly drop of supplies (camera, food, etc) and put herself pretty much on call to be there if we needed anything, and come by after the births to make food and help out. My friends arranged a cleaning party before my last birth, and made sure I had food, help, and support afterward -- I know any of them would be glad to be there for me if they were able. So if it were just a matter of female companionship during this time, wouldn't it make more sense to invite one of these women that I have an existing, fulfilling relationship with?

There are a few different midwives in the area, and of the ones I've met, I had zero connection with all of them -- even though most are lovely people who inspire glowing recommendations from those who birth with them -- except the three in this particular practice. If I hadn't chanced to meet with them during my sister's pregnancy, this idea of hiring midwives probably wouldn't have come up at all -- this is definitely about having *these specific midwives* and not just midwives in general.

[MsBlack]

Well, I always had girlfriends around me at birth, women who had had homebirths themselves and whom I believed trusted birth (and more importantly, trusted me). And yes, however wonderful dh was or was not for my UCs, I definitely was quite happy that my friends were there to handle everything afterwards. They knew all of the things that needed to be done, provided that extra tlc and sensitivity to me/baby that we needed--food, shower, birth cleanup, so many details that they either provided or helped happen (like a shower after, clean towels and nightie laid out etc, not that I needed them to bathe me...tho if I had needed that, I'm sure they would have been most willing). And of course, they knew babies and breastfeeding too--their help, and even more their companionship during those hours (and days) pp was great.

[fyrebloom]

Sounds like you made a connection you never expected. If you're heart is leading you to them to attend your birth then I think you know what to do! There doesn't have to be any logic to it, something was meant to be and these midwives must need to be at your next birth for some reason. I say go for it!