Need encouragement...Family pushing bottles and cereal big time.

[Beauchamp]

nak

My DD has been nursing "straight from the tap" now for 20 weeks (and I love it!) The problem is that my MIL asks DH if she takes bottles yet every. time. she. calls. on the phone. My mother pushes and pushes and PUSHES me about giving her cereal, citing how good it is for a LO to learn tastes/textures. When I explain my reasons to her, it's like she doesn't even hear me! She just repeats herself over and over, and just steamrolls me.

While I agree with the tastes/textures theory, I was planning to go until at *least* six months EBF before introducing solids. I want DD to be able to sit up unassisted, and/or actually show interest in food. She stares at us when we eat, but I don't think that means it's time to put cereal on a spoon and shovel it in her mouth.

I am just feeling SO PUSHED by family to give her bottles and cereal. My MIL always comments how "unfortunate" it is that I am the only one who feeds DD.

Anyone is the same place as me?

[nummies]

That is frustrating.

I would be tempted to say something like

"Look MIL, I know that you are trying to be helpful, but frankly all the comments about bottles and cereal are getting out of hand. I have spoken at length with her pedi and he agrees that exclusive breastfeeding for at least the first 6 months is best. Let's talk about something else."

Repeat that as needed. You are the mama. You know your baby best. Mama's milk is really all that she needs right now.

[liberal_chick]

You are doing great and it is certainly not unfortunate! Just keep in mind that a lot of our mothers came from a time when you started solids a mere WEEKS after birth. My mom talks about how she gave me rice cereal when I was 2 weeks old. (I was born in '83.) Not that that excuses any pushiness. I'd just repeat what the PP wrote to you mother/MIL and let the rest roll off your back.

[Ldavis24]

As I tend toward the snark and sarcasm, especially when someone is annoying the h'll outta me I would say something like. "How unfortunate that you fed my DH cereal so young, did you know that it has absolutely no nutritional value and is empty calories? Did you also know that breast fed babies are generally healthier than others. How sad that you didn't have the information to make good decisions for yourself. It must make you feel very badly that you were so misinformed and your child was the one who suffered for it." (if someone wants to feed their LO cereal or something or formula thats their personal choice my comments are more for the I am sick of hearing this c-rap type situation).

My family knows perfectly well how I feel on the matter and they still make comments, basically I just ignore it or totally agree with them and do what I am doing anyway. I would be extremely cautious about anyone babysitting though who was complaining about my DD not getting solids yet!

[CrunchyChristianMama]

I feel your pain! My GMIL was soooo pushy about rice cereal. It's so hard to feel like you are under attack all the time.

Here's a thread about rice cereal that may be helpful.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1128350

I found they let up about it once we started offering her food around 6.5 months. Then I just laughed when she wanted nothing to do with it, so even if they tried to feed her she turned them down and asked to nurse!

[mum21andtwins]

Also whilst your dc mightnot get different textures plenty of different tastes.
Or so I am told by my now 5 y/o who weaned at 4y3m and exclusivly bf until 9m pass the beandip everytime she tries to bring it up

[craft_media_hero]

Originally Posted by Beauchamp

nak

My DD has been nursing "straight from the tap" now for 20 weeks (and I love it!) The problem is that my MIL asks DH if she takes bottles yet every. time. she. calls. on the phone. My mother pushes and pushes and PUSHES me about giving her cereal, citing how good it is for a LO to learn tastes/textures. When I explain my reasons to her, it's like she doesn't even hear me! She just repeats herself over and over, and just steamrolls me.

While I agree with the tastes/textures theory, I was planning to go until at *least* six months EBF before introducing solids. I want DD to be able to sit up unassisted, and/or actually show interest in food. She stares at us when we eat, but I don't think that means it's time to put cereal on a spoon and shovel it in her mouth.

I am just feeling SO PUSHED by family to give her bottles and cereal. My MIL always comments how "unfortunate" it is that I am the only one who feeds DD.

Anyone is the same place as me?

Oh my gosh! Tell them to kick rocks!

I would have to say something like, "I will let YOU know when we start cereal, so YOU can stop asking me every time we talk".

I just want you to know that you NEVER have to give your baby a bottle if you don't want to do so. My DD skipped the bottle altogether, and we nursed for several years despite rude family comments and lack of support. It can be hard when people who are supposed to be there for you make you feel bad about your parenting decisions---but just keep on!

You might consider just shocking them into silence by telling them you've decided that your LO will not be taking a bottle. period. and that you will be nursing at least until ...... yrs old and this conversation is closed. Even if you decide to add the bottle, this might give you some peace and quiet from the peanut gallery for a while.

Just pick a line and keep repeating it word for word. After several times of this, they will get the hint and quit asking.

[calebsmommy25]

I was in the same exact position as you, except my lo did have some expressed milk once and awhile when I wasn't around. My mil and mother constantly asked about cereal. Eventually, my mom stopeed and respected my choices. One night my mil watched our son while we went to the movies. I left a big bottle of milk for him (at which point he was having an occassional spoon of avocado or banana) but nothing else because it was nighttime...time for milk and bed. I had been very stern on what I wanted and she knew I was against jarred food and rice cereal. We got home, I asked if he had any milk left because I didn't want to waste it if he did...she said "yeah, alittle bit and he tried some prunes and cereal!" Seriously? I had no words. I shot her a look that said enough. I packed him up and left. I didn't call her for atleast a month. DP approached her at Thanksgiving telling her to never give him anything before asking, and especially prunes because he pooped his brains out. That one incident was the last straw, I stood my ground and 'won'. My son is 18 months now, and thankfully she respects and supports my choices. It sure did take a long time though!

So, ride it out and stand your ground. You are doing what is best. You are giving your lo love, attention and breastmilk. Kudos. That is all she needs right now.

[Juniperberry]

I know what you're going through!! Pretty much all my family and in-laws and friends even, thought I was mad with BF. There were always comments and 'suggestions' every time we saw each other. I just kept saying that BF is best and this is what I've decided. End of story. They all grumbled, but oh well... It's annoying, I know... having to repeat yourself all the time.

One of my friends the other day said 'we were actually really surprised that you BF your DS for 2 years... I mean, he really only needs it for 6 months. That's what we've done with ours'. - I started to go off on my explinations etc.. but stopped after a while because I realised.. I've said it all before and they still don't realise. I just feel sorry for their LO because she had great milk supply and her LO loved BF and one day to the next on the day he turned 6 months it was formula and solids. So sad.

Don't give up what you believe it.. .stick to your guns, your LO is who's important here. They might accept it in time ... or not. Most of mine still think 2 years was too long. Pff.

EDIT: Just wanted to add... I introduced real food (anything and everything) to my DS1 as of about 6 months and he really wasn't interested at all. Every now and then we'd offer and it was only around 10 months that he started showing an interest in food. I really followed his lead.
My DS2 though... he was grabbing for food on the table from 5 months and started tasting little bits here and there from 5 months because he wanted to and loved everything. He's now almost a year old and he's been actually eating a meal a day since he was about 7-8 months.

Neither have ever eaten cereal on a regular basis. Only now and then to thicken up really runny fruit. But that's super rare.

[Red Pajama]

You've gotten some good advice so far. As a side note, you never have to give cereal to a baby. You can skip the whole messy, spoon feed the baby routine and go right into baby feeds self. All food beyond breastmilk (or bottles) in the first year is for expirementation. Not nutrition. So nurse your baby, know that it's the absolute best thing for her. And ignore your nosey relatives. Or, you could wonder aloud, within earshot of them, why it's so important to them what you feed your baby. I do think a short, to the point answer that you repeat will serve you the best. Such as "We're waiting to introduce all solids until X point, and her doctor supports our decision."

Good luck with the relatives.

[msmiranda]

If you haven't tried this angle already, you might tell them that the AAP recommends that babies not start solids until 6 months of age and that they be fed breast milk exclusively for those first 6 months. Obviously the recommendations were different when they were raising their kids -- now we know better. If you show them that this is not just your preference (not that they shouldn't respect it even if it was just a preference, of course!) but is what is recommended for all babies by someone they can see as an authority on the subject, they might be able to handle it better.

In terms of a bottle, if you are a SAHM then there is no reason for her to take a bottle. Why should you express milk and introduce a bottle if there is no need to do so? It's extra work for you and doesn't have any benefits for the baby. There are plenty of other ways they can bond with their granddaughter other than feeding her with a bottle. I suppose it's possible they feel a little defensive about having formula-fed their own kids -- I think my mom does -- but in any case these things are just holdovers from their own days as mothers. Everyone wants to think that the things they did are the right things, and I suspect that's where this is coming from. Which is why I say that if you can palm off your decisions re feeding to them as "that's what doctors recommend now" it might feel less like you are rejecting their advice (and thus, their mothering skills).

[Beauchamp]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24

I would be extremely cautious about anyone babysitting though who was complaining about my DD not getting solids yet!

Oh, yes. Last time I left MIL alone with DD (I was putting laundry from washer to dryer) I came back to a screaming babe and MIL cramming an (unwanted) pacifier in her mouth. I don't think I'll leave DD with MIL without a signed contract.

Originally Posted by craft_media_hero

Oh my gosh! Tell them to kick rocks!

I needed this.

Originally Posted by calebsmommy25

I left a big bottle of milk for him (at which point he was having an occassional spoon of avocado or banana) but nothing else because it was nighttime...time for milk and bed. I had been very stern on what I wanted and she knew I was against jarred food and rice cereal. We got home, I asked if he had any milk left because I didn't want to waste it if he did...she said "yeah, a little bit and he tried some prunes and cereal!" Seriously? I had no words.

I would have had words. Loud, profane ones.

Originally Posted by Juniperberry

One of my friends the other day said 'we were actually really surprised that you BF your DS for 2 years... I mean, he really only needs it for 6 months. That's what we've done with ours'. - I started to go off on my explinations etc.. but stopped after a while because I realised.. I've said it all before and they still don't realise. I just feel sorry for their LO because she had great milk supply and her LO loved BF and one day to the next on the day he turned 6 months it was formula and solids.

That's sad. Lately I've been watching the TV while nursing DD, and I have to say, to each his own and all that, but I am kind of sick to death of seeing young mamas on TV "having trouble BFing and LO's not getting enough and so we have to supplement with formula" and then whaddaya know, their milk never fully comes in, or it's too hard to BF and they give up. Gah!

It's so hard when other people do things different ways. I've received two baby food cookbooks, and the givers have repeatedly asked me how my LO likes her prepared meals. I just try to politely say that when she's ready for food, I'm sure she'll love the recipes.

[EMS]

That is frustrating. Other posters have given good advice. As long as you know you're doing the right thing, that's what matters.
Here's another idea, though, if you're open to it--you could pump, and let her babysit and give the baby a bottle. (If you're comfortable with that and trust her, of course.) Just a thought. Then you get some free time and she gets to feed and bond with the baby.

[Beauchamp]

Originally Posted by Red Pajama

You can skip the whole messy, spoon feed the baby routine and go right into baby feeds self. All food beyond breastmilk (or bottles) in the first year is for expirementation. Not nutrition. So nurse your baby, know that it's the absolute best thing for her. And ignore your nosey relatives.
... I do think a short, to the point answer that you repeat will serve you the best. Such as "We're waiting to introduce all solids until X point, and her doctor supports our decision."

This is what I'd prefer to do, yes. (baby feeding self, or at least, trying to Unfortunately, our ped also suggests ramping up cereal from 4 months until she is having cereal "meals" every day. I just smile and nod at this, fully intending to ignore her. Of course, family doesn't have to know this!

Originally Posted by msmiranda

If you haven't tried this angle already, you might tell them that the AAP recommends that babies not start solids until 6 months of age and that they be fed breast milk exclusively for those first 6 months. Obviously the recommendations were different when they were raising their kids -- now we know better. If you show them that this is not just your preference (not that they shouldn't respect it even if it was just a preference, of course!) but is what is recommended for all babies by someone they can see as an authority on the subject, they might be able to handle it better.

In terms of a bottle, if you are a SAHM then there is no reason for her to take a bottle. Why should you express milk and introduce a bottle if there is no need to do so? It's extra work for you and doesn't have any benefits for the baby. There are plenty of other ways they can bond with their granddaughter other than feeding her with a bottle. I suppose it's possible they feel a little defensive about having formula-fed their own kids -- I think my mom does -- but in any case these things are just holdovers from their own days as mothers. Everyone wants to think that the things they did are the right things, and I suspect that's where this is coming from. Which is why I say that if you can palm off your decisions re feeding to them as "that's what doctors recommend now" it might feel less like you are rejecting their advice (and thus, their mothering skills).

Yes, good idea about the AAP. I'll have to look up the WHO, too, as a backup. Neither one (mom or MIL) BF'd...so I'd say you're onto something there. With MIL, it's a jealousy thing, too. She has a real need to be the center of things, acts like DD is her baby, DH is her husband (creepy, but true...) She calls DD "her" girl, acts like she's really her daughter and I am just watching her temporarily or something....waaaay over the line, most times, and very intrusive. I'd not trust her alone with DD anytime soon.

[Beauchamp]

Originally Posted by EMS

That is frustrating. Other posters have given good advice. As long as you know you're doing the right thing, that's what matters.
Here's another idea, though, if you're open to it--you could pump, and let her babysit and give the baby a bottle. (If you're comfortable with that and trust her, of course.) Just a thought. Then you get some free time and she gets to feed and bond with the baby.

Is it bad that I'd rather refuse to pump just to devil her a little bit? She's already said that I am not giving bottles because I'm worried DD will love a bottle more than me.

[ewe+lamb]

Originally Posted by Beauchamp

Is it bad that I'd rather refuse to pump just to devil her a little bit? She's already said that I am not giving bottles because I'm worried DD will love a bottle more than me.

You see, I see this differently - your MIL wants your dd to like her better than you! Obviously you won't be the one giving the bottles and maybe your MIL will, I would keep a very close eye on things if I were you - I'm not sure I would trust your MIL at all in this situation. I would definitely not pump.