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I don't know what to do.

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
post #2 of 18

Tell them thank you, but a shower after the birth is just not a possibility because we'll be in the middle of flu season. Maybe at your next prenatal appointment, tell your doctor/midwife the scoop, and they can 'advise' you against having a shower (with 30-40 ladies playing pass the baby!!!!) after the birth. Then you can tell these women, "Sorry, but my doctor said..."

Please try not to stress about it. It sounds like you have a lovely babymoon planned already.
post #3 of 18
Oh mama...I understand your worry. We had a very mild case of H1N1 in our house and I'm SOO thankful since now I will have antibodies to pass on to babe when she nurses.

Can you just drop it and maybe they will also let it drop? Are they waiting for a reply from you or is the ball in their court? Is there someone in this group with whom you are closer and you can confide in her and maybe she'll take it to the organizer as if it were her idea?
post #4 of 18
I completely understand and agree with you, the after baby is born party must wait several months at least!
I like the idea of telling them you asked the dr about it and he advised against it due to the flu season and newborns being especially vulnerable. Ladies who are your MIL's age will almost certainly respect that since it is coming from your dr.
I would thank them very much for their kind thought but decline for that reason.
Good luck!
post #5 of 18
You're not pathetic or selfish! I would in no way have a shower just after she's born either! For the same reasons as yours. I would decline .... or choose a date six or more weeks out. You're being a good mamma!
post #6 of 18
I think you did an excellent job in your post of explaining your reasoning for not wanting it after she is here. And, not that it matters, but I am right there with you on keeping baby close and out of others hands, especially at this time of you.

I would just call and explain that you are going to refrain from taking baby out for some time. Blame it on the swine flu, etc. Let them know that while you really truly appreciate the gesture, you will have to decline. Or, is there any way you could attend but not bring baby along? I suppose that is an option. Just take pics in with you? I would just call the woman and explain how you are feeling. If they are as caring as they seem to be with the offer to throw the shower then perhaps once you explain to her and she senses the emotion in your voice, then she will understand.

post #7 of 18
Totally understand your frustration. I agree, put the baby first, and decline as politely as you can. Everyone may not understand, but THAT IS OKAY. We can't make everyone happy when it comes to our parenting decisions. Just let them know how much their shower offer meant to you and that the thought alone was a a gift to you.
I'm not taking my baby to church for a while either, and I am going to have to just upset family around the holidays because my baby WILL NOT be passed around, and if they cannot deal with that, then we won't be at the family festivities. It won't be easy, but I can't budge on this.
post #8 of 18
I agree with the other mammas, just decline and say you can't take the risk.

If they still want to do it then they can- I just had one at 38.5 days and it was fine.
post #9 of 18
I agree with those who say to blame it on your doctor - I would do this even without ever *talking* to my doc about it.

"Oh, with H1N1 my doctor has said that we should really have the baby avoid crowds until it's _____ weeks old" (insert your preference for how long to wait for the shower) and then suggest that if they still want to plan you a shower that they do it ASAP or in March or something!
post #10 of 18
Can your MIL be the bad guy and tell them? I also like the idea of saying "the doctor told me since it is in the middle of flu season, it would be best not to take her out or expose her to alot of people". Nobody can argue with that. Sorry you are dealing with this.
post #11 of 18
hugs mama. if it were me there would be no way i would agree to it. i am even considering skipping the holidays with our extended families b/c of the flu. its just not worth it. i second the whole doctor orders thing. i am sure you doc/midwife will agree with you anyway. sorry you have to deal with this stress in your last few weeks.
post #12 of 18
Thread Starter 
post #13 of 18
I'm just horrified at them just informing you that it will be a "pass the baby" party in the middle of flu season. If I were you I'd politely, firmly, and in as few words as possible, decline their offer of a shower.

I don't think you're being weird or pathetic at all. I love your DH for taking it on himself to get you out of it. Love him for it!
post #14 of 18
Not in your ddc but saw this post doing a search for h1n1. I just wanted to add to this that being your first baby, your feelings are only going to get more protective after the birth, so dealing with it now is really important. What you plan on saying is great. Sometimes people will say things like "oh, the DR always says that," I would just respond that since you are a new mom it isn't just the DR, but you as well. You just wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy it since you will be worried, so you are so touched by their gesture, but they shouldn't go through the trouble! Most of all, don't worry about it or let it stress you out! You are behaving in a completely normal way, and I think sometimes people forget what it's like to have a newborn, especially the first born! Even with number three I had him in a sling and someone reached out and touched the top of his head. I was not happy as he was only days old (long story about why we were out). You are being rational and thoughtful about this, no shower unless they want to wait until about three months I would say!
post #15 of 18
Danielle, you are absolutely justified in not bringing your baby into a crowd where she would be passed around at a few weeks old. Honestly, I'm surprised that these ladies don't realize what a bad idea this would be. You are going to have many other situations where you will need to stand up for your baby's well being- so this is a great opportunity for you to exercise your mama bear muscles.

Know that many of us are struggling with the same scenarios. DH and I currently have the IL's unhappy with us because we won't commit to driving 11 HOURS one way with a baby a few weeks old to the birthday party of a great grandparent. Sorry, not doing it.

And SIL is mad because she thinks we should be hosting Thanksgiving for over 20 people at our house with a newborn during flu season. No thanks- they can be mad if they want but I'm very confident we are doing the right thing by saying no.

We mamas need other mamas in our corner
post #16 of 18
Originally Posted by november View Post
I need to politely decline, but I don't know how or if it's possible. I am just sick over this, and I know it sounds pathetic ... I just. . . I don't know.
I'd give them the old, "My doctor/midwife said" routine...

(regardless of whether you use a ped. or not, this is worth a shot

"my pediatrician said that b/c of the swine flu going around, the baby is not to have visitors outside the family for the first month." And then act totally bummed that you "have" to comply and oh, wish so much that you could have them pass the baby around, but, hey, they could always do the shower earlier

They most likely won't argue with that.

(oops, just read through the thread and saw you have this advice given to you. It's good advice, worth a try!)
post #17 of 18
I'm not one of those people who panic over flu bugs and germs, but who is really going to feel up to a tiring party like this just a week or two after birth? Suggest perhaps having it in January, when some of the worst has passed? You're certainly not being ungrateful, but it sounds like they're being unreasonable and have a bit of a subconscious ulterior motive to having the party when they want it - to get to play with a baby.
post #18 of 18
Originally Posted by GearGirl View Post
Not in your ddc but saw this post doing a search for h1n1. I just wanted to add to this that being your first baby, your feelings are only going to get more protective after the birth!
Mama bear instinct. You'll fight to the death to protect your cubs. It's primal and it's instinctual!

You're making the right decision!
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