37 weeks financial crisis

[C-Momma]

We have had a seriously unfortunate month. We're already in a financial bind and barely making ends meet on a monthly basis. We've down sized to one car and we are very frugal.

This month the money to pay the midwife was sucked up by bills and unexpected repairs. We have no way to pay her and as of now the purchase of my birth kit will make us $100 shy of paying our mortgage on time (without being penalized).

I am distraught. I'm accepting that at 37 weeks I may have to give up my dream of a homebirth because a hospital birth would be covered by insurance. We've borrowed money from my husband's boss just to cover our bases for this month and I wouldn't dare ask my family for a loan (they aren't supportive of our choice to birth at home). I have even explored a personal loan but we were denied.

I know the obvious step to take is to speak with the midwife but I'm super uncomfortable with that. I'm embarrassed and I don't want or expect her to feel obligated to work with us.

This is such an emotionally difficult time for me with the pregnancy...I'm hormonal, stressed and so worried.

I just needed to get this all out. I HATE complaining and I know I have so much to be thankful for...I guess I just need to wallow a bit.

[Gena 22]

That is so tough. Sounds like you've exhausted every other avenue. Time to talk to the midwife. Think of it this way, if have a hospital birth, she won't be getting your fee anyway. By talking to her, you're giving her a chance to work with you on a payment schedule.

Plus, there's every chance in the world that your babe won't come for another 4 weeks. Finances could be a little better then! Any Christmas bonuses expected? Any services you could barter with your midwife? Chances are she'll be open to alternative arrangements.

GL!

PS - What's important now is to stay positive. HB is what you want, so try what you can to get there. But focus on your health, happiness, and growing baby. Put your feet up, have a cup of tea and meditate on what an amazing little one you're about to meet.

[MsBlack]

Gena, that was beautifully said and I totally agree.

OP, really, by talking to your mw, what do you have to lose that is truly worth keeping? Your pride perhaps....your habit of worrying about money (hey, it plagues a lot of us)....seriously. Think on it, pray on it in whatever way you do that sort of thing--buck up your courage, plan what you might say to her that is honest but not whiney (I find this can make all the difference in how I feel about talking to someone to whom I have a financial obligation that I can't pay as originally agreed--to have a plan, to be honest without going into all the details that will only get me upset in the telling, to simply ask if there is another way with dignity).

all the best!

[Peace+Hope]

you aren't complaining. i don't have anything to add to gena22's excellent advice and encouragement, except more



i'm sure withing a few months everything is going to work out for you guys!

[etsdtm99]

i totally agree with the pp .. talk to your midwife - i'm sure payment plans aren't all that uncommon.. and if she doesn't want to do it, she can just tell you that - either way, she deserves to know at this point that you can't afford it right now.. she may be counting on the money ..

[jess152]

Our m/w is doing a payment plan. I'm sure your's would rather work with you on finances than lose you as a client altogether!

We are struggling right now too. It's an awful time to be stressed about money! I keep telling myself it will pan out in the next few months, and I know it will. Good luck!

[~Kristina~]

What is in your birth kit? Maybe some of us can send you supplies to help waiver that cost! I'll help with supplies any way I can.

[C-Momma]

Thank you all for the advice and kind words. I really appreciate the input.

Kristina, thank you immensely for the generous offer! My husband and I sat down tonight and tailored the kit to exclude some of the more unnecessary items (fishy pool, afterease tincture, footprint kit, etc). We thought of ways to still meet those needs without spending the money now (I'll use the bath tub for pain relief, make some herbal teas and resort to Ibuprofen if necessary for after pains and we'll use a stamp pad for the foot printing, substitute frozen and chilled, witch hazel soaked pads for "OB cold packs" etc...) This has lightened the burden tremendously.

I'm still concerned about funding the birth but dh has asked that I take it easy for a few days while he brainstorms and if we're still unsure, we will talk to the midwife together at our next meeting (on Mon).

This has put me in such emotional upheaval. I do NOT want to birth in the hospital and to make matters worse, they've passed a "no visitors under 12" policy in light of the swine flu and the thought of both my husband and I being separated from my son is really upsetting. I just feel so...deflated.

I want the best birth for me, this baby and our family and I believe that home birth is the route to achieve that. So now I'll attempt to focus on positives for the next few days and pray that we can figure something out.

Thank you all again. Just getting this out rather than panicking over it in silence is so helpful.

[MsBlack]

Originally Posted by C-Momma

Just getting this out rather than panicking over it in silence is so helpful.

Amen to that, sister! I couldn't agree more. Letting our worries out into the fresh air and light of day, especially to people who can relate, is so healing all by itself. I like that saying about--

when you share your joys, they multiply, when you share your sorrows they decrease.

Happy nesting and relaxing. Trust that something can work out for you--you just never know what might happen, things you couldn't have imagined before--just allow a little space in yourself for some unexpected relief.

[Defenestrator]

From a purely financial perspective, I would rather a client come to me and say that they needed more time to pay than just leave without explanation. Its the difference between losing the money that I was counting on entirely and getting it more slowly than I had anticipated.

[lovebug]

i just wanted to give s!

pp have giving excellent advice! xoxoxo to you! i hope it all works out!

[wbg]

You have received excellent advice from the pps, so I just wanted to second all that! Plus give you a big hug! I know it is so hard to raise our families in the manner which we want to, with the ever increasing financial strains of our economy. It is so sad that the healthier option always seems to be the more expensive option(HB v Hospy, organic versus artificial etc!). It does not make sense.
But for now at 37 weeks, as hard as it might be, try to take a deep breath, and focus inward on enjoying your last few weeks of your pregnancy. Take care of your body and soul. Put out positive thoughts and think only positive outcomes, no matter how unlikely they seem in reality!
Your partner sounds wonderfully supportive and I think that together you two can take on anything! So stay strong and positive, rest up and let it all unfold.
I will be sending positive thoughts and energy your way and wish you all the best for a wonderful birthing journey.

[C-Momma]

Originally Posted by Defenestrator

From a purely financial perspective, I would rather a client come to me and say that they needed more time to pay than just leave without explanation. Its the difference between losing the money that I was counting on entirely and getting it more slowly than I had anticipated.

I would never drop her without explanation. I just wouldn't assume or expect that she'd be able or willing to work out other arrangements at this stage. If a miracle doesn't take place between now and Monday (when we meet with her) I will be honest and apologetic about the situation...(actually, I'm debating having dh do it because I feel like I may not make it through the opening sentence without bursting into tears and making a fool of myself )

[nashvillemidwife]

How much of the fee do you owe her? Have you been making payment all along and are just short the final payment?

[C-Momma]

Originally Posted by nashvillemidwife

How much of the fee do you owe her? Have you been making payment all along and are just short the final payment?

We pay her a "copay" when we do a visit and then we pay her a set sum for the delivery after the birth. Her prices are VERY reasonable but we just ate the money with the unexpected repairs this month. Basically, it's $600 that we owe at delivery. I'm embarrassed that such a reasonable amount is unattainable right now.

[nashvillemidwife]

I don't know what percentage of her total fee that is or how much you've already paid her, but I can tell you that I'm pretty hard-nosed about money I would certainly be willing to work something out over only $600.

[bobandjess99]

Originally Posted by C-Momma

We pay her a "copay" when we do a visit and then we pay her a set sum for the delivery after the birth. Her prices are VERY reasonable but we just ate the money with the unexpected repairs this month. Basically, it's $600 that we owe at delivery. I'm embarrassed that such a reasonable amount is unattainable right now.

I understand, i too am the type who is too embarassed to admit I don't have the money for something, so i sympathize. I have heard that with midwives, the biggest uissue with postponing payment until after the birth is that after the birth, there is so much less.....incentive? for the client to pay. I mean, you've already got your end of teh deal, the baby is here, clearly the midwife won't be reposessing him/her, lol, so the midwife puts herself at much bigger risk by allowing a "deal" that extends past the birth versus, for example, an agreement that is worked out during the pregnancy, etc. So...I'm wondering if it would make YOU feel better, and also give her some...confidence? that you will make good on your debt, if you gave her something in exchange for waiting? Sort of like a "pawn" I guess. Do you have something of value, maybe a piece of jewelry? that you could give her to hold, while you make the remaining payments on your debt? That way it's right out there how serious you are towards making good on your end of the bargain? It's just a thought I had. I guess personally, i 'd feel a lot better if I had something to offer her, you know?
Good luck, try to stay calm, best wishes!

[nashvillemidwife]

It's an even bigger issue when your midwife isn't legal, because 1) she won't want to draw attention to herself by pursuing it and 2) you can't legally pursue payment for rendering illegal services. I would feel silly and awkward if a client offered me a pawn item. However, in the past I have required post-dated checks when the clients were unable to pay before the birth. For example, if you said you could pay me $200 a month, you would go ahead and write me checks for $200 dated Dec. 1, Jan. 1, and Feb. 1 and I would take them to the bank on those days. That way if the checks aren't good I do have recourse through the court to collect on a bounced check.

[ashley_nicole]

Everyone here has great advice. I just wanted to add that www.inhishands.com has birth kits that are SUPER inexpensive.

[C-Momma]

I wanted to update. My midwife called this morning to find out if I'm up to making the trip to see her for this appointment. (Homebirth is unheard of here, she is 2 hours away and is a lay midwife). My husband and I have traveled to her for all of our appointments with the exception of the last (and I compensated her for gas money as well as paid the copay)

My husband called her back and briefly explained our situation, he told her we would have no problem making the full payment by next month (when he will receive a Christmas bonus) and assured her that we would have SOMETHING to give her at the birth and apologized profusely for the late notice. She said she was in with another client, but she was very kind and told him not to stress, that it wouldn't be a problem and she was still on board with us.

I literally cried because I feel so relieved. I had thought to offer her a post dated check for any remaining balance, thank you for the suggestion. I just feel so blessed right now and able to breathe.

This was hard for me to post. Despite our hardship we have so much to be thankful for (health, family, needs met, opportunities and an amazing support system) I'm just so embarrassed and stressed by the situation. I know it isn't forever and I know there are so many with much worse to face and overcome. Maybe it's the hormones but I'm just overwhelmed with the understanding and generosity.