sleep deprived prof mama needs advice re all-night-nurser

[Illaria]

DH, DS (almost 13 months) and I have been happily bed-sharing since DS was born. However, the last few months I have noticed a couple patterns evolving - 1) DS eats very little if anything during the day, and nurses all night most nights, and 2) DS's longest sleep stretchs (~2-2.5 hours) occur before we join him in bed at night and after we leave the bed in the morning or when he naps on his own. This is becoming more and more problematic for a variety of reasons. DH and I both work full-time and I am in a very intense and important point in my career (tenure-track professor), and it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to function at work and my ability to engage in important intellectual tasks - like research and writing - are quite challenging on this level of sleep deprivation. DS is in a wonderful child care center on my campus during the day, he loves his friends and teachers there and is very happy and active during the day. However, he barely eats anything except for between 8-12 ounces of breastmilk that I leave for him. He is a very big (33 lbs, 33 inches) and physically active nearly 13-month-old (has been walking since 10 months and is constantly on the move); thus, I suspect that he needs more calories than he gets during the day and is making up for it at night. Also, he takes a great nap (1.5-2 hours!) on a cot during the day at school.

My main questions for the group are:
1) When did you know that it was time for your child to make the move out of the bed? And, how did you make the move in a peaceful way (CIO is not an option for us)?
2) Any advice on encouraging day-time eating/nursing rather than all-night nursing?
3) My gut feeling is that DS actually sleeps better when I am not in bed with him, do you think if he slept more at night (possibly on his own for part of the night) that he might eat more during the day? I feel like these two problems are intertwined. Would love to hear your thoughts!

*I am cross-posting this in the family bed - nighttime parenting forum too.

Thanks in advance!

~illaria: super sleepy worrying working mama to sweetie boy

[Carita]

This site had always come highly recommended.
http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

I started by double feeding DS at bedtime - once before bedtime routine, and then again after bedtime routine. Then, if he woke up again before say 10pm to nurse, DH would go in and soothe him to sleep. It worked pretty well, he'd sleep a bit longer each night before he'd wake up and we'd go to bed together. As far as the middle of the night feeds: DS dropped his one on his own just around that time - 14 months or so. So we were down to the 11 pm wake and one around 4 am or so.

The other thing you could do is to send a bit of milk along with his BM in the hopes that he might take more than what you pump. I admit that despite the lack of sleep, I enjoyed pumping less during work, and I totally sympathize with the lost ability to think deeply at work. I didn't have to wean or even nightwean completely to get my brain back, but it did improve once I stopped pumping during the day (hormonal changes) and he mostly slept through the night 1-2 night wakings (hormonal and sleep changes).

((hugs))

[canadianchick]

DD co-slept with me for years and I nursed her until she was 16 months old. She was sleeping well through the night until I went back to work when she was 4 months old and then after that, she nursed all night, every night! I just chalked it up to her missing me and missing being able to nurse so she made up for it at night. I just dealt with it.... I knew it wouldn't last forever and I knew she would be my one and only. I just got used to nursing her at night.... but boy, was I tired.