How to light a fire under my 5 year old's backside?

[Llyra]

Seriously, the morning-time dawdling is driving me nuts. Sometimes I think she does it on purpose. I see it-- I'll say DD, please go put your clothes on (we lay them out the night before) and she'll look right at me, and then I'll come back a minute later and she's sitting on her bed stark naked building a Lego house or something.

I think she's just really easily distracted, and she's gotten dependent on me following her around nagging her into the next step of getting ready.

I'm actually seriously considering trying a morning without nagging, and if she misses breakfast, so be it-- I'll put a hard boiled egg and a juice box in her pocket as she leaves. But what if she really never gets going, and misses the bus completely? It's a real PITA for me to drive her over there, because then I have to get the twins dressed and into the car and navigate all the idiotic traffic patterns over by the school.

She has to get out the door for the bus at 8:30. There's plenty of time-- she's usually up by 7, and all she has to do is put on her clothes, put her pyjamas in the hamper, come downstairs and eat, put her plate in the sink, and brush her teeth. Then shoes, and jacket, and out the door. With me behind her nagging, she gets ready in plenty of time, so I know we have enough time. But with the nagging, she winds up yelling at me, and I wind up losing my cool and yelling back, and breakfast winds up being a rushed, miserable thing, and I can't wait to see her leave, which is not how I want the mornings to be.

[foreverinbluejeans]

Put her clothes on for her. It will be a great one-on-one time and a lot better then yelling and nagging. One day she will decide she is too old to be dressed by her mother and start doing it herself.

[Llyra]

Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans

Put her clothes on for her. It will be a great one-on-one time and a lot better then yelling and nagging. One day she will decide she is too old to be dressed by her mother and start doing it herself.

I don't know. That one has me scratching my head. I can't imagine dressing a five year old-- I haven't put her clothes on for her in two years. She's a big kid-- bathes herself, ties her own shoes, pours her own drinks. I think dressing her myself would be a big step backwards. Plus, I don't think she'd allow it.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans

Put her clothes on for her. It will be a great one-on-one time and a lot better then yelling and nagging. One day she will decide she is too old to be dressed by her mother and start doing it herself.

I agree. Its great cuddling time, and a great way to start the morning. Its a lot better than nagging. She won't lose skills - she won't forget how to get dressed by herself. I dress my DD in the morning. She is otherwise capable of dressing herself at other times during the day (getting ready for gymnastics, for example).

[denimtiger]

I don't know. That one has me scratching my head. I can't imagine dressing a five year old-- I haven't put her clothes on for her in two years. She's a big kid-- bathes herself, ties her own shoes, pours her own drinks. I think dressing her myself would be a big step backwards. Plus, I don't think she'd allow it.

I hear you on this... my dd is 29 months old and won't let me near any article of her clothing beyond picking it out, she must do it all herself. However, if she does dawdle, it does motivate her if I give her the choice. "Okay, either you can put your pants on, or mommy will do it." (I say it in either a very neutral tone, or an extremely playful one - I'm not trying to threaten her or nag her at all.) She's never let me, and they're always on quite quickly.

[RiverSky]

I agree with the PP who suggested you get your 5 year old dressed as soon as she wakes up. Spent 10 minutes gently guiding her and helping her, make it a sweet, cuddly, loving time, then the rest will be so much easier.

Perhaps your daughter is just very sleepy/groggy in the morning. Perhaps she is naturally a night person and has a tough time becoming alert in the morning, no matter what. I am that way and I am 38.

A little gentle help might go a long way.

My initial thought, though, was that you were expecting too much of a 5 year old. That's a lot of stuff for a little child to do in the morning, hour and a half or not.

[LynnS6]

The problem is, as I see it, that she has 90 minutes in which to get these things done. That's a long amount of time when you're 5. It's not reasonable to expect a child that age to keep track of time and to monitor her progress.

So far, she's discovered that she can dawdle because it doesn't actually make her miss the school bus. She's got too much time for that. My most successful days in getting dd out the door are when we only have about 30 minutes from rising to departure.

As people have suggested, the most efficient solution I've found to this issue is to help her get dressed. That doesn't mean you put her clothes on for her, but that does mean being there keeping her on task. Keeping her on task can be done in a loving, playful way, and as a way for her to get a few minutes of your time to herself to start the day.

You could also try setting the timer for her. "Let's get dressed before the timer beeps." That gives her a deadline.

If you don't like that idea, I'd dress her in her clothes for the next day at bedtime. Assuming she doesn't wet the bed, many clothes are comfortable to sleep in. Then she's ready to go.

[Seie]

For me it has helped to build a certain routine about these things. I used to have a really hard time getting everyone ready to leave. Until I changed the order we did things. Now we dress first - and there is no breakfast till you're dressed.
I suggest the "I will dress you" approach - especially since she feels she is too old to be dressed by you. Its simple - You wake her up and once you know she is awake and ready to dress you look at your clock and say - Now you have 5 (or 10) minutes to put on your clothes. If you havent done it when I am back, I will dress you. Its not a threat - its a natural consequence. If she isn't dressed - you will help. You wont be annoyed or angry about it - its just that if she isn't dressed - you will kindly help her do it. If you stick with that routine every morning I think she will get the message pretty fast.
I second all the ideas about making it a cuddletime, using motivation before consequence. But neither of you benefit from it dragging into an endless discussion every morning. Then it's better to just get it done and over with.

[Quinalla]

Maybe a clock with a simple chart showing when she should have things done by? I would get her input on it too, so she can build in some playtime and help figure out the order to do things. While I think she needs to learn how to get ready in the morning on her own, it sounds like she isn't quite there yet and still needs help learning how to manage her time.

[mamaduck]

It is a phase. We used to talk about our kids having "naked chess" time in their bedrooms when they were supposed to be dressing for school. They each learned chess around that age -- and we'd find them immersed in a chess board, stark naked, with clothes strewn around -- while were downstairs waiting!

They each grew out of it and were fairly independent about getting ready for school about halfway through first grade.

I don't know that I'd dress her, though I did still dress one of my kids at that age just because of his personality. But I don't know if I'd start dressing a 5 yo. who was already doing it independently. But I WOULD and I HAVE stayed in the room and directed the process. "Now put your shirt on. No put your socks on. Put the chess pawn down. Put your other sock on. Stop talking for a minute and focus."

The other thing that worked for us was, "You have 90 minutes. When you are dressed, fed, and packed, you can use all the leftover time to watch TV. The faster you move, the more you can watch." Or computer time. Or whatever you think would motivate her.

[3*is*magic]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

I
The other thing that worked for us was, "You have 90 minutes. When you are dressed, fed, and packed, you can use all the leftover time to watch TV. The faster you move, the more you can watch." Or computer time. Or whatever you think would motivate her.

This. The TV cannot go on in our house until everyone is dressed, fed, shod and ready to go. It's very motivating. If you don't want to have screen time in the morning, perhaps extra minutes could be added on in the afternoon/evening?

[mi.birthdoula]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

The problem is, as I see it, that she has 90 minutes in which to get these things done. That's a long amount of time when you're 5. It's not reasonable to expect a child that age to keep track of time and to monitor her progress.

So far, she's discovered that she can dawdle because it doesn't actually make her miss the school bus. She's got too much time for that. My most successful days in getting dd out the door are when we only have about 30 minutes from rising to departure.

I agree with this. My 4yo will dawdle all morning if she's allowed too as well. It doesn't matter if I get her up 30 min or 90 min before she has to be out to the bus, she would always just make it. So I started getting her up only 30 min before and she has to wash hair, body, brush teeth, get dressed, eat, and have me do her hair (we do the hair last because she knows if she fools around she will only get it brushed and she's the type of girl who HAS to have her hair done...a real prima donna.) I set the timer on my cell phone to go off at 8:05am and she knows when the timer goes off she has to go get her shoes, coat on NOW no matter what or she'll miss the bus. I've just found that I'd rather have her constantly moving with the 30 min morning routine which allows less time for distractions as opposed to the 90 min morning which allows for A LOT of lag time when she will do nothing but fall behind and she will miss the bus.