Is this anxiety? And where for more info?

[Hokulele]

I've always thought of this as anxiety and yet when I look up definitions of anxiety I don't really fit any of the descriptions (I don't have panic attacks etc). But you wise mamas might know how to categorize what I'm up against... and maybe even tell me where I can get more info.

Here's my situation: everything causes me to worry. I can't enter a situation or even think about something without worrying what harm it might cause my children or me. I can't take my kids on a walk in the fall leaves because I worry a bee might sting them. I can't put together a sippy cup because I worry about germs in the valves so I wash everything before I use it (even when it was clean before). I can't plan a road trip of more than about 1/2 hour drive without worrying that we will get in a car accident. etc etc etc

These thoughts consume a good part of my day. I know I have some measure of OCD - my hands are raw from constant washing in hot hot water. I double triple check everything is off before I leave the house because I worry about fire etc. But it seems that the worry is more than just OCD.

For about 18 months after DD1 was born, I had what I defined as postpartum anxiety. The worry was there, but also crippling insomnia. My sleep issues are much improved but the worry seems to be getting worse.

It has gotten to be so much that I can't even look at other people's lives without spotting the dangers. An acquaintance showed me photos of a cabin they've just built in the woods - it isn't nearby and I don't know this person well enough that I'd ever go there. But all I could think was how nice it must be for her not to be concerned minute-to-minute with the dangerous bugs and snakes that live in that area.

I have always had some level of worry but I lived in a tent in the wilderness for a summer so I know I wasn't THIS bad. Now I worry that this will affect my kids and the enjoyment we can have doing simple activities. I try to make myself do activities anyway, but sometimes that isn't enough.

So ... anyone care to diagnose me? And anyone have ideas for how to find more info? I can't afford professional help - and I don't have anyone to watch my kids. So for now I have to try to tackle this by myself.

[lillacfaerie]

I don't normally post here, but your thread caught my eye. You are not alone! I have been diagnosed with OCD and GAD. I've always been a worrier, but things got a lot worse after dd(10 mos) was born. I saw a psychiatrist who offered me prozac, but I'm nursing, so I don't want to take meds. It's been a long hard process, but I think I am making a lot of improvement on my own. Here are some things that help me a lot:
Cutting way back on caffeine!
Eating a healthy diet
Getting a little bit of exercise, like walking the dog.
Avoiding triggers that will cause me anxiety. In my case, I worry a lot about crime and diseases, so I try not to read the papers, or watch the news. There are always going to be diseases and criminals! I don't need to know about them.
When I feel overly anxious and my thoughts start racing I imagine a giant STOP sign. I stop and redirect my thoughts. I try to breath low and in my belly.
When I think about past events that make me anxious I imagine a giant iron door closing. The past is the past!
If I were you I would see a psychiatrist. Even though I don't take them, antidepressants can really help. I also read a lot about the Enneagram. It's a personality sorter that has helped me understand how my perception of the world can be skewed. I'm a type six, the most anxious type! I hope you feel better mama, anxiety is the pits!

[lillacfaerie]

sorry, I didn't see that you can't afford a psychiatrist. You can improve on your own! Look on amazon.com and see which books are most recommended for anxiety. For me books are awesome!

[Hokulele]

Thanks for your response. I hadn't even heard of GAD - but now I've looked it up. I definitely fall into several of the descriptions of that.

The Enneagram thing is really interesting. I took the brief tests and they were very accurate for me!!

I would love to see a therapist of some kind to tackle this! But right now I 1. don't have the $$$, 2. don't have the time as I have no one who could watch my kids for me and 3. am breastfeeding so I am unwilling to take meds. I fantasize about someday hitting this head-on and getting RID of the anxiety!!!

[lillacfaerie]

You know, I really think that anxiety disorders are normal in an evolutionary sense. I think that some of us are "on guard" because we had to be back when we were cavemen! I truly think that you can fight your anxieties without medication or therapy. Try keeping an anxiety journal for a couple of weeks. Write down when your anxious, what you're anxious about and your physical symptoms. Don't judge yourself! Just observe yourself for a while. After you get used to non judgemental self reflection, then you can start to correct your thought patterns. Feel free to PM me if you need help! I've lived so long with serious anxiety, I like to help other people feel better!