Anyone Here Pregnant with History of Miscarriage?

[lilflower]

Hi Ladies,
I thought I would start this because of my own experience. I had a miscarriage 4 months into my 2nd pregnancy in April 2008. I found I was going to miscarry when we went to my 20 week appointment to find out the sex of the baby and they couldn't find the baby. For some reason, the baby stopped developing and died around 10 weeks, but my body didn't get the message, my uterus kept growing and my body was acting pregnant. I had no signs of spotting or any cramping until 20 weeks. I also had very little pregnancy symptoms (no throwing up, with my first I threw up everyday for the whole 9 months)
When I miscarried, I found my baby and we were able to bury him/her (we named the baby Lael, Hebrew for "belonging to God"). Anyway, I feel excited, but very nervous. If I could go so long before actually miscarrying, I'm worried about it happening again and not knowing when I will be in the clear. I'm also not looking forward to people referring to this as my second pregnancy when it is my third. People act so strange about miscarriages. They act like it was a "false alarm" and that there never was a life in me.
I want this to be a thread for other woman that need support too and may be experiencing some of the same concerns.

[othersomethings]

My first pregnancy ended at 7 weeks. I cannot imagine being halfway through and having it all come crashing down. I'm so sorry you went through that!!!

Just last night I woke up from a dream that I'd miscarried. It was horrible. In the dream I wasn't very upset or anything, just trying to get home so I could lie down, but when I woke up I was really shaken.

As far as I know, everything is fine right now. I even have a new symptom...my boobs are sore, and feel fuller.

[maranapanda]

my first pregnancy ended with an ectopic early on. I didn't know, and thought it was a miscarriage. It drug out for almost a month until I had massive internal bleeding, a misdiagnosis of cancer, and emergency surgery to remove all the damaged parts to my reproductive system. I am now on pregnancy #4, with baby #3. The beginning parts are very hard for me, then when I finally get past them, or see an early ultrasound, I still have a feeling that I wont be able to keep the baby. I worry that something will happen again. I try not to dwell on that, and to stay positive. This pregnancy just caught me be surprise, so I'm having a hard time reigning my fear in.

I am terribly sorry to hear about your late loss. I hope that this pregnancy is all sunshine and roses for you, and you find a gentle peace!

Amanda

[ScarletBegonias]

hugs to all!

i had 3 m/c before dd & ds. the last one was at 12 wks, i went into labor and had to have a d&c.

i feel like i'm due for another m/c.

[tinynyota]

Thanks for the thread, lilflower! I was thinking of starting one myself.

I'm pregnant for the 3rd time in 12 months. Both times the pregnancy ended around 8/9 weeks, and I'm pretty terrified that I'm just going to repeat that pattern over and over again! We're trying for our first baby, so I don't even have the reassurance that my body did this sucessfully before.

But mostly, I'm sad about the loss of innocence, ya know? So many mamas see the 2 pink lines and feel totally confident that they'll be holding a wiggly baby in 9 short months. I wish I could have that feeling back.

I'm sending all of you my best sticky baby thoughts.

[banana girl]

I was pregnant last year.. due in july. I remember noticing how many women were posting info about losing babies... and how uncomfortable it made me. I didn't know what to say, how to react... I like to think of Mothering as being a positive space, a place for supporting a natural approach to pregnancy, birth and mothering. Somehow, all the references to misscarriage scared me, made me feel uncomfortable... unsafe somehow. Around Christmas time, I had a terrible feeling, like a heartache in my womb... we soon discovered that our child had stopped growing, that death had replaced life within me.Thinking about losing a baby is scary, but I know NOW, that when you have felt death within you, you need to talk about it. You need to have others acknowledge that death is a part of life. That the child you lost, does matter. Sharing our experiences of loss are just as important as our experiences of success. Not that losing a child is a failure... don't mistake me there. I truly feel that losing Orion taught me a lot about myself, about the experience of pregnancy and about acceptance. So, this time around I'm different somehow and I hope that difference helps me to navigate the journey through pregnancy with grace.

[expat-mama]

It's heartbreaking to read about everyone's losses. But you are all such strong ladies, it warms my heart that I'm in such good company.
I had two early losses last year. The first one I was so confident and happy and never even considered the possibility of m/c- I always just figured for me pregnant=baby, m/c is something that happens to someone else or something. It's sad that no matter what happens I'll never be able to feel that way again.

I was scheduled for my first ultrasound at about 7 weeks, and the night before I couldn't sleep and had an awful premonition that something was terribly wrong. I went in for the u/s and they didn't find the baby. I started to bleed the next day- Christmas day. The second loss I just expected from the beginning... it's strange but I just knew that that pregnancy was going to end and it did.

This pregnancy, I'm trying to stay positive and visualize me and DH with a tiny babe this summer, visualize the little one growing inside me and trying to believe it's all happening as it should. It's so terribly hard though. A few times this past week, I felt wet and before checking in the bathroom I almost had a panic attack trying to plan how I would deal with seeing blood, imagine how I would tell DH, and think about where we would go from here. It's screwed up.

But I do feel different this time. I feel like things are going to be okay, and I have to believe that. I just have to because I don't know what else to do.

Let's all try to stay strong and just imagine those chubby babes that WILL come to us in July!
Thanks for starting this thread.

[lilflower]

Thanks to everyone for being so vulnerable! It is important to talk about *hugs*. I don't think any of us will ever "be over" our losses, but we can learn and grow from an experience (and little life) that was a part of our lives. It makes me feel so comforted to see that other women have the same feelings. I want this pregnancy to be happy and joyful, but there's this dark side that I wish I had never known before that I feel like I need to be prepared for. I'm trying to be at peace with whatever the future holds. Worrying won't change the outcome either way. I'll be praying for everyone's pregnancy and visualizing happy healthy babies and mommies in July.

[canadianmummy]

Thanks for starting this thread. We lost our 3rd pregnancy after having 2 healthy babies. It was such a shock. We had told everyone including our 4 year old daughter. She took it pretty hard. We got pg again right away after the m/c and had baby #3. I am trying to be postive about this pregnancy but the possibility of m/c is always in the back of my mind. I am especially concerned this time as I seem to have no symptoms. I took another hpt yesterday and the line was darker than the last one so here's hoping everything's okay

Sticky baby vibes to everyone!!

[mamakaikai]

Just want to send out good vibes to everyone!

[banana girl]

@canadianmummy ~ My then 4 year old daughter took the news very badly as well... granted I was very emotional and she was picking up on that... but it was her first significant experience with loss. for months she would get all worked about about missing baby Orion, crying and pushing me away. She then started asking me when I was gonna have another baby, which was a very hard question for me to answer. My husband and I had come to a decision together to wait a few years before having any more kids... and then I thought I didn't want to have another teeney tiny infant, I was loving the relative independence of my "big kids". So, I gave away almost all our baby loot... cloth diapers, clothes etc. Someone teased me that I would get pregnant as soon as I did so, and well here we are. I haven't told my daughter yet, but plan on doing so soon. I have some fears about "putting her through that again" but I figure she's a part of this family and has a right to know about news that affects her life...

[CorasMama]

I had a loss at 8 weeks in 1993, then at 16 weeks (discovered the baby had died around week 15) in 1994, and one at 6 weeks in 2000. So I'm batting .250 so far, which isn't as bad in baseball as it is for pregnancies!

We're trying to do the cautiously optimistic thing, but we're just so ecstatic, it's difficult.

Bananagirl: I know how you feel. DD is nearly 12, and very observant, so there's no way we could hide this from her. But I know she'll take it really really hard if I miscarry this time. She is very sensitive, and has cried in the past about the big brother she never got (the 2nd loss), and I can imagine this would be 10,000 times harder on her.

[veesmimi]

((Hugs)) Everyone...

I like to think my own losses made me a better mom. I've been down so many roads... the heartbreak of my firstborn dd, born still at 6months, with no child to hold at home, no promise that I ever would. It was the beginning of my lost innocence in having babies. My second child, a little girl, was born healthy a little more than a year later, but being pregnant was more scary than anything.

That was a decade ago and I remember every detail. Finding no heartbeat without my husband there. Burying her and my husband transferring to another state, the empty feeling.... that is still there.

My son was born, my fifth pregnancy, after 2 more losses (5wks and 9wks). I account for all of my babies, here and in heaven. They all have names and are missed. My dd, 9, often looks at my mother's ring. She asks me which stone belongs to each of her siblings. Her brother likes to know too. I look forward to telling her about being pregnant now-- but like a lot of you, worry about the worst.... but if there's anything I've learned, every pregnant day is a gift. I can't tell the future, but I'm not going to miss a minute cherishing this tiny little bundle of possibility growing inside me and turning my digestion upside down!

Thank you for opening this floodgate....

PS I have another complication in telling my kids, I am not ready for my ex to find out. He has a way of being a real jerk and I'd rather not give him more ammo.

[banana girl]

Originally Posted by veesmimi

I account for all of my babies, here and in heaven. They all have names and are missed. My dd, 9, often looks at my mother's ring. She asks me which stone belongs to each of her siblings.

I can't tell the future, but I'm not going to miss a minute cherishing this tiny little bundle of possibility growing inside me and turning my digestion upside down!

thanks for sharing details of how you honor and remember your children... I've found myself feeling almost guilty about "replacing" little Orion with another child... with distancing myself from the heartache that came with his loss. I'm curious to know, what has helped other women to feel like they are still including their lost babies in their lives. And what other women are doing to find joy and peace despite our fears...

I have a little mantra I've been saying to myself... "I trust my body... I trust the wisdom of my body" it's about acceptance and self love.

[maranapanda]

Originally Posted by banana girl

I'm curious to know, what has helped other women to feel like they are still including their lost babies in their lives. And what other women are doing to find joy and peace despite our fears...

I have a little mantra I've been saying to myself... "I trust my body... I trust the wisdom of my body" it's about acceptance and self love.

My personal way of coping with my early ectopic seems a little different than some of what the other loving mamas have mentioned. I was pretty young, wild, living with my bf (who's now my dh), we were still in school. When I lost that pregnancy I grieved, and blamed myself, and my wild ways FOR YEARS. Later, I decided that the baby was just telling me it wasn't time for her. I like to think it was my dd Ava, who came to us 3 years later, after school, after wild times, after marriage, and steady jobs. When I was ready. I look at the experience as a huge wake up call. It made me more aware.

For this time around, I think I feel some extra fear because I wasn't planning it, and I didn't 'know'. Even after my first test, I thought it was wrong. So now, to abandon the fear, and embrace the future, what ever it holds, I have been trying (starting this morning) to repeat these birth affirmations...


~ "All I need to do is relax and breath - nothing else"
~ "Everything is going right"
~ "I am not afraid"

The mantras are intended for birthing, but I think they work just super for this stressful time laden with my own fear. Ya know?

[expat-mama]

Originally Posted by maranapanda

So now, to abandon the fear, and embrace the future, what ever it holds, I have been trying (starting this morning) to repeat these birth affirmations...


~ "All I need to do is relax and breath - nothing else"
~ "Everything is going right"
~ "I am not afraid"

The mantras are intended for birthing, but I think they work just super for this stressful time laden with my own fear. Ya know?

I like these mantras, and I'll try them too. Thank you.

[Landover]

I am pregnant for the fifth time. I have two children, and between the two I lost two pregnancies (one at 7 weeks and one at 12). I am feeling good about this little one. My miscarriages were hard, but I honestly feel like the loss of pregnancy is part of what I accept as part of my fertility and journey into the family we are meant to have. I feel blessed to have had the m/c's because they have made me into a more empathetic person who feels whole heartedly that life begins at conception. Without early loss, I am not sure I would love being pregnant as much as I do. Everyday I am pregnant is a day I get to spend with my baby tucked securely inside.

[zoie2013]

It's nice to share this with others. It is also nice to read posts from first time moms, who have never had a loss. It brings me back and reminds me of how simply amazing pg & birth can be when you don't think about the "what if's."

I had a blissfully easy first pg & birth with Duncan. My second pg ended with the stillbirth of our daughter Rowan. I accidentally got pg again almost immediately with our second son, Kai. It was an extremely nervous pg the entire time. Fortunately, I have an incredible mw that also experienced several losses of her own. She walked us through our pain and healing every step of the way. I've had 3 delicious, bittersweet hb's. And, even though I don't think I'll ever feel at ease until this new baby is in my arms, I will still take this leap. I adore being pg. I adore giving birth. I adore being a mum to all of my kids, whether they are here with me or not. These are also the hardest challenges I have to deal with, too. Sometimes, all I can do is make it through the next inhale/exhale. But, I know I'll get there. And don't get me wrong, I fully intend to complain about the swollen feet, exhaustion, aches & pains later on

For now, I'm trying to remember to pause and be joyful whenever I can steal a moment. I know how few and fair between those moments can be.

I don't think the loss ever becomes better. But, it does become different.

[slgt]

Thanks, everyone.

Don't know if you all experienced this, but I felt very alone when I m/c'd - so heartbroken, and never had anyone guide me or warn me or talk about it before. After it happened (at 12 weeks), I was very open about it, and learned that so many more women had gone through m/c's than I ever would have guessed, and also that friends & family are very loving & supportive whatever happens.

I am also cautiously...hopeful, not even optimistic. I'm not yet excited about being pregnant - heck, I even hesitate to say, "pregnant", since I associate that with nausea, puking, and eventually, feeling my baby moving around inside me. Now, I feel like, "Yup, something's going on - wait & see."

[hello1]

Hoping the early signs are real

Hi everyone,

Last May I had an ectopic that went til wk 8, when they finally realized why my levels weren't dropping although they thought I miscarried at wk 6. Very scary to be rushed in for surgery. In Sept. I had a "normal" miscarriage after waiting the 3 months suggested. It all feels like lost time now.... On the positive side I think I am pregnant again based on early signs, I had the last two times around. I'll see the Dr. on Thursday and think I am going to buy a HPT tonight for the morning. I'll let you know if it's a +. I am so happy I found this site, it's right in line with the type of birth and family I hope to have.