3-year-olds starting Montessori school

[bfw0729]

My 3 year old twins are starting half-days at a local, private Montessori school. They like the school a great deal, as do I, but I'm very concerned about parting from them. They have ONLY been with family and a very close family friend. They have NEVER been left with anyone else. The twins are VERY attached to me. They like me to be very close to them, in terms of proximity, when we're out at a function, etc. I can't wrap my mind around the idea of driving to school, saying goodbye, and leaving. I'm very nervous about this. Anyone have a similar situation as this? Very attached 3 year olds and nervous to transition them to school?

Also, once your children started a Montessori school, did you notice any difference in their behavior? i.e. picking/cleaning up more, showing greater signs of pre-literacy, etc.

Thanks!

[sal42]

my 3yo just started montessori this year- just over a month ago. we are VERY attached. and has only ever hung out with my brother & his wife the few times my husband & i have gone out alone. truthfully, i was the one not wanting to send her to school. but she was very interested. no matter how many play dates, activities, lessons or other classes we had been doing together, it never seemed enough. so i thought we would give this a try. she loves it! i was very nervous at first, felt so weird to leave her! but seeing how happy she looks when i pick her up... well, it's about her not me i guess!

the first couple weeks she did seem to need some extra cuddle time with me. but she never wanted to not go, and never hesitated when saying good bye in the morning.

she has always been kind of into "doing it for herself" anyway, but i guess that has been even stronger since starting. and, i don't know if this is really because of montessori or what, she has been writing the letters of her name lately.

don't know if any of this info helps, but hope it all works out for you!

[lach]

Well, my daughter started a toddler program at 2, but she was VERY attached. I couldn't leave her at gym daycare or anything. It took about 2 weeks for her to really be consistently good with it. Some days were good, some days were bad and I went with the flow and some days I ducked out right away and some I stayed an awfully long time. And then one day I brought her and got myself all situated to hang around a while, and she didn't even look at me: she just turned and ran off and did her thing. And I stood there like "wait, aren't you going to cling? Why aren't you clinging?" And since then she barely lets me change her shoes: more than once she's already run off across the room with only one slipper on and I can't get her back to the coat area for anything!

I will suggest talking to the teacher, and then taking her advice. Assuming, obviously, she's not some totally strict witch bent on snatching your children away and making their lives miserable... but I'm just going to go ahead and assume not . She's seen many, many children going through exactly this, and can probably tell within 30 seconds of them walking in the room whether you should stay, go, hang out in the corner, stand in the hall, whatever. Because I've seen such a huge range myself: kids who don't care at all, kids who scream until the second the door closes behind their parent and then they suddenly stop and skip off to do something, and yes kids who scream until their mother is called back. So unless your Momma-sense is REALLY tingling, I would take her advice when it comes up.

[bfw0729]

Thank you both for responding and sharing your personal experiences.

Originally Posted by lach

I will suggest talking to the teacher, and then taking her advice. Assuming, obviously, she's not some totally strict witch bent on snatching your children away and making their lives miserable... but I'm just going to go ahead and assume not . She's seen many, many children going through exactly this, and can probably tell within 30 seconds of them walking in the room whether you should stay, go, hang out in the corner, stand in the hall, whatever. Because I've seen such a huge range myself: kids who don't care at all, kids who scream until the second the door closes behind their parent and then they suddenly stop and skip off to do something, and yes kids who scream until their mother is called back. So unless your Momma-sense is REALLY tingling, I would take her advice when it comes up.

I will talk to the directress about the anticipation and when to call me if needed. I feel my daughter will be that third type of child- crying until I return. We've actually taken out books from the library regarding school and that mama comes back. She understands because she says that she would rather stay home with me and have her twin go to school.

[lach]

Originally Posted by bfw0729

Thank you both for responding and sharing your personal experiences.




I will talk to the directress about the anticipation and when to call me if needed. I feel my daughter will be that third type of child- crying until I return. We've actually taken out books from the library regarding school and that mama comes back. She understands because she says that she would rather stay home with me and have her twin go to school.

Hmm, I think you should be careful. Sometimes the anticipation is far worse than the actual event. I think I would stop trying to prepare her, because dollars to donuts it's only making her freak out more. I'd just make sure to say "Mommy always comes back" an awful lot, like every time you come back into the room. Then make it your refrain when you do take her to school.

That's just my two cents at least.

[MattBronsil]

The children who have the most time adjusting have the parents that are most concerned. Children are more intuitive than we are and they pick up on adult anxiety better than we ever could.

If you're not confident about it, they won't be.

That's not to say other factors don't figure in. You could be the most confident parent about this, drop your child off, and there could still be problems. I've just seen worried parents drop off children and the kids are crying because the parents do not have the confidence to say goodbye easily.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh...it's said in a more "matter of fact" tone than anything else. So I hope it's not taken the wrong way.

[bobandjess99]

My dd was actually almost-4 when she started, her birthday fell right after the cutoff, so she was 3 for the first week of class, and then 4.
Whiel she didn't cry or make a scene, it definitely did affect her. She became even MORE attached, but in a "bad" way. Very clingy, she lost all the positive independence she had prior, she literally won't be in a different room from me anymore. I have a now-5 year old shadow, lol. She started being very rebellious, angry at me, sad. not at all the happy, adventurous person she had been. Like i said, she never cried or whatever, but EVERY day she asked, no BEGGED, not to go to school. We tried to figure it out, but she never had anything concrete or fixable to say about it...she just didn't like school and didn't want to go. She wanted to stay at home with me and brother. I went and observed..she SEEMED fine during the day, her teacher loved her, said she was a great student. DD defnintely learned stuff, there wasn't an issue there.
We pushed through, thinknig it would get better...but it never did. We finished out that year, and went back this year. It was okay the first week or so, she was sort of happy..and then the begging began again. She "hates" school, she doesn't want to go, she wants to stay home.
We finally made the decision to remove her. She is now homeschooling.
I think Montessori philosophy is great. I think academically, kids tend to learn a LOT from the method. I thini the classroom environment is good, I like the emphasis on the individual child and respect, etc. Out of all the institutional schooling methods, it's my fave.

She just didn't want to go. She complained, said she hated all the works, and wanted to stay home. *shrug*
I think my dd is pretty atypical, lol. But we tried for over a year, and gave up. We are not of the mindset that kids "have" to go to school. Homeschooling was always on the table for us. Like I said, we loved a lot about the Montessori method and thuoght dd as going to blossom and grow at her school. But, she hated it. So....it's over. I'm a little sad, becaues *I* like being a part of something, a community. But I had to honor my dd's needs.

[bfw0729]

Originally Posted by MattBronsil

The children who have the most time adjusting have the parents that are most concerned. Children are more intuitive than we are and they pick up on adult anxiety better than we ever could.

If you're not confident about it, they won't be.

That's not to say other factors don't figure in. You could be the most confident parent about this, drop your child off, and there could still be problems. I've just seen worried parents drop off children and the kids are crying because the parents do not have the confidence to say goodbye easily.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh...it's said in a more "matter of fact" tone than anything else. So I hope it's not taken the wrong way.

Thank you for your insight. In fact, I know I am part of the problem. If she easily transitioned into things then I would help to support that but she hasn't and doesn't. She has a difficult time with transition and being away from me and as a result, I reinforce and "feed" into the worry. I try my hardest not to, but I know on some level I do.

When we do this in a few weeks, I will definitely talk about the situation with her while holding on to the confidence that I'll be back and everything will be ok.

[bfw0729]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

My dd was actually almost-4 when she started, her birthday fell right after the cutoff, so she was 3 for the first week of class, and then 4.
Whiel she didn't cry or make a scene, it definitely did affect her. She became even MORE attached, but in a "bad" way. Very clingy, she lost all the positive independence she had prior, she literally won't be in a different room from me anymore. I have a now-5 year old shadow, lol. She started being very rebellious, angry at me, sad. not at all the happy, adventurous person she had been. Like i said, she never cried or whatever, but EVERY day she asked, no BEGGED, not to go to school. We tried to figure it out, but she never had anything concrete or fixable to say about it...she just didn't like school and didn't want to go. She wanted to stay at home with me and brother. I went and observed..she SEEMED fine during the day, her teacher loved her, said she was a great student. DD defnintely learned stuff, there wasn't an issue there.
We pushed through, thinknig it would get better...but it never did. We finished out that year, and went back this year. It was okay the first week or so, she was sort of happy..and then the begging began again. She "hates" school, she doesn't want to go, she wants to stay home.
We finally made the decision to remove her. She is now homeschooling.
I think Montessori philosophy is great. I think academically, kids tend to learn a LOT from the method. I thini the classroom environment is good, I like the emphasis on the individual child and respect, etc. Out of all the institutional schooling methods, it's my fave.

She just didn't want to go. She complained, said she hated all the works, and wanted to stay home. *shrug*
I think my dd is pretty atypical, lol. But we tried for over a year, and gave up. We are not of the mindset that kids "have" to go to school. Homeschooling was always on the table for us. Like I said, we loved a lot about the Montessori method and thuoght dd as going to blossom and grow at her school. But, she hated it. So....it's over. I'm a little sad, becaues *I* like being a part of something, a community. But I had to honor my dd's needs.

Your post really resonated with me. You seem to be describing my daughter. We are currently homeschooling using Montessori principles and methods. I haven't expanded it recently because we will be starting at this school soon. HOWEVER, I'm prepared to homeschool if this doesn't work out. I pray and hope my children will love it and thrive at this school, otherwise I need to respect who she is and her need to stay at home to learn- at least until we could work toward being in school one day.

[noobmom]

Just another mom here with a 3 yo who started Montessori this year. Since I SAHM and we don't have any family in town, DS has been my constant companion for 3 years. I woudl say he's VERY attached. He also is the type to stay close to me in public or new situations. When we go to parties where there are adults and kids mixed he'll often spend half his time hanging out with the adults to be closer to DH and I (more than half if he doesn't know the kids).

When we started Montessori in August DS absolutely loved it. He was confident (even being the youngest kid in the class) and didn't look back once he walked through the door. In fact, although he didn't cry at drop-off, he would cry when it was time for me to pick him up because he wanted to stay through lunch and the afternoon session! Although the "new" has worn off since those first couple of weeks and he no longer wants to stay the entire day, he still bounces out of bed to get ready for school.

I believe that school normally try to divide siblings up in separate classrooms, but I wonder if it may be better for your twins to be together in the same class. It's something you'd want to talk to the directress about.

[crwilson]

My daughter will be three at the end of January, and she started the toddler Montessori program this fall. I won't lie - it was a rough transition. (And yes, this was partly my anxiety.) She was the cry until I came back child.

But, after we got through the first three weeks, which was rough, she morphed into a child who now cries on the weekends because she wants to go to school. She LOVES it, and I've seen such a difference in her confidence in herself and her ability to interact with people, adults and children. It was definitely the right decision for us and for her, even though it was difficult at first.

[noobmom]

I forgot to answer the second part of your question. DS has always been very verbal child and knew his letters (and their corresponding sounds) at an early age. He's improved more since starting school, but I think he would have, regardless. But what I've noticed is that he really knows his numbers now--something I never really showed him. He surprised me the other day by reading larger page numbers out of a book (like 87, 94, etc.) It's fun when they come home knowing something new.