Baby/toddler sleeps better when I'm not there

[Illaria]

DH, DS (almost 13 months) and I have been happily bed-sharing since DS was born. However, the last few months I have noticed a couple patterns evolving - 1) DS eats very little if anything during the day, and nurses all night most nights, and 2) DS's longest sleep stretchs (~2-2.5 hours) occur before we join him in bed at night and after we leave the bed in the morning or when he naps on his own. This is becoming more and more problematic for a variety of reasons. DH and I both work full-time and I am in a very intense and important point in my career (tenure-track professor), and it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to function at work and my ability to engage in important intellectual tasks - like research and writing - are quite challenging on this level of sleep deprivation. DS is in a wonderful child care center on my campus during the day, he loves his friends and teachers there and is very happy and active during the day. However, he barely eats anything except for between 8-12 ounces of breastmilk that I leave for him. He is a very big (33 lbs, 33 inches) and physically active nearly 13-month-old (has been walking since 10 months and is constantly on the move); thus, I suspect that he needs more calories than he gets during the day and is making up for it at night. Also, he takes a great nap (1.5-2 hours!) on a cot during the day at school.

My main questions for the group are:
1) When did you know that it was time for your child to make the move out of the bed? And, how did you make the move in a peaceful way (CIO is not an option for us)?
2) Any advice on encouraging day-time eating/nursing rather than all-night nursing?
3) My gut feeling is that DS actually sleeps better when I am not in bed with him, do you think if he slept more at night (possibly on his own for part of the night) that he might eat more during the day? I feel like these two problems are intertwined. Would love to hear your thoughts!

*I am cross-posting this in working mothers forum too.

Thanks in advance!

~illaria: super sleepy worrying working mama to sweetie boy

[sehbub]

We hit a similar point with DS. We side-carred a crib and he slept there. I'd lay my torso in the crib to nurse him down and then scoot away. I didn't pull him in to bed with me. After a week or so of that we put the side back on the crib and moved it away from the bed. A week later we moved it across the room, and a week after that it went to his room. It was a s.l.o.w. transition, but it seemed to work really well for him, and just from not smelling me all the time, he cut down on the nighttime nursing and increased the daytime nursing/eating.

As far as increasing daytime eating, I've got friends who've had good success just keeping a grazing tray out for their toddler to grab snacks all day. For my son and some friends' kids, out-of-sight out-of-mind when it comes to food. When they see it all the time they eat more. Although, that'll probably be quite difficult at daycare.

Good luck!